The Gryffindor common room was cold, even for winter, the fire blazing in full with no effect. Remus shuffled on the couch, repositioning his blankets. His book, 'Advanced Curses', fell out of his hands, and one particular curse could be heard from his mouth as he fumbled around, trying to retain his position and regain possession of his book. His awkward positioning didn't give enough room for error as the portrait hole swung open, scaring Remus so much he fell onto his book, blankets following. Ironically, he was more comfortable than he had been before, and he had his book.

He was considering permanently adopting this position when a certain Sirius Black plopped onto the couch and proceeded to use him as a footseat. Granted, he didn't mind Sirius's feet, but there was no way he was letting James perceive that as an unusual fetish.

"Moony," Sirius announced as Remus tried to escape, wriggling around in the blankets like a fish. "One. You're not a worm, lie still and let me use you to your full capacity," he said, grinning.

Remus stopped moving dejectedly, sticking a finger up at Sirius from under the blanket. He could hear James and Peter laughing in the background.

"Two, we stole veritaserum. Three, your finger looks like a penis tent."

"What the fuck Sirius!" Remus groaned, finally managing to push him off.

"Aren't you going to comment on how brilliant we are?" James asked. He had moved forward to the couch and plopped down next to Sirius. "It's not an easy feat to sneak into Sluggy's cupboard."

"How did you do that actually?" Remus asked, curious. He swivelled up to sit cross-legged.

Sirius snorted. "Let's just say Sluggy isn't as straight as a... as a..."

"As a pole?" Remus answered. "You didn't do what I think you did."

"What do you think, Moony?" James laughed. "No, we did not let Sluggy touch Pads impeccable arse."

"I was more thinking your arse, Prongs," Remus said, raising an eyebrow. "After all, it is quite spectacular."

Sirius gave a snigger. "Nah, just had a bit of a talk about potions with him."

"You're shit at potions," Remus said, pushing himself up onto the real footseat.

"The entire time he was staring at my fake erect penis," Sirius said. "Don't think he noticed what I was saying to be honest. Bit of a pervert."

"Not going to ask," Remus groaned, standing. "Why, pray, do we need a potion that much that Pads has to flirt with pedophiles?"

"Truth or dare, Moony," James yelled. "I've already told Flower-"

"She hates you calling her that-" Peter mumbled.

James didn't pay any notice. "-to bring Marlene and Alice down at one. I talked to Frank as well."

"What the hell Prongs," Sirius groaned. "Why Frank?"

"Why not Frank, Pads?" Remus asked.

"He ruins everything."

"What, because he's hotter than you now?" James asked, sniggering.

Sirius snarled. "Not likely."

"Sirius, dear, it's not hard," James laughed, giving his friend a whack in the shoulder. This began a large scruffle that Remus hastened to move away from, his glasses (which had miraculously stayed on his face throughout the entire ten minutes) slipping off his nose. He sat against the fireplace, warming his back. He pulled open his book once more and recommenced reading. It would probably be another couple of minutes until Lily and Frank got there.

The Entrail Expelling curse, as referenced in its self-descriptive title, causes the receiver to 'expel' faecal matter in their intestines through the anal cavity. It was originally used by healers in the early 17th century however became well known as a schooltime curse midcentury. The incantation for the Entrail Expelling curse...

Just as Remus's page required flipping, a movement was detected on the stairs. James jumped off Sirius, rectifying his reckless manner to present well to his newfound girlfriend Lily.

"Good evening, Flower," James proclaimed in a deep voice, running to the stairwell and holding out his hand. A confused Frank came around the bend of the staircase and brushed his hand away, smiling slightly.

"Seems like Jamsie here would have prefered to flirt with Slughorn," Remus muttered, placing the book down and moving in to greet Frank. He had grown taller and obviously more brawny after the holidays, and it was quite clear Sirius wasn't pleased about this fact.

