NA: Huntershipping. I'm not too proud about this one. Hope you like it anyway! I should stop torture you with updates!
Stop
I don't deserve to be loved, not by you. Get it? Probably not. — GoldSilver
—|—
"You know that I love you," Gold says with a smile, looking deeply into Silver's eyes, trying to make him believe that it is true and that it will always be true. Slowly, he moves his arms, pulls them around Silver's neck, pushing him gently against him, nose against nose, he feels the soft, masculine smell of his hair reach Gold's nose, a gentle smell, reminding of him, everything he wants from him.
Everything.
Silver stiffs in his arms, turning into a post—the tip of the crayon breaks and he curls into a ball, hiding from the only one that really wants him—he hears the words, hears what Gold says but still not, he doesn't understand it, he can't. How can it be true, he doesn't understand the emotional called 'love', no, it's hidden in the plains of Neverland, where he can't reach it. He can't reach it, but Gold can and that doesn't change anything.
Silver likes him, he really does, he likes him, very, very much, it's like drug, morphine and he's not only addicted to it; it consumes and shoves him to the edge of the cliff, thinking that one day he may be gone, gone from it. He can't handle the thought, not Gold, Gold cannot disappear. But still, he doesn't fell convenient like this, when Gold smiles, smiles, smiles and says that he loves him since it can't be true. No one loves him, not even his father, no one. Lyra says he's selfish and maybe he is. He doesn't care about anything. Doesn't mean to harm anyone, he really doesn't, but when your life moves on a straight trail like this, when nothing means anything, when the only stars he has slowly grow dim and die and fall down the sky like a meteor, it's hard not to awaking the fire inside humans. He can't share emotions, he really can't, he can't love, love is a crude emotion and still he can't handle it. He can't. Gold can. And that doesn't change anything at all.
It is like this.
But Gold thinks it does. And Silver doesn't dare to tell him the true. Gold lives in a lie, a filthy lie where he gives and gives and receives nothing and Silver doesn't understand how he can bear with it. Maybe he loves him after all… no he can't. That's impossible.
"Silver, where did you go?" Gold asks with his soft voice, lips carefully open and he touches Silver's arms, rubbing up and down. Silver flushes, flushes very much, blood rushes up at his pale cheeks and he doesn't answer. Doesn't know what to answer. He never does. Gold smiles, smiles and continues to smile even though the red-head's silence must bring him crazy and Silver cries inside hence he doesn't deserve to be loved by a genuinely perfect person like Gold, he really doesn't and he wants to tell him but can't.
"Silver?" he repeats, the worry could be spotted deep down his originally cheery voice, licks his lips that shines like honey, but doesn't let go of Silver's arm. The warmth from his fingers burns like lava, fiery lava since he's not used to be touched, cared for and he doesn't know what to think, what to do. He missed it, but when he gets it he doesn't remember why. "Is something wrong? You must tell me if something is wrong. Trust me; I only want to help you."
This isn't the usual Gold and Silver wonders if it scares him. Maybe. Since he's used to a easy-going, happy person that laughs even when there isn't something to laugh at, who tells the stupidest stories that it's too hilarious and stupid to be called funny, who is enthusiastic about pokémon but doesn't know how to battle with them, who has the shiniest eyes, chocolate eyes that always seem to be in the clouds. He says that Gold irritates him and sometimes he does but more so he makes Silver feel alive, to understand that Gold is everything Silver never will be. It's sad but bearable.
And he doesn't want this. He doesn't know what he wants but definitely not this. Doesn't want those eyes to look at him, doesn't want the tower to fall over him and erase him to powder.
It's easy when he plays with jokes. But this isn't easy anymore. Everything is going downhill and Gold has changed and Silver has not. And he only wants to run away. Escape from the one that (thinks) he wants him. It can't be true. And he doesn't know how to treat Gold's own problems. For him; Gold doesn't have any. At least he doesn't care about them. But he does now. And the problem is him.
And Gold will never ever understand that.
"Silver? You know that you have to answer when I ask you something," he continues, a line that could be draped with sarcasm and rolling eyes but it's not. It's absent. And the voice is dry, it's dry and hollow and his fingers grabs Silver's arms like he's scared that he would disappear with the echoing wind. The voice isn't normal. Nothing about this is normal.
And he knows it. "Go away," he snarls, turning his head so that he doesn't have to see those eyes anymore, but he can't bring force into that sentence, since he doesn't want to hurt Gold. He wants Gold to stay away but he doesn't want to hurt him.
"Why should I? After what I said?"
Silver swallows and feels his heart beats angrily against his ribs and he feels the urge to cry. That isn't normal. Crying isn't normal. Crying is putting everything on the sleeves for public eyes. But then again—nothing about this is normal. Being affected by Gold isn't normal. "Just listen to what I say, Gold. Please."
But Gold doesn't. He never listens. He just keeps looking at him, then moving a hand, turning Silver's head so that they eyes meet. "You can run but it will come back. And pushing me away doesn't change anything."
"This doesn't either." It's a lame attempt to scare the stupid boy away and Silver knows it. It's always that way. Since somewhere deep within every scowls and lies he understands that he doesn't want Gold to leave. He needs him.
He needs to reform into what has been before he met Gold. But he doesn't want to.
Gold wraps his arms around his neck and uses a forced smile that makes Silver want to punch him in the face. "This can work. Because I love you. I can't do anything else." He crawls closer and opens his mouth and Silver shoves him away.
"Stop!"
"Stop?"
He really doesn't understand anything, does he?
The amnesty rises, everything rises and he knows that it's only one solution to the equation.
"This will never ever work. Be with Lyra. Not with me."
He then rises up from the bench, leaves Gold with his sad, sad eyes and stomps everything in the ground (like he always do.)
But this time it feels holocaustic.
—"You know that I love you."
He does. And he still leaves. Since that's life. That's fate. He can't do anything else.
But he still wishes he could do just that.
Love.
—|—
fin