Chapter 1

I was never bullied physically but a lot mentally. There were whispers in the hallways and ugly looks from my peers. There was laughter. I don't know what the problem was; I mean I was ordinary, perhaps plain. I had dark brown eyes and dark brown hair with curls that never frizzed. Long lashes, my skin was pale, I've never had a zit after I turned fourteen and my body was average, not thick not thin. I was happy with myself when I was alone, though when I was alone I felt lonely. That's not true, I felt lonely all the time. People say that I never see myself clearly 'cause apparently I'm more than plain. I'm pretty and gorgeous; sometimes I also get the word beautiful.

I don't have any contact with my mom, never have and never will I guess. My dad died five years ago, he died of an hart attach when he was sitting in his office. I guess eating pizza and burgers for once maybe twice a day for eighteen years will do that to people. I usually made him dinner and then It was always something healthier than what he had eaten earlier in the day. We never talked much, but that was just how we were, we were comfortable in our one silence.

I worked in an outdoors shop for two years so I could pay for my way through college. Though I never earned enough to pay for three years at, but when my dad died and I got money from his savings and life insurance and after I sold the house I got a pretty penny. 375 000 dollars. Most of it came from the house and life insurance, but it helped me pay for college. I had a scholarship and a job in a bookstore that helped me with the bills and food and perhaps a new pair of jeans and a sweater.

I saved some of the money I earned and after three years I had 300 000 left. I never really had any friends but after my first year at the book store I got a friend named Angela Weber. She's my best and only friend. I studied really hard and became a journalist, but I didn't work much as one. I had a column in the New York Times and I sometimes wrote for Vanity Fair. My salary was good; very good actually. I like writing and it comes naturally for me.

Oh and by the way, my name is Bella Swan.

I live in New York.

Studied at NYU

Grew up in Forks, Washington.

That's me in a nutshell. I would like to think that I didn't run from Forks but in reality I did. After Christmas break of my last year of high school I befriended a guy named Edward Cullen. He was an amazing boy, or so I thought. I knew about his reputation, I mean everyone from Forks to Port Angeles knew his name and reputation.

When he started to hang out with me I thought it would be best to stay away and I did. We became friends and after some time we started dating and then he kissed me. I thought I knew the real him because he showed himself to me. He was nice and caring and one night he told me he loved me. I mean, he seemed so happy for me when I told him I had gotten into NYU. Thinking about it now makes me want to laugh. I was so stupid that I told him that I loved him back.

His mom Esme Cullen was amazing. She became like a mom to me. Edward and I had talked about doing it and I seriously considered it. I mean I loved him and he loved me so why shouldn't I have slept with him. It was a Tuesday and a week from homecoming, three days before we were finished with High School. Esme and I had come home from shopping in Port Angeles for a prom dress that I could wear. I had gone upstairs to Edward room to hang out when I heard Emmett's teasing voice. Emmett and Edward were best friends. The door was slightly opened and I heard something that I probably shouldn't have heard.

"No Emmett, the bet is still on, I will have popped Bella's cherry by the end of prom next week. After that you can pay up" Edward was just with me because of a bet. I felt like someone had taken a knife and showed it inside my heart. I just ran down stair and said to Esme that my dad wanted me to come home. I ran home and cried my heart out. Later that day Edward knocked on my door and told me my dad had died. That was just the icing of the cake. I stayed at home for a week and refused to talk to anyone.

Edward was there comforting me, making sure I was alright. When prom came I asked Esme if she could do my hair and make-up. She asked me if I was sure of going to prom. I smiled and nodded telling her I needed a change of scenery. Edward and I danced a lot. I didn't say much but I put on a brave smile. I had asked if I could stay at his place and I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know why I did it. I guess I just thought of it as comfort. I slept with him that night, and I surrounded myself to the feeling of him inside me. Now five years later I've come to the conclusion that I did it out of something that I can't answer.

Back then I can understand that it was love for me; and if having the last chance to be with my love than I would to it. Even if he didn't love me back. What surprised me was that he was so loving and careful with me. He made sure that I came and he put a lukewarm cloth against me crotch. He cleaned me up. After he fell asleep I got dressed and left him a not that said I know. You can have Emmett pay you now. Love B. He used to call me B. For the next three days I ignored him. I never looked at him. But that didn't mean I didn't think about him. I ate lunch in the library and the day before graduation was Charlie funeral.

I didn't say anything to anyone. When someone gave me their condolences I smiled and nodded. As much that I would love to hate Edward I didn't. When Esme came and hugged me I broke down. I fell to my knees and cried. I cried for Edward and I cried for Charlie. I think I screamed as well. I woke up on the couch the next day.

Esme was there making me breakfast and told me that I didn't have to go to school for graduation. Well, more accurate is that she wouldn't let me. She had talked to the principle and he had agreed to let me stay at home. My diploma was on the table. A week later I got the money from my dad and his insurance. A week after that I got the money from the house.

Apparently someone anonemus had bought it. They wanted it to be a vacation house. I snorted at the idea of my dad's house being a vacation house.

In August I moved to New York and got a job. I would lie if I told you I never thought of Edward again. I did. I went to s shrink for a year after I finished college. I'm 23 years old and I have Angela and Ben. My best friends and I have Victoria Gomez. A new friend, not yet a best friend. I had sworn to never talk to Edward again or visit Forks again after I left five years ago, but now when I look at this invitation for the Class of 2006 reunion I get a feeling that I might have to.

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