What You Do To Me

by Tsuki Doriimaa

Damn, hadn't thought of one. Well lets see, Heero's ran out of the house.. Again. by Duo's loud mouth, and down trodden for the one person that could stop his leaving. What will it take to get the two stubborn man to admit their feelings?

~ What You Do To Me ~

By: Anime Redneck

4-16-03

oOo@oOo

'

Morons... the whole lot of them! Fuming a figure hidden in shadows hurried from a state house, hands shoved deep within their pockets, coat wrapped tightly around the slim body beneath.

The night was dark as pitch; ominous clouds filled the sky knocking out what little like the moon would have given locked away behind their fluffy veil. Cool air snapped and brushed by the patrons daring enough to be out at the late hour. The neighborhood in which the lone figure choose to walk was less then 'acceptable' by most on a brilliant sunny day.

They didn't care what others thought. The face was blank as the figure regarded its surroundings long enough to make sure they were on the right path.

That possibly was the reason for walking down the dingy streets at the late hour as they were. They didn't care what the others thought. Didn't give a damn if they saw the other as a no caring bastard with a stick up his ass. No, didn't care one damn bit so why were they out at damn near midnight on a street with prostitutes and druggies? Heading to a place they'd never before dreamt of going to? Disregard the fact that they hadn't dreamt anything in years.

The only person they held any sort of want of an opinion from was quiet and made no more to rebuke the ones, which deemed it necessary, to let them know what they thought now and then. It was not as if being the way they were, was 'natural'. It was not whom they were, it was a mask (a forced mask) but mask nonetheless. The others it appeared to them (not of the first time) their fellow mates had problems seeing past it.

Only one person actually seemed to notice this mask, yet made no move to set his comrades straight in the matter when words arose to place blame or accuse, never spoke a word against them.

As much as they hated to admit it... prove there was a weak spot... That hurt... hurt a lot...

Catching the faint strings muttered music and loud voices the lone walker looked up, eyes catching the red blazing neon sign stating the clubs name proudly for all to see: Shibo Tengoku.*

No, not a place they frequented.

Shrugging broad shoulders stepping from the shadows they swiftly made way across the street to the other side to wait in line. There was a burley bulk of a doorman standing six foot six, silvery-red hair, brown eyes and muscled arms bulging from his shirt that was sure to impress any one of the others waiting to get in that lackluster rain fated night.

Any one but them; but him... Sure the guy was big, looked intimating enough for the others... but there were drawbacks. His bulk of a size made have force and muscle behind it, but it made him slow, the weight of those muscles cutting his reaction time down. Any quick slim Jim of a kid could get away from him.

Approaching the He-man wannabe the dark clad figure let the leering eyes sweep over him to condemn him or admit him. He must of seen something he liked, something raw within the smaller man before him for he waved the other by grinning.

Never giving thought to why, never caring, the cloaked figure entered the near pitch black building, passing through the entry way of louder music, lit along the flooring with orange lights to guide it's patrons. As they reached the end pushing through the navy blue door at the end they were suddenly assaulted with a deep pulsating music of the likes that had virtual sound waves that were sent out knocking against everything out there; you literally *felt* the music around you.

Why did he come here again? The reasoning had slipped his mind a time ago, between walking and stepping into the vast sparsely lit building. He took a moment to scope the area out, get a feel for it before moving around.

There was an open stage at the back, some band in all black playing their hearts out. A minute of study had them figuring that weren't that bad, about the same racket Maxwell listened to most. Tables and chairs were scattered around the vast floor centering around a massive body slamming wave of people on what had been the dance floor, had you been able to see the floor through the weaving, swaying and jumping bodies.

A bar was set up off the west end; few empty seats invited them over. Seeing few more of the tall over muscled men stationed around the club the cloaked teen gave a soft grunt and started for the bar. Maybe that was best, a drink sounded doable at the moment. Pushing, dodging and shimming over he took up the first seat seen pulling off his cloak like coat as he reached it.

"Whatta ya like mista?" the bartender, a short slightly plump man with a reddish-brown hair and mustache asked whipping down the space before him, eyes studying.

The short man had eyes that didn't miss much. Not in his line of business, where he worked, you had to keep an eye out. If not, the smallest thing you missed, could end your life. The man - no, teenager - sitting in the seat in front of him had sharp ice sapphire eyes that made him feel they saw into his soul, knew everything about him... the eyes held a hardness to them that he'd ever only seen in older men of war or growing up on the streets. This boy before him, it was hard to tell just which he was of.

He had a head of wild dark russet hair cut short in the back, long unruly bangs in the front left to hang as shields over his piercing orbs. His face was angular yet softly so, that he gave a person glancing quickly at him the appearance of being feminine at first look. Second look too long was sure to have the young man's fist connecting solidly with the onlookers jaw for staring. A strong punch the bartender was sure, if the lean muscles poking out from under his short sleeved western cut shirt was anything to go off of, his black jeans fit like a second skin molding to his body; every twitch of nerve, of muscle seemed noticeable as he sat down. A lithe body underneath the clothing spoke of someone with speed and agility to be rivaled, cold calculating eyes whispered of one you tended to be wiry of, one to be left alone.

Wisely the bartender opted to follow his gut feeling and pressed not the youth for reasons of being there... yet... He wasn't so daft not to notice the swirling emotions clouding the young ones mind. He was here to unwind, like the other people crowding the establishment. Who was he to pester the near kid for being there? Though, talking was part of his job... maybe he could help the other loosen up? Figure out whatever was weighing down his soul enough to drag him in a place like this?

With a shrug the bartender replaced his rag throwing it to hang on his shoulder as his other lifted to place a small basket of chips hopefully before the teen. He looked to need some weight put on him. Tilting his head to the side a small smile appeared on the older mans lips as he shook his head... Listen to me! Worried about this lad's state... ohh I'm a sorry one at that... he sighed looking to the other expectantly.

The man's question drilled its way through his storming mind and he glanced up slowly answering, "Beer" almost as an afterthought he stated, "Please."

Cold. No emotion... that's what flashed through the minute startled man's mind as the boys voice hit him.

"Sure thang man... by the way, I'm Mack." he quickly got the beer, then sat back to watch the crowd, making sure to keep an eye on the new customer. It wasn't normal, he knew, to care about who came in here. They'd all come and they'd all go. That's the way it went. He met people, served them and maybe, if they saw fit, they'd come back again. Hell, he might come back to the dungeon like place too! But, then again he worked there... so no contest.

On the other hand... this wasn't a normal client. The boy was underage... that much was clearly seen. But his eyes... those eyes of ice blue spoke of holding knowledge, having seen things, someone his age shouldn't have seen... Ever. He was young, attractive... He had eyes. He wasn't about to lie to himself other wise... a body like that, face like that... Mack nodded silently... That was a deadly combination around these parts. Something that just screamed, "Look at me!" and didn't have a welcomed outcome.

Maybe that was the reason Mack found himself scanning the crowded room with one eye staying on his new 'friend' as he picked through the chips absentmindedly.

"Where ya from?" And why'm I askin'? He mentally added watching the other. What was he hoping to do? Keep the kid conversing enough that others wouldn't try it? heh Shitty excuse, nice thought for all the good it'd do if someone did step up to the plate.

"Around."

heh Quite the talker too! Well that just adds to the loveliness of him. Mack rolled his eyes. That boy'd be in trouble hell over high water if someone did step up and he didn't answer. Well...

"Is it for rain out there?"

Eyeing the man from under his bangs the teen nodded slowly, "Hai... thunder storm's rolling in."

Mack nodded, "I see... heh Guess you made it in on time then, eh?" he shuffled up to bar plucking a chip for himself, "So what's yer name?" he really, *really* hoped he wasn't stepping out of line with that question... The boy just didn't seem the... the *type* that would easily give that information away... The way he was currently training a studying glare on him, also tipped him to be careful.

Dark head inclined, eyes narrowed slightly as he replied, "Heero" trying to comprehend why the man was being... nosey. Is he nosey? A voice questioned within his mind, Or is he simply doing his job of tending the bar and striking up conversations with his customers? It's not against the law, and you damn well could use someone to talk to! Heero growled. Don't give me that shit! You got a voice so damn well use it!

It was official. He had been living around Maxwell for far too long... his little voice (something the American loved to tease him about being his 'humanity') was starting to sound like the braided idiot.

"Nice'ta meetcha Heero! I'm Mack, know I already told ya that though" he smiled, "So how ya like Shibo Tengoku? Nice place eh?"

'Mack' talked as much as the American did too. Was it just him, or were there more then one Maxwell personality floating around to haunt him? Damnit he was even becoming sarcastic! Lowering his head, a smirk formed full lips at that thought and the one accompanying it whispering that, he should return to the house in this state, it might get more a reaction out of everyone. Shock them enough to leave him alone.

He snorted.

As he lifted his head, one hand tipping his bottle for another, Heero answered Mack's question, and decided it couldn't do hurt, for once, to be sociable towards another being. This one didn't know him. Wouldn't judge him. Didn't expect certain reactions to come from him. This man was safe to speak around.

