(This is a dedication to the one who got away from me, the one who still own more of my heart than anyone. It will be four years on March 4th since we last said I love you. We haven't spoken in three. The pain this last girl doesn't even compare to losing you. We may not ever call each other lover again, but I will always love you. Ladies and gentlemen, this is my story told through Korra and Asami of how I met my first love, know that this does not have a happy ending.)
Korra Winter woke up to the rock music blaring from her phone, groaning she grabbed her phone and silenced the alarm clock. It was the first day of junior year, and the Arizona native was excited for the New Year to come. She crawled out of bed and changed into her clothes for the day, which consisted of jeans and a band T-shirt. She brushed her teeth, and then flattened her long hair so it was straight and falling down her back.
She never ate breakfast because if she ate early morning she would get sick, so she made it to the bus early, but not before having a good puff of some bud beforehand. Living in the middle of the desert it would take at least forty minutes to an hour to get the high school. Not that she minded it, her bus was always quiet in the morning, and everyone just lazed in the seats and listened to music.
Once she made it to the school and the bus stopped next to the large cafeteria, she was always the first off the bus so she could take her bag to English class early morning. When class had started, Korra noticed people talking, almost gossiping. Being a middle man of the school, Korra was privileged to almost any information buzzing around the school; she was good at keeping secrets and giving advice.
"Hey guys what's everyone buzzing about?" Korra asked with her signature grin.
"There is this new Goth girl in school, she has really bad ass combat boots, I want them."
Opal was a sophomore, and her boyfriend a junior. Bolin was the class clown, if there was a funny pun to be made, he did it. Then there was Mako, Bolin's brother, and Korra's ex-boyfriend. He was always serious and always thinking about his future as a cop. That alone was enough to make Korra lose interest.
Korra had a deep dislike for cops, her older brother Zaheer was thrown in prison on false charges. In her mind, cop only stood for "criminal, of, privilege" so they ended it with being awkward friends.
"No, why is that such a big deal? New girl comes to the biggest high school in nowhere valley and it makes fox news Haha… I'm sure I'll see her around, after all I meet everyone eventually."
The day came and went, now it was time for day two of junior year. As Korra made her way to English class like she usually did, a girl with long dark hair, really dark eye liner and shadow, walked right by her. Before Korra could understand what happened, she had stopped and turned to watch the girl walk toward the library. She was stuck in that moment with only one word that came to mind. "interesting." All morning Korra thought about the new Goth girl, she didn't know why, what made her so special compared to the rest of them?
Two classes pass and not a lick of work done, she had no idea why this new girl was on her mind so badly, she didn't even know the girls name. Finally the lunch bell rang, Korra hated this time. While she was a middle man and talked to everyone, real friends were hard to come by. Opal and Bolin had second lunch so they couldn't hang out, Mako had her lunch but he always ate with the track team.
This was the time Korra floated clique to clique just trying to find friendly conversation. All her friends from last year were seniors and had graduated, so she was stuck just drifting. Deciding last second, she headed to go see her theater buddies; that always huddle up at one table in the cafeteria. When she walked through the large double steel doors she had decided to take the long way around. She had no idea why, but she did.
Then like a flash she was sitting there, with her back to the theatre table; sitting alone. As the tanned girl made her way to table she noticed the girls' shirt.
"Hey you like DBZ?" Korra asked with a smile.
The girl looked up from her food and smiled lightly back "yeah love it."
"Who's your favorite character?" Korra asked sweetly.
"Vageta." She said lightly with a bigger smile.
"Me too, Why you sitting by yourself?" Korra asked taking a seat at the table with the new girl. She looked back at the theatre group behind her then looked back to Korra. "Well technically I am sitting with them, but the table was full so…" she shrugged and got a sad look on her face.
Korra noticed and gave a reassuring smile, "names Korra, what's yours?"
"Asami, nice to meet you." Asami said sweetly.
"so where you from?" Korra asked sipping on her soda she had gotten an hour before lunch had started. "Colorado springs."
"Oh nice. I planned to move there for school, but I don't know; depends if I find someone special enough to keep me here in the valley that is haha. What way you swing gorgeous?" Korra asked bluntly, she had that ability though, she could talk about anything, and you couldn't help but trust her.
"Gay. You?" she smiled.
"Bisexual." Korra said grinning. They talked for a while, Korra was heartbroken to find out that this gorgeous girl was in so much pain. Asami had a habit of self-harm, she would cut herself in order to feel a release, her parents were divorced and she lived with her mother and younger brother. Her mother did not support her sexuality at all and would force her into youth groups saying how wrong she was for liking other women. The tanned girl made a silent vow, one she didn't even know she made till way later, she promised to do anything and everything to make that girl happy.
