The Secret

Chapter 1 – Lost in the Past

Author's Notes: What drove Juuhachigou to return to Krillin? Many have their theories, but what really happened? Was it due to her dark past? Was it because he was the only one that would even consider accepting her? Maybe it was because he was the only one to see past her stone wall she had isolated herself in? Or was it because she had a dark secret that only he would take to his grave…

Confusion would overwhelm him. Depression crushed him to a bloody pulp. It was over, Cell had been defeated. With it came an era of new hope, new beginnings, and perhaps, a new future. Goku was to never return. Unfortunately, Krillin new this all too well. His best friend, the one who stuck behind him from the good times to the worse of times would never accompany him to live the experience of the distant future.

Everyone eagerly celebrated the start of a new life with the ones they loved, the ones they shared a family with, and the ones whom they shared a nurturing life with.

Everyone except Krillin.

He quickly realized everyone seemed to have forgotten the little guy who sacrificed his life one too many times for them, the one who tried to bring a sense of humor when times were at its worst, and the one who was always willing to accept a person to be their friend despite their history.

Juuhachigou seemed to want nothing to do with him. A kiss on the cheek was to perhaps humiliate him. Yeah, yeah, everyone make fun of the short guy. The only one in the group that doesn't have a relationship with a significant other, the one who probably would never feel the warmth of a child's hug, a wife's gentle kiss, the love of a family of his own.

Sighing, Krillin stared deep into the eyes of the crashing waves before him. It was so tranquil, yet so powerful. Its color was an icy blue, just like her soft eyes. It would at times explode with power, but in a perfect motion… just like her.

What drove her away? He did everything in his power to protect her from inevitable. He failed, but the tables turned in her favor and she was alive. Despite her being covered in an array of colorless slime, she never looked so perfect. He knew his one purpose in life was to protect her from ever facing that devastating event again. He was ready to put his life on the line to keep that monster from ever going near her again as she laid there motionless in her vulnerable state.

A sudden crash of waves splashed him with tiny droplets of water. Slowly, it trickled down his cheek and off his chin. With his sleeve, he wiped them away only to realize it warm. Mixed with the ocean were his own tears. He was convinced that there would never be anyone there for him.

"Am I going to die alone?"

-/-

Joining him as if they were synced by heart, a young blonde was as well shedding her own tears. Isolated deep within the woods with her back perched up against a thick trunk, her head resting upon her knee caps allowing her dark blue jeans to absorb the flowing tears.

It was more than obvious that she was weathered down by weeks of neglect upon herself. Her shirt was stained with debris from the forest floor, her hair was not in her perfect, clean style, and her eyes were bloodshot from the sleepless nights and the overwhelming pain.

No one understood the pain she had lived through. She had already experienced too much in her short lived life. She lived through beatings that put a strain on her both physically and mentally, she was ripped from her own body, having being manipulated in one's cruel game of chess, and had suffered many types of abuse.

She had always forced herself to show an icy cold, robotic exterior when, in reality, she was just as vulnerable as any other person on the inside. She had a beating heart, she felt emotions, but most of all, she felt an overwhelming sense of pain.

Tightening her grip, she brought her legs closer to her chest to provide herself a sense of security. No one would suspect that an 'emotionless, cold hearted killer' would want a feeling of protection. She might have been one of the strongest in the world, maybe even universe. However, that did not stop the emotional roller coaster that she was experiencing all too well. She could not fight her inner demons as with an organic component.

She had a deep secret. A secret so dark, she would not dare tell a single soul. This secret was so intense; she knew it had to be taken to the grave. Just the mere thought of it hurt her so much that it felt as though her chest was splitting in two. A cold sweat would run down her back and arms, her stomach would tighten and contract, her head would throb in physical pain.

Her mind would trail back and forth between a realistic and not so realistic life.

She didn't mean to push Krillin away, but she knew deep down that she didn't want to throw her cruel past on him. He didn't need to join the fight with her against these demons. He was too soft and gentle, kind, and accepting to be bothered with it.

Dr. Gero taught her all too well of this.

