Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry. Capcom does, for better or for worse.
Joe: This is quite literally just a random thought I got as a by-product of three cups of coffee in a row with not much else to do. This chapter won't provide what the summary promised, but will set things up. And, no, I'm not going to explain the whole 'Joe' thing. Check my profile to get filled in.
"I've called you all here today so that we may all stand together to face a life-changing issue," Dante announced sternly to the group assembled before him in his office.
The group composed of his estranged twin brother Vergil, his devil-hunting partner Trish, his colleague Lady, his old friend Lucia...and Nero, who had not been invited, but knew Dante well enough to assume that he should show up anyway (had he not ventured to do so, he would most likely have received an angry lecture from Dante demanding why not). In fact, he had received a phone call from Dante to the effect that he had not been invited, but the underlying message remained that Nero should go, so that Dante would have an excuse to yell at him whether he opted to go or not. Seated beside and in the arms of Nero was Kyrie, who's existence had no other purpose than to do so.
All of which were seated on couches arranged so as to form a square, reminiscent of an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Trish scurried back and forth from upstairs bearing a platter of tea, coffee, and biscuits, despite Dante repeatedly insisting that this was not the most suitable occasion for these.
Clenched tightly in Dante's hand was an envelope, which he held out at full arms-length for safety in the event that it exploded. This seemed a likely occurrence, taking into account Dante's fleeting nervous glances at said letter.
By now the entire group were eyeing the letter with similar unease. None of them save Dante knew what it contained, so you can imagine their collective disappointment when he opened it to reveal a sheet of ordinary paper. Kyrie shit herself in fright.
"I received this letter just this morning, at approximately thirty-six hundred hours," Dante began, as a red Kyrie hurriedly excused herself "When -"
"Thirty-six hundred hours?" Vergil interrupted, a superior smile spread across his normally neutral face – a record for him, at only twenty seconds into the meeting.
"Yes, at thirty-six hundred hours," Dante confirmed with diluted confidence "Right after I had my breakfast. I remember waking up at thirty-five hundred, twenty hours, and I check my mail right after that. Why?"
"No reason," Vergil replied, the superiority in his voice palpable "Proceed."
"Right...so, when I read this letter, I realised what a threat it posed to all of us," Dante continued, shaking the offending item vigorously – confirming that it was not a bomb by the absence of clanking metal - "The letter...is from Capcom. They're starting work on a sequel."
Only Trish was inflicted by this announcement, yet the degree of her worry compensated for it. Her mouth hung upon as her left arm proceeded to pour tea down Vergil's neck, who squawked loudly in protest as he indignantly leaped to his feet.
"So what?" Lady queried contemptuously as Vergil bombarded Trish with heated words accompanied by animated arm-flailing.
"So what?!" Dante repeated shrilly.
"Yes, that's what I said," Lady stated.
"Do none of you realise what this means?" Dante interrogated his audience sharply, all of whom responded with shaking heads; Trish had run upstairs to fetch a towel. Dante sighed impatiently.
"I'll tell you what it means," he said doggedly, his expression grim "Capcom – in their infinite wisdom – are going to decide to try something new and exciting, as they always do. Be it a new character, or some preposterous new plot-device. What this actually means is that the old characters – us – are in jeopardy."
The group was unimpressed.
"That's a bit of an overstatement, don't you think?," Nero scoffed.
"Your face is a bit of an overstatement!" Dante quickly replied, before snapping his fingers in appreciation of his own hilarious comeback.
"Your mother's a bit of an overstatement!" Nero retorted, equally quickly. Dante hissed through his teeth as he recoiled, taken aback, but speedily recovered and answered;
"Your mother's face is a bit of an overstatement!" Dante shot back. Nero gasped, blinked twice, then hung his head, defeated.
"So what I'm saying," Dante proceeded, a triumphant smile spread wide across his face "Is that Capcom habitually ruin plot aspects in the course of trying to improve it."
"Give one example," Lady challenged him, her arms crossed.
"All right then," Dante relented, then cast his gaze about for material "...Lucia!"
The devil in question looked questioningly up from the tea tray, her mouth full of digestives.
"After the initial success of Devil May Cry, Capcom immediately decided that a sequel would be in order. Their result; Devil May Cry 2, with myself and Lucia here as the stars," Dante explained as Lucia eyed him reproachfully, knowing where he was going with this "As much as we all like to keep it locked up, Devil May Cry 2 exists. Lucia was presented as a solution to a problem that never existed. Capcom tainted the reputation of the series with this, and they know it. As a result, by the introduction of a sequel, I was harmed. Potential fans would look at me and scoff, knowing what I starred in."