"Where are the girls?" Frank asked. "This better not be a plan to get in my pants."

Remus could hear Sirius mutter that was probably exactly what Frank wanted, as a half-awake Lily Evens tripped down the staircase, pulling two girls with her.

"It looks like they all need alcohol," Frank said jovially, watching James trip over himself to take his rightful place as stair rail.

Sirius pushed the couch towards the fire, trapping Remus in a square of armchairs. Remus groaned and stood, dropping his book and pulling himself over the couch like it was Mount Everest.

"Sit," Sirius said, waving his hand dramatically. "A circle would be preferable."

Everyone sat, and Sirius pulled a bottle out from under the couch.

"Anyone could've found that just lying there, Sirius," Lily said, frowning.

"Relax, it's not strong," Sirius said, pouring the cork off with a pop and pouring the veritaserum in.

"So?" Lily muttered.

"What's that?" Frank asked, holding out his hand to inspect the bottle. Sirius didn't hand it over.

"Poison," Sirius sniggered, taking a gulp.

"It's veritaserum," Remus said, grabbing the bottle off Sirius. "Truth or dare, remember?"

Frank nodded mutely. Remus took a small gulp, enough for the potion to take effect but not enough to really let his throat burn. Once everyone had drunk, James spoke up. "I'll start," he said, eyeing them all. "Pads, truth or dare."

"Truth."

James rolled his eyes. "Fine. Worst sexual experience?"

"Straight into it, Prongsie, I like it," Sirius said, winking.

James sighed. "Hurry up."

"Probably McCann," Sirius said. "Tried to lick my anus."

"Thought you liked people kissing your arse, Sirius," Remus said, laughing.

Sirius blew a kiss at him sarcastically. Remus fought to keep a hold on a slight blush. Pull yourself together man, he thought, Sirius has always been a flirty bastard.

Sirius continued. "Alice, truth or dare."

"Dare."

"Take Frank's pants off," Sirius said, smirking slightly.

"Are you serious?"

"I'm always Sirius."

"We started two minutes ago, do you two have no sense of warm up?" Alice grumbled, wiping her hands on her pyjama shorts.

"Trust me, Alice," Sirius said. "This is the warmup."

"Do I not get a say in whether my pants are taken off?" Frank asked. No-one answered.

Alice shrugged and moved forwards "Stand up, Longbottom."

Frank obliged, slightly miffed. Alice kneeled next to him, closed her eyes, and yanked down.

"THAT WAS MY DICK FUCKWIT," Frank yelled, moving backwards. Alice shrugged and pulled his pants down in earnest, earning another welp and a stung expression.

Sirius was laughing in full now and waved Alice away. "You win," he said. "That was spectacular."

Alice bowed from her kneeling position and retreated back to her sitting position. "Marlene. Truth or dare."

"Truth," Marlene said, cocking an eyebrow. "You ain't getting me to pull Pete's pants down."

Peter blushed and mumbled something about the toilet before stumbling up the stairs.

James smiled. "Poor guy. I swear you all have it in for him."

Alice shrugged. "Wasn't going to make you do that, Marls," Alice said with a nasty grin. "But I do want to check, while you're under Veritaserum, who you fancy most in this room."

"Sirius Black," Marlene mumbled face down.

Sirius didn't seem shocked and smiled widely at Marlene. "If I was a bird, I would fancy me too. Good taste, Marlene."

It occurred to Remus that because they were under truth serum, Sirius was telling the truth. That was slightly strange if he thought about it. Shaking it off, he focussed back on the group.

"Remus Lupin, truth or dare," Marlene said, regaining her composure.

"Dare," Remus said quickly. He didn't want to answer awkward questions in front of the group about his furry little problem.

"Dare you to kiss Sirius."

Fuck, Remus thought. I'm gonna get a bloody stiffy from kissing my mate. He told himself he would just have to contain the problem if it occurred. Nodding slightly, he moved over to Sirius.