While forced into vigorous hours of studying the Z fighters, she was always attracted to a particularly goofy, soft hearted member. She wanted to know more about him every time he was brought up in study. Sure, she was supposed to know every detail of Goku, Vegeta, and Gohan in order to carry out Dr. Gero's ultimate mission of defeat, but she memorized enough to get by so there would be no suspicions.

When she confronted him for the first time, she couldn't help to give him a friendly kiss on his cheek. She was hoping he would feel a bit more as she gently laid her lips upon his warm cheek.

She would always smile secretly to herself when thinking about it. A strong feeling of attraction overwhelmed her that day as she pulled away from the kiss, but she couldn't let that interfere with the mission she was manipulated to carry on.

The others would have killed her if they knew she had a physical attraction to him. Their mission was to kill. Nothing more… nothing less.

She wanted real love, not the forced attraction or artificial love that she endured for years. Just thinking about it the incidences put a sour taste in her mouth.

She wanted a real love. Gradually, she had developed a relationship with Krillin without him realizing it.

When she awoke from on top of that tower, she was startled just like the other times where she had experienced a 'blackout'. Previously, every time she had awoken from a deep slumber, she knew that another piece of her once innocent self was destroyed. She didn't mean to startle the others, but it was merely habit. She didn't want the others to know about her growing attraction, as well. That is why she hid *behind the pillar in hopes of the others leaving.

After witnessing Krillin's selfless wish, she was much to hold on to her stone exterior. She had to flee so no one would suspect a thing. Who would accept a monster that was the very reason that their hero had to sacrifice his very own life to ensure the well being of the planet?

Lost in endless trains of though, Juuhachigou started to gently massage her temples; an overwhelming sense of her head pounding accompanied with nausea quickly provoked her stomach to turn. Suddenly throwing her palms into the ground, she dry heaved into the direction of the grass. Regaining her composure, she shook her head side to side, licked her lips, and tried to focus on breathing the fresh air in and out of her mouth. After about three long breaths in, she relaxed her shaking arms. It hit again. This time, she vomited what little food she had ingested.

-/-

"How are you holding up, buddy?"

Krillin startled at the familiar voice and quickly turned his head around to see an old friend. "Yamcha?" He let out a wide grin. "Hey, how have you been doing?"

Taking a seat next to him, Yamcha rested his hand on Krillin's shoulder. "From the looks of it, better than you…er, no offense. What's been happening buddy? The others have been worried sick over you." Taking his hand off his shoulder, he gave him a friendly shove. "You haven't been yourself, lately."

Krillin started to mess with the grains of sand that lay before him. With his pinky and thumb, he pinched a bit of it and let the cool stream fall slowly back onto the ground. "The times have been depressing… When Goku left, I think he took a piece of me with him. I feel more lost than I ever been."

"You know there is nothing that can be done about that. I mean, would Goku want you to feel sorry for himself in his absence? Hell no. Don't let his death go in vein, enjoy the life he left for us to live!" Yamcha let a frown slip in the corner of his mouth. "Goku lightened all our lives, but he's gone now. Best thing to do is just live our lives in happiness."

Krillin's facial expression sank faster than the sand he let fall from his fingers. "How can I live my life alone?" He turned away so Yamcha wouldn't see his face full of emotion. "Everyone has someone to live their life with. Me? I have no one, I never will. I am getting older, I'm short, and honestly, I do not have the best of looks." He shook his head. "When times were rough, I would seek the help of my friend."

"Hey man, don't say that! What about the blonde chick? She seemed to dig you!" Yamcha let out the biggest grin that Krillin has seen in awhile. "I am a chick MAGNET. I have chickdar!"

Krillin raised an eyebrow. "Chickdar…?"

"Yeah! I know what they are thinking at all times. I can sense when they want to hit it or not."

Krillin nervously scratched the back of his neck. Yamcha's main purpose in life was to be the first male to figure out women, he was sure of it. "Heh, heh. Well, if that is the case, where is she now? She hasn't returned. I was certain she would have at least given me a chance after I made that wish for her. What about when I protected her? If she was any normal human being, she would have taken me by the neck and smother me in affection."