He was tired, worn out, of others always thinking he would be against this, or disagree with that. So much so, that he gave up trying to argue with them. Screw it! He one day swore punching his pillow in light of someone's face, It they wanted to be all knowing, shrugging, he decided to let them. What was it to him after all? They were once his comrades, now friends. He didn't have emotions, according to a few. He didn't care what they did, according to another.

In more recently spoken words he was "A bastard that doesn't give a flyin' fuck if we took a free fall off the damn Empire State building!"

Why disagree with such a logical statement when they didn't expect anything from him? So he, in turn, played as they saw him... Only at night when he was alone, did he let the feelings he "didn't have" surface to perplex him to no end.

.

~ * ~

'

He was a great kid! Mack thought near two hours and four beers down the hatch later as he watched Heero try explaining what his friends thought about him, why he had decided to come there and the kicker was... This was something he still couldn't wrap his mind around even as it was told three times just to confirm it...

Heero supposedly wasn't a talker.

Well ya could've fooled him! Smiling the older man snagged a few more chips before checking to make sure the other guys were tending the bar smartly and turned back to his entertaining and extremely knowledgeable friend. The kid had a mind as versed as a college professor. Yep, he'd seen shit he wasn't supposed to. Bloody well been in the damned wars! So yeah, he knew tons of shit. Didn't surprise him, mind you... those eyes told all.

Mack enjoyed the boys company despite his crapy story for coming down here. No, no it wasn't that he didn't *believe* the story, not at all. Those eyes were of someone that didn't lie. This young man didn't take any shit and he definitely didn't give any. It was the fact he couldn't understand the way his friends reacted to him!

All right... fine, fine! He mentally sighed, he could see it... a very small part... of why they would act that way. The boy didn't give off a hint of emotion. Not in his voice. Not in his eyes. Not even in his bloody body language! So yeah, he could see where the other boys would have a problem figuring him out. But if you watched, listened closely enough, got him to talking a bit... it was there...

It was on a note such as that he noticed the night was about to get a whole lot darker... And he wasn't meaning the rain patting the rooftops either.

Three street swung slackies were moving up behind the boy unnoticed. They weren't coming for a friendly chat; that was obvious. He tried to warn the Japanese youth of the two on his right, one coming on his left but Heero simply raised a non-caring brow, glanced over his shoulder and shrugged.

Mimicking Heero's movement Mack shrugged, nodded to the kid and scooted back a bit to watch what would happen. He held no doubts that the small young man before him could do some damage. He was in the frickin' wars! He'd damn well better be able to do something or... sorry to say... his ass was going to be more then grass... Silently he worried if the beers had screwed with the others senses enough to prohibit him from reacting properly?

"Look what we got 'ere boys!" the man was tall, taller then Mack, black hair, misty green eyes, lanky build, a smug smile curled his lips.

"Wha's that cuz?" another asked, brown spiked hair, beady red eyes; he had a strong frame on him Mack noticed frowning.

"Tanights entertainment I see! And a looker is he!" the third was a heavyset man of about the same height; purple-black hair and shady black eyes gleamed hungrily at the small boy before him.

Mack sure hopped Heero knew what the hell he was doing.

"What says ya pretty?" the first placed a hard hand on tan shirt covered shoulder, eyes spiked with brew, "Hows 'bout you comin' wit' us?"

"Yeah baby, we'll have some fun" was his friend's low voiced purr as his eyes raked over the lean body before him again.

Frowning deeply behind the bar Mack was ready to reach for the baseball bat to help the Japanese whether he wanted it or not as the third guy moved around towards his back running a grungy hand through the soft hair.

"What'sa matter honey? Ain't gonna speak up? Too good for us?"

One on the left sneered, "Too good? Hmmm I'd say so" hand slipping down his shoulder to rub at the smaller boys side, "Mmhmm perfect..."

.

oOo@oOo

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable

So condescending unnecessarily critical

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

"Come on baby, lets get out of here." Another asked yanking on the muscled arm, "Why don'tcha answer? Cat got yer tongue?"

"Naw ain't got a tongue... little shit thinks he's better then us!"

Snorting softly Heero sat there, patiently, "Hn" eyes fixed on Mack.

"Damn snot noised son-of-a-bitch!" harder yank, "Think yer betta then us do ya?"

"I'll show ya baby..." black haired swayed as the head leaned down towards the tempting shoulder beneath his hand, almost softly but not so he placed a kiss though the shirt, his hand roaming down to the elbow and tugging.

His friend's didn't share the ease he did, both sneering at the little man ignoring them.

"Bastard! Talk back when someone's speakin' to ya boy!" bring his hand back he let it fly hitting Heero in his shoulder without him even flinching.

Watching the slime's hands crawling over his new friend Mack winced at the punch, eyes widening slightly when Heero didn't move. Not even as a motion of being hit. Usually, one moved back, to the side, *something* when they were hit as he just was... but this boy... didn't.

His impressed level of the young man went up a notch more.

Sighing he kept his eyes locked with Heero's, observing them as they flickered quickly to the two idiots he could see and back to him. They changed... gleaming with something unknown to the kind bartender... something that spoke of things to come that weren't going to be pretty for the ones against him.

Mack heard the beady eyed man growl low in his throat, yank on the silky brown hair of his friend... and arched a brow damn near grinning at how fast his Japanese man turned around in his seat to *glare* at them all!

My Gods, he thought shaking his head, eyes trained on the small one seated at his bar. If ever there were a killer look, Heero had it. He was of a nice age, Mack'd seen a lot of scary shit go down in his bar, but never... in all his thirty years had he seen a look like that before. One so cold, promising...

Mack stood straight walking forward to snag a few more chips; this was gettin' good! Taking utter joy in listening to the three sharp hisses of breath from the stupid fools at Heero's glare. Mack smiled.

Heero turned back around, eyes blazing for the others, yet a soft light was noted there for the bartender as he nodded towards him.

.

oOo@oOo

I have the tendency of getting very physical

So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

That wasn't a normal kid! Taking a step back, the black-headed guy narrowed his eyes. Something wasn't right about that guy... his eyes were too damned cold for someone his age... There wasn't an emotion in them... Not fear, not challenge, not acceptance... Nothing. He was like reading a blank book.

"Take him Sly" cocking his head towards the oriental boy. He might not've shown emotion, but that little shits gotta be feelin' sumthin'! If not, he cocked his head side to side, listening to bones crack; We'll make 'im feel!

Amusing.

Heero's lips twitched just a bit, enough no one would notice unless they were watching him steadily; like Mack was, he mused nodding towards the man.

What a bunch of idiots. There really wasn't any point in ignoring them; they'd come at him anyways. He could feel the air around thickening with want as the three behind him seethed in anger. Let them! His mind yelled not caring. Not like they were a challenge for him.

Though... part of his mind hoped they'd back away, smart enough to turn around and go home. He didn't wish to have someone else's blood on his hands; he doubted he'd actually kill them. No, just mangle them enough where, maybe, they'd not try getting another person for "entertainment" purposes.

The other half of his mind clawed and roared for the fight. Give it to him! A primal need rising to be met. His pulse quickened, eyes blazed to life. Ohh yes... fight me... It was like a seductive calling. Fighting. Something he craved. Needed. It was always there, in the back of his mind waiting... Waiting to be set free.

He'd fight the others. If not for trying to "choose" him as their "entertainment" then just to fuck 'em up a little bit. He needed to let out some frustration... They were adding to it... getting ready to fight him themselves, so why not?

Definitely much better then fighting with the boys back home. Sure. No one would mind him hurting these guys a little. Mack seemed like he was expecting it, Heero noticed, his lips curling upwards into a smirk, so why not give him a show?

Still... a part of him willed the bakas home.

They really didn't want to tango with him, as Maxwell would put it.

.

oOo@oOo

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here

This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear

You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone

Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

~ * ~

'

Bloody hell a riot was coming down on Shibo Tengoku tonight!

Yeah, a riot. So what there's only four people. It's enough for me. No, no, you don't understand. You can't see the look in this guys eyes! Trust me, Heero isn't one to mess with. And I'm not just sayin' that 'cause he was in the wars or 'cause his eyes are a dead cold unless you've gotten to know him a little bit. Granted a night ain't a whole hellova lot of time to know someone, but I have a feeling, he's not usually this open with people.

I say he's not one to mess with because he's not.

Don't get it do you? There's some people that can see auras, some people that can feel things about others. And some still with that sixth sense that just *know*. I tend to fall into that Sixth Sense category.

Since I was a wee lad, I've always had a knack for pinning people's personalities on them. Haven't been wrong much either. Ya know there's just something about the air that follows one person around that tips you off to things. And Heero's air is cold. Not ice burn cold, it's got warmth to it... but it's a standoffish-doesn't-take-any-shit cold.

