The great prince Edward was enjoying a wonderful afternoon destroying his brother Alphonse I chess.
"Checkmate…again." Said Edward yawning for; he had beaten his brother for the 6th time that day.
"How do you keep beating me nii-san." Said a sad Alphonse looking at the chessboard. "Mew." Even Al's kitten was sad.
"Because Al I'm always inside here playing… well hiding from that thing Father wants me to marry." He glanced out the window see a blond girl waving at him neurotically and screaming like a tone-deaf banshee.
"Edward…OH EDWARD! There you are…look I've picked out the living room furniture for when you move in with me! I even calculated what our children would look like! They're blond and adorable! And…" He toned her out as Princess Winry continued to screech from her carriage.
"Nii-san she's not that bad."
"Like hell she's not! It's a fate worse than death to hear that voice everyday…"he shuddered thinking mornings with Winry. "…My poor precious ears…I'll be deaf within a week…tops." Their Father walked into their room slowly and tiredly.
"Edward you have a visitor." Ed stood up angrily and started sulking.
"If it's that blond whore I'm not here!"
"Edward."
"Van Hoenheim."
"Edward here she is."
"And here I go." The blond Prince started to walk briskly to the door, but his brother grabbed his shirt halting him.
"Nii-san just listen to her for once." Ed begrudgingly sat down in his chair and told his father to bring her in or rather said 'bring the vomit inducing thing with legs in'. Al's kitten had hidden under his jacket; hissed and clawed as Princess Winry sat down in front of Ed and smiled warmly.
"Hello your Majesty." Ed at first only glared at princess Winry when she walked in but looked at his father with an 'I hate you' look. His father frowned back and held up a glass of milk, which was signal for. "I'll drown and/or attempt to hurt you in more ways than he could ever imagine." It wasn't a bluff the last time he was snobby to a princess he was dangled by his ankle over a vat of milk, whilst being continuously dipped, for 5 hours.
That was the worst thing ever…but it was very good for his skin. He said a weak hello and stated listening to blond talking thing.
"And well Edward about the children I was thinking about 20 mostly girls of course." Ed twitched. "Umm everything will have to be bright neontwitch pink twitch to match the castle." Winry had closed her eyes to let Ed allow the information to sink in.
"Wait Ed!" screamed Al.
"Edward don't!" yelled Hoenheim. Winry opened her eyes in shock to see Ed standing on the windowsill.
"No Eddy-Kins!" Ed twitched at 'kins'.
"Goodbye, I'll be back when she leaves or dies…preferably the latter of the two."
"Wait Edward! Love ME! I'm PRETTY!" Winry desperately ran towards the window. Ed hastily jumped out of the window.
"Isn't this Like the 5th floor!" she screamed as Ed soared down to the ground.
"HAHAHA I'm A NINJA!!" he landed gracefully and took off in a high speed run(AN: nah he's just being stupid he really has automail). In only minutes he heard horses galloping behind him.
"Edward please? Come back to me! Go faster!"
"What? The Hell she's still here!"
--FLASHBACK—
"Edward nooooooo." Winry attempted to jump out the window.
"Wait Winry!" cried a frantic Al. "Use the stairs."
"If he can do it so can I!"
"Winry do you want to die!"
"Oh yeah…that may hinder me if I want to pursue Ed!" she ran hurriedly to and down the stairs.
"Man Alphonse why didn't you let her die?" asked Hoenhiem.
"What? Father you don't like her either?"
"No"
"Then why'd you pick her as a suitor for Ed?"
"Hey wenn schon denn schon."
"What?"
"It was a sad a horrible story of a young girl." He raised his hand dramatically to his forehead.
"What! What are you talking about?"
"What?" Alphonse slapped his forehead and took a deep breath.
"Oh god Why did you pick Winry?"
"Oh I didn't pick her."
"Then who did?"
"I was forced by a horrible Evil. It…it was so long ago I cannot possibly remember."
YESTERDAY"Hey… hey you! You should get Princess Winry to Marry Prince Ed." (Random drunk)
"Okay."
--End Flashback—
"God get her away from me I don't wanna marry her the children…oh the child-" Ed was grabbed and hoisted unto the shoulder of a stranger into the woods.
"What are you supposed to be… some kind of Robin Hood?" as he was set down in the woods the crazy screams of princess Winry faded of into the distance.
" I am Someone far better I…AM…ROY!"