"Er… Krillin, she isn't a normal 'chick'. Yamcha started to nervously scratch his hair. "Uhm, she is kind of different."

Krillin slowly shook his head back and forth. "I know she is different, but everyone has a soft spot. Bulma managed to get Vegeta, right?" He let out a sigh. "She may be different, but I somehow see a scared individual hiding within her."

"Well, the only advice I can give you man is that you should seek her out. I mean, where is she staying? How do you honestly think she is holding up? We had each other's comfort to help cope with the traumatic events of Cell. Who does she know that has lived through the same experience besides her brother?"

Krillin thought about this for a moment. "Those terrified eyes; she almost looked like she was a lost, innocent soul when that monster spotted her. That look she gave me when she saw that remote in my hand. It was almost as though she was about to cry."

"You're right Yamcha, I need to go and seek her out." As if it were a split second, Krillin jumped to his feet. "I may not be as brave as Goku, but I am feeling quite courageous at the moment. She needs someone."

Yamcha waved as his long friend flew away. "Good luck with the babe! Score one for me!"

"And I need her."

-/-

Juuhachigou felt torn between two worlds. She wanted to isolate herself, yet, she wanted to share her feelings with someone who would listen. Deep inside, she knew she couldn't keep this to herself. There had to be someone to care for her with the past she held deep within herself.

She massaged her temples once again in attempt to alleviate her throbbing headache. It had been weeks since she had last seen him, but it felt like it had been a lifetime. In the past few weeks, she slept to his mental image, she had dreams of hope, but with it, came dreams of her past.

The beatings in these terrors seemed so real. The struggles seemed impossible to escape from, the cold hands on her body felt real against her soft skin.

"I've got you now, my beauty." He would always say. He would caress her naked, paralyzed body for his own pleasure. She was trapped, she couldn't run, she couldn't scream, and she would never be able to move. She would relive every moment of the forced physical attraction.

She would often wake up in a raging scream.

As the days passed by, she found herself becoming more ill. It wasn't safe to be living the life she was currently in despite her power level being the millions. She was more than vulnerable in her current state.

Others may think different, but she had no interest in returning to her brother, either. In fact, she had not even made the effort in searching for him. Though, she believed he felt the same way. They may be twins, but they were in no way friends. They viewed the world in a completely different view. She was to seek guidance and perhaps a loving relationship, while he wanted to destroy and play life as a game. Perhaps it was her hidden hormones, or the fact she experienced torture multiple times from different beings, but she had no interest in killing anymore.

Gero especially made that clear to her. Life was too precious to throw away. She battled opponents, of course, but never aimed to kill. She had defeated Vegeta to a bloody pulp, easily giving her the chance to destroy him in a single blast? But did she? Of course not, she merely walked away from the incident. If anything, she agreed with Sixteen's perspective of life. At first, she hid it, but now she did everything in her power to live it. If he wasn't brutally destroyed, she would have sought insight from him.

Unfortunately, he was dead. Not even, he was destroyed and never to return.

With a free arm, she wiped away the thin layer of tears spread across her face and brushed her hair back behind her ear. She needed him more than ever at the moment which would prove to be impossible. She needed to find Krillin and hope he would understand.

Slowly, she pushed herself up to her feet. A sudden wave of lightheadedness which almost caused her to have an episode of syncope made her stumble a bit. Shaking it off, she kicked off the ground in hopes of finding him.

"Will he accept my secret?"

-/-

Krillin noticed a trail of ki streaming in the air in front of him. It was an unusual shade than what he was used to. His allies would let off a baby blue aura; this was pink. Curious, he flew toward it. As he approached it, he nearly fell out of the air itself. It was her.

As though she was a deer caught in headlights, she stopped spontaneously in her tracks. She did not expect the search to be this easy. She didn't even have time to rehearse what she was saying. All she could do was stare him down with her icy blue eyes.

