"I...don't understand." My watery eyes flitted around the room, seeking for some other life form, or even an inanimate object, just something that isn't, you know, an parka-clad immortal or a completely blank, white, ceiling and flooring.
"I don't expect you to! Look, Kyle, I'm tired of this power. And I'm fucking sick of all this drama! I'm giving you a chance, Kyle. A chance to give your friends good lives. How could you refuse?" He was right. I couldn't turn down the offer. Allow me to explain.
My name is Kyle Broflovski, I am (was?) nearly 17 years old, and my boyfriend was called Stan Marsh. Today, I died. I'm not sure how exactly, I can't really remember. One second I was crossing the road, the next I was in Kenny's arms, eyes drooping as he flew me to the afterlife, and listening to him ramble on about how he could finally free himself of his gift...or curse, as he preferred to call it.
So what do I have to do? Well, Kenny gave me five instructions, not necessarily in that order, which I will detail in a list below. I guess I hadn't lost that habit, which I'm grateful for.
1) Change my identity. Since I died, but am going back to Earth, it makes sense that if I'm going to have a new life, I'm going to have a new appearance. Besides, scaring my friends the fuck out or giving them hope I'm alive again - I can only stay on Earth for 2 months - isn't how I would want things to turn out.
2) Make peace with my death, and accept that when the times comes, I will pass away, again. But it will be alright, I guess. I have Kenny to keep me company... Wait, on seconds thoughts!
3) Help my friends get over me. Easier said than done. How can I possibly be able to get Stan to move on? Sure, one day, he will. But not in a few months! There's also the minor issue of getting seriously depressed and jealous; Kenny suggested I should set Stan up with someone... How will I find the strength to do that?
4) Get my friends together. This is actually a task I might enjoy. Craig and Tweek. Pip and Damien. Cartman (bleugh) and Wendy (Bitch). Token and Clyde. Butters and... Well, Kenny hasn't thought of someone for him yet. I think Kenny doesn't really want to even consider it, much like I don't want to for Stan. Even though I know Kenny wants to stay dead, stop dying all the freaking time, I know how much he already misses his boyfriend.
5) Get back to Heaven. Yes, I got into Heaven. Turns out religion isn't all that important, as long as you didn't commit any of the main sins.
"I'll do it.'
If only I knew what I was in for...