JUNJOU ROMANTICA / SEKAI-ICHI HATSUKOI
ARE "HAPPY ENDINGS" ALWAYS THIS ELUSIVE?
Chapter One – Warding off the Ghosts
TIMELINE: August 5
Four years and counting for relationship between Akihiko Usami and Takahashi Misaki
It was another productive week indeed, and there was much motivation….
Usami Akihiko had been drumming his fingers on his desk for a while now. His thoughts ran on furious overdrive at an hour while the rest were sound asleep in their beds. On the floor to the right-hand side of his desk were neatly-stacked printouts ready to be handed over to his editor Aikawa Eri tomorrow – a whole week in advance to the original deadline given to him.
Usami – endearingly nicknamed as Usagi or Usagi-san by his lover Takahashi Misaki – not only finished what was supposed to be due one week from now, but he had also finished commentary and column write-up workloads.
The prolific author even went so far as to wrap up the last chapter of his boys' love novel penned under the pseudonym Akikawa Yayoi. The now-completed manuscript would surely tickle his editor Aikawa to death and provoke his lover Takahashi Misaki. Knowing Aikawa and Marukawa Shoten President Isaka Ryuichiro, the novel would be pushed ahead of publication schedule due to the promise of appeasing Usami's ever-hungry fan-base and the resulting revenue to be raked in.
With the state of mind that Usami was currently in, it would most probably take a long while until his creative muses would allow him to write in the same caliber, freedom, or passion as he normally did for his boys' love novels.
Yes, there was so much work accomplished lately because Usami wanted to clear his schedule. To him, it was a silent compromise so that he could spend Misaki's special day and keep his obligations as a bestselling author and recently-announced winner of the 57th Annual International Prize for Literary Mastery.
If left to his own devices, Usami would skip the trappings associated with receiving the award such as the lunch during the ceremony, the press conference, and other activities organized not just by the awarding committee but Marukawa Shoten as well. To him, all the events and attention associated with fame was superfluous. If it were not for Isaka, Usami would not have reached the heights that he had already achieved…and the greater heights that were unknowingly still within future reach because of his prodigious talent and depth as a writer.
There were times that Usami could not understand Misaki's frustration whenever Misaki's birthday was around the corner, with the lovers constantly debating on what should be considered as a priority.
To Misaki, Usami should value the accomplishments that he had achieved as a writer and so work must come first. In Misaki's viewpoint, Usami owed it to Marukawa Shoten and the fans to fulfill the obligations and expectations given to him. Misaki sometimes labeled Usami's rather reckless and flighty behavior as childish acts of ingratitude, feeling that more should be given to the company and the fans who made Usami the success that he had been all these years. To the younger man, Usami's good fortune and fame happened only once in a lifetime to a chosen few, so that those chosen had an obligation to treasure the blessings while they lasted.
To Usami, however, he defended his position with his usual nonchalance –Misaki and their relationship must always be the priority. No amount of money or fame could buy back the time that should have been spent with a loved one.
There was part of the debate that Misaki did not understand…the very part of Usami that touched, moved, and inspired readers since his literary debut many years ago. This was the very side of Usami that Isaka had seen when Isaka first picked up and read Usami's notebook. Usami's writing had so much impact...so much power...that the very first time that Isaka read Usami's hand-penned novel, Isaka realized where his true gifts lay and he gave up his dreams of becoming a writer. Instead, Isaka entrusted all of his treasured dreams to the obscure authors whose works he had edited. Isaka, however, gave the greatest of his dreams over to Usami.
Since then, Isaka played the role of Usami's goofy older brother at work and his personal life - the one who teased the younger sibling relentlessly but when push came to shove would come to the younger sibling's rescue. Sure, Isaka and Usami had their share of professional and personal disagreements and arguments yet Usami had a sense of regard for Isaka that he had never given to his father or older half-brother.