"Juuhachigou? Is that you?" he staggered. His heart pounded so heavily that it could be felt in his ears. "Juu-"

"Who do you think it is?" She snarled. It was habit for her to give off a sarcastic attitude. She never meant to, the words just seemed to slip by her lips. Words or tone could not describe how she was truly feeling. Like Krillin, her heart let out an array of poundings. She could feel the hair of her neck shoot up as she waited in anticipation for his next words.

"I…er, how have you been?" Judging by her current condition, he did not think she was well at all. She was messier than her usual perfect upkeep, her clothes were soiled from what looked like dirt, sweat, and debris, and her facial expression was upsetting to say at the least. "Are you okay?" he asked softly as he slowly approached her.

She almost lost it. She turned her head away, gritted her teeth, and closed her eyes. Of course she wasn't okay. If anything, she was miserable. "Go away…" No! She didn't want him to be pushed away; she wanted him to be there for her to help her get her past her struggles. She didn't want him to see her in the battle of her emotions.

Even though his legs were shaking, his skin was clammy, and could barely breathe, he continued to approach her. She would not look at him straight in the eye, so he did was his body told him to do, he held her.

He held her close to him with a tight grip. He felt the sudden 'jolt' of shock that traveled through her muscles, but to his surprise, she didn't pull away, or hit him for that matter. Instead, she let herself fall into the grip and buried her face into his shoulder. Krillin was shocked.

"This is really happening! I haven't seen her vulnerable since she was unconscious from the aftermath of Cell!" He let his hand slowly rub up and down her back in an attempt to comfort the distressed cyborg. "What is happening? This is not like her at all."

He couldn't put his finger on it, but he could sense something was very wrong. There was no reason for her to be acting out like this, especially to him. "It's going to be okay," he ensured. His reassurance seemed to have the opposite effect, however. At that moment, she started to shed a flow of tears.

"I need you, Krillin. I need you more than ever," She mumbled into his shoulder.

"Come on, let's talk."

-/-

They flew slowly over to mainland. The trip was, to say the least, awkward. Dead silence filled the air as Juuhachigou followed Krillin. She had calmed down slowly after the prolonged hug. She kept trying to desperately wipe her tears from her swollen eyes as she quietly followed.

"Over here looks good," Krillin ensured, breaking the awkward silence.

She nodded, and in sync they powered themselves up just enough to speed down to the earth below. The woods they approached looked particularly dark and cold; ones Juuhachigou knew all too well. She frowned. The particular spot chosen was close to the area she had inhabited for the past couple of weeks. "Are you okay?" Krillin asked, breaking her chain of thought.

"I am fine."

"Here, let's sit." He let Juuhachigou sit first so he could make sure he would sit close to her. Had it been the other way, she would have left at least a ten foot gap between them. He could tell by her facial expression that she was a bit uncomfortable with him sitting so close to her without warning despite her shedding tears all over him only moments ago.

"I want you to answer me honestly," Krillin ordered, feeling braver than ever. "What is wrong?"

"I-", Juuhachigou choked on her own words. "I am scared." She hated showing her vulnerable side, but her weeks of struggles have forced her to come forth with the truth. In all honesty, she was frightened beyond belief.

Krillin took a hard glance at her. Scared? He was beginning to feel worried. Surely, a woman of her power and strength couldn't be that scared to put herself into such an emotion state. But, her facial expression and body language confirmed her statement. Her eyes were soft; her palms glistened in the sun of sweat, she her shoulders quivered ever so slightly. "Scared of what, Juuhachigou?"

She gazed down to the grass below, eyeing the strands of grass which danced beautifully in the wind. She didn't know how to tell him what she had been going through, nonetheless, her secret. The torment, the sexual abuse, the recurring nightmares of a once lived past which followed her, and the horrifying secret which would soon follow.

"Juuhachi?"

"My past… I fear it has come to haunt me."

Krillin boldly crawled closer to her and let a hand lay on her back. Juuhachigou wanted to pull away but forced herself to stay. "I wasn't just a killer, Krillin. I was much more."

