Prologue

What a bloody sore excuse for a party.

The only bloke who had ever given me a second glance had flicked me aside for whom I interpreted as the most unappealing girl in my grade. She chewed on her wand and had a twitchy left eye, but somehow stupid Aubrey found her to be a better option than little 'ol me. I knew I wasn't the prettiest lass at Hogwarts, nor the most endearing - but my pride was definitely in shambles after being shot down by Bertram Aubrey, of all blokes. He had always coasted down the middle - being such a crass arsehole that he never gained a number of friends.

From the beginning I knew it was really a way to avoid my impending doom as an unappealing, unlovable woman. I settled on him to revive my self-confidence, and he settled on me because no one else wanted to really stick around him for long. I knew he was an arsehole. I knew his arseholeness only made me miserable. But I figured it was the only opportunity of a relationship I would ever get. Who else has ever looked at me and sent me one of those childish and flirtatious winks? No one.

But, to my utter confusion, Bertram had found another option - and chose her. That twitchy, chompy little rat. My eyes were so closely pinched together I could barely see the two of them throwing their stupid arms in the air and laughing stupidly at each other. Stupid toerags.

I tore my eyes from the burning display and blew out my flushed cheeks. Scanning the dusty room, I could see everyone shuffled into their pairs, inevitably falling into the arms of temporarily lovers to finish off the night with some cheap quality lust. And here I was. Sitting on the edge of a squeak three-legged chair to ensure I didn't fall off and make an even bigger fool of myself. I glared, for no conceivable reason, as two Ravenclaws twisted their limbs together, both equally paralytic. The tall lass slid her three-quarter full firewhisky on a desk and giggled loudly, flicking her tangled hair as she stumbled out of the room with her one-night stand. I crinkled my nose, scooting my chair to the left and reaching for the abandoned drink.

"I know how you feel," I mumbled, "I too was tossed aside today." I heaved a dramatic sigh and threw the drink back. Uncontrollably, my face screwed up as I swallowed the strong beverage. "Where's some more of you..?" I murmured.

My gaze shifted around the room and my eyes widened in delight as I spotted an impressively full bottle of firewhiskey by the window sill. I grinned lazily and scampered across the room, squeezing between odorous bodies until I reached the gift that was alcohol.

I glanced around the room quickly before unscrewing the cap. I wasted no time in tipping back the whole bottle, gulping several times before removing it from my lips. I made a face as the taste burnt my throat.

It was beautiful.

I had never actually drank alcohol. I mean, I took sneaky sips at parties to fit in with everyone else, but I hadn't ever gotten tipsy, let alone drunk. I smiled to myself distantly - tonight was the perfect night to accomplish a drunken state. No one would really care. The room was nearly cleared, I didn't really have any friends, or much of a family. I always thought of myself on a canvas as a ridiculous blob in the background of a picture. I filled up negative empty space, but there was no real purpose of my existence. On most days, I was perfectly at peace with my fate as a blob, but tonight, everything was bothering me.

I hummed to myself as I took another large swig from the bottle, gripping it tightly in my hands as if my life depended on it.

I sat perched upon the window ledge for at least an hour, watching with fascination as I swirled the bottle around. The substance formed a whirlpool, swimming in an eternal circle. I hiccupped suddenly, and looked up, startled. Everyone had left, the music had stopped at some point within the last hour, and the charmed lights had dimmed to nothing. It was dark and lonely, and I sighed lightly. Without another self-pitying thought, I jumped off my ledge, nearly falling on my face as I slipped on a sticky puddle of an unknown beverage. Another hiccup slipped from my lips as I made my way to the door.

Lazily, I peeked out the doorway and slowly pushed it open. I was in the Astronomy Tower, I could recall from my arrival at the party. It was a good thing I hadn't followed several partgoers to the top of the tower, or I might have thrown someone over the rails in my sour mood - probably Aubrey. I did my best to sneak down the steps of the tower, but I had a feeling I was in no way stealth. A loud hiccup fell out my mouth suddenly, making my jump wildly. One step at a time, I continued my way down the tower.

I stopped abruptly and tilted my head to the side, lost. I wasn't very confidence I could remember which way my common room was. Left, right, straight ahead or down the stairs? I shrugged to myself as I decided to go left. I began whistling - or at least attempting to - between sips of the firewhisky.

"Padfoot, someone is down there - hold on, mate-" A voice travelled to me ears, "Oi, Black, I think-"

"I doubt it's a snake," Another voice scoffed loudly. Someone else quickly shushed the other two.

"Shh."

"What?"

"What?"

I covered my mouth, my eyes drawing together in utter bemusement. What in Merlin's name was I doing? I was like a trainwreck - I could only watch myself as I poked my head out from the corner of the corridor with a sloppy grin.

"Good morning," I whispered cheerfully.

"What the fuck is going on?" One of the strangers whispered to his friends.

I popped my head back out of sight and tipped the bottle back, nearly choking in my eagerness. It was very late - the moon had disappeared high into the black sky, sending the slightest glow through the open windows of the gloomy corridor. I hiccuped loudly, and clamped my hand over my mouth as I began tiptoeing out from the corridor, and continuing along the straight hall, hoping the unknown blokes at the end of the other corridor wouldn't notice me.

"What is she doing? Moony, go help her."

Another boy snorted, "Why is it always me? Why don't you do it, Black?"

Holy balls. My eyes widened in dread. Black? As in Sirius Black? No, no, no. No way. This was not happening. Nope.

Sirius Black grimaced, as if I was an ant in his knickers. He cautiously moved towards me, his face becoming somewhat clear under the horrid lighting.

I eyed him, my eyesight fading as my eyes squinted so much I could no longer see the gorgeous Gryffindor.

I hiccupped suddenly, squeezing my eyes shut in surprise. When I looked up, a pair of dark eyes were staring at me uneasily.

My gut swelled in horror before I even did it. I knew it was a very bad idea. But I did it anyway. I reached up and planted my lips on his. My clammy fingers curled around fistfuls of his jacket with determination. My feet climbed onto their tip toes, and rotated ever so slightly.

As our mouths continued to remain attach, I felt my toes slip on the stones. Instead of sensibly letting go of Sirius Black's clothing, I fastened my grip, crying out with terror as we both descended towards the staircase that loomed behind us.