Your hand that was stretched out to me, I grasped onto it and wished to never let go.

I remembered your face at nights. I see them carved in the walls of my mind; your calm sleeping expression, your lowered lids, your long lashes that lightly caressed your cheeks and your stray strands of blue hair that somehow always manage to cover your face partially.

You were beautiful as you breathed in steadily. Knowing nothing of the ugliness in the world while continuing to live in the beautiful and peaceful dream in your mind.

I had fallen in love with you. I had long realized, but it never occurred to me when. Perhaps, it was the first time when I met you…Perhaps, it was when we were finally reunited and I had felt this butterfly flutters in my stomach when I stared at you which had refined wholly into a handsome person after a few years of separation.

I watched as you slept during the nights we spent together then. I wondered if you ever realized that. You were sharp, and probably you had realized it but pretended like you didn't. I had a hunch that you would question me if you ever realized it, but you didn't. Nevertheless, I figured out that I wouldn't care if you did and I continued to watch at your sleeping face as each days passed.

I had come to love the life with you by my side. Countless, I had repeated that. Either to you or to myself. I always wished you would understand how I really feel when I said that. You gave off-handed comments in reply, but at times I wondered if you really get how deep I can become whenever I'm with you.

I love you.

It was the only thing I regret. The only thing I regret until this day. For not whispering those into your ears during the nights we slept together in the same bed. You were so close, so close to me that if I moved my hand a little, my fingertips would touch yours and feel your warmth spreading into me like wildfire. We had such close proximity that if I was given the chance right now, I would hug you and never let you go ever again.

Life without you by my side means nothing to me. So don't go.

I cried at the littlest thing. But since I met you, I had learnt to toughen up. Be a real man, never let your tears drip so easily- I took it all into learning. It wasn't an easy process. It was difficult, much more difficult than having to finish all the academic books in the library. And it was all these trivial small things in life that you taught me. I was so grateful to you that I can't even word it out to you.

I feel so much regret now for not saying that when I had the chance. So much thoughts, so much emotions, yet they were all left unexpressed. If only, if only I could-

Now you were gone. I knew it wasn't your fault. It wasn't both our faults. It was what we had to do. Like how fate had brought us together, we had to separate because of it as well.

You were a wandering star. You said you were incompatible with me, but I believed that love doesn't need reasons. Love is the whispers' of your heart, the beating of your heart itself- you of all people should know this well, right?

I am happy now, really. With mother, with everyone here. Mother still baked fresh loaves of bread and pastries in the morning, and I always woke up with the aroma of her baking every day. Every morning was lovely. And as I stepped out to go through the days, helping to piece bit by bit the broken fragments of what was left of this once-utopian city, I would gaze at the sky and smile in contentment at the simplicity of every single lives which breathed around me this time.

This world that I built together with the others would soon become the true utopia for everyone. Nature will live together with us, and there would be no walls or barriers that served as any purposes of separation any longer. Everyone can see the limitless horizon from here, extending until the end of the world and be free to pursue what they wanted for the rest of their lives.

This was what you told me to do. Build a new world, a world that both of us dreamt of, where the music of peace floated in the air continuously, carving a smile to faces and filling their hearts to the brim. Can you see it now, Nezumi? It's building, bit by bit, little by little, into the world that you would love. Not the world that you despised of, never.

…I wished to see the sunset with you. I wished to spend endless nights with you. I wished to spend the days with you until the end of time. It was my only wish. I was happy, but there seemed to be a huge hollow space in me which will remain empty without you by my side. You had been my everything.

I could remember. I refused to let you go. I wanted you to bring me together, then we could travel the world together. I refused to part with you, with the rare smiles you sometimes showed me. But responsibility held its grip firmly onto me, and I had to comply. I didn't think I was forced because it would be for the greater good if I could contribute my knowledge for the reconstruction of everything. It was one of the wish I held as a kid, hadn't it? To be able to be acknowledged for what I was and be useful in the sense that I could bring happiness and peace to the society. But I thought it would be better if you could follow me, if you could actually never pry off this persistent clasp I held onto your sleeves and let me lead you this time.

But you remained as someone who were as stubborn as ever. I always had the perception that I had no control over you because you were wiser in making decision and always were the one to direct me. Had you not been that way, I had probably lost myself in the West District, so in the end, I reverted back into my ambivalent self and couldn't blame you for your reasonable stubbornness.

But I was sad that at that time, despite how hard I cried, you didn't relent. It was the only time I had allowed myself to let my tears drip freely and it was all for your sake. I became weak because of you. My tears were only for you.

Until this day, my tears dripped because of you. Because whenever I went to the window and flung it open, you were not there.

Not there just like how it had been on that night.

Mother always reprimand me for letting it open at night, but it was a habit I couldn't dispose of as I slept with my hope worn over my beating heart. I didn't care about the cold wind, all I cared is for you to come in. Come in, Nezumi. Come in. Do you know how much I missed you?

The white mouse, Hamlet sometimes came cheeping softly at me, as if comforting me and it reminded me more of you that I began to smile despite my tears.

Come back.

Tonight was the same. The night was clear with the bright glow of the full moon. The hints of thin black clouds hanging above was almost visible and it appeared like a dull mist in the background. Nevertheless, it was beautiful.

I opened the window and the cool night air breezed in, lingering around me like a soothing comfort as it blew strands of my hair back and forth. I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling. For some reason, my heart feel heavy. I had a feeling that tonight wouldn't be the night.

You wouldn't come to me unless there's trouble…It had always been that way with you. You who wore your heart under the sleeves, you who was reluctant to show your weakness…That was why I wanted to be your equal all these time. So that you could never be reluctant any longer. So that you could be at ease revealing me your every weakness. I wanted to be your equal so that I could learn about you more, love you more.

I felt my throat started to tighten up at the sight of stillness and serenity. As I expected, there was no you. So I spent the next few minutes immersing myself in the wind to forget my disappointment. It had always been like this. And after that, I would return to my bed, snuggle under the sheets while staring at the opened window and fluttering curtains with prayers on my lips.

Except you never come. And it crushed my hope when I woke up every single morning acknowledging the fact that this spot in my heart will remain empty yet again.

I slept, not knowing what will happen tomorrow but continue on wishing despite that, despite knowing the consequences that might come from placing hopes that were too high such as this. Because I knew, I knew you would come-

If not today, then maybe tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then maybe the next night. If not, then maybe a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, a decade for now.

No matter how long, I will remain faithful and wait for you to come slipping in through my window.

Because you are the love that is irreplaceable in my heart.

A love that will remain true to my heart till the end of time.