Usami valued things that money could never buy...things that made life meaningful. Yes, Usami was quick to spend money as if it was water or sand escaping between his fingers, but he always put a great deal of thought on things that he bought for a loved one – particularly Takahiro and most especially Misaki. At the same time, Usami never regarded the monetary value of the gift that he received from anyone for it was the thoughtfulness and the love behind it that made the gift a treasure to him.
The same could be said for Usami's stance regarding his success as an author. To him, his books making a mark in people's hearts and carving its place in the minds of people was its own reward. That fact, which he was aware of, was something that he regarded with gratitude and as a reminder to keep writing the literary gems that came from his mind, heart, and soul.
Such value system or moral compass was a reflection that the sophisticated and dashingly handsome author...the prince born from a family of influence and wealth...would always be a child at heart…innocent and vulnerable. Even in his early 30s, he still had that inner child which now had the opportunity to grow up little by little because he always loved and was now being loved back and accepted for who he was – flaws and all.
As a compromise so that Misaki would be more open to say "yes" to any romantic birthday plans, Usami opted to finish as much work as he could. Usami knew that Misaki and Aikawa would give him more leniency to make plans for Misaki's birthday.
Yet, the furious pace that Usami ran for the past three weeks and counting had to do with much more than just clearing his schedule for Misaki's birthday. Yes, there were nights as long as he remembered that his mind plagued him with memories of the past...the violation that he endured when he was a child. The late nights where he burned the figurative midnight oil were not simply done out of meeting deadlines, but it was his brave fight alone against his inner demons.
However, this bombshell that now lay on Usami's desk from two weeks ago stoked the fires and made those sleepless night and the demons that plagued him run more rampant. Something inside him felt that he was violated once more. What made it worse was that Misaki was now being dragged in it as well.
To the left of his desk lay a manila envelope – something that he had received two weeks ago. Each content inside that manila envelope was already ingrained in Usami's memory, infuriating him to no end. He could care less if it was damaging to him alone, but to drag the one he loved most in this world was just unacceptable.
Usami, feeling that he had no choice, confided in Aikawa and Isaka and showed them the contents of the manila envelope.
When it came to Isaka, however, Usami felt that he owed Isaka the entire truth that he did not tell Aikawa…swallowing his pride for Misaki's sake and not wanting Marukawa to suffer any fallout as the company was now in the final stages of its overseas expansion.
"Call me anytime…and I mean anytime… If you want to come over to my place, or me to come over your place…no matter what time…call and tell me. I'll be there," said Isaka to Usami, with Usami not saying anything for a while.
Isaka, being supportive as always, told Usami that Marukawa Shoten would stand by Usami and Misaki no matter what happened.
"You do need to tell Chibitan about this, though. Confessions…the right ones…do wonders for the soul," said Isaka with an empathetic smile, great concern over Usami still written on his face. "It's not easy to tell anyone, especially your lover, that you were violated…molested…when you were a child and you kept silent all these years. It didn't matter if Chibitan guessed it during the first weeks that you two met. Your no-nonsense attitude at the time didn't provide any confirmation for him or closure for you."
All that Usami recalled doing was sighing. He would not be surprised if his heart was heavy at that same…as heavy at it now felt.
Usami vividly remembered on how much Isaka's eyes narrowed and how his voice reflected the anger, empathy, and resolve over the situation that Usami now faced. "Everyone needs someone to listen to what needs to be said. Put your pride aside, even this once. Get the help you need. Cry over someone's shoulder. Trust someone with your pain. I'm glad that you reached out to me. You trusted me as your editor and all this time, Akihiko. I gave you my word. Your family will not know about this. They'll know the truth only from you. Let me be your family on this. Let me continue helping you in this matter. You and I will deal with this together. We'll do our best to make this as discreet as we could."
A couple of days after their one-on-one talk, Isaka and Asahina went to England and were gone for a week. Isaka mentioned something about touching base with an integral partner to Marukawa's international expansion plans.
