It's not like Riley didn't know. She knew, she just didn't understand it quite that well. She couldn't just watch a tv show or a movie and have it all figured out. Her father's lessons definitely never touched this subject. She thought about looking for answers online, but what would she search, "falling in love with your best friend…who happens to be girl"? She was in a bind and the usual person who could untie her was-is, the reason behind her troubles.
Riley sat looking out the bay window. Legs curled underneath her and head resting on her balled hand. The brunette let out a soft chuckle. This should be easy for her. It's Maya. Maya always makes things easy for Riley. She knows she'll tell her, she can't lie to Maya, and she most certainly cannot keep secrets from the blonde. Riley just doesn't know how, or when, or if she really should, but she will.
Just like clockwork, Riley watched golden hair and a fierce smile come up her fire escape. Her earlier tension being relieved at the sight. She leaned over and slid the window open.
"Hey Peaches", she breathed out with a smile that only continued to grow. Maya clambered through the window, popping down next to Riley.
"Riles", she laughed, "do your cheeks ever hurt?" She laughed again, as Riley rolled her eyes (certainly picked up from Maya), and threw an arm around her in a hug.
"Shut up! I'm happy to see you. Don't ruin that." She scolded with a pout as she hugged the blonde back. "Besides I missed you."
"Mmm" is Maya's only response, and not having let go from before, she tightened her hold on Riley.
Few calm seconds have passed before Maya spoke. "I missed you too but ya know it's only been a day, right?" Losening her grip around Riley, she looked at the brunette with questioning eyes. Riley only shrugged in response and laid her head in Maya's lap. So Maya continued. "We're going to have to get a lot better at this with us going to separate colleges in the fall."
At that Riley sat up, and crossed her arms against her chest. "Whatever, it's not like we're going to be five hundred miles apart." Riley started with a hit of exasperation. "I'll be staying at NYU and you're at Pratt. That's a 20 minute drive, an hour bike ride, and 40 minutes on the bus." Riley certainly did her research when she found out Maya got into college. She was excited for her, extremely proud of her best friend. But she was also wary. She knew college would begin a different life for them. One where too many ambiguous things could happen.
Maya smiled brightly, "someone's been researching." The blonde chuckled at this, it was such a Riley thing to do and she adored her for it. Riley on the other hand was in no mood for jokes. She's been struggling with her feelings for a year now. She didn't want to start university with conflicting feelings and without Maya.
"We've never gone to different schools, and we don't spend any considerable time apart. Peaches what am I going to do without you!?" Riley's breath shook, and Maya saw tears threaten her eyes. "What if something happens and we can't get to each other? What if we grow apart cause we change and become different people? What if…"
Maya grabbed Riley's chin, (something Riley had done many times before) effectively quieting her. "Honey, I love you. There will never be a time where I won't get to you. And if ever a day comes, then I've broken a promise to you, and I'd never." Maya smiles gently, looking deeply at Riley. "And don't you remember years before? We changed and we grew, but we were still by each other. There isn't a version of you I won't ever want to be with or ever not love. Understand?".
Riley somberly shook her head and rested it on Maya's shoulder. In response, the blonde threw her arm around Riley's waist, and pulled herself a little bit closer. Riley relaxed at the touch and let out a quiet sigh.
Both sat in a comfortable silence, but Riley's head was going a mile a minute. She wanted to tell her right here, right now. What's the worst that'll happen? Maya would never leave her, she knew that for certain. It was just the heartbreak that came with a possible rejection that caused her to keep silent.
"Riles, you're ruining a perfectly quiet moment with all that loud thinking." Riley put her head in the crook of Maya's neck and let out a muffled throaty groan that caused Maya to shake with laughter.
"Honey, you're gonna have to use your words." Maya teased and poked at Riley's stomach.
"I have to tell you something and I don't want to." Although mumbled through skin and softly spoken, Maya heard every word and sat up straight, pulling Riley up as well.
Maya hummed and looked to the floor. Hurt evident across her face. She never liked when Riley kept things from her, it always gave her a feeling of disconnect.
"Peaches, no. It's not like that." Riley spoke quickly to ensure Maya. "I want to, it's just hard. I'm not sure how to say it or if it's right to say anything at all." Riley grabbed Maya's hand in hers and intertwined their fingers. Maya gently squeezed to let Riley know it's okay. "I-I just…"
"You just need to spit it out, Riles" Maya finished for her when it was clear that the brunette wouldn't.
