A/N: I don't own One Piece. This fic is dedicated to SwedishPirateFan and Mr. 15.

Thirty Ways to Annoy Nero Lich

Put jam in his boots.

Get a cute little doggy to follow him around at all times. He won't be able to kill it, because doing so will piss Perona off.

Kidnap Perona and leave a note outside their bedroom door saying 'Gone fishing-Perona'. He'll love that.

Put Nero Kishido in a sugar induced hyperactive state.

Throw an octopus at his face.

Throw Gecko Moria at his face.

Wait till he and Perona are alone together, then suddenly run in and go "Why don't you call me anymore, Lich-kun? We've grown so far apart!"

Laugh as he tries to explain himself to his furious wife.

Sellotape Kishido to Oz's back.

Tell Moria that Lich is hot for him.

Tell Hogback that Lich needs counselling.

Steal that cowboy-scarf thing he wears around his neck.

Dye his hair hot pink.

Give him hot chocolate. Fail to tell him that it's got laxatives in.

While he's sleeping, replace Perona with a teddy bear. Watch her face as he snuggles into it and kisses it.

Replace his odachi with Brook's cane sword. Do vice-versa with Brook.

Watch as Lich still manages to kick the skeleton's ass.

Tell Kishido that Moria is in fact one big piñata. Watch as he tries to beat Moria open.

While he's sleeping, replace Perona with Absalom. When they wake up, laugh as they scream.

Glue all of his clothes to the ceiling.

Get Toy-Man (Kishido's superhero alter ego) to liberate Bearsy and all of Perona's cute zombies, then convince him to lead a rebellion against her.

Put superglue on Lich's hand, but make sure he doesn't notice. Wait till he grabs Perona's ass.

Get Kishido to ask his parents where babies come from.

Put up tinsel around the forest. When he asks why you did so, shout "MERRY HALLOWEEN!" and hug him. Tightly.

Sit a Ryuma plushie on your head then start shouting "HELP! HELP! THE GUARDIAN IS ATTACKING ME! HELP!"

Tie a jar of honey to Kishido's back and place him near a beehive. Laugh sadistically as he cries and wonders why the 'bumblybees' are chasing him.

Keep laughing sadistically as his dad turns you into that night's dinner.

Slap him with a wet fish.

Somehow convince Perona that he's gay.

Get him to lie down on a psychiatrist's chair (Perona may be required for this, as he's hip to your schemes, little man), put on a fake moustache and glasses, then go, "So tell me your problems."

A/N: I'm thinking about changing Kishido's devil fruit power…what do you guys think?