Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me.
Description: Snow is pretty and seems so pure, but is so cold. Is love the same? Ed doesn't want to know but some things are too hard to resist. Can he make it through Christmas? Elricest.
Author Notes: This is something for the holidays. Points "You people! Go and get me used to Hei's name being spelt like that . . . Fine! I turn myself over to the dark side."
"Why is it the dark side?"
"I don't know. Wait, who asked that?"
Soon I'll switch to Alfons instead of Heiderich . . . Soon, unless I have. I should stop writing author notes this long before I post.
Al dove to move the pot off the burner before it boiled over. There was so much he needed to do just to get ready to cook everything later.
He didn't exactly like cooking but if he didn't, to be blunt, they'd starve.
He wiped his forehead.
Finally a brake!
For a bit anyway.
He glanced around for Edward but his golden elder was nowhere to be seen.
Amazingly the decorations had been put up. It was at times difficult to know how Ed actually felt about such things. He assumed that Ed had gone to finish with his present. Edward always left everything to the last minuet.
After they had come through the gate, Ed had shunned everyone but him, only accepting his solace. They had moved where no one would recognize them. Or mistake him for his near identical double. No one actually knew Alphonse Elric but they did know Alfons Heiderich. Apparently they weren't smart enough to see the gigantic height difference. If he had been the age he should be Alphonse was sure they'd have been the same height. His body was five years younger then it was supposed to be, or the fact that Al had brown hair and eyes and Heiderich had pail blond hair and deep blue eyes.
How did he know?
How could he forget? He hadn't seen him much; the first time was when he followed Ed back to this place called Germany. The pail teen had been laying on the factory floor with blood staining his white shirt.
Ed had seemed so calm but underneath he wasn't. On the inside Ed had been a bottomless dark abyss dimming everything before devouring all light and hope.
Al understood. He had once felt the same, when Ed was gone and everyone assumed he was dead.
But he was able to hope. They had been tampering with highly unexplored regions of science. Anything could have happened. Ed had been slapped across the face with the cold inarguable truth.
All he could do was be there for Ed and hope he was enough to at least deflect some pain.
Ed's personality had begun to revert to its old self more recently and Al could begin to think that maybe things could be normal again.
He'd worked hard, cleaning the house every day (a lot harder then it sounds!), cooking all the meals; even getting a cookbook, trying to get jobs here and there to help pay for things.
He never complained or asked for help. He didn't normally have to anyway and he only spoke about the difficult things when Ed brought them up.
He wondered if his brother still loved him like before.
He never asked.
He wondered if his brother had loved Heiderich, in an entirely different way.
He barely dared think on it.
XXX
Ed tore tape off the roll with his teeth. Emitting a muffled growl.
There! It was done.
It wasn't as neatly wrapped as he knew Al's present for him would be. It was decent though and for him that was saying a lot.
He shoved it under the pillows. Thinking of what had happened last time he'd done that and forgot he moved it to a less squashable location.
Ed stretched the kinks out of his back before getting up.
Al was cleaning the kitchen as he hummed to himself.
He looked, maybe a bit too intensely, at Alphonse.
'When did my Aru get so, well, pretty?' He would never say pretty aloud but it was true!
Ed mentally kicked himself. Why wouldn't those stupid thoughts leave him alone?
Al was his little brother! He was supposed to protect him!
It would be so easy to walk up behind Al and slip his arms around him. Pressing a kiss to the back of his neck.
Knowing Al, he wouldn't even see anything wrong with the simple gesture. Just a show of affection from his big brother. Ed would know though. And once that was done then one more thing would turn to two.
Was he in love with Al?
Love was supposed to be pure and beautiful.
The snow falling gently outside seemed both but it was cold too.
If he ever tried anything, he was sure he'd get frostbitten. It wasn't meant to be. That was it. Subject closed.
Pots clattered as Al rummaged through the cupboard.
He wondered vaguely at the song Al was humming. He hummed it a lot. It was so sad but nice. Almost hopeful? Meh! How could it sound hopeful if there were no words?
It did.
Whenever he heard it, he got the urge to go make sure he hadn't offended Al in some way and upset him but he always found Al looking content and happy.
The thing that scared Ed the most was the thought that Al might just be so used to being sad and hiding it that the difference couldn't be seen any longer.
