Loolves Crotch the Fifth: V: Emperor of the Groovy Gravy Tomb Realms Christmas Special Sing-Along
Rotherham was wet that night. The rain fell sadly from the skies and landed morosely onto the floor. The slugs moved slowly from place to place.
High Street was also wet. The man in the suit walked along towards the lamppost near to where the only smallish thing that was hanging off of a building was protecting some of Rotherham from getting wet.
He clumped over there and stood. His dark, evil face was partially obscured by the evil hat he was wearing. The face that was exposed was dragging constantly on a cigarette. His coat was dark and wettish.
A car drove past, solitary and sad in demeanour. Suit man watched it with his eyes.
He glanced at his watch, which was showing that the time was at night.
Laivop Caros came out of the alleyway. She was wearing something that is supposed to protect against rain but was tailored by a pervert so it didn't.
The suit talked with a voice that reminded Lakcv of her father before he was dead.
"You must get us the intel." he said, slowly moving his head around to the left.
LAvjvb didn't say anything; she was apoplectic with fury but paralysed with fear. Her face trembled.
"I don't want to do this any more!" she whispered loudly and desperately into the ear.
"You must," he said. He assignment was clear, and instructed Plague Girl to get going immediately.
Filled with a sacred American Duty to protect the President, she bravely accepted.
"Yes sir!" she shouted. Girl went over to the car and got inside. The electric screen shot alight with things.
"Hello, Miss Vane," said the well-mannered man within the screen, "I have taken the liberty of giving you the latest in technology." The technology indeed; it bleeped and spammed with bings and bongs. Laugu was still jaded by the evil of the suit, and looked seriously at the man in the screen that was grinning. She uttered the words;
"Harh," and shoved the gears into the right places and drove off at supremely decisive speed.
Meanwhile, a cutscene occurred. Count von Foolyboards stomped hither and thither in his castle throne room.
"Damn unt blast!" he shouted, his voice heavy with a deep, gruff, disgusting German accent. One of his minions, who looked small and pointless in comparison to the enormous Count, quaked violently with fear (and had been doing so for fully five minutes). The minion uttered the shaky words:
"Mien Count, when will Wuttemburg rise again?" His voice was whiny and spoke shakily, but with the unmistakable solidity of a relatively strong minion.
The Count swirled around, making his cape flap about.
"Ha ha ha ha!" he shouted!
Loofoop got out of the train, and walked along the Paris road. It was night, and raining again. She ran forwards into a wall for a while, and then turned towards a shop.
The bell dingled as she staggered in.
"Bonjour!" screamed the weevily man behind the counter that was bigger than he was, "Parce que le fromage et le beau femme? Har har."
Laogyooy glared shyly, sniggered and moved up towards him. She found her pistol and shoved it up the man's nose hole. "Urgh, sacre bluh!" he shouted. At last, Jorgensen would have her revenge.
"Tell me where the Tablet of Sirius is," Lookfoop asked. Her eyes drilled into the man's face.
"Je ne comprendes pas!" the man said, "le Tabled de Sirius est dans le bibliotheque d'Paris!"
For Lakcj could know the French, and thus knew her objecting.
The car shot through the night.
A guard hung around the door. He slunk off into the shadows, and looked about. Then he followed his AI path back into the lit area. He repeating this process until Laojg came and snapped his neck in several places.
"Hafgh," Lacky said. She moved her face bone up close to the man's. "Where is the Tablet?"
He looked sort of determined to not talk, but he did, because he was in fairly serious pain.
"Le Tablet est dans le 'Noo-Foo MkII'!" he whispered loudly and died. The guard breathed his last.
Noo-Foo MkII. Lalggh has defeated the MkI before, but knew the MkII was better. She shivered in tense anticipation. Then, suddenly, a crashing noise happened. The screen shook to make it more interesting. Another boom. Cracks appeared in the ceilings and fell off. Suddenly, Loo-Foo MkII made a loud sqeak and fell out of the floor.