"Right," Riley whispered before looking directly at Maya. She took a deep breath to calm herself before she began. "Maya, you've been in my life longer than you've been out of it. I don't even remember a childhood before you. We were best friends as soon as you came through my window. Really, what kid does that?" They both laughed and Maya shrugged because she had no answer.
"We have been through every possible scenario of life that most are lucky to stay away from. Or some that are unlucky enough to fail them. I once told you, you are my extraordinary relationship. A truth that still holds true to this day, but Maya you are so much more than that." Maya's eyebrows hitched, suddenly aware of where Riley was heading with this. And painfully confused of what she should be feeling about it. Although through the confusion she felt a sense of familiarity and stillness.
Riley noticed the myriad of emotions in her best friend but only nodded her head twice before having continued. "Last year, we were dancing in your room, it was one of the first times we stayed the night alone with no adults. And we were blasting music so high it drowned out the city traffic. I stopped to get a drink, but you were still frantically bouncing around." Riley smiled as Maya chuckled. The blonde remembered the night vividly.
"I watched you for a minute and at some point my stomach turned into a whirlwind of butterflies. Flitting around as much as you were, and making me dizzy in the process. Peaches, I swear, the only thing I could think of to calm it all was to kiss you. I just wanted to kiss you. And it didn't take much for me to realize why after that. It's because I love you-because I'm in love with you." Both blue and hazel eyes widened at the confession. Riley because she never said it out loud before, and Maya because pure bafflement, as well as red cheeks, covered her face. But she didn't leave or pull away so Riley took that as a good sign.
"Maybe I have been since we were kids. Maybe it took my brain this long to catch up with my heart. All I know is that this, what I'm feeling right now, is the most clear and honest feeling I've ever felt. And I need you to be okay with it because I'm not going to lose you over this." They sat in silence for some time. Riley no doubt internally freaking out and Maya just digesting it all.
Without a word, Maya released Riley's hand and got up. For the second time within an hour, tears pricked hazel eyes.
"Maya, say something!" She only walked over to Riley's nightstand, grabbing the iPod connected to the speaker. Riley's felt absolutely dejected and quickly stood to follow behind. Riley watched, teary eyed, as Maya flicked through the device and selected a song.
The blonde put on the first heavy beat-pop-dance song she could find and turned around to grab Riley's hands in both of hers and squeezed. "Just dance with me, Riley." And she bounced around, still gripping until the brunette started to move as well. Until her hazel eyes shone clear again. As she let go, Maya started dancing as care free as she always did. Wild and recklessly. And once again Riley was washed with a wave of butterflies as she stood there watching Maya dance.
Maya stopped after a few seconds, breath heavy and panting. "Got those butterflies again?" She puffed out with a smirk. Riley softly smiled, put a hand across her stomach & nodded. Her stomach was in knots and she felt the familiar dizziness again.
"Well how do you suppose we stop them?" The blonde said with a confidence that tickled Riley. The brunette's smile widened as she strode two steps closely to Maya. Putting a hand through blonde locks behind the shorter girls neck. Maya slightly tilted her head back and wrapped her arms around Riley's waist. They both got goosebumps as Riley leant in teasingly slow. Maya was the first to close her eyes, and that's when Riley closed the distance.
This was neither Riley's nor Maya's first kiss, but both knew for sure, they've never been kissed this way before. For Maya, it made sense. It felt right. She felt another release of familiarity and stillness wash over her. She understood why Riley had fallen, she had too. For Riley, it was the very kiss she dreamt of daily. But this had every emotion surge through through it. Every feeling she felt for the past year that she couldn't share with Maya. The blonde was getting it now, all at once, and Riley felt weightless.
They pulled apart with shallow breaths and flushed cheeks. Maya released a breathy laugh and bit her lip as she looked at Riley. Riley had a grin plastered on her face and an expression Maya knew all to well.
"Go ahead dork, do it." Maya shook her head with a smile.
"Y-y-y-aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Riley exclaimed excitedly and hopped up and down. She bounce once more with a peck to Maya's lips. Then skipped over to the bay window and patted next to her for Maya to follow. It was like they were freshman again and Maya adored every minute of it.
"Im really happy, Maya." Riley started as she took Maya's hand in hers.
"I know, Honey. I am too." Maya picked their hands up, and kissed the back of Riley's palm.
"Ya know, Peaches… The butterflies never fully went away." With that Maya smiled and they both leaned in to connect in another passionate kiss.