His eyes help to. He's just not someone you'd like to piss off in a dark alleyway somewhere. I could bet you this very bar though, that if you did, and you managed to piss him off enough, he'd try to end it without spilling blood intentionally.

The kids been through the wars. He's seen shit no one in they're right mind would want to see... Ever. And he's still here, still sane and living. He's killed Goddess knows how many nameless soldiers defending what he loved... his home, his friends, people he didn't know... He'd do anything now that the wars are over to keep from spilling blood.

But then... you've got situations like this with assholes that don't know that Stop, means *stop*. Or, in the Japanese's case, *Glaring* means Stop. I snicker and turn eyes back to Heero.

He was a good kid, I'd like to have him as a son, I'd be proud to honestly. But that's being a bit too friendly, right? I shrug. Oh well. I can't help it. I've got a soft heart and listening to Heero talk tonight's just gotten to me I guess. I mean... the kid don't know his parents, doesn't know his past. Hell doesn't even *have* a past! He's an orphan. So I'm pretty sure I could adopt him, not that I'm sure he'd be cool with that. But... heh an old guy can dream can't he? I'd of loved to have a kid turn out like him. Maybe with more emotions showing, but I know that'll only take time for him to cope with.

I'm waiting to see what'll happen with these doofuses... Honestly... I can't believe half the idiots that come in here a night trying to start shit with my other customers. Hell, don't mind it half the time, they pay for it anyways, and the ones usually picked on are a better match for them. No! No, no, I'm not saying that Heero's not a good match for them, could whip the floor easy I'm guessing, but I'm talkin' size wise... Heero compared to these doofs is near two foot shorter and skinny as hell.

Oh shit... Heero look out!

Jesus he's a lucky bastard! Maybe anyone could have done that, I couldn't. How the hell'd he duck out of the punch when it was coming from behind him where he couldn't see it? I could see it sure; I'm in front of him watching the idiots! Or... maybe that was it? He could see my reaction and acted on it? Was watching me pretty closely there... heh Smart kid.

Then again, he was in the wars... Goddess... only sixteen, near seventeen and already been through two wars...

Crap, duck!

I watch as Red Eyes moves up the side swinging his fist with what looks like all the power put behind it he can muster. Heero drops to one foot raising his hand punching him in the stomach, turns and sweeps Brown Hair's feet from beneath him before quickly jumping up taking a step back to avoid Blackie's punch. He stops, glances at the other two and dashes forward nailing Blackie in the nose. There's a sickening crunch; I wince. That had to hurt.

Red Eye's isn't too happy; he's crawling back up slowly, eyeing Heero more seriously. Dum'ass. I snort shaking my head leaning forward on the bar, you should've been watching him seriously from the get go!

Like they can hear my thoughts... ah well, nice to yell at them somehow though. Whoa shit! That was a close one! Damnit Heero be careful! Brown Hair's gonna nail you if you keep gettin' that close! Yea, you've gotta fight, but damnit... I sigh... I'm being too judgmental... Need to calm down... He's fine, nothings going to happen to him...

He dips down spins and tries for the legs again but Brown Hair jumps up over the sweep kicking out barely nicking Heero's side as he steps away and forward for Red Eye's whose throwing punches like his life depends on them. And they do. But the older guys also avoiding half the ones Heero's sending him. He's not half bad. Can't say much for Brown Hair, that boy ain't too hot. He's got a good set of kicking legs on him though. Blackie's still rolling on the ground clutching his nose. Ya know, I almost feel bad for him... Almost.

I turn back to the other two watching as Brown Hair jumps up in a half round house kick while Red Eyes drops down to sweep Heero's legs from beneath him, they've got him locked. He can't jump, he'd get hit from Brown Hair; if he ducked he risked having his legs taken out... and he can't move backwards, the bars there. So I watch, and flinch as Brown Hair's kick connects with Heero's ribs... hard.

I'd love nothing more then grabbing my baseball bat and joining the fight but I wouldn't be of any use. I can't really fight. I can throw a few good punches and swing hard, but that's about it. heh Also feel if I were to step in that my Japanese friend there would take it as an insult of some kind. I don't want to do that. Even if I don't really know him... I like him, and wouldn't add to the problems he's got going on. Like flying through the air landing a few feet away by that kick. Solid sucker, that Brown Hair...

Heero stumbles up, quickly regaining his balance and waits for them to move. Red Eye doesn't seem to have patience 'cause he's running forward with a cry before the others around know what's going on.

I watch mildly amused as the other patrons run for cover away from the fighting.

Red Eye moves in throwing punches left and right, two connect with Heero's shoulder, one in his arm, the others are blocked, Heero makes his own punches clear though the other's blocking tries, but it's not enough. Heero's faster and smaller, able to move between Red Eye's arms before he can pull one arm back enough to slam into the Japanese.

It was looking alright, Heero landed a kick to Brown Hair's gut, punching him in the face afterwards sending him to the ground and turned to face Red Eye but he let his guard down, or his sense didn't work for the beer he drank, I don't know, but something went wrong. As he turned bringing his eyes back to Red Eye, his fist connected with the side of Heero's neck, followed by a kick to his ribs. I winced again and shook my head. That had to hurt, but Heero didn't make a sound... then again I can't tell if he did anyways past the thumping music.

Red Eye grinned lunging for the smaller boy getting knocked back unexpectedly as the smaller boy hopped from the ground where his hands were planted kicking both feet backwards like a spiked angry horse sending Red Eye's flying twenty feet back. He didn't stay down long; neither did.

Heero jumped up favoring his midsection, Red Eye mimicked his motion. After a minute I noticed his right arm reach back pulling out a foot long dagger. This ass was playing hardball now. And as much... as much as I wanted to say Heero had a weapon of any kind on him... I honestly don't think he'd pull it even if he had one. He would not, could not, spill someone else's blood that way. Ever. It would eat away at his conscious.

The next part happened in a blur for me, I frankly couldn't tell one person away from the other, let alone the actions they took. Alls I could tell was Heero standing up starting for Red Eyes, the other two were down on the ground for the count. Red Eyes took his dagger in his good arm and ran forward, they brawled, punched kicked and snarled at each other. Red went flying, but I couldn't tell from who it came from, each had trails of it flowing down arms and face.

After that, it was over.

I blinked, but it was still over.

Red Eye was on the floor out stone cold along with Blackie and Brown Hair... Heero... looking around I didn't notice him at first but soon found him leaning against the bar breathing heavily. I didn't know what happened, probably rather not know what happened to him if it got him in that shape. Whatever it was, I know it was too fast for me to see. I wouldn't have believed it if someone came in here and said they saw a fight but it happened to fast you couldn't see what the fighters did.

I wouldn't believe it. Couldn't. Yet it happened in my own damned bar. There's no way one can deny that crystal fact.

No way I could deny the fact Heero was now slouched in a chair bleeding over my clean bar.

"Heero!" rushing over to him a few chairs from his original spot I grabbed a towel dampening it before hopping over the bar to his side lifting his face carefully... Very slowly... I didn't want him to still be in fighting mood and think I was his next opponent. It's happened before to others. I'd seen it done enough times and I wasn't about to let it happen to me.

"Heero? Come on guy, snap out of it!" I would have shook him to get his hearing, but I wasn't sure what sort of shape he was actually in. Yeah, I'd see a few punch and kicks land on the man, but other then that, with Red Eye pulling that blade, I had no clue. "Heero? Snap outta it man!" Gently I turned his face upwards internally wincing. Damned they done a number on him! Few places were starting a neat blue-purple coloration, mainly the punch ol' Red Eye gave him on the side of his neck, it's a nasty color with some black in there. That'll be hurting for a few days.

Slowly I start to dab the sweat and blood from his facing focusing on where it came from. I couldn't see much; his thick bangs were covering wherever it was coming from. See, I said I cared too much... but I can't help it, the kids alright, ya know? He reminds me of someone I used to know, so I can't help but care for him a bit. Besides... I'm just an old softy... Anyone'll tell ya that.

"Hn."

heh Glad to know he's alright. "Can ya stand lad? Better yet, stay in the chair..." Geez, I'm a sad one... You've just been through a battle, please, can you stand up? What an idiot! "You alright son?"

"Hn" I'll take that as a yes... "No" or not.

Frowning I lean him back gently looking down, "What's the matter? Where ya hurt?" I'd like to punch him myself now as he grunts at me lightly batting my hand away. He's appreciative of the help, I know that much from the bare patting at my hand, but damned, I see where his friends think he has a stubborn streak.

Well... that's alright, everyone has one and one day, he'll learn you can't do everything by yourself. It'll take someone showing him this fact, but he'll learn it; know and come to accept it with time. It always takes time. And if he's truly been orphaned since he can remember, then a life time of being alone and doing things on his own isn't going to be an easy thing to break him of.

Sighing, I hand him the cool cloth to place on his head while hopping back over the bar grabbing some paper. He might not let me take care of his wounds while he's in a dizzy sort, but I'll damned well send his ass home in a cab! There's no way in hell I'm letting that boy walk out of Shibo's Tengoku in the condition he's in. He wouldn't make it a block before some doofus tried jumping him. I have no qualms he'd fight back, but he wouldn't last long.