"Hi," Remus said, wiggling his ears.

This earned a laugh from Sirius. "Hey, mate." Sirius moved in until their noses were touching, and just as Remus was about to move away and give up, gave him a slight peck on the mouth. Remus closed his eyes, savouring the moment, then, realising what he was doing, pulled back away.

"That wasn't enough," Marlene complained, hands on hips.

"You said kiss, darling, not snog each others brains out," Sirius said. "Besides, it's kind of creepy how you want to see us make out."

Marlene shrugged. "Fine, Remus's turn then."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus, before grinning and turning back to the circle.

Luckily, Remus had been able to control his penis up until that point, where he made a big deal about lying down on his stomach.

"Tired, Remus?" Frank asked, a glint in his eyes.

"Extremely," Remus said. "Lily, truth or dare."

"Truth."

"How long do you think you're going to be able to deal with Prongs here?" Remus asked, turning to James as he finished the question.

"Honestly," Lily said, fidgeting, "Depends if he starts being an arse again. However, at this rate, it's going quite well."

James smiled at Lily. "That's nice, Flower."

"I hate it when you call me that, James," Lily groaned. "If I wasn't under this stupid potion I'd say regretted saying that."

"So you don't?" James asked. Lily shook her head minutely, grimacing. "This potion works wonders."

"Frank," Lily said, interrupting James before he could get any further. "Truth or dare."

Frank chose dare, and the game continued for a few more minutes until Sirius pulled out another massive bottle of Firewhisky. They all then proceeded to get drunk at varying rates, the bottle going dry within less than ten minutes. Within half an hour, even Sirius was wasted. Questions were thrown sluggishly across the room, and dares became more and more strange.

"James," Marlene said. "Let Lily bite your nose."

Lily proceeded to bite James's nose, James giggling and crying simultaneously. "Alice," he hiccuped, "Rant to Frank about snail rights."

Alice began an emotional tirade that pushed everyone to tears with phrases such as "Just because they have porta-potties, doesn's mean they are less than you and I."

"Remus," Alice hiccuped. "Snog Sirius."

Remus felt himself be slightly pulled out from his drunk sleepiness as he heard his name. "What?"

"Snog Sirius," Alice repeated, burping loudly.

Sirius gave a chortle and jumped on top of Moony. "Hello Moonshine," he said, giggling maniacally.

"Hello Sirius," Remus breathed. Maybe he was drunker than he thought he was. But then thoughts didn't matter as Sirius was kissing him. Nothing mattered as Sirius pulled Remus into him and nothing mattered as he could feel Sirius's breath on him and nothing mattered as he felt himself be pulled up. Nothing else mattered as he tripped over a stair and nothing else mattered as he could feel Sirius lift him up and carry him, still kissing, and drop him roughly on the floor. Nothing mattered when he heard a door open and next thing he knew he was on a bed, and Sirius was taking his shirt off and his own shirt had somehow come off and GOOD GOD Sirius was kissing down his torso and he felt a moan escape him as Sirius whispered against his bellybutton "three years," and kept going down to his navel and his trousers were suddenly unzipped and a mouth was on his penis and it travelled down and he felt a ball of arousal surface in his navel and as Sirius used his tongue to do Wonderful Things the ball grew and grew and grew and as he once more elicited a moan and then oh god it started to unravel faster and faster and faster and FUCK

all he could he was stars

and then Sirius.

Sirius swallowed the liquid, a slight look of distaste on his face as he quickly finished himself off, moaning uncontrollably.

"You're beautiful," Remus breathed. Sirius moved to lie next to him on his bed. "What did you mean when you said three years?"

"How long I've wanted you."

"I just thought, because you're drunk..."

"I don't need to be drunk to know how I feel, Moony," Sirius said, smiling into his shoulder.

"I think you put that quite well," Remus said, quietly.

"Goodnight, Moony."

"Goodnight, Pads."