Laugh darted about! The MkII was better than the other. Happily, it's hyper-railgun smashed about everything around her because it's AI didn't let it win. Lavatory got out her RPG weapon and fired it in the general direction of the monster, letting the auto-aim do the work. It smashed itself to bits against the Loo-Foo's face parts.
"Ouch," it said, and raised up a level. It looked bigger and sort of tougher, and started firing thousands of missiles. The music stepped up a thing.
Lobby smashed up the thing's legs, so it crawled along the floors. She got it into a headlock and it started to talking.
"Argh," it said. Lomp poked it in the eye.
"Slurgh," she murmured. He knew it was defeated. "Nurgh!" the thing groaned and breathed no more.
Jakkobson now had the piece, and knew where to pop. She got into the magic car and talked to the man in with the screen-parts.
"Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello…" he said. Leer knew that she was on the right track, and drove quick over to the enemy area: Wuttemburg.
"Damn unt blast!" the evil Count said again. The minion standing next to him stepped up a whole level of quaking shaky fear, and nearly fell over.
"Sir, she's coming!" shouted a ninja.
"Don't vorry," said the Count, "she has to get through enemies and puzzles! Hargh haergh!" His sides split with the laughter.
Looloo skidded down the slope. The snow was deep, and she ground through it slowly as if wading through fully dried reinforced shite. As she rounded a smallish rise on the snow, she glimpsed the Castle von Baron von Wuttemburg, on top of the mountain.
Smashing her way up, she skidded to a halt upon a minion's body parts.
Laghrop slunk off into the shadows. A guard's patrol path went past, so she assassinated him with her hidden super-heavy machine gun. She took a glimpse about, and double-take constantly at the doors. It was big, with a lock. The walls were too much to clamber. Loofa slid up to the doorway and got out her lock picking apparatus. Sadly, as she stared at it, the lock picker crawled away in a fit of unbridled fury. Laughing, Kloopy got out one of the hair things that was holding her hair in an unattractive position all tied up. Fan service happened; her hair fell gracefully down and was sort of wavy and full. A minion died. Voosk got right up to the lock and looked inside it with her mind, so that she could tell exactly what to do with the lockpick from the little information window in the corner of the screen. After one try, she smashed the lock and snuck inside.
The castle was dank, and covered in slimy nothings which crawled away on sight. The minion that was hanging around saw her, and shouted -
"You!". He drew his arm up and down, pointing at Lager. His face was smiling because it wasn't textured properly.
Land Rover sloshed up to him and performed a kick onto his nose bone. The minion fell, asking for chocolate cake, dying quickly. Suddenly, though, Laffy heard a door unlock. She darted over into the floor, where she was unnoticeable. A mob of guards came in, talking to eachother in tongues. Behind them followed a large, burly man wearing body armour carrying a massive electric sword. He grinned and said, in a slow, phlegm covered voice that sounded rather like it was not so much talking but simply moving several stones of snot from one internal location to another:
"Heh."
Loolapasloola got up and stood around in front of the large man. In a fit of rage and fury he swung his weapon in the direction of Laboratory, destroying many of the other minions that were crowding around him. Slumpy had found her strategy. She got out the weapon device and smashed part of it into the scrotum of the large man. He grunted and sunk himself into his trousers.
Gorry had defeated, so she went to the train stop and took it up to the rooms.
"No!" whispered the Baron desperately. His kingdom wasn't working because Laggy had broken most of it.
He roared in sadness, and ran at Floppy. She dodged him and smershed his face in.
"Well played," the man said. "Well."
The Army got in and celebrated; the "President was safe!" they shouted. "Wuttemburg is ours, from sea to shiny sea! Murica!" they thought loudly. Even Santa Claus dropped in and flirted outrageously with Laiueaoc, who was all sassy and watershed happened. Lorg went home to Kansas, and all lived happily, until the American Government came to her shack one fateful Thursday, 1912, London, in Russia, 2013. They said quietly;
"You needed. Come, Sus, you need help." they whispered into the face cavities of Laddy Cross.
Good night, and Happy Independence Day!