"Here" pushing the paper forward I slip the pen in his right hand, guessing that's what he was, "give me your address sonny, I'm callin' a cab for you." He starts to push the pen away so I catch his hand in a tight hold, hoping to get the message across that he's not walking home. "Address, now." I chuckle as his lips quirk up a little before dropping down while he concentrates to write. I guess no one besides his leader or whatever ever gave him an order before. I grin at that, first time for everything. And I really hate that saying...

Taking the address I call up the same service I always use for drunks and what not and help Heero to the front door, his weight leaning on me. Shocking enough, he doesn't weight much. I'm not a very strong guy, I'll be the first to admit it, but I bet you I could pick him up and carry him. heh It wouldn't do his pride any good, but I bet I could do it. Probably get punched for it on top of his pride being hurt. I laugh softly waiting with him for the cabbie.

"Hey John" I greet the silvery-brown haired man, he's an old friend of mine, always nice having his help.

"Mack" he nods back, "He drunk?" he's also very perceptive.

"Naw" shaking my head I smile sourly at him, thinking of the three knocked cold back inside, "Some Asses tried to convince him of being their "entertainment"."

He snorts, "Didn't like that too much did he?"

"Nope."

"So who won? He ain't lookin' too hot."

Shaking my head I nod settling the boy in the back so he's lying down, "No he's not. Stubborn little shit." John laughs arching a brow at me. He knows I like the kid or I wouldn't have called him that in the tone I did, "He knocked the three of them old cold, they're back in the club on the floor still... This one" I point to the backseat, "won't tell me where else he's hurt, the last guy had a foot long blade on him, so I don't know how bad he is. Ya better get 'im on home so his friends can look after him." I sigh, "I don't know if he'll let them look at his wounds or not with the way they treat him, but from what I gather, there's one there that he trusts..."

John nods patting my arm before climbing back into the cab and driving off to wherever Heero lives. I sure hope that boys alright. heh Hope he comes back and brings a friend this time. Be nice to meet someone he likes besides seeing him beat the hell out of those around him.

Laughing again I enter back to the bar to handle the passed out idiots... What a night... What a night...

.

oOo@oOo

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

~ * @ * ~

'

Ancestors above, now I've done it... Again with our lavish etiquette and pearly manors, we've managed to close off and kick out our strongest member. However, I do not believe some think this true.

How is it that every time there is a debate on what should be done, which activity to be played... Yuy is always the deciding factor in these times? And how, Ancestors enlighten me please, is it that Maxwell always manages to think of some *brilliant* come back for Yuy's "Hn's"?

Is it just I, that sees the problem this makes? This does nothing. Nothing! But tare us apart little by little. Do they not see that Yuy is pulling away from us? Closing in on himself when he is so little opened already?

This has to end.

Turning from the closed front door where Heero disappeared minutes before, I move my eyes to glare at the braid snaking down the lean back few feet in front of me. Willing him to notice me staring.

This will end. One way or another. I cannot... will not... let this continue. It is as much my fault, maybe more so, then it is Maxwell's or the others... Maxwell's for starting the jabs, Quatre or Trowa's for not helping to stop them... Mine for not standing up, putting my foot down earlier when it all started.

When I knew... I knew that in a way, some strange way... Heero looked... to me, for it to stop...

My heart sinks a bit at that thought. The thought that I've let him down in someway that I previously was not sure on. How was I to know he thought much of me? That maybe, maybe he saw more in me then plain respect... more then being just a comrade... That he gave so much trust and... and hope? Into me?

I shook my head... It doesn't matter... not now... But either way, no matter whose fault could be blamed for it... I will not let it continue.

"What, Wuffers?"

Frowning I ignore his blatant attempt to barb me into a word match with him. He knows above all else, I look down upon someone butchering my given name... If, perhaps, it was a unique and (dare I admit it) a cute but acceptable name, I might permit it and not mind so much... To say the least, he has not come upon such a name yet.

"Why do you persist on doing this?" I ask, my brows furrowing in confusion. What did Maxwell draw from teasing and prodding, stabbing at Heero's walls until he crumbled (though we'd not be the wiser for it) enough that he'd have to leave the household or give thought to doing something he would greatly regret later on?

"Do what Wuffers?" he turns eyeing me almost... almost as if he knows something that I do not. But that can't be correct... What could he know what would cause him to look at me so?

I sigh lowing my head an inch or two, never taking eyes off him, "You know well what I mean Maxwell..." for his sake I shall give in, "Why do you continue to provoke Yuy until he sees fit to leave in light of staying and doing something unforgiving?"

"Maybe 'cause it gets a reaction out of him."

"Maxwell, that is not an acceptable answer. There are other ways to go about getting a reaction out of Yuy." I have seen Heero give reactions to things many a time. Just what sort of reaction is the braided idiot trying for anyways?

He sighs in frustration, eyes narrowing. "Yea, there might be, but they don't work Wu! I've tried 'em!" he threw his arm out towards the closed door, "That boys a walkin' chunk of ice! He doesn't give a damn about anything or anyone around him! He doesn't tell us nothin', doesn't show us what he's feelin'! What the hell man!"

"That is untrue." I murmur looking up staring hard into his violet depths. "I recall many a time during the fighting where Yuy has shown concern for us, where he has shown anger for those hurting us." He starts to open his mouth so I raise a hand to forestall him, "Not anger or worry for the ones we're fighting for Maxwell... Concern for Us... You, Barton, Winner... Me... He cares... So why, do you insist on prodding him?"

"I... I don't..." It seems pointing out some instances during the war where Heero has expressed... openly... his emotions for us to see, has shocked some sense into that overly heavy head of his.

"You should apologize to him Maxwell."

He nods, "Maybe I will... But catch this ball and mule over it Wu..." he pauses as I tilt my head curiously, waiting, "Ask yourself this... Did he leave because I was the one naggin' on 'im, or did he leave for another reason as well?" snorting he shrugs and heads for the doorway for the stairs, "'Cause I don't know about you man... but I know damn well I ain't the only reason he keeps leavin'..." as he retreats, I stay sitting on the couch watching as he starts climbing the stairs throwing a "G'night Wu" over his shoulder.

I blinked, stared and blinked again finally shaking my head.

Was any of what he said true? Yet even I know that Maxwell does not lie. And still... I doubt part of what he said... Could there be another reason Heero leaves after his bouts with Maxwell? Could possibly it have something to do with Winner or Barton? Or maybe... even perhaps me?

That thought stopped me cold.

Could I truly be part of the problem? And even though I'm asking myself it now, I know it's the truth. How can I *not* be part of the problem when I myself, have claimed that Heero looked... to me, for stopping them as well? Trusted me in some strong way... a way I do not fully comprehend to... to help him? Comfort him?

By the Gods I rarely understand my own feelings toward the man! Let alone his own damnable emotions!

So what is so hard to accept about this situation? Why can I not just point out what's wrong, dive in and try fixing it? Something this accurate to note, can't be that hard to fix, should it? Like finding a drip in the pipe and repairing the piece...it should be easy. Yet then, why, am I holding back from doing so?

A shiver runs down my back and I caution to wonder if my past isn't haunting me. I've lay to rest the memories, fought and won. I should be free of their grasp and yet, I still find myself restraining from committing to anything - anyone - else. Why? Why is it so hard!?

.

oOo@oOo

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

Taking a shuddering breath I stand from the plush chair on shaky legs. Duo was right, of course. He was not the sole reason for Heero's leaving... I was too.

Walking towards the large bay window near the front door I revel in the coldness seeping through it's thick glass... stinging my wondering mind into focus as I curse my inability to speak up before the Japanese man's leave. If my mouth muscles had worked, my brain processed quicker the plea in his eyes... the dying flicker of hope...

By the Ancestors... I've sealed his fate this night.

It's my fault... all my fault...

The one I ca- there's no use in hiding it now... what good would come of it? When the one I... I love... has ran into the night... Again. Because of my refusal to open a closed off heart and see what lays inside?

I was too blind. Too lost in past regrets, past fears... that I could not fathom what lay before me... Heero had openly, for me see, laid his emotions in his eyes, in the smallest of gestures towards me... However in my mindset I did not take notice to these... kind offerings from him. I had brushed them off like some meaningless notion and moved on.

What a sorry man am I.

The small smiles while no one was around. The way his eyes softened while he gazed at me while I read some particular book. His gentle touches when he thought I was asleep... brushing of my loose bangs back from my face... fingers lightly grazing mine while passing plate or cup...

Gods what an idiot I've been! How could I have missed this!?

He... Heero cares for me... Cares for me immensely... and I somehow in my past naive stupidity, missed this important development. The hints, the clues, were in front of me the whole time. Heero Yuy showing emotions, no matter how small the showings, is not something you pass up noticing... yet I had...

