Here's part three of the Paradise series. Now, unlike the other two, this is written in a different style and everything is relevant, (for the most part), rather than random-ass humors that'll confuse the crap out of you. And, as with the others, everyone is out of character, although not as much as they were previously. And, before I forget and confuse the shit out of everyone: Spenser had a species change. He's a German Shepherd Dog now. Anyway, you can find an updated picture of him on my DeviantArt account. The narrator also plays a small part in the plot. In short, this story is much different from the other two, and should be a much more enjoyable read.
Sonic and Co. belong to SEGA/Sonic Team
Scourge and Co. belong to Archie/SEGA
Spenser, Ellsworth, and Tihocan belong to The Lotus Black
Ben belongs to Rewval
All other unnamed references belong to their respective owners.
Preparations
"Oh no – There's no way that could fit there."
"I'm telling you it's one hundred and twenty millimeters."
"If that was the case, the barrel would be wider."
"It doesn't need to be. It has to have traction to shoot properly."
"That's not what I meant."
"It's one hundred twenty millimeters!"
"No, it's not!"
"I think I know how to make a damn M1-A1 Abrams! I've been in the military for thirteen years!"
"Hey!" The two arguing creatures were interrupted by a quieter voice, trying to convince them to speak in a similar tone. "Just ask someone later. It's three in the morning and we have visitors coming over in a few hours." The exhausted ivory hedgehog rubbed the sleep from one of his eyes as he talked. It had been two days since he'd had a good night's rest.
"By that time our argument will be settled," the younger of the two spoke up before his master could snap a nasty retort, as he oftentimes did. "I have the manual in my room."
"Then settle it now," he said, leaning against the railing of the stairs. "We all need some rest, so hurry it up."
"Sure thing, Silver." He turned back to the greener hedgehog, who was staring at the incomplete tank gun.
"It's too small."
"That's what she said."
"That's what you're going to be saying when I shove you into that barrel."
"Knock it off!" Silver raised his voice at them. He's never this angry towards others, it's just something about these two that works his nerves. "I'm going back to bed, and you will do the same."
"But-!"
"Now!"
"Spenser doesn't want to go to bed," he whined, oftentimes speaking in third person.
The ivory hedgehog rubbed his temples. "Just, go to bed."
"Right-o!"
"Right-o? No one says that anymore."
"Spenser says it."
"Spenser needs a better vocabulary."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means the two of you are going to bed, now."
"Alright, Silver."
The sky was in much better condition than it was two years ago. Occasionally, the sun peeks out though breaks in the darkened sky, allowing new plants to grow in their area. The house they owned, the very same that was destroyed by a bright red spaceship with a yellow hammer and sickle, (Spenser was the one who cut the strange Earth-like design from the outer material of the ship), had been restored. It was twice the size of what it used to be, and the father of the occupant no longer resided there, mainly because of who does.
The house has four adults by the names of Scourge, Spenser, Silver and Shadow. (It is by mere coincidence that all their names begin with 's'.) They are joined by three children between the ages of eight to four, and one infant. Silver, the caretaker of the house, cares for the children with the help of his almost useless husband Shadow. The ebony hedgehog hardly does much, mainly due to the fact that he has absolutely no parenting skills. Therefore, the caretaker's adopted brother, Scourge, (the one who was arguing about how big the barrel of the tank should be), has been forced to care for the other children to lighten the burden. But, since he also has no parenting skills, Spenser, (the rather oblivious German Shepherd Dog), ends up caring for the young housemates.
He does a fairly well job, although oftentimes forgets that he is caring for children, and tends to show them inappropriate cartoons, (though he blames the television set for that and states his homeland would never show such atrocities. Needless to say, he hasn't watched much in the United States.) They love his company and squeal 'Uncle Spenser!' when in his presence. He's horrible with children, but reacts rather well when faced with chores, (as he normally pushes them onto the kids.)