The next day Asami didn't show up in the library, which is where she was most days. This made Korra worry; another day passed and Asami finally came to school.
"Hey you okay I been worried as hell." Korra said pulling Asami into a hug.
"Why?" she asked surprised.
For the first time ever, Korra couldn't come up with an answer, she stayed there for a moment till a clever line came to mind. "Well last time we talked you said you were having it rough, I didn't want you to think you had to be alone for it." Asami got a look of utter shock then shook it off.
They day continued, but today was homecoming game, and prep-rally. A school of three thousand kids or more all rushing to get into one gym, if you didn't know how to do it; you would get trampled. As Korra walked with her math class to the gym, she caught Asami next to the library looking around lost.
"Hey you know where to go?" Korra asked her. "I'm guessing that's the gym?" she pointed to the large building in front of them. "Yeah come on, I'll lead us through. Grab hold of my bag." Asami did as she was told and Korra started weaving them through crowds of other teenagers. That is till they got inside and all was left to get to the gym was two small double doors that everyone had to fit through. Korra turned before the doors came close and held her hand out to Asami. "Here grab my hand so I don't lose you."
Asami hesitated but took the offered hand and they walked into the gymnasium, and right before Korra was to let go of Asami's hand, the pale beauty squeezed a bit tighter.
Like lightning, the spark traveled up her arm and right into her heart, both could feel it, you could see it in their eyes. They starred at each other for a few moments then they finally found a seat at the top of the bleachers.
"Would you come to the homecoming game with me, really sucks waiting her alone for the game to start?" Korra asked sweetly.
"Yeah let me ask my mother." The prep-rally was over and she had gotten permission to stay at the school with Korra. They spent the next few hours just talking. Korra was always a natural flirt, if you were female she did what she could to make your day. Though Korra decided to step things up a notch.
"Haha you keep teasing like that, I'll have to find a secluded corner and punish you." Korra half joked. What Asami said next would stick with Korra till the end of time. "It's not teasing if you have intent." Asami gave a grin and laughed when Korra's jaw hit the floor. Before Asami could really register where they were going; Korra had led them to the baseball field, it wasn't as secluded as the Arizona native wanted, but it would have to do.
Korra put her music on and looked to Asami like a scared little kid. "What's the matter thought you were going to punish me Haha." Asami giggled.
"I need your permission first, I don't touch anyone without it." Korra blushed.
Asami got a look of surprise then smiled, "Well I'm not going to say it, so I guess you'll just have to do it." She smiled and leaned back on the concrete wall. Korra was silent for a moment, then just as 'smooth criminal' by alien ant farm started. Korra bolted forward and locked lips with Asami's.
The kiss seemed to last forever, and not expecting such a reaction to the kiss, Asami's hips lifted from the wall and pressed into Korra's. her hips were pressing forward so much Korra was almost pushed away from the kiss. So at the last minute Korra gripped Asami's hips and pressed them back to the wall. A moan erupted from Asami's lips into Korra's
"What was that?" Korra pulled away from the kiss and whispered into the pale beauties ear. "That is the fastest anyone has ever found my hot spot Haha." Korra grinned and dug her thumbs into her lover's hips again. Causing Asami to moan again but louder.
"You want to get something to drink before we go see the game?" Korra asked sweetly. Asami nodded and bought the drink and whatever else Asami wanted. As they walked from the store, Asami had a look of deep though on her face.
"Hey what's wrong?" Korra asked.
"What is this? What are we?" she asked with a small look of hope. Korra was silent for only a second. She grabbed Asami's hand and kissed the top of it gently. "Whatever you want it to be baby." Asami only smiled and curled into Korra for a loving embrace.
There was an hour left before the game started and they just cuddled together at a dark corner in the school. Till Bolin and Opal came walking up, "wow didn't see that coming." Bolin said shocked at the sight of Asami sitting on Korra's open lap.
"Oh I did, ever since Korra saw her, she been weird. Way to go guys, happy for you." they all walked into the game. Bolin and Opal went up to the bleachers and Korra and Asami stayed down near the field. Everyone from school looked at them as if they were seeing lesbians for the first time. That or they were just shocked that Korra the middle man of the school, was now dating the most antisocial and mysterious girl yet to grace this high school yet.
After the game, they held hands as they walked to the nearest park and waited for Korra's mother Senna to arrive. "You want a ride home?" Korra asked sweetly.