Dante narrowed his eyes at Lucia, who in a manner of speaking submerged herself under a large quantity of biscuits for cover.
"And it doesn't end there – oh, no. The Devil May Cry franchise was large enough to earn a relatively large profit from the sub-par sequel, so yet another sequel was made. Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening was the result," Dante lectured, beginning to pace back and forth with an occasional rising of his finger to make emphasis on certain points "Although the third instalment was a huge and deserving success, the newcomer to the series in the previous game was forgotten and abandoned."
Dante nodded sympathetically to Lucia, who burst into unsuitably noisy tears. Crumbs formed a sort of lumpy paste around her mouth, and indeed, her weight had increased exponentially since the second game.
"And you can see the result of that," Dante stated, sympathy replaced by slight disdain. He was forced to raise his voice, so that Lucia's sobs would not drown out his words "But I'm not done! It was certain that there would be yet another sequel, and Capcom did not disappoint with Devil May Cry 4. This time Nero and the Holy Knights were introduced, with Nero to a certain extent replacing myself."
Dante said this last part with unmistakable bitterness, but nodded politely at Nero.
"This was done to freshen up the series, but was inevitable. However, the result of this sequel was that the older characters – Vergil and Lady here," Dante, again, nodded politely at those mentioned who nodded back "Were degenerated into something less than what they were. Lady, the moral backbone of the third instalment became eye candy-"
Lady grimaced and frowned in an accusing fashion at her suspiciously inflated breasts.
"While my brother Vergil here, essential key to the series' plot and contrasting character to myself, only existed in part of Nero's arm somehow. Admittedly, I remained my dashingly handsome self..." Dante trailed off. Lady and Vergil exchanged conflicted glances.
"As of yet, Nero and Kyrie – and Trish, I suppose – are the only ones undamaged by the introduction of a sequel. Now, Capcom are planning another such sequel. I'm sure you understand the severity of our situation."
The room went quiet temporarily, broken only by the eventual entree of Trish with a towel.
"I can't believe I'm saying this," Vergil announced slowly, as he removed his coat "But Dante is right. We are all slowly fading away as Capcom experiments with new games."
"Which is why I called you all here in the first place," Dante stated, regaining his stern tone, but immediately disposing of it as he added "Except you, Nero. I don't know what you're doing here."
Nero pretended he didn't hear anything and took a mouthful of coffee.
"Well, it's only progress," Nero said reasonably "I mean, a franchise has to adapt to stay alive."
"That's easy for you to say now," Dante told him darkly "You've only just been introduced. Just wait until this sequel...who knows what Capcom will do. Perhaps a gay new hairstyle? A contradicting personality, like me in the second instalment? Perhaps even a son?"
Kyrie poorly chose this time to return, still smelling vaguely like excrement. Nero's eyes widened at the thought of having a child, and then furthermore considered the thought of a child with this malodorous woman. He sharply stood up, expression dark.
"We have to do something, now."
"Exactly my point," Dante agreed "Which I tried to make ages ago. Now, that we're all prepared to act; what do we do?"
Silence reigned a second time, this time each person was deep in thought. Lucia even considered to stop eating. She declined, of course, but at least she considered it.
"I have a suggestion," Dante offered, smirking mischievously.
"No explosives," Vergil cut across him.
Dante promptly deflated, then sank back into the couch and began to sulk.
"There's only one thing we can do," Vergil stated sagely "We confront Capcom and demand that we oversee any writing on the sequel."
This suggestion was met by overall approval, but Lady cut across him.
"That's all well and good, but how do we get to Japan from here?"
"I have a biplane round back," Dante offered helpfully.
"That's...ridiculous. How on earth did you get a biplane?" Lady demanded cynically.
"Oh, I needed it to escape from Mallet Island," Dante replied conversationally.
"That's just awful writing," Nero stated sadly.
"And that is exactly why we're leaving," Vergil pointed out, to which they all nodded in agreement and filed out.
So it was that after a long and frankly preposterous voyage they arrived in front of Capcom's main building. The biplane was parked right in front of the main entrance, yet for some reason nobody seemed alarmed or even remotely surprised.
"Just to check that we're all here," Dante announced as he produced a checklist.
"Dante – I'm here, yeah - ...Vergil!"
"Here." Vergil replied.
"Trish!"
"Here," Trish answered brightly.