So then, what does the husband do? His job is currently to protect his family and assist in guarding the small island alongside the father of his spouse, Ellsworth. The hedgehog, amazingly tall and slender, has grown to like his son-in-law and dislike the yellow nuisance of a dog that often influences the thoughts of young children with his crazy stories. But, back to the husband, Shadow. He is not of this world, and yet, thanks to a certain green scientist, has been able to remain with his love through special golden bands. As have others such as Sonic, the world's fastest hedgehog, Amy, the world's most obsessed with the world's fastest hedgehog, Tails, the world's best friend to the world's fastest hedgehog, and a few others associated with the world's fastest hedgehog.
Speaking of which, those three would be arriving to the reconstructed house early in the morning. It had been two years since the marriage, and two years since they've met. Neither of the groups missed each other, but it's been such a long time that it is traditional to strike up a petty conversation over a few cups of coffee. The children would be watched by a bigger child, (we mean Spenser), while the 'adults' exchange stories and awkward laughter. The infant, of course too young and fragile to be trusted by someone of the Shepherd's stature, would be seated beside Silver. That was the married couple's plan. Scourge would have no part of it. (He hasn't quite gotten over his fear of being tackled into an involuntary hug by anyone other than Spenser, and intended to stay away from Sonic.)
During this time, Spenser would be caring for three children of the ages eight, four, and six. Their names are Tihocan, Pookey, and Adam, (his name being last because it's the normal one.) Regardless, the three are a handful, especially little Tihocan, who seems to draw unwanted attention from a parallel universe, (Spenser believes it to be his birthplace.) The oldest child, the one spoken of in the previous sentence, has a strange appearance, (a mixture of both Shadow and Silver.) He's a hedgehog with three upright fringes and two quills on each side of his head that curve upward. His eyes are pink, which is quite humorous to the yellow nuisance of a dog, and his fur is a dark grey color. Not quite black, but grey.
Pookey, the youngest and only female save for the infant, is a cute pale pink kitten with ears that are always bent backward, as if she had done something wrong. Her eyes are a pretty light blue color that matches the equally pretty dress she wears. It's got lace on the sleeves and underside, almost Lolita-style, but much too happy.
Adam, the normal one, was a red fox with a black tail. He always wears a baseball cap that shades his dark brown eyes. His muzzle is a white color, which doesn't explain how his tail ended up the way it did. Spenser often wonders if he even is a fox, but he's usually too distracted to delve any further into the subject.
Let's see…did we forget anything? We went over the sky, and the house, and the ship…the kids, and the Sonic, and the two years, and the marriage, and the yellow nuisance of a dog… Yep. That's it.
"Wake up." The ivory hedgehog playfully tickled the bottom of Spenser's foot, causing him to scream and fall out of the couch. "Go get dressed. Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes." The green scientist on the opposite sofa sat upright.
"Damn, already?" He yawned and picked up his jacket. "Spenser. Go get me a glass of water."
"Kay." He was commanded these simple lazy tasks all the time, and obeyed. It wasn't like him to turn down something his boss wanted, especially since he was a loyal German Shepherd.
Spenser entered the kitchen with a brisk walk, bumping to Shadow as he did. "Watch where you're going!"
The Shepherd narrowed his eyes. His voice suddenly became stern. "I was going to wait until later to break the fourth wall, but I'm going to do it now for your sake. This is a fictional story written by someone who happens to be me. One wrong move and I swear this'll be the last piece of crap you'll ever star in." The two never had a good relationship. In fact, Spenser hated Shadow for reasons that will later be portrayed in a more ridiculous manner. "So, you watch where you're going." His goofy smile suddenly returned. "Mm'kay, have a nice day."
Shadow, having received such threats quite often, merely shrugged and entered the living room Scourge occupied. "Thanks." As he did, his soda was snatched out of his hand. The ebony husband stopped in his tracks and gave the scientist a harsh side glare. But, he decided not to fight back. Over the past few months he's learned it only got him into more trouble.
"Here-" Spenser ears flattened as he noticed the Coke his boss was holding. "Aww, I thought you wanted water." Seeing a perfect opportunity to drink something without having to make his way back into the kitchen and greet his spouse, he took the drink from the yellow nuisance of a dog. "Hey!"
