It's evenings like this that make me wonder if I'll ever get out of here. Mum's upstairs again, stomping about and nagging about how messy everything is. Ste's just sitting there not giving a shit. He knows that I'm going to be the one who's going to get it anyway. He hasn't been home for a week and regardless of what he's been doing, I'm gonna get it. So he's just gonna sit there and not give a shit. Brilliant.
Da went early this morning and I know that he's not going to be home in time for supper. So I can just see my night planned out. Mum's going to piss and moan and tell me how disappointing I am and Ste, of course, is going to agree with everything Mum says while he stuffs his face with pudding. Grandma's not gonna talk, as usual. Sometimes she just pisses me off with the way that she's basically the most useless person in this household. She eats, she sleeps, and she sits in her chair with that ratty old blanket of hers. No, she can't be like Will's grandma, who tells stories about what Ireland was like during the war and cooks for me all the time. But instead, I'm stuck with fucking grandma, fucking ratty old blanket grandma.
And when I stomp up to my room, Mum's going to make me come right back down and apologize and say goodnight to everyone. She'll nag me to brush my bloody teeth until I grit them so hard that it hurts to brush them. She'll make me scrub my bloody face and change out of my trousers. Then when I get to my room and play my records, I'll get yelled at again. Shit, I can't even listen to my music, can't listen to the three records I own that I bought with my own bloody money. So then Ste will come up, dirty as a fucking hog and smoke seventy fags just because he knows how much I hate the smoke. I can't breathe. I can't breathe in this house. There are millions of flats in Dublin and I hate this one the most. Maybe if I ran off, I could get a decent job and just make my own way. Maybe I could play football at one of the club houses and get real good and play in a tourney. I heard Billy's older brother got his shot to play in a local tourney and he's now playing for Liverpool. But even if I did run off, I know that Mum would be at every corner, nagging me to brush my fucking teeth and Ste would be at my side laughing and pointing his stupid finger the entire way with every damn step I took. And even grandma would be sitting on every park bench being more useless than ever. Da wouldn't be there. He'd be at work.
Oh well. I'm starving so if I were to run away tonight, I might as well stuff myself before I even plan on it. Dinner actually isn't as boring as usual and Mum isn't nagging as much as I thought. I know Mum's not gonna let me over to Will's house after dinner, even if I do wash the plates. Doesn't matter, I think I'm too tired anyway. So I'll just head to my room then, maybe Will won't be asleep yet and he won't mind talking a bit. I can barely even notice the smoke with the window open.