A/N: This is just a fun little one-shot. I hope you like it! I don't own HP or the Burn Book. This was written in the middle of the fifth book.

Burn Book:

Harry Potter: The boy who lived? Please, more like the boy who couldn't defeat me!

Ron Weasley: Who cares about him? He's just a ginger kid that befriended Potter.

Hermione Granger: Smart ass Mudblood with awful hair.

Albus Dumbledore: Old man that's obsessed with "love"

Minerva McGonagall: Single, bitter old hag.

Neville Longbottom: Spineless fat boy.

Luna Lovegood: Psychotic girl that will believe anything.

Ginny Weasley: Harry Potter fan girl. Enough said.

Fred and George Weasley: Annoying pranksters who think they can make fun of me.

Sirius Black: Disgrace to the Noble House of Black.

Remus Lupin: Werewolf and Order Member.

Nymphadora Tonks: Half Blood, also disgrace to the Noble House of Black. But not as much as her mother and second uncle. AND a Hufflepuff.

Kingsley Shacklebolt: Disgrace to the Ministry.

Filius Flitwick: A House Elf that's good at Charms.

Dean Thomas: Half Blood who thinks he's muggle born. I pity him, not!

Cho Chang: Member of Harry Potter fan club.

Parvati and Padma Patil: Agreed to go the Tule Ball with Potter and Weasley, talk about desperate.

Lavender Brown: Annoying girl and member of Ron Weasley fan club.

Oliver Wood: Gryffindor.

Katie Bell: Member of Dumbledore's Army and Gryffindor.

Angelina Johnson: Member of Dumbledore's Army and Gryffindor.

Alastor Moody: He hasn't died yet. That bitch.

Arabella Fig: Squib.

Mundungus Fletcher: Thief and outlaw. I would recruit him, but he's very forgetful. I don't want to recruit someone, then have to kill them.

Bill Weasley: Ugly earrings, but badass hair.

Charlie Weasley: The only Weasley that hasn't dated. Why?

Aberforth Dumbledore: He does things to goats! That's weird!

Fleur Delacour: Veela. Beautiful. Weak.

Rubeus Hagrid: Dumbledore's right hand man.

Molly Weasley: Order Member.

Arthur Weasley: Member of the Order of the Phoenix.

Olympe Maxime: Works with Dumbledore.

Hannah Abbott: Useless Hufflepuff.

Susan Bones: I remember her parents! That was a fun day. Poor girl with unstable parents. I'm pretty sure she's unstable as well.

Terry Boot: Smart ass.

Micheal Corner: Smart ass.

Colin Creevey: Harry Potter fan club AND Mudblood.

Seamus Finnegan: DA Member.

Justin Finch-Fletchley: Mudblood, AND Hufflepuff.

Anthony Goldstein: Smart ass.

Lee Jordan: Gryffindor.

Alicia Spinnet: Gryffindor.

Dennis Creevey: Mudblood.

Ernie MacMillan: Hufflepuff.

...Two years Later...

"Susan, come see this!"

"What Hannah?"

"It's a Burn Book!"

"Who wrote it?"

"Voldemort!"

"Really! Let's see if we're in it!"

Reading, reading, reading.

"I'm not useless!"

"I'm not unstable!"

"Hannah, what's wrong?"

"Neville, Voldemort wrote a Burn Book before he died!"

"He called Hannah useless and me unstable!"

"Am I in it?"

"Yeah, he called you a weak fat kid."

"That bitch!"

"Why are you guys screaming?"

"Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny! Voldemort wrote a Burn book!"

"Are we in it?"

"Yeah! Ron, Voldemort called you ginger that nobody cares about! Voldemort called Hermione a smart ass M-word with awful hair, Harry 'The-Boy-Who-Couldn't-Defeat-Him', and Ginny a Harry Potter fan girl."

"That awful git!"

"Burn Book? Am I in it?"

"Yeah! Ernie, Justin, you're reason for being in the Burn Book is because you're Hufflepuffs."

"Harry, where's his diary and where's the basilisk?"

A/N: I hope you thought it was funny! Please review!