"Darn," he mumbled, glancing into the cup. "There's no ice." He let out a heavy sigh as he made his way back into the kitchen.
His spouse was in front of the stove, flipping over an almost perfectly round pancake. He placed the pan down and turned to a pot beside him. It was most likely filled with ramen noodles. Silver was the type that didn't much enjoy breakfast. He normally made something special for his family and a small bowl of simple-ness for himself. "Shadow, can you give me a hand?" He didn't need to know who was in the room – His spouse's quietness proved it was him.
"Yeah," he said, disappointed. The ebony hedgehog set down his drink and took one of the awaiting plates, but was stopped.
"You don't have to do anything if you're that lazy."
"Aww, c'mon," he spoke softly and placed an arm around Silver's shoulders. "I would never refuse to help you." He leaned in close to his spouse with a growing smile. Unfortunately, the ivory hedgehog pushed him away and turned his attention back to the stove. Shadow didn't give up that easily when wanting affection. He hugged his husband from behind and trailed kisses up his neck.
"Shadow, not now." He struggled free. "Sonic's coming over and I need to make sure everything is ready." A faint cry from an infant brought a frown to Silver's face. "Oh. Can you finish stirring the noodles?" He took a door opposite of the living room.
The ebony hedgehog shook his head and removed the pot from the stove. "Damn kid always ruins my morning," he mumbled under his breath as he poured the steaming soup into a waiting bowl.
Spenser caught his attention by twirling into the room with an overly happy grin. "Something smells good."
"Aren't you supposed to be with the kids?"
The dog shrugged. "Eh, they know not to stick their fingers in electrical outlets."
"Did you tell them not to?"
"Pssh," he chuckled, "Of course not! Kids need to learn to grow up with common sense."
Shadow's eyes widened slightly. Though heartless and oftentimes uncaring, his life with the lovely ivory hedgehog has created a soft spot in his heart. "What?" He placed the bowl down in a worried manner.
"They learn by experience! Everyone learns that way."
"But, they're children!"
"Children have rights too! Just like zombies!"
"Zombies don't have rights!"
"Well," he took a dramatic pause and pouted slightly, "They should!"
"Ugh, Spenser!" He exited the way his spouse went and bolted up the stairs.
"Zombies will have rights by the end of this story!" He followed the ebony hedgehog to the steps and shook his fist in the air.
"Don't do it!" He burst into the door, scaring the three children awake. His heartbeat quickly returned to normal as he noticed the groggy glances he was receiving.
"Uncle Shadow, why did you wake us?" The young girl rubbed one of her eyes.
"Uh," he noticed Silver standing behind him, "Nevermind." His voice became gentle. "You kids need to get up now. We'll have company over in another hour or so."
Tihocan slid out of bed. He was always a morning person. "Will we be meeting them?"
"Huh, well," he paused and glanced over his shoulder at his spouse, who was holding a cream colored bundle. "A little help?"
Silver sighed. "We just don't want you to be around these people."
"Why?" The young girl's voice was cheerier. "Are they like Uncle Scourgey?"
"Somewhat." He mentioned with his head for Shadow to leave the room, who complied and returned to the kitchen where Spenser still remained. He was, of course, stuffing his face with cooked bacon and placing more into the pan for himself.
"Spenser, why?" He crossed his arms.
"Vut?" He paused to swallow the food so he could speak properly. "Well, if you guys aren't going to feed me, I'm going to feed myself."
Shadow was going to argue, but figured it best to keep quiet and fetch the ice he had wanted fifteen minutes ago. He did so and took a seat on the couch the Shepherd slept upon. Scourge was rubbing the back of his sore neck, not paying much attention to the other hedgehog's presence. "Where are you going while Sonic is here?"
"Hmm?" He still seemed sleepy as his reaction timing was horribly offset. "Uh, I'll probably just hang out with Spenser in the back."
"In that hammock?" It was customized to fit Scourge's need to sleep during the day, and located directly under a place where the sun shone most.
"The net for lazy people!" Spenser waltzed in with a stupid remark