Deep down, Usami was touched with Isaka's concern as the latter kept in touch with the author via email. In addition, Isaka reminded Usami that the invitation for a phone call at any given point in time remained open even if he was overseas. Isaka's host in England was gracious in making such arrangements possible, and Isaka went out of his way in providing Usami the phone number in England as well as keeping his cell phone available to accept international calls. Skype and FaceTime were also available alternatives, so Usami really had no excuse left except to call Isaka if needed.
Feeling the tension in his body, Usami took off his glasses and looked up at the ceiling of his office. Seconds later, he rested his left hand on the nape of his neck. He could not help but shake his head.
"I hate nights such as tonight," mused Usami with a sigh as he turned off the light and left the computer monitor be his only source of illumination. He now decided to kill his time by going through his email and absentmindedly browsing its contents. There was one email, though, that made him raise an eyebrow. He reached out for his pack of cigarettes, lighter, and ashtray, lighting up a cigarette and started reading the email:
Akihiko:
A great opportunity came up for Marukawa Shoten – a special project! Visit me tomorrow afternoon at the office so that you and I can discuss this project. Let's have lunch while you and I talk in my office.
Once again, Misaki-kun's birthday falls on the same day as your awards ceremony and commemoration party. I know that this is a special day for you and Misaki-kun for more personal reasons. I have a great personal and professional favor to ask you and Misaki-kun. This year, can you please not plan any trips for Misaki's birthday? I also ask for you and Misaki-kun to stay (for once) for the entire party to celebrate your accomplishment.
This favor that I now ask from you will mutually benefit not just you and me, but for all those concerned. This project is part of Marukawa Shoten and Onodera Shuppan's joint venture to North America and Europe, so each step being a success is important for Marukawa and to me.
You always have a keen eye and are a master of captivating readers through your characters, their stories, and your prose. You'll see why I'm excited about this project once you get to meet her. You'll find the ones that you're about to meet fascinating for a writer's point of view. I can't wait to read the literary result (or results) you'd come up with after meeting them.
Asahina and I will be picking up Alexa and Tsuuri Troy from the airport. I also ask for you and Misaki-kun to clear your calendars and accompany us to the airport. We will all spend the evening together with them. She happens to be an avid fan of yours (Usami Akihiko and Akikawa Yayoi), Sumi Ryouichi, Yoshikawa Chiharu, and Ijuuin Kyo.
Now don't easily dismiss this email of mine. Give it very serious thought. First, let me assure you that Alexa (although an avid fan of yours who has read and treasured all of your works) is not your typical crush-struck fan-girl. Ask Misaki-kun if he knows anything about Alexa – the singer and our guest of honor. She is scheduled to stay in Japan for a month. Feel free to share my email with him. I'm sure that he'll tell you what he knows about her. I wouldn't be surprised if he'll end up being as excited as me.
A lot can happen and be uncovered in one month - don't you agree, Akihiko-sensei?
Isaka
PS: Why don't you and the birthday boy list three songs each that you'd like Alexa to perform. After all, this party is for you. Tell Chibitan that he could consider this as an indirect birthday gift from me. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that we have here.
"I motivate myself, and Misaki's here to inspire me…" pondered Usami as he let out a tired sigh. "I wonder what idea Isaka-san has in his head this time. If any, he has a keen sense for these things. He's good at spotting something creative and lucrative at the same time. Or maybe he wants my mind thinking about other things. I'll humor him…"
Usami then quickly typed a reply to Isaka's email, which stated:
Isaka-san:
I'll see you tomorrow, 10:30 a.m. Talk first, then continue talking during lunch. It sounds as if you and Asahina-san already had the chance to meet and speak with Alexa. I want to hear your thoughts about this new project and the joint venture between Marukawa and Onodera.
Akihiko
Resting his elbows on his desk, Usami bowed his head and pressed the bridge of his nose to ease the eyestrain and fatigue. Even with the feverish amount of work that he cranked out of his computer, he still had that restlessness which plagued him since childhood. He handled all the trauma, loneliness, and melancholy through writing and allowed that to serve as a salve for his wounded soul. When he was growing up, he did not feel that he had anyone at home who he could run to…
No one to go to whenever he needed a shoulder to cry on. Instead, he hid his sadness through his silence…at times standing at a distance, offering his all to the one he cared about and not recognizing that he was hurting and empty as well. For a good, long while, his heart could not allow him to shed a tear no matter how torn he felt inside.