"Lady!"
"Mh-hm," Lady mumbled.
"Nero!"
"Right here," Nero responded.
"Kyrie!"
"Ah!" Kyrie jumped.
"Tubsy!"
Lucia began to wail uncontrollably. Dante snickered maliciously.
"Dante!" Trish scolded him.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry," Dante apologised dispassionately as he turned to the biplane and opened the fridge-sized cargo compartment, and retrieved Rebellion, Ebony and Ivory, and the others retrieved their respective possessions with which they could not possibly part.
"Everyone got their baggage? Lucia, got your ass?" Dante called out, then his cackling redoubled as Lucia's wails intensified to a deafening crescendo.
"That's enough," Trish warned him sternly.
"Fair enough," Dante answered, then headed into the building.
Due to their status in the corporation, they were allowed up to the CEO's office. Dante entered with his usual unsympathetic approach to doors (he kicked it violently off it's hinges) and glared at the smartly dressed man seated behind the desk, arms crossed. Everybody else took a similar stance.
The CEO was not the frail little old man Dante had rather hoped for, but rather appeared to only be in his late thirties. His black hair was greying slightly, but controlled somewhat by dye. His face was clear of any lines from age or stress, but to the contrary appeared vaguely happy to see the cast of Devil May Cry angrily staring him down.
"How may I help you all?" The CEO inquired politely in flowing English.
"Don't play dumb with me," Dante growled menacingly "You know why we're here."
The CEO considered him for a moment, before suggesting;
"You are displeased at the introduction of Nero."
"No I'm not," Dante answered, somewhat surprised.
"Yes you are," Nero corrected him.
"No I'm not," Dante retorted childishly, turning round to face Nero.
"You tried throwing me out of the plane twice," Nero stated bluntly.
"I – that – just..." Dante began falteringly "If you must know, I'm just toughening you up. If you're to be my successor, you've got to grow some balls, kid."
"So you attempted throwing me out of a plane," Nero countered skeptically.
"Bet you weren't expecting me to do it twice," Dante replied with a grin.
"That raises some questions," the CEO interrupted "How did you all fit into a two-seated biplane?"
Silence.
"The reason why we are all here," Vergil announced in a commanding voice as everybody disregarded the preceding question "Is to demand that we take control over the writing of any further Devil May Cry sequels, in order to protect the dignity of the series' cast."
"Yeah!" Kyrie added. Everybody else stared her down into embarrassed silence.
"You do realise how unreasonable these demands are?" the CEO stated calmly "Allowing the cast of a series to control it's production would be highly detrimental to the quality of any sequels."
"Devil May Cry 2," Dante argued.
"Touchè," The CEO submitted.
At this the CEO stood up and strolled slowly to gaze out of his window, overlooking the building plaza. His arms were held behind his back as he contemplated this proposal.
"This would be a considerable risk..." the CEO slowly deduced "Yet we at Capcom are always open to try new possibilities in our products..."
The cast allowed him an extended pause, before he slowly turned around with the smallest of smiles on his face.
"Very well. But do not disappoint me."
The group burst into cheers and laughter, save for Vergil and Lucia. Vergil did not emote because he never laughs unless in a sinister or sadistic fashion, and Lucia merely articulated her euphoria by eating the plastic decorative fruit on the CEOs desk.
"So, you will all be prepared to create a draft proposal for the storyline of the sequel?" the CEO inquired.
The group stopped cheering instantaneously, and exchanged uneasy glances. They all knew that co-operating was too heavy a task to set them.
"We take turns?" Dante suggested.
This was met with approval by the group, but the CEO was unsatisfied.
"You are asking me to allow a group of people who cannot even work together to assume control over the production of one of our most successful franchises? How can you expect me to allow such incompetence to carry the weight of such investment?"
"Surely, if we are to all compose a proposal, the competition would ensure that only the best plot be used? And thus, result in an altogether higher quality in the end product?" Vergil asked.
"Fine," the CEO said reluctantly "You will each draft a storyline for the next Devil May Cry. Have them in my office by this time next month. No later. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to lay off the writing staff of Devil May Cry..."
Joe: Things haven't really kicked off yet, but you get the gist of what's going to happen here. This was rather short, I have to admit, but it's necessary.
And no, I know nothing of any actual sequel, but if anybody else does, could you let me know?
Reviews would be appreciated, if you think that this is a worthwhile idea, and I'm also giving you the opportunity to vote for which character's idea comes next chapter.
'til then,
Ciao.