"I wouldn't mind hehe." Korra let her new girlfriend sit in the front of her mother's new dodge challenger, which was colored a beautiful blue. Once they were settled Senna looked to Asami and smiled. "And who is your friend Korra?"
"This is Asami mom, Asami this is mom." She said as her mother pulled out of the parking lot.
"Hehe I'm Senna, this nuts mother."
"Very nice to meet you Miss. Winter. I live pretty close to the school, go that way." Turns out she lived less than a mile from the school in a small housing development. This made Korra's heart jump, made it so much easier to see the girl she was already falling head over heels for. Korra waked Asami to her door and smiled. "You got my number right?" she chuckled.
"Yeah, be pretty dumb if I didn't have my girlfriend's number wouldn't it?" Asami giggled as she opened her door. The Arizonian could only smile like an idiot at those words, and leaned so her mother couldn't see the light peck to Asami's cheek. "I'll see you on Monday okay?"
"I don't think it can come fast enough." With that Asami went inside to go to sleep. But not before sending Korra a text. "I'm missing you already, text me tomorrow?"
"you know I will babe, sweet dreams, ill text you soon as I wake up. :*"
When Korra got back in the car and they were headed back to their desert home, Senna only smiled at her daughter. "I like her, she'll be good to you I can tell." Korra was baffled for a moment. "How? How did?"
"I'm your mother Nut, I know you, and never once have you had that look I your eye when you look at her, bet you don't even notice you are grinning like a fool just by me talking about her. She dresses a little dark, but I remember this last summer, you saying that you weren't capable of love, maybe she will prove you wrong." Senna kissed her daughters head, and for Korra the weekend couldn't move fast enough.
The weekend came and went and this was the first time Korra was up before her alarm ever went off. Asami was always early to school; she liked the library and didn't have to deal with her mother and her controlling personality.
When they met in the morning, Korra was talking with a theatre friend. The tanned girl was sitting on the flat part of the table, leaving the seat between her feet open for the taking. Asami took the seat between her girlfriend's legs and leaned back into her loving scent. After a few minutes of chatter a boy by the name of Jing came up to Asami asking to speak with her.
Korra still chatted but listened to her girlfriend's conversation intently, they weren't far so it wasn't hard to hear what was said.
Jing was nervous and fiddling with his shirt as he talked. "Hey Sami, look um, I think you're really cool, and was wondering if you wanted to go for an ice-cream sometime?" he smiled with hope.
"Oh Jing, that's sweet, but I'm lesbian, and I'm with someone right now. I'm really sorry, but maybe we can go as friends sometime."
"Oh…yeah sure… that's cool." He watched as Asami walked back over to her girlfriend. Korra didn't like Jing trying to ask Asami out, so to rub it in; she pulled Asami into a small yet sweet kiss. Jing watched as the middle man of high school stole his interest. "Fucking Winter." He walked away with a grumble and Asami giggled after he left. "Are you jealous Korra?"
"Maybe…" Korra watched after Jing like he was a target to be removed, till Asami forced her to look her in the eye. "Hey, not that some jealousy isn't cute, and I have a feeling you are possessive too, am I right?"
"What do you mean?" Korra asked, these feelings were what felt right, really she had no idea what the emotions running through her head were.
"If Jing had persisted, what would you have done?" she asked trapping her girlfriend.
"I'd deck him in his pretty little face, your mine." Korra buried her face in Asami's neck and kissed it softly. Asami smiled, "that's being possessive baby, I am your emotionally, and physically, but I don't want you freaking out on anyone that shows me attention. Okay?" Asami made Korra look her in the eye again. Korra nodded, "I will try, I'm new to this Asami, I've never had a girlfriend before, let alone actually care about them." Korra admitted with a sigh.
"I know baby… but hey I asked my mom if I could come over to your house on Wednesday, its early release. So what do you think?" Asami asked and giggled when her girlfriend smiled like a kid in a candy store.
"Hell yeah, will be awesome."
Wednesday came quickly and Korra was excited as hell, she cleaned her room better than she ever had. Asami had ridden home with Korra on the bus and soon as she got to Korra's house she knew it was full of rednecks. Big trucks were parked in the driveway, all except the challenger in the font. Tools and equipment riddled the large yard. "So where are your parents at?"
"They are working right now, won't be home till around six, till then we have the house all to ourselves." Korra said as she walked Asami into the large fence of chain link, all her dogs going crazy. Once they got inside Korra showed Asami her room, posters of movies, video games, and trinkets riddled her ocean blue walls. "Wow I really like your room." Asami said sitting on the comfy bed.