No one to share laughter and funny moments with…thus further curtailing and cutting the time of his childhood. Instead, he created a facade of a soft, understanding façade that fooled nearly everyone save for a few that he could count in his five fingers…and even those few at times remained baffled of the mystery that was Usami Akihiko.
No one to listen to whatever he had to say – no matter how silly his imaginative train of thought might be. Instead, he opened himself and laid bare in the world of words which provided as a salve for his wounded heart, mind, and soul. There, he dumped all the burdens he carried which helped ease his load but not fully heal him.
No one to seek advice from or offer words of wisdom whenever he felt that he could not deal with life's trials set before him. Instead, he allowed his prolific imagination and sense of wonder which he unleashed through his writing be his guide.
No one to show him how it truly was to love and feel loved…to feel the warmth, sense of belonging, and peace that love brought. Instead, he grew up thirsting for love but still being so inept at understanding that love required much work and reciprocation...and that it was all right to want and enjoy reciprocation of love.
No one to stand by him during his worst and best moments in life…making his teachers throughout his entire academic career wonder as to where his parents or any blood-related family would be, and why Tanaka – the trusted family butler – would be the one pinning hard-earned medals on the young boy, or be the only one present during the boy's crowning moments. The same could be said on moments where that boy needed reassurance that all would be well because someone would always be by his side to weather any storm.
No one to advocate for him, making him feel more torn, alone, abandoned, and vulnerable than he already was. Since he left the house after graduating high school, he turned his back from the family and the legacy in favor of becoming a self-made man. Sure, the Usami family legacy would always be there because he was the heir, but he knew that he could only rely on Usami Akihiko alone in terms of his life and future...that is until Misaki came into his life.
No one to stop the injustice of robbing something from him, his cries and pleas falling on deaf ears…whether it was his older half-brother Haruhiko who coveted everything that he had, or the tutor who molested him and stripped away the remainder of his childhood.
Before Misaki came into Usami's life, Usami never felt that he belonged anywhere even though he was a celebrated and prolific author for many years. He also felt empty, for he loved with complete abandon and gave his all, yet it was all one-sided…feeling perpetually doomed into having one-sided love affairs wherein he loved someone who could not love him in return, or vice versa. Usami did that for ten years with Misaki's brother, standing by as a loyal best friend and keeping quiet of his true feelings.
For four years and counting, though, Usami believed that he finally achieved a semblance of peace and happiness when he and Misaki became flat-mates and lovers. Theirs was a love that withstood so many odds and differences between them, bringing out the best in each other. He knew how much Misaki changed his life for the better. For the past four years and counting, his literary works served as a mirror to his soul, for his prose embodied the spirit of empathy, a sense of hope, and warmth that he desired yet lacked in the earlier part of his life.
All the things that marred and robbed him of his childhood and happiness for a long time have mostly changed since Misaki came into his life. Misaki was as authentic as a person could be, and Usami knew that because such authenticity burned right through him…broke down the walls that he kept fortified. For the first time in Usami's life, the fight for the right things were not as hard as they were before because Misaki was there.
Yet, there was still a good number of things that Usami had to face…unresolved matters in his life that continued to haunt him. It was not really the deadlines that kept him up all night long day after day for many years, but rather the desire for the nightmares, the loneliness, and melancholy to not wholly pull him under and claim him.
If Misaki was such a great part of his life and he was open to expressing his words and feelings of love, then why could Usami still not get the courage to tell his lover about one of the major matters that kept him up at night since he was a child? Why could he not tell Misaki about the memories and the nightmares from long ago that still have a profound hold on him?
