Warnings: Mentions of Sex, Slash, Death and lots of Angst
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
I wandered around the Hub, not knowing what to do, Jack was gone but he couldn't be, he came back from being shot, but Owen said he had no vital signs, I didn't want to believe he was gone.
I went into his office just looking around lost at what to do, just touching the odd objects on his desk wondering if he's touched them recently then I glanced down the man hole to where Jack's bed was and noticed it was made up neatly and not rumpled from us having sex.
I felt like breaking down realising I was never going to have sex or kiss or embrace him again.
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
It felt like my heart was shattering into a million little pieces and each piece was mourning Jack, I swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall.
I gently took his coat from the coat hanger and inhaled his scent - a mix of Pheromones and hot espresso.
Tears started to fall down my face as I collapsed on to the couch sobbing into Jack's coat
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
God I missed him so much it felt like part of me had died with him, like I had lost half my soul or the sun had gone out.
Everything felt cold and dark without Jack there to brighten things up with one of his dirty jokes or a boyish grin or his lovely laughter.
I wondered if this is what death was like, dark and cold with no hope of ever being happy again.
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
I always hoped there was some form of after life, being reunited with loved ones, getting to watch over the people you left behind.
Maybe Jack's watching over us or maybe he's happy to be with his loved ones that have passed on, and doesn't notice how much I need him or the rest of the team.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
I can't stand looking at his dead body he looks wrong all.
I tried looking at his face but it wasn't his, it was to stiff, to pale and lacked Jack's warmth that seems to radiate from him.
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other
I missed the way our bodies melted together when we kissed, like two pieces of a puzzle fitting together perfectly.
The way our lips molded together like they where made to fit against each other.
And the way my legs fit around hips perfectly.
Or the way his face buried into my neck at the perfect angle.
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
It felt like my lungs combust from my sobs, it was getting difficult to breathe from the pain and grief.
I needed his warmh and reasurance that it was going to be okay.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
All the words I need to hear will always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you
God I missed him so much but I knew he wouldn't want me to spend time grieving over him no matter how much pain his loss caused.
I stood up wiping tears from my face and walked out to help Tosh knowing that I'll always miss him but I had to help my team.
Then suddenly Gwen walked in beaming with Jack following. Alive and warm.
I stood up it, felt like everything was bright and warm again.