"Thanks, I like it too. Feels like me in here, I'm not acting as a middle man for the school. I just come in here and write and listen to music." Korra said sitting next to Asami. Asami just smiled and enjoyed her surroundings. Korra tapped her shoulder to get her attention and pulled her in for a sweet kiss, before things could become heated Asami pulled away and began to cry. "Hey what's wrong, did I do something wrong?" Asami didn't answer she just sat and cried lightly.
Not knowing what she did wrong Korra walked out of her room and outside. She walked a few seconds and thought, "What am I doing, she's in there crying, and I just left her there… fucking idiot." Korra turned and walked back into the house heading right for her room. When she got there she saw Asami still crying with her knees up and her arms wrapped around them. Korra didn't say anything; she only came close to the bed and ran her fingers through Asami's hair. When Asami realized Korra had returned she looked up, her dark eyeliner smeared and streaked down her cheeks.
Korra curled her finger, telling Asami to come closer. Once Asami came closer to her girlfriend, the tanned girl pulled Asami into a loving, warm embrace. Asami seemed shocked that Korra wasn't angry at her; she just held her close, silently telling her that she was there. After a few minutes and Asami had stopped crying, Korra pulled back and whipped her tears away and kissed her cheek.
"Now, you want to tell me what's going on?" Korra asked lightly. Asami looked away and blushed. "I want to tell you but I'm scared about what you'll say." She said scared. The look in Asami's eye as she looked at Korra; and the inability to look her fully in the eye was all she needed to know. "You want to tell me you love me don't you?" Korra asked like she just found the answer to a science question.
Asami nodded and pulled away slightly, till Korra cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look back to the tanned girl. "The feeling is mutual." Korra pulled Asami into the most loving kiss either had ever had.
The next weekend came and Asami was the happiest she had ever been, it was late on a Friday night that she got a call that freaked her out. She was just heading to bed when her phone rang, she saw the contact "hot stuff"
She answered the phone with a smile, till Korra on the other end of the phone started speaking.
"b-baby?" Korra was sobbing and sounded drunk.
"Korra, what is it what's wrong?" Asami rose up in bed, scared her girlfriend was in trouble.
"I think I broke my leg babe. Hurts so fucking much." She sobbed again.
"Korra are you drunk?" Asami asked wondering why her girlfriend's speech was so slurred.
"I was drinking with my cousin, we were dancing and it just snapped, it didn't hurt much at first, but now it feels like I have a thousand pounds sitting on my leg. I can't move without it aching. Baby I want you here."
Asami's eyes began to tear up, she wanted so badly to be there for Korra to help her, but she knew her mother wouldn't take her, let alone let her go. "Baby I want to be there, but my mother won't let me leave, I will stay on the phone with you as long as you are awake okay?" Asami cried a little. The love of her life was crying out for her on the phone and there was nothing she could do to help. A few days passed and Korra indeed had broken her ankle, what really made Asami ache was the news her mother had just told her.
Asami was at Korra's house when she decided to tell her, "Korra, I need to tell you something." She looked down to her feet with a sad look on her face.
"Baby, what wrong… are you breaking you with me?" Korra's heart had seized in her chest at the thought.
"Oh god no. never… I have to go back to Colorado." Asami said straight out, the look on Korra's face was heartbreaking.
"Yo-you're leaving? But-" Korra's eyes began to tear up, the thought of Asami leaving was just too much, she began to cry a little and Asami wrapped her head in her arms as she cried. "We will make it work Korra, I promise." Asami assured her.
"I have something for you." she pulled a razor from her pocket and handed it to her girlfriend. "This is the only razor I managed to hide from my mom so I could cut myself; I want you to have it. Hurting myself hurts you, and I don't want that… ever." They kissed and spent every moment they could with each other. Till the day she had to leave, Korra was laid up in a wheelchair and couldn't even get up to hold Asami.
"Please don't go, you can stay with me, you'll be happy." Korra sobbed with Asami locked in her arms. "Baby, you know I can't, I'll see you soon I promise. Sing for me just one more time" Asami asked sweetly. Korra whimpered and cleared her throat. "my giiiirrrrlll, talking bout my giiirlll. I'd guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way? My gggiiirrrlll! Talking bout my gggiiirrrlll" she finished the song and Asami kissed her once more, and left to help her mother pack to go back home
Months passed, for Korra's seventeenth birthday she was told she was to have reconstructive surgery on both her ankles so they wouldn't break again after. Korra had been rather depressed since Asami had left, they were not able to talk as much. Asami was getting in trouble more often, and her mother was taking her phone away so they couldn't speak to each other. Senna was at the moment having a heated discussion with her daughter.