Usami also thought about sneaking in Misaki's room so that he could cuddle the latter close to him until he fell asleep. He also thought about carrying Misaki to his room for a night of lovemaking. He wanted to forget…to feel loved…
As tempting as it was, Usami did not want to have sex with his lover on nights where the memories and nightmares repeatedly nagged his brain. Why contaminate what he considered as his way to purely express his love for Misaki on nights where his trauma and fears were actively haunting him?
Sure, Usami kept a good front since he was a child, but it did not mean that the scars were healed or were never there in the first place. The only one who knew…or rather guessed…that he had childhood scars from being molested and betrayed was Misaki himself when their relationship was still young. He never confirmed or denied it with Misaki, though…hiding it with an admission that sounded like a joke when Misaki was trying to one-up him.
Usami sighed once more, standing up from his chair, leaving the confines of his office, and going to Misaki's room.
Misaki was there on the bed, sleeping soundly and looking so innocent.
Taking comfort from seeing his lover, Usami gently fixed the blanket while making sure that Misaki's sleep was not disturbed. He then could not help but have his fingers lovingly ghost over Misaki's hair, and then planting a kiss on the younger man's forehead.
On times such as tonight, Usami found himself looking down at Misaki…his heart feeling as if it was crumbling to myriad pieces. On nights such as tonight, there were times that Usami felt that every fiber of his being was being put into question as Sumi Keiichi's words from a couple of years ago echoed in his head…making night such as tonight harder for him still….
"But before that, will you let me do you? I don't mind if you'll only come to love me afterwards. I'm really good at this…"
"In any case…aren't you forcing Misaki against his will?"
"I bet that's how it went with Misaki, too, right?"
And whenever those words rang inside Usami's head, he felt as if all the good that was in him – the best in him that he discovered and finally acknowledged in having – had been leeched out. He felt as if he deserved to be pulled back into this deep pit of loneliness and guilt that he wallowed in before Misaki came into his life. He would be forever thankful that Misaki was kind, unselfish, and forgiving…his lover not counting it against him that their relationship started on the physical level, or more specifically with him forcing himself on Misaki. They had addressed this issue previously, but it had reared its ugly head once more with the arrival of the manila folder and its contents.
Usami recalled as to how pissed off Misaki was in not actively fending off Sumi's advances, considering how much Usami openly showed his disapproval of Misaki's friend and sempai. How could Usami tell Misaki that an ugly part of his past came to the surface...a past where he was too young to understand, and too frozen to move or fight back...or too proud to admit that the ugly past penetrated deep in his soul that it still haunted him to this very day?
As the relationship grew deeper between Usami and Misaki, now four years and counting, the more that Usami found himself not forgetting or forgiving himself about how his relationship with Misaki began. Usami wanted to turn back the time and change things, but he knew that he could not. Yet, a great part of Usami was afraid that if he had his wish granted then it might result in him losing the most precious person in his life…and he did not know as to how he could handle that, or whether he would be able to survive such a great loss.
"Did I become the same molesting bastard that I hated so much? Was Misaki just being kind…not saying anything that how we first started bothered him...disgusted him...because he didn't want to hurt my feelings?" murmured Usami as he continued to stand by Misaki's bedside.
Usami wanted to lie down beside Misaki, take comfort in cuddling his lover. However, he felt that he did not deserve that privilege because of the thoughts that bothered him so much.
Instead of listening to what his heart and mind wanted to achieve some peace, Usami bent down and planted a soft kiss on Misaki's forehead. He quietly left the room, now walking towards his bedroom…his heart still very much heavy, and his mind plagued on why something that happened so long ago was now rearing its ugly head after so many decades of him burying it in his memory.
Every now and then, Usami thought about taking up Isaka's offer and call. Usami's pride, though, coaxed him into simply handling his unsettled feelings on his own. What was the harm in waiting for six-and-a-half more hours until his 10:30 a.m. meeting with Isaka?
After taking a shower and prepping for bed, his vain attempt to wash off any dark or sick feelings that were creeping in his heart, Usami then went to bed…clinging on to his big teddy bear Suzuki as if his life depended on it until he finally fell into a fitful sleep.