For how long now? How long had he been feeling this need? This ache in his breast for me? Is it recent that I might not feel so bad at missing it? Or is it from times past where the wars and after lights kept my notice away and I lost the sharp presence of eye I had in the wars... that I missed this...

Slamming my fist against the windows wall I lean my head forward on the cool glass taking comfort in the slight ping of tingles in my hand, the flowing cold coming through the smooth glass.

Where was he? The stubborn ass... Quirking lips into a smirk I chuckle a bit at that. Stubborn. We were both overly apt in that department of our personalities, our attitudes. It's no wonder it took me all of... however long he'd been feeling this way towards me to notice it. I was too lost in my past fears, too engrossed in trying to keep people away that I never took note to it.

But now... now I'll set that straight... I vow it as Dragon Clan heir... Just let him get home soon... Let his being walk up those stairs in one piece, just out for a nights walk and calm, collected when he walks through that door, I pray quietly.

Apparently my Ancestors in light of my stubborn neglect of Heero's feelings, decided to turn backs on me. For in the next three-hour wait I was jolted awake by rapid knocking on the front door. Jumping from my light slumber I stumble over the small coffee table in process of trying to stand when half slipping from the couch... Cursing I reach for the door, "Hel-" and stop dead, mouth going slack.

There was a man at the door. Late thirties, silvery-brown hair, sharp kind face blinking at the quickness the door opened or the like... Yet in his stupor of either, through my own shock, what caught my attention was not his homely attire, nor the cab parked at the bottom of the stairs...

It was Heero Yuy being fully supported by the man; to the point the other was nearly carrying him.

Heero Yuy did not consent to peoples helping him easily, rarely at that. So what in the name of my Ancestors had happened to him?

Eagerly looking for such an answer I usher the man into the house without preamble, helping with his load up the stairs and into my room. Gently we lay the unconscious form on the bed. I turn gifting him with a tiny appreciative and concerned smile, my eyes asking what I cannot began to voice.

"I'm John" he said offering a hand I remotely thought was odd to do after carrying in an unconscious man and helping another being him upstairs. Yet I took his hand firmly, shaking it with a nod for him to please continue. "I help out at Shibo Tengoku..." I vaguely remember the name; it was a club wasn't it? "...Mack called me up sayin' he needed a ride. This here..." he nodded his head towards the bed, "...was the pick up."

I nod. Interesting enough... "Did this, Mack, say what occurred for him to be in such a state?"

"Aye, I'm sorry to say, that three smug assess decided to try getting your friend there to be their nightly "entertainment"" I watch as his eyes light up at the information and my frown, "He didn't seem to like that none and Mack told me they's all laid out on the floor out cold." His grin was most welcome. I expected nothing less from a highly trained person like Heero.

"Arigatou" I whisper bowing while raising one hand towards the door to escort him out and see what damage was done. We walk down stairs in quietness and at the door the man, John I remember, stops to look at me seriously.

"Ya better get on up there and check on that feller sonny." He shook his head kindly, sadly, "I don't know how well he fought, or nothin' of the fight what happened... But Mack told me, one guy had a foot long blade on 'im and the fight ended so fast ol' Mack couldn't follow what happened."

Again he shook his head, I nodded in understanding. "Mack said he cleaned his face best he could, but that stubborn boy wouldn't tell him where he's hurt... We're worried son" pausing he searches my face intently, like some father handing over his child for another's protection. His actions, the soft light in his eyes proves him trustworthy and true, and I find myself giving him another small smile. "We don't know what that blade did... They wasn't armatures, ya see... take care of him alright?"

"Of course" bowing slightly I raise up clasping his hand once more in my own, "Your concern, both of yours, is greatly appreciated. Heero was lucky to have such caring people looking after him. Thank you." To find such caring people in the world today is far and few between. Added into this neighborhood? It's a rarity indeed.

"Much welcome sonny, much welcome. Well, I'll be seein' myself along now. You go on up and take care of that young man and get some rest. Ya look like ya need it." Was it just I, or were his eyes twinkling with a tender light as he shut the door without my assistance? Glancing towards the stairs before locking the door I can't help but wonder exactly what Heero was doing at Shibo Tengoku and what, he had told the two worried men there.

Giving a final shake of my head I head up the stairs for what I was sure would be a long night ahead.

Cresting the stairs top rounding the corner to my room, I quickly paused in the bathroom attaining the first aid kit before entering my door, closing it softly behind me. On soundless feet cross black-carpeted floor I inched towards the bed carefully, mindful of Heero's instincts incase he be awake enough to consider me a threat. Then again, his ride in the cab and lying in a bed would surely assist in his determining his well being. How many hooligans would be that kind?

He still lays there, motionless but for his short rise and fall of his chest. To most that would be fine, no indication of trouble. To me, it was a chilling assessment to notice.

Heero's breaths on a good day were long and even, almost like he were sleeping. On bad days they were slightly shorter then norm, but nothing to worry over if he still be wakeful.

Yet this... was not so in either case. I have seen the Japanese man's breathing this raged once before and did not wish to see it again. Taking a deep calming breath I closed the distance quickly setting the med kit aside as I started un-tucking his stylish shirt, which was covered in splats of blood. Off handedly I wondered where he came across such a shirt that was not his tank tops.

Then the design caught my eye through the dark red stains... Duo. It was Duo's shirt... Snorting softly I smile, starting to pop the pearl buttons to see what damage was truly done. It explained a lot at second glance. How, for instance, his biceps seemed to pull the shirt taunt then let it flow freer to mid elbow... how the shirt around his shoulders are tighter then it should be and why his chest is more defined then not of his own shirts. Yes, I do pay attention to Yuy more then is probably healthy, if I were someone else... For you see, Heero has more defined muscles then Maxwell has, so his shirts would fit tighter... his shoulders were broader then that of the slim American pilot.

Popping the last pearl snap from its place I gently run a hand over the two parts drawing them to the sides, to reveal the well-toned pale gold chest beneath... and suck in a breath that stills my heart.

.

oOo@oOo

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head

You should know better you never listened to a word I said

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

"Heero..." I breathe barely a whisper mindlessly fumbling for the first aid kit. You sure did it this time didn't you...Love?

A fight. Yes, I remember now that man, John, had said you were in a fight; a foot long blade was pulled... and used... Ancestors Heero! "I wished for you to come back safely," whispering as I wipe the blood away carefully to slowly reveal the full damage inflicted, though as I kept cleaning, wasn't sure that was fully what I wanted to see. "I only wanted you back as you left... but you couldn't do that, could you Yuy? Always have to prove something..."

Shaking my head glancing down an involuntary wince pulls at my features at the disturbingly long, deep gash across his firm abdomen. Angry red and welling blood stare back at me. The blade used had not been properly taken care of, the welder, however, knew how to use it.

Cursing both idiots I set about stripping the non-vocal man of his attire, right down to his spandex shorts shaking my head. The baka... him and his spandex... Throwing the clothes aside I clean, add antiseptic to his snarling cut quickly setting about a crud-stitching job before bandaging it in hopes to stop the flowing crimson.

Dumping the used wads of cloth and bandages into the near by trash I lean over him checking chest, face, arms, everywhere for anymore cuts that need be handled. "Lucky little shit" sighing, putting away the med kit I return holding two thick blankets.

Closing the door softly letting my eye roam over his still form, I can't help but think, why? Why me? Why now? He could have anyone... anyone he wanted, and yet, he looked to me. The braided baka hangs all over him, motor mouth going thousand miles a minute trying to get anything from the silent man, and it's all for naught.

It confused me a great deal, I'll admit. What have I ever done that would render this sort of devotion; emotion from him towards me? Had I in some way, I wondered laying the first of blankets over his lithe body watching as he shifted but remained away from consciousness, unknowingly made light of liking him? I cock my head to the side in thought, but I can't dig up one instance that I have.

.

oOo@oOo

Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat

Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

Maybe that's why... sighing once more I lay beside him covering up with the other blanket, making sure to cover the both of us with it. Maybe that wasn't needed. Heero never missed much of anything with those soul-piercing eyes of his. Perhaps, he already knew it without my saying it. It was plausible, after all...

When had I come to this revelation? I wonder now, laying here, watching his calm peaceful face... A face no other ever sees... It's amazing you know... He's so emotionally detached (or appears to be) about everything and yet... yet he l-loves me... And more so that, I do him as well.

Amazing that in all the years we've known him - I've known him - he has never so much as smiled to any of us... but me in rare times. He shows nothing to anyone, at anytime. Won't let anyone see behind his mask. Amazing that while he sleeps, if one should venture into his room for whatever reason he'll have his gun out and pointed at you in .002 seconds. He knows. He senses. Can feel anything, anyone, in his presence that's not supposed to be.

It's amazing in that sense because he's protecting what he does feel, by not letting others see beyond his mask; see his face while he sleeps. He's protecting what he feels from those around him because... Because what? I ask myself not sure of the answer... Was it because he didn't know how to process and deal with those emotions? He didn't want anyone to ridicule him for feeling at all when he's supposed to be the "Perfect Soldier"??

