This is a fanfiction set just after fourth year. Hermione's rant is based on 'girlfriend' by Avril Lavigne, the idea was given to me by DrarryLuvver62442, and when someone gives me an idea for a fanfic, I never say no (unless it's yucky!), I'm sorry if it's crap. Try to enjoy!
Hermione was having her first girly night in, well, ever with Tonks, Ginny, Cho and Luna; they were all eating popcorn and Nutella while watching old romcoms,
'Ugh! I hate Ron! Going out with that stupid Lavender bitch! He so obviously likes me, he's just going out with her to make me jealous, and if he really wanted to be with someone he would at least pick someone hot, and maybe with a shred of personality not that chubby, ugly, clingy little bimbo. I hate her. No, Nymphodora, yes, I went there, I am not being a jealous bitch!
It's just he's so handsome, Ginevra, you are ginger to, that doesn't matter. I would so say yes if he asked me out, I think about him all the time. He's my friend, he's meant to make me feel happy, why can't he see that asking me out would do that. Anyway, what's not to love about me? I'm smart, kind, funny, and really pretty, I'm perfect.
I'd understand if she was pretty, but she's chubbier than me, she has smaller boobs and her hairs all Snapey.
I see the way he looks at me, and I can tell he's thinking about me, I know leglimency, remember, and Harry says he talks about me all the time, why can't he just tell me? I could send Lavender Brown through the floo network to a random place and see how long it takes her to get back, I would threaten to kill her but there's an auror here.
Who thinks this call's for a cunning plot? I pretend to go out with someone to make him jealous! No, that's too cliché! No, Cho, it is not a classic. I will do better in a test than her! Show him how stupid she is, actually, Luna, intelligence does attract boys and no, Tonks this plan is not doomed to failure. Ginny, I don't care if I do better in every test, that's beside the point! I just want to show him that he was stupid to go out with her in the first place, is that so bad?'
There was a unanimous 'Yes!' from every girl in the room, who around the point when Ginny made the ginger joke had stopped paying attention, Tonks was entertaining Cho with her various morphs, Ginny was braiding Luna's hair and appeared to be under the influence of something.
'Tonks! Did you give Ginny something?' Hermione asked jokily.
'No, but she is acting suspiciously like Charlie when he took Magic Mushrooms.' she said, clearly worried about her best friends little sister.
'Would you like some sweets?' asked Luna, clearly oblivious to the two most mature girls in the room's conversation, holding out a bag of little brown things.
'I'll have one!' shouted Cho, jumping up from her cushion on the floor, disrupting a bottle of butterbeer in the process, and took a handful from the bag which she proceeded to place into her mouth one by one. She then fell over onto the couch and became unconscious.
'Luna, what are those?' Tonks asked with concern in her voice.
'They're sweets of course, they're special, they help you see nargles, and dad grows them.' She said with her eyebrows furrowed, wondering where this conversation was going.
'Luna, honey,' explained Tonks, trying to break the news gently, 'those aren't sweets, they're magic mushrooms.'
At that very moment Cho woke up and ran towards a lamp in the corner 'Cedric! I knew you'd never leave me, you're alive, look, girls, he's alive!' she shouted gleefully to Tonks, Luna, Ginny and Hermione, with tears of joy in her eyes.
'Oh God, Tonks, I don't think I can deal with this, I'm going to have to explain to Cho that Cedric's still dead and that she was on hallucinogenic fungi!' Hermione sighed, with her head in her hands 'It's going to break her heart all over again!'
The next day
Cho was the last one down to breakfast the next day; she all but floated in, 'Have you seen Cedric?' She asked dreamily 'we were going to see a movie.'
'Cho,' said Tonks, breathing heavily and readying herself for the news she was about to break 'I suggest you sit down, I have something to tell you.'
Cho sat down leaving her dreamy bliss and re-entering the real world, 'What is it?' she asked worried 'Cedric's cheating on me isn't he? He came back to life and he's using the attention to go out with someone prettier, well screw him, I don't need him, I...' She would have ranted on for about an hour and then stormed off if Ginny hadn't placed her hand on the older girls shoulder and said, 'No, listen to Tonks.'
'Cho, it's about Cedric, but, I've got to say, it's a lot worse than you think, don't try to guess,' she said holding up her hand to stop Cho from assuming that he had run away to the circus or something, 'Cedric's not back. Luna accidently gave you some mushrooms, some, erm, very special mushrooms.'
Cho was sitting there with her hand over her mouth, trying to hold back tears 'It's true, isn't it?' and, at Hermione's sombre nod, ran up the stairs and locked herself in her room.