It could now though. For but a second he saw a look of such sad weariness in Al's eyes he actually took a step closer.
Al started and beamed at him.
It had been there for so little a time he couldn't be certain of what he'd seen.
"Hi brother! Why are you staring like that? Do I have some thing on me?" He looked over his clothes.
Ed tilted Al's chin up. "Is something the matter Al?"
"N-no. I was just thinking really hard . . . About stuff." He finished stupidly.
"You couldn't lie if someone had a gun to your head." He bent his head forward, wanting so badly to know what Al tasted like.
They were so close.
To close.
Their lips nearly brushed. Ed could feel Al's breath, inviting.
He moved away at the last moment, remembering what he had promised himself.
Never, ever, under any circumstances, was he to dump his filthy horribly wrong feelings and lust on his brother.
Al was never to know.
Al rubbed his mouth after Ed had gone.
Had Ed almost done what he thought?
No, it wasn't possible. He was just imagining it.
Right?
Thinking on the last thing Ed said he replied. "You know it's more difficult to lie under pressure!"
"Then you couldn't lie if you were in a comfortable environment completely at ease!"
Al chuckled.
Just his imagination.
Al felt a bit restless. He hated having something that needed to get done that he had to wait to finish.
He sat on the comfortable couch they had managed to buy the other day before stores closed for the holidays.
Christmas didn't seem very festive this year. It was like they were going through the steps as if they had become too used to them. Or maybe were afraid if they didn't they'd have to admit that the rest of their lives had become a little side tracked too. Really side tracked.
They had come back looking for the uranium bomb. It proved much more elusive then they would have thought and they still hadn't found any clues.
Alphonse wasn't sure it had been a good idea for them to come here. He was sure, despite Edwards uncertainty, that he had made the right choice in following Ed through.
If he hadn't then it was very likely they would have never seen each other again.
And Alphonse would do anything for his big brother. Anything.
Ed sat beside Al, who looked to be daydreaming.
"Hey!" Ed prodded him. "Are you in there?"
Al continued staring dreamily off.
"You must be having fun." He half joked.
It was better that way right now. If he wasn't, he might decide to ask Ed what he had been doing when he leaned in. So close.
'Get out of the gutter you stupid brain! Argh!'
Al 'hmnd' and lifted his bottle of Coke.
Ed watched Al tilt his head back, the glass rim pressed against his mouth.
It was odd that out of everything, something he'd seen Al do a thousand times is what set him off.
When Al lowered it he took the bottle and put it on the table.
Willpower and want struggled vieusly.
Guess who won?
Edward bent and kissed him, twining their fingers together and pinning Al's hands above his head.
He probed and Al parted his lips to allow entrance causing Alphonse to whimper.
Ed dragged Al over onto his lap. Alphonse tasted so much better then he had expected. Like sunlight and honey.
He trailed kisses down the jaw, nipping and lapping at Al's neck.
He felt the vibrations when Al groaned long and low and couldn't suppress a moan of his own.
Edward came away for air.
His brother was flushed. Lips parted and eyes still closed. His brows were drawn together like he wasn't sure he liked what was happening or not.
Or, more accurately, the idea of what was happening. Ed knew Al had liked it physically.
He had just kissed his own brother! Broken past the line and into the forbidden!
Shame washed over him like a tsunami hitting a beach. Screw the waves!
When Al realized exactly what Ed had done and what it meant he would hate him. He would wish he'd stayed safely in Amestris.
Looking away Ed scooted Al back onto the couch and ran.
Al would never want to see him again.
Al chased after him. Out into the cold and snow.
Ed didn't stop when he called, after a bit Ed slowed to a quick walk.
In a moment of uncharacteristic annoyance Al packed the snow into a ball, adding more and more while growling and clenching his teeth.
"How. Dare. You. Ig-nore. Me!" He threw it and his aim was perfect.
"Hey!" Ed spluttered. "What do you think your doing?!"
"Don't be a coward and run away Ed!" His tears froze to his cheeks painfully. He didn't care.
"I'm not . . . It's for your own good."
"Why? How is it for my own good that you leave?! I'll be here by myself without enough to get by and where exactly do you think you're going? You didn't bring any money out with you! We don't know anyone around here! Honestly! Do you ever think?!" He exhaled loudly, feeling a bit better.