"What are you talking about?" Krillin did not like the way this was going. "What does she mean she was much more?"

Tears started to heavily flow down her cheeks once again. She was overwhelmed with feelings, nausea, and an excruciating headache. "I don't know how to put it-"

"Just come out with it. It will be fine, I will help you."

She used her arm to wipe away some of the tears. She couldn't help the sudden bout of nausea, so she quickly leaned over and vomiting some of her stomach acid which was the only thing left in her stomach. "Krillin, I-"

"I am fucking pregnant!" She wanted to scream, but she held it close to herself.

She didn't want to come out with it. Something inside her wanted to come forth with it and lay it out on the table. She wanted to talk to him about the nightmares, the sexual abuse but not the pregnancy she wanted to keep hidden.

"What? What are you talking about, Juuhachi?" He glanced deep within her eyes. Never has she looked so worried in her life. Sure, he saw her frightened beyond belief when she experienced her last free moments away from the monster known as cell, but nothing like this. "Please tell me, I will listen." Not like he expected her to actually follow his command, if anything, he was surprised he hasn't been hit at least once tonight.

She shook her head. "I don't think I am ready quite yet to say anything." She let a hand bury itself in her golden strands to push the saliva-soaked strands away from her face.

"What?"

"You heard me," she stuttered.

Krillin grabbed a hold of her shoulder so she could look at him straight in the eyes. "You may feel better afterwards, Juu. It isn't good to bottle things up inside."

Juuhachigou pulled away, too embarrassed to face him. He really had not the slightest clue of what was happening. Maybe she should share with him some of the night terrors and slowly ease into it. Unfortunately, she didn't know. There was absolutely no easy way to put this. Especially for the fear that the child she held so deep inside her, was related to the tragic events that everyone recently lived through.

She turned to him and softened her glare. Her bottom lip quivered faster than her heart was beating. She could feel the tips of her ears warming up, almost feeling like they were burning. Deep inside, she knew something happy could come out of it, but on the contrary, it was conceived from a dark past. She gave a slight, barely noticeable nod.

"Krillin, I want you to listen to what I am about to tell you. It's been destroying me internally for the past few weeks and I don't know what to come of it."

With a shaken hand, she warmly rubbed her slightly swollen pelvis. She wasn't really thinking about it, but when she realized what she was doing, she pulled away immediately.

"Come here." He stretched out both of his arms giving a hint for her to come over. Surprisingly, she did. She embraced him close, just as what she imagined in her dreams. She was scared, but now she felt a sense of security embodying her.

"Dr. Gero kidnapped us when we were just young teenagers. My brother and I, at one time, where very close to one another. Unfortunately, as certain events took place, our lives would be ripped apart…"

He could feel her shaking more than ever. He grasped her shoulders to massage them in attempt to calm her down. "You don't need to continue if it is too hard for you. Here, just relax. No one is here to hurt you now."

"Then answer me this, could you love something that you hate?" She knew that the question was nothing more than an oxymoron, but she felt as though that was the best way to describe it. "It sounds ridiculous, but relate it to something in your life."

Krillin wasn't sure where she was going at with this but quickly though of the worst.

"Did you love him?" he asked.

Her head shot up and her eyes widened. "Love him? Are you asking me if I love him? The fucking monster that ripped away my chance at a normal life? The one who crushed the relationship with my only family? The one who fuc—"She turned away so she couldn't look at him in his face. "Don't ever ask me that question, again!"

"I am sorry! Just calm down! Calm do-"

"Krillin, don't ever ask me that again… ever." She looked down and then stared back into his widened pupils. "It is the past, and that is all it will ever be."

Hrmmm, so a lot to take in. Juuhachigou has to decide whether or not it is worth bringing in the child into the world since it came from such a dark past. Well, I have the next two chapters on my computer; I will post them in time when I feel it is ready. I am an author particularly fond of angst stories, so expect a lot from this one.

Whelp, I hope you enjoyed. I tried to make this story as original as they come for the K/18 community.

Please, please, please give me your feedback and thanks for reading! :D