End of Chapter One
Author's Notes
Hi, Readers!
Yes, there are the three OCs that you'll find in all my fanfic works. There's a part of their respective character development that I've been working in the original fic setting...not posted anywhere...but somehow feel that the fanfic world will provide a nice stomping ground for them to grow. There is something in the Junjou Romantica and Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi characters and the world that they are in that makes these two fandoms so endearing to us fans.
This cross-over fic will follow the same grain as nearly all, if not all of my posted fanfics. It will have everything that the canon series both offer - romance, comedy, drama, angst. It will also have added touches of mystery and the supernatural. The greatest challenge of this, for me, is how to uphold the integrity of the two fandoms yet add this new dimension (mystery and the supernatural) and make it all work.
And for fans of the Junjou Mistake / Junjou Mystique / Isaka Ryuichiro and Asahina Kaoru pairing, this fic will prove to be a treat for you! These two characters are the ones who are actively there on Junjou Romantica and Sekaiichi Hatsukoi
It is in my hopes that readers would enjoy this fic - my tribute to these fandoms as well as the last piece of character development for my OCs. Once this fic is done, I can safely say that I've done everything that I could to make my OCs "real people."
When you read this fic, just remember the old saying that, "Never judge a book by its cover." Yes, there will be OCs, but you'll see that your favorite pairings ARE STILL your favorite pairings. The OCs are there to interact and to bring about this new added touch to the fandom universe, and making things in this fic possible and helping maintain canon.
For those who are familiar with my OCs (AJ Ishino, Alexandra Emrys, and Tsuuri Troy), thank you so much for your love and support for the three of them!
In regards to Alexandra Emrys (an OC from my Yu-Gi-Oh and Bat-Family fic The Pentagram Council Origins), her history and characterization in this fic is consistent / the same as established in the YGO and Bat-Family fandoms. Some adjustments were made to have her story fit in the Junjou Romantica / Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fandom, relating her to the canon characters.
In regards to Tsuuri Troy / Lord Abigor (an OC from my Yami no Matsuei / Descendants of Darkness and Bat-family fic The Pentagram Council Origins), his history and characterization in this fic is consistent as established in the YnM / Dod and Bat-Family fandoms. Some adjustments were made to have his story fit in the Junjou Romantica / Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fandom, relating him to the canon characters.
In regards to Andrew James (AJ) Ishino (an OC from the Bat-family fic The Pentagram Council Origins), his history and characterization in this fic is consistent as established in the Bat-family fic. Some adjustments were made to have his story fit in the Junjou Romantica / Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fandom, relating him to the canon characters.
Thanks to my good real-life friend - you know who you are - who has beta-read this fic for me! You're a gem!
Reader feedback through reviews or PM-ing me would help, especially since constructive feedback greatly helps a writer improve!
Best regards,
PJ Zatken
Disclaimer
All the wonderful characters for Sekaiichi Hatsukoi and Junjou Romantica are owned by their wonderful author Shungiku Nakamura. In the series (whether it be manga, anime, light novel, or drama CD), Ritsu's Dad is unnamed, and little is known about him, and so I gave him a name for the purposes of this fic – Akifumi Onodera.
Based on the manga countdown from Takano Masamune's December 24th birthday, there would be 224 days left until Ritsu's Love Declaration Countdown (the end of the manga said that there were 222 days left, but Takano's birthday fell two days before that countdown number, so it's 224). Taking that number, Ritsu's Love Declaration Countdown date would be August 5 (not taking into consideration Leap Year)…lol… So for the purposes of this fic, August 5 is Ritsu Onodera's Love Declaration Day as well as the anniversary date for Takano and Onodera becoming a couple.
And if you notice the timeline for this chapter, then you have a big clue on what the next chapter will be – I don't need to say anything more!
The original characters Andrew James (AJ) Ishino, Tsuuri Troy, Michael Ishino, and Alexandra Emrys and any other original characters are properties of PJ Zatken.