"Uhhm . . . "
"Exactly. Now would you mind explaining what possessed you to act so stupid?"
"Always with the loving comments." Ed joked weakly. "Alphonse, you're my little brother. What I just did to you was wrong."
"Why? Because others think so? Since when have you cared what others think?"
That stung but it was true. "I care what you think Al."
"So instead of finding out what I think in the first place you ran away?"
"What do you think?" He was afraid to get the answer.
Al crossed the distance between them and took Ed's hands. "I think I'm OK with it. Has it ever occurred to you I might feel the same way?"
How did he know Al wasn't just going along with it to spare him or to keep him here? If he asked, he would get the same answer no matter the truth behind it.
All he could do for now was hope Al was telling the truth.
He wiped the tears that were still falling down Al's cheeks.
"Come'on, we'll go get you cleaned up and out of the cold. I'm sorry I acted like an idiot."
"Why am I always the one that has to keep my head?"
"I bet I can fix that." Ed began proving his point.
"Ed!" Alphonse gasped. "We can't! Someone will see."
Ed held him a moment longer before relinquishing him.
"Then lets go where we won't be bothered."
"Sounds good." Al muttered breathlessly.
XXX
Night had descended and they still lay curled on top of the covers.
They'd had dinner and had kissed some more. Al had thought he wouldn't like kissing but it was nice.
"I almost forgot!" He rolled away and off the bed.
"Get back here. You're warm, I'm not. Get the picture?"
Al laughed. "But brother, we haven't exchanged our gifts yet."
That got Ed up.
He retrieved his gift and they went to Al's room.
"So that's where you've been hiding it." Ed commented as Al opened the drawer beside his bed.
"I wasn't hiding it brother." Al popped his head up to look at Ed. "I was just keeping it here for safekeeping. Where I could make sure it was safe from being found before it was supposed to and I would know if anyone was close." The last was distantly added as Al took the gift out of the drawer.
"Well you didn't seem to know when I looked before."
"That's because it wasn't under the bed, or in the closet, or the pillows."
"You're a lighter sleeper then I thought you were." Ed admitted in defeat.
"Mhmm. Oh," Al had a glint of laughter in his eyes. "And thank you for thinking my hair was nice."
"You heard that!" Ed mumbled a good five minutes strait until Alphonse giggled and pointed at the two gifts.
"Oh . . . Right! You open mine first." He gave the gift to Al.
Al carefully opened the paper so as not to damage it.
Ed had gotten him a copy of Philosophy of the new age. Al had wanted it for a long time but it was expensive.
"Thank you!" He threw his arms around Ed.
Edward laughed freely. He was glad that Al seemed to like it.
"Now you open mine." Al glowed, holding the book to his chest.
Ed didn't take time over the wrapper.
He took out the camera. He loved cameras, even this side's more primitive black and white version.
Ed gushed about the new aspects, new being a relative term. New here.
Al was a little embarrassed. It was such a simple design! Ed would like improving it though.
"Hm?" He saw that there was something else.
A photo album.
"I thought you'd need somewhere to keep your pictures." Al smiled.
Ed flipped the cover open.
There were two pictures already inside.
The first was of Heiderich and the others who had been working on the rocket. Al knew Ed had been looking all over for something to remember him by. They had been friends. Al knew now that was all.
Ed had a bit of moisture in his eyes and was smiling to himself. Remembering good times.
Ed took the other picture out to look at. It had been taken when they moved into the new apartment.
The two of them were side by side. Ed had an arm around Al's shoulder and was doing a thumbs up with the other hand and grinning.
Al was blushing a little but smiling widely. He fit perfectly beside his brother.
Ed hadn't realized how much they already looked like a couple. Even back then.
There was writing on the back.
I love you.
"I really do." Al's voice was quiet. "I know you were wondering."
Al had written this before anything had happened. He really wasn't just going along with things for Ed's sake.
Ed kissed him sweetly.
Maybe Christmas was special.
A/N: Christmas and coke. As long as it's not Christmas on coke.
If you read and don't review in seven days some girl with a shattered vertebra and sticky palms will mess up your TV. Happy holidays!