"Honey you need the surgery or you will never walk right again, you will be in pain for the rest of your life." Senna said trying to get her daughter to listen to her. "they had me in this damn chair for six weeks already and they knew I was going to need the surgery, so get another six weeks of being in this thing!..." she went quiet for a moment. "Bring her here and I'll get it." Korra said flatly.
"What?" her mother asked not quite understanding her daughter's statement. "Bring Asami to me and I will get the surgery." Korra said again and her mother nodded in agreement.
Korra got the surgery, a six inch long plate with eight titanium screws later. November came and Asami was to meet at the airport, Korra was so excited to see the girl she loved, she would get twelve of the best days she ever had in her life, it was truly the first thanksgiving she was truly grateful for. Those twelve days were spent in loving arms, the two had never been happier.
Asami went home, and things began to just spiral out of control. Asami was talking less and less; it seemed she was more interested in spending time with her best friend than talk with her girlfriend. It had been a few months since that thanksgiving; Asami had decided to run away from home, her mother had called Korra, desperate to find her daughter. Every night was becoming the same, late at night Korra would get a text about how sad Asami was, how bad she wanted to end it.
Korra began to wonder why she wasn't enough to keep Asami living that is what led Korra to make the biggest mistake of her life.
Korra had met a new friend named Lee, he was nice and seemed like he would be a nice friend to have around. That night was her grandparents fifty-fifth anniversary party, Korra had drank over a pint of jungle juice, and had done one or two keg-stands. She was so drunk she could barely distinguish between the ground and sky, Lee had offered to take her home. Her mother and father didn't know the extent of which Korra was drunk so let him drive their daughter home. To Korra it was all a blurry dream, his lips, his touch, all of it. She wanted to say no, to stop, that her heart belonged to someone else. But all that came from her mouth was garbled moans, which he took for signs of pleasure.
The next morning Korra awoke to him gone and her clothes off, she instantly realized what she had done, guilt ridden in thinking she had done wrong, she told Asami everything. She cried and begged for Asami's forgiveness.
Asami was torn, she had no idea what to do, the love of her life had a drunken mistake with another man, she didn't know what was worse, and the act or the fact it was with a man. She tried, she really did, but she couldn't forgive Korra for what she had done. The distance had slowly ripped them apart, had slowly poisoned their love. Korra had explained what had happened to Bolin and Opal; both told her that she had not cheated, that that asshole took advantage of her.
Korra desperately tried to convince Asami of this, but it was too late. Her best friend had already started to console her and convince her that Korra was no good. March 4th came and nothing would ever be the same.
"You're breaking up with me?" Korra sobbed into the phone.
"Yes Korra… I'm sorry but I can't forgive what you did. The distance is just too much, and I have fallen for someone else. I'm sorry… goodbye Korra. Please don't hurt yourself." With that Asami hung up the phone not realizing what would happen.
Korra dropped her phone to the ground, tears flowing down her face like a waterfall. Her breathing was even and calm; she sent a final text to the love of her life. (I will always love you, in this life, and the next.)
She left her phone on her bed and made her way to her parent's room, they worked long shifts so she was home alone a lot of the time. Her parents also had a liking for collecting guns; one in particular occupied her thoughts. Her mother kept it close to her bed, in case of a home invasion, it was a six shooter judge 45 caliber, and it was always loaded.
She held the gun in her hand for a moment, then clicked the hammer of the gun back, slipping the barrel in her mouth. The last thought that entered her mind was Asami's beautiful face, and how beautiful she smelled. "I'm sorry Asami! I'm so sorry!" her finger clicked the trigger and all went dark.
(I told you wasn't a happy ending, and I know it time skips like crazy. But Korra represents me, Asami my ex. This girl was my everything, and on thanksgiving three years ago was the last time I got to kiss those lips that I loved more than anything. She was so small I could double wrap my arms around her and keep her warm just on my own. She was the first and only one to teach me how to love another human being. I mean of course I love my family, but in the relationships before her, I would get annoyed with the people I dated so it never lasted longer than a month. I was with this girl for seven months, and those seven months were the best months I have ever had. Three years later and I still love her like it was yesterday. Its obvious that I didn't actually kill myself, but a part of me did die that day, and I have never gotten it back… This is for you Babygirl, I hope your happy. I love you, always and forever)