I can only wonder at it for I've no concrete holding suggestion that would provide answer to any of my questions. But I lie here, and marvel, of the honor he does not know (or perhaps he does) he has bestowed upon me to allow me in his presence at a time like this.

I know. I can hear ones question or point out that he's unconscious, he wouldn't know the difference between another man beside him to a cat at the window. But my friend, I assure you... with his senses; he can easily tell the difference. Can easily pull himself away from unconsciousness to attack those not welcome. So it is with a great warming in my heart that he trusts me this much... Ancestors bidding; loves me this much, to allow me so close when he knows anything could happen...

I would be blind if I said love has no pride. For surely if none other held it before, then I surly do now. I am honored; humbled that he would grant me such an unspoken wish. A wish I've long since given up on, my past fears keeping me from voicing it, approaching him. Yet, as seems always, he knew. Or maybe, someone talked sense into him to stop running as I had been... scooting a little closer to him I could care less. I'm happy, for the first time in ages... I'm proud... so proud of him... I can't begin to say why I just...

Reaching over I tuck the blankets closer around him before finally settling down on my back, head turned to watch him as sleep comes to take me. It was then; as it's black trundles of mist came to grasp me that I felt the beautiful man beside me shift, scooting right up aside me, turn so his head rested in the crook of my shoulder. Smiling I maneuver my right arm to a more comfortable position for us both and wrap it around his shoulders lightly before drifting of to the sweet beckoning of darkness.

.

~ * @ * ~

'

There's an odd sensation when you wake in the morning, night, just before your mind fully wakes and eyes open. It's a fuzzy feeling in the back of your mind, as if your brain is trying to switch from passive to active in split seconds but having trouble starting. An odd feeling that one never forgets... At times, if you dream it's accompanied by the fluttering images of said dream.

I don't dream though. I've never in the time I've lived. If I had dreamed, then I simply don't remember it. It wasn't in my training you understand. Wasn't something that was needed so my mind rejects any notion of image from one.

If ever I did dream though, in year since the war, I must be now.

I was called "The Perfect Soldier". Had put up with all the brainless jokes the name offered, whether they be truthful ones or not. I'm weathered them all, lived and supposedly I didn't have emotions - Still don't have emotions.

In all essence then I shouldn't be able to dream. Yet this that I feel... is like any dream I would wish to have. I know I sound dopey and a sap, but a sleep-drugged mind will do that to you. I cannot say that the throbbing in my head is helping any with my coherent thoughts. It feels as if someone is taking a sledgehammer to my skull and two more to my midsection. Barely letting out a sigh of air I lean further into the warmth at my side.

.

oOo@oOo

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

I don't wish to wake up. There's no point in doing so. It will only be another day of listening to Maxwell's bickering about going out late at night and not returning to the early morning hours. Like he cares. He's not my mother; I never had one, so his right to order me around was lost well before it was gained.

The others would not care one bit. They know well full and good I can handle myself on my own. No worry is needed... though, in unspoken truth... it is welcomed. I have found in my short time... that having someone to care and look after you is a comforting thought. The notion that you are cared enough for one to take the time out to perform such an act.

Yet I have no emotions so this thinking is a moot one. This is at least, where the others thoughts are headed. I know that they believe this crazy idea, and yet at the same time they also don't believe it, but I've not given them enough proof to completely scratch out that I just *might* have emotions under the cool, calm, collected façade I keep wearing about the place. If they cared more, maybe I would've dropped mask around them then I did... like I used to take pains to do for... Him.

Turning over in the sheets careful of the pain in my midsection, not even trying to recall what happened last night... I probably deserved it in some sort of way... I scoot closer to the large warmth next to me, burrowing my head in a particularly comfortable spot. I feel my lips quirk upwards minutely as onyx eyes dance across closed lids. It was always unfathomably brain stumping the way it was easier to feel around Him, show emotions around Him, and not the others.

Chang Wufei was a breath fresh air for one who has been nothing most his life... for one who had not known what it meant to have "friends" until he was ordered to work with the four other young men like himself... yet, so unlike himself. Of course, I'm speaking of myself in this instance. Have you even been "buddied up" with people you never knew? Knew you were nothing like them in any way, yet in some unimaginable manner you all had the ability to fit together like pieces to a jigsaw puzzle? I found it odd at first how one of us complimented the other in areas the other lacked. We had no loose ends in our outfit while fighting. Whatever one couldn't do, the other was able to. Our troop was second finest in the army next to Treize and Milliardo's command. Military tournaments were always a bore for other soldiers I would hear... seemed my team and Treize's took the field for all we were worth; most times then not tying up an event.

Each team was picked, placed together and fit like a puzzle would: perfectly. I quit wondering over it after a months time when I figured we were all alive and kicking as best we knew how. That was all anyone could ask for and I wasn't going to press our luck by mentioning it. I do admit that emotions and things like that normally threw me for a loop. I essentially had *no* emotions upon meeting the other four of my team. I didn't need them, or so I was told. The braided idiot, Maxwell, tried pointing out you couldn't live without them and until I started showing emotions, I was virtually dead.

As usual, I ignored him. He was not I, could not tell me how to live. Did not understand the things I went through to be this way... whether it was something I assented to have happen or not... In case your wondering it was not a wanted thing on my part, I was physically and mentally forced into it... there is something to be said for being an orphan... you have no parents or status to defend what happened to you.

In time, as things can only occur, I did start to feel "something" when I was around my team more often then not these confusing "feelings" were directed towards one in particular. I didn't know what I was feeling. Wasn't going to inquire about it to the kindest member of my team, the small Arabian named Quatre. It probably would have been beneficial if I had; I would have known sooner what I was feeling instead of near two years later, weeks after the wars ending... and would not be stuck where I am today... Of hiding these feelings from the others, trying to drop hints and clues to the beautiful, expressive onyx gems.

Chang Wufei is also very stubborn and clueless in the most inopportune of times.

You've got to love the man though... or, at least I do. It took me near the whole war to figure it out, but I have come to admit to myself, and my lonely room (no doubt Maxwell would find humor in that) that I do indeed love the Chinese doe eyed young man, with his high standing honor and justice... two things I'm inclined to also admit, helped me remain sane during the wars. Wufei doesn't know just how much he kept me wanting to live during those dreary times. Maybe one day I'll explain it all to him... but for now... What the hell happened last night?

My damnedable stomach is aching like a sonofabitch...wincing, planning to sit up I stop suddenly, my ears clicking alert to the sound of someone else in the room. I must have been more 'out of it' then I knew earlier... my thoughts ran AWOL on me, my senses not picking up on the life form of another... What next? Shall I find I've been whisked away into another dimension without war and Wufei as my lover? Gods help me I've been reading too many sci-fi books...

The warmth I've been unconsciously molding myself to shifted, my head slipping a little down from where it laid comfortably before to settle on a hard yet soft, smooth surface, that rose and fell with its... breaths... while a limb falls almost carefully across my chest... Question. Who the hell is in my room with me?

Slowly I turn my head upwards, opening one eye then the other. White walls... all of the rooms in this three story house, have white walls... someone should really paint the rooms differently; white just makes the rooms look sterile... and I've already had my over fair share of being in hospitals. Would rather not live in a house that resembled one. Sighing softly, feeling the hand tighten a little around my waist pulling me closer I look over to my right... and blink stupidity.

This... was definitely not my room. I cannot recall ever going out to buy a black wall rug with embroidered silvery-green Shinlong dragon curling around a mountain peak with whitish-blue clouds. It could only be one other room and... I'm not sure now I'm here (regardless of how I got here) that I want to remain here.

.

oOo@oOo

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

Getting up, however, proved futile. The arm around my waist tightened more, though seemed to remain loose, as if silently asking me to stay without needing more pressure to avoid angering the soreness my midsection is screaming out at me. I try again, only to get pulled back with a quiet "Stay." I freeze, limbs going slack. I know where I'm at... I don't know why... but 'where' is not a question... My mind says to leave, yet another part wishes to stay... my heart... I think... then why...? Why am I lying prone still like a rag doll? I can't move... heh... Do I really want to? I really... don't know...

"Heero?" he sounds like he's just waking up, almost as if he hasn't slept well the night before. Why? Why wouldn't he have slept well? Did he perhaps, anyone willing, stay up to keep watch over me last night? Whatever I did must not have been the proper thing to do if it caused me such a muddled memory and for the Chinese soldier to stay up, in his own room, watching over me.

I'd be lying if I said that didn't please me. As I've said before... I've never had anyone care about me. Anyone to show any sort of affection for me... But, but Wufei has... small things, little things maybe no other noticed, but I did. I tried in kind to pay him back... I think he took notice of these things; he has a sharp eye on him... but if so... I settle back down, laying my head on his chest once more sighing. I'm so tired... of everything...

I've been fighting my whole life. As a kid growing up on the streets it was a fight to stay alive. A fight to get your next meal and to find clothes to keep you warm on the cold freezing nights. I had someone take me in once, into his 'gang' of kids, she kept an eye on me, on all of us... but the cold got to her... in New York the temperatures can be freezing... when you're a street goer, you don't have much hope alone... but in numbers you can almost certainly survive if all are huddled together... I don't know what she was doing that night... the damned girl... wasn't thinking straight if you'd ask me then, even now I tell you the same thing. All I know... all I can collect together of my fading memories of that times, was finding her on the street, leaning up against another building, stiff as ice...

She was a kind girl, backbone like no other I've known... her name... her name was Relena... I remember that night better then most back then. I remember crying for the first time over the lost of a friend, a near parental figure, but more then that, she was like an older sister to me. She had to of been around fourteen at the time... she went through hell and back again just to make sure we had enough to eat and be as happy as we could back then. I remember taking her body, carefully as if the slightest move would break her... and drug her over to a pile of mostly paper material, then set it ablaze... a shity burial pier if you ask me, but on the streets what more can you do?

After that, watching her burn and throwing up the only prayer I knew, I trekked back to the other kids, told them to get dressed we were leaving. I avoided questions about Relena as best I could, told them she left for a better place and I was taking them to one. They seemed happy about that, small facing lighting up hopefully. I don't know why Relena or someone else never thought to do this before. I'd only been with them a few months when Relena died... I took them to a local church, an orphanage where I knew they would get cleaned up, fed daily and taken care of... Aries help them all, maybe even be adopted by someone who could love them like they needed.

I left them there that night, hugging each goodbye, leaving strict orders for them to behave while there before turning and walking out of their lives forever. Or so I thought. Did you know Trowa was part of that small 'gang'? They he left a few nights after I had to see if he could find and stay with me? I was shocked speechless the night during a battle loll in which he caught me away from the others and told me he knew me. Not from reputation, not from words of floaty soldiers, but personally from years ago when I left a group of twelve scrawny kids at St. Patrick's Crystal Hope Orphanage.

.

oOo@oOo

Does it kill

Does it burn

Is it painful to learn

That it's me that has all the control

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

I didn't tell him the reason he couldn't find me, now eight years ago, was because some higher up military smug ass saw me fighting off a group of four and decided I "had what it takes" to become a soldier like no other yet. Didn't tell him I had no choice in the matter. Couldn't bring to tell him the sonofabitch knew where my "pack of runts" were and what would happen if I didn't obey them all.

What was I supposed to do? Tell them screw you! And have the kids I loved each a little like siblings, hurt because I didn't want to become a fighter? I didn't think so. No then and not now. I would never change that decision if my life rested upon it. Trowa had told me that night, he kept watch on the church, on the kids there... that more then half were adopted into good homes. That, he doesn't know, put my mind at rest. I had worried what would become of them... only hoping it was nothing like me. Those bastards had trained the emotions out of me. My team was tagged with fighting the wars... and me. It was a battle within ourselves to try getting me to show something other then blank and annoyance. Maxwell was very good at this game. Wufei, however, was the winner.

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oOo@oOo

Does it thrill

Does it sting

When you feel what I bring

And you wish that you had me to hold

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

Wufei had me feeling what others could not. Had my emotions in a jumble of crap I never knew before. I knew I was attracted to him, but didn't know why 'til later. Knew I wanted to protect him, keep him safe, but again, I didn't know why 'til later. It seemed to take two years through the wars, then three weeks after the wars watching him adjust, act towards the others... towards me... before my "thick head" as Maxwell so eloquently put it, sorted out just what the Chinese Dragon descendent made me feel for him...

I loved him... Chang Wufei of the long lost Dragon clan of High Mystic Ridge.

He in turn... liked me... I say liked, there might have been more. But how was I to know? I'd never felt anything like that before. I stayed away from watching couples like that, it made me feel... Sad... that I was alone, didn't have someone I could lean on, hug... on the worst nights, cry on... Depressed me the slightest bit I'd let it, that I had no one I could call my own and love... that I, wasn't worthy of being loved.

We all know in this world everyone regardless of background, of happenings in their life... deserves someone to love. However, these are some of the *wonderful* thoughts drilled into my head by that sonofashit military officer I came to know as Major J. I've been living around Maxwell for far too long... I've developed a sarcastic sense of humor.

"Heero...?" shifting over I lay a hand over his, head burrowing closer to him. Wufei made me Feel. He made me want to live, to find something to do with my life. I honestly didn't know what to do anymore. Fighting was all I knew, as a child and young man. Now I'm twenty-three and just figuring out, gathering up what little courage I have left... to see if I could possibly stay with Him. He gave me a reason to live, a want to live. I want to live to be with him... he promised to show me things I never knew and I hold no misgivings that he could very well open the world to me that I never knew.

I'm not perfect. I don't know everything. I'm just child in a man's body; forced to grow up before it was my time. Wufei still holds a childlike quality to his eyes, he knows how to have fun, could teach me things I've only ever dreamed of... and I'm scared of it. I want it. I yarn for it! For Aries sake I dream of it! Yet... I find myself crawling away from that thing... What you don't know can frighten you... yet what you don't venture out to grasp could wound you. I was between the rock bottom abyss and the Chinese Dragon...

"Heero?" his hand over my chest lightly swirls in circles, calming me from my raging muddled up thoughts; his other, starts raking eloquent long fingers through my messy hair, as if he's afraid that I'd slap his forward gesture away. Fat chance. I would not throw away something I have only dreamt about for as long as I can remember. "How are you feeling?"

His voice is soft, his chest vibrating warmly with it under my head... it's odd, I notice smirking a little at the shiver shooting up my spine from the action. I can't decide if I'm warm from lying next to him, or from the thought that maybe, he felt for me as I do him? Or is it the caring that he's showing me this night? Or is it day now? I don't know... I do feel... content... lying with him like this. I don't think I've felt that way before. Ever.

"Hn" I finally give him a soft grunt. It's too quiet to break the still air around us, but I know it's going to happen anyways. I guess... I don't really mind. I know I've never been one to talk before... Never knew what to say if I did or what would be proper to say... With Wufei though, I don't feel I have to worry about that. He speaks his mind without giving any which way about it. He feels something; he'll let you know! I smirk. Something I truly love about him among other things.

"Glad to see you among the living again" he chuckles ruffling my hair. He sure is in a good mood. I'm not a morning person. Leave me alone unless I've had two cups of coffee if you value your life. "Come on now, tell me, what's the matter?"

The matter? Wasn't aware that there was one. I have many problems; I'll be the first to admit it. After all, I am not a perfect person, everyone has their problems... but I had failed to note there was something a matter with me at the moment. I think my Chinese Dragon as acquired a new skill during or after the wars he forgot to mention, like, Heero Reading, for one? heh Color me stupid, please, but I have yet to meet someone that could tell something was wrong with me unless I let it show. Maybe it was just that I hadn't yet known there was a problem and he somehow picked up on it... I don't know... Maybe the problem is that I'm in his room... my stomach hurts for a reason I cannot recall... I settle for my famous, "Hn."

"You don't remember do you?" There's a smirk behind that voice; I've humored him by not recalling what happened the night before. "It's alright, sometimes that's best" I would beg to differ with him here but hold my tongue. "However Yuy" he's upset at me. Only ever uses my last name anymore when he's either commanding or upset. "I do suggest you watch those whom you fight to avoid injuring yourself further" his arms, both, encircle me tighter, his nose burrowing itself into my wild chocolate hair.

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oOo@oOo

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

Fighting? Was that what I was doing last night? Blinking, trying to turn my head ever so much to peer up at him curiously I manage to only blink again upon meeting his deeper then night pools. They're shimmering, shiny then most times, as if he's refusing the urge to let their waters spill. Why? Why is he doing that? "Fei?" I hope he doesn't mind the new name. I know how he is with people cutting his name short... I've heard the sorts that Maxwell calls him, and cannot blame him for the dislike of it. Though at this new name, his eyes widen a bit, lips slowly pulling back into a smile; I find myself mimicking him, if just a bit smaller.

"I'm alright Heero... just please" he pauses, "don't go into fights and come home like that again... please?" a tear slips down his face, rolling over his softly curved cheek. I stare stunned. I've never seen this proud warrior lying by me, cry of any sort before. And now he was crying over me? Something I inadvertently did to him? "You scared me Neko."

My eyebrows shoot into my hairline, eyes widening. Now he's calling me a cat!? I find this amusing and slightly insulting. If anyone of us resembles a cat it would be him and Barton. They've a natural grace about them that I could only wish for. I am not like a cat. Smirking I nod to him: name for a name I guess. "What did I do?" I find myself asking before I could stop. I honestly, for the life within me, could not remember what happened last night. I remember walking to the club, talking to Mack and that was about it.

Silently, he points to a point on the wall, his eyes and lips set looking grim. Unconsciously gripping one of his tanned hands in my own I follow his pointed finger towards the closed closet doors... where a black, blood stained trench coat hangs abandoned. A large jagged gash running from left to right, near the full length of the midsection, blood encrusting the whole gap. Startled I look down, noticing the sheets had slipped to above my waist, exposing the carefully done patch job... gauze circled my waist, some red starting to seep through it all... That... accurately explains why it hurts like hell there. Like an anvil, it all comes rushing back. Talking to Mack. The three shits walking up behind me, wanting me for their "entertainment"... me kicking their sorry assed... the last one with the blade... Mack trying to help check me over...

"Mack" I wonder aloud. I didn't remember getting home that night. Was it only yesterday?

"Worried, but alright" Wufei says, once more holding me, pulling me closer while burying his nose in my hair sighing; though of contentment as I feel or some other thing, fear maybe, I know not. "John drove you home." About as ask who that was, he beat me to it, "He said he was a friend of Mack's. Mack called him to bring you home so someone could take care of you." His voice cracked a little, his arms tightening enough it was starting to hurt; but I wasn't going to say anything. Nothing I think I could've say, I would have; Wufei obviously needed to talk now, to get something out, to relieve himself of some such knowledge. I've never kept him from speaking his mind before; I was not about to start now.

His breathing came in short spans, his chest rising and falling underneath my head quickly. I was starting to worry about him. Was he going to be alright? Did something else happen that I was not told about yet? Turning my head to look at him more, longing for once to turn on my stomach to completely see him and knowing I could not for the injury on it... I settled for scooting closer to his side, flush against him so I could tilt my head that much more, to watch his face. He looked pained, and for my damned life, I could not comprehend what was causing it. I felt stupid, the first time maybe that I can recall I ever have, outside of dealing with emotions I knew next to nothing about.

Eventually his head lifted from mine, laying back on the pillow propped up behind him, letting him keep his head tilted to look at me, but his eyes were closed. One slow tear track glittered in the low bluish light from the bedside. Then he did something that I was not expecting form his facial expression: he chuckled shaking his head, a small smile lifting the corners of his lips just enough to notice the change. "John said... heh He said that Mack told him you wouldn't let him clean you up... that he hopped someone here would be able to help, but that Mack didn't think your friends would help... Or" he paused opening those beautiful midnight eyes, "that you would let them help." I nodded. That as much was true. If it were anyone else trying to assist me besides my Chinese, then yes, I would have refused they're help.

"But we had to carry you up here, you know?" his smile faltered, "You looked so..." pain crossed his face again, eyes shutting lightly this time, a sigh escaping him, "...lifeless Heero..." I always look lifeless from what Maxwell says. He opened his eyes, shaking his head sending silk locks swaying, "No" he starts as if sensing my thoughts, "You are not lifeless Neko... you don't show emotion. There's a difference. Here" taking my hand in his lifting it so we both could see without moving to miss the others face he spread my fingers, "take this as two people or two things you have. One you cherish above all else, the other you like very much. One you could loose, become very upset over but would be able to pass it off in time. The other" he touched the three fingers being held together, "is something that if lost, could never be replaced... something you could never fathom getting over the loss of..." I nodded, understanding that much.

"What would you do if you lost something you could replace, but not help to be upset you lost the original to?"

That was easy, at least to me it was, "Try to replace it?" was that not was most people would proceed to do if they liked it so much? I've seen Maxwell go AWOL over CD's he's lost and had to replace many times. I never really understood why he did that though, wasn't it just a loss of money? He could download them all and burn his own CD for less.

Wufei nodded, eyes glistening a little bit, "Right. That is one option you could do. Most people in fact do, do that very thing. On the other hand... What would you do if you lost that something, that you could not replace no matter how much you tried? Something that meant the world to you? Something you knew without a doubt would never be replaced, never gotten again. An object that took a piece out of you, leaving you feel that much more emptier?"

He meant... I blinked once, eyes going wide as a chill filtered down my spine, eyes locked on his shimmering midnights as the meaning of what he was trying to get me to understand, slowly, and surly, sunk in.

.

oOo@oOo

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

oOo@oOo@oOo

'

"Its okay Neko... shhh..." There was no quieting me. My head buried in the crook of his neck, arms holding onto him tightly not willing to let go, I let my barriers drop... I cried for the first time in near ten years. I understood what he was trying to get me to understand... and it scared me. I didn't want to be left alone. Not again. Not ever, not if I could help it in any way.

Rubbing his hand down my back, having flipped more on my side not caring if I ripped a stitch or two from his job, he spoke quietly, Heero... You're my 'something'... my 'someone'... Last night... last night you didn't look so wonderful Neko... I-" I could hear him swallowing, licking his lips, "-I thought I would loose you. I didn't want to loose you... I don't..." wetness hit my cheek. The Dragon was weeping. So this wasn't a weakness then, ne? Like I cared if it was. Wufei clung to me tighter, as if just with the lightest of breezes I'd disappear from his room, his arms where I've longed to be for so long, and never see him again. Hades could not drag me away from him.

We were both stubborn; both stupid in the fact we could see what we wanted, knew what was needed to reach out and grab that thing, that person, yet neither moved to grasp it. It took me being stabbed in a damn bar room fight to get our "Heads out of our asses" per Maxwell's words, and see that we needed each other. If this is not the height of male stupidity, then I don't know what is. I do know that I will never let go. I will hold onto this passionate Dragon and never let him go for anything in this vast universe. There's not enough in it to force me to. I sense the same is true for Fei, he will not let go either; he's the possessive type.

We stayed still for some time just holding onto one another. I think we needed that, I know I did, to have someone to cling to. I've dreamed of having someone love me for so long. To have someone to hold through the nights... now I did... and I didn't want to let this memory fade. After a while though, my midsection started to protest being in that position for so long. I was sure I tore open a few stitches from lying on my side being held securely.

Reluctantly pulling back from his cinnamon-woods scented self, lips turning upwards at him in my first, truly contented smile. His head lifts with mine, onyx eyes shinning brightly with warmth I've only caught snatches of before; he smiles. I think he has the rarest smile I've ever seen. That's an odd comment I think. I haven't seen a lot of people smiling since I devoted my life to avoiding happy people and being alone... but if anyone asked, I would say he is the rarest gem in the massive mound of colored glass.

"Neko" again with the cat thing. Give me time my little one (the Duo-like voice snickers) I shall find a new name for you as well! Aries, I need help. "Over." huh? Confused I blink at him. His face brightens, smile widening. I must make something of a cute picture blinking in confusion like that... after all, he's already referring me to a cat. Nudging my side gently I get the message and roll onto my back watching as he carefully sets about taking the bandages off, checking the stitches before applying more antibiotics to the wound and covering it once more.

After finishing he crawls out of bed, my eyes track his movements as he walks dumping the used items in the trash then to the restroom where he comes out with a glass of water letting me drink from it. After drinking I noticed how dry my throat actually was, beer will do that to you. Setting the cup down he walked back to his side of the bed slipping under the covers (both of them this time) sliding up next to me before pulling the black velvet covers to our chests, watching me.

I wondered what he was thinking, behind those black abyss eyes of his. So many thoughts could be seen rolling behind them, but I couldn't think of what one was. I knew what *I* was thinking of though. I was leaning up to reach him, about to lift my other arm to pull him down when he came on his own. I couldn't have been happier with the arrangement as soft firm lips met mine; my abdomen throbbed painfully enough from just sitting up, I couldn't have held the position long.

Air became a greater need sometime later when we both pulled back from the heaven-induced kiss. I let out a contented sigh, eyelids slowly drooping shut on me. Fei chuckled quietly leaning forward to kiss my forehead before laying down, moving my head to his shoulder once more. "Ai shiteru" I mumbled before sleep could claim me, barely catching his, "Wo ai ne" and feeling his arms tighten around me. No. We weren't letting go for anything in the world now.

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~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~

'

* Shibo Tengoku - Devil's Heaven

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Well Ladies and Gents. You've now finished reading my first (and not last) 1x5. How did you like it? ^_^ I've been trying to finish this one up for a while now. Haven't written on it since I really got more into "Crazy Is As Crazy Does" (which is almost finished) so I'm surprised when I sat to write yesterday that I finished it sometime around midnight. ::goofy grin:: But I did!! ^__^

I know there's probably some parts in here towards the end that didn't really need to be put in there, that I did anyways... but my mind was going so I just let it fly. ::chuckles:: Usually a lot eaiser then tryin' to rip apart what I'm thinking and trying to decide just what really needs to be in it and what doesn't... Then again... I really didn't know how this one was going to end up, so I'm just happy it came out how it did. ^_^;

OKies I give a shout out of thanks to Missy for helping in reading areas telling me what she thought of 'em!! Arigatou Missy!! And damnit, My Bento's still not here yet!! ___ ..OKies anyways... heh.. Please review and let me know whatcha think Minna-chan!! Arigatou!

'

Keep it kickin'!

Anime Redneck

The Certifiable Songfic Queen

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Disclaimer: I don't own tha Guys. Don't own "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon5... bu ah do own meh truck an' plot an' ye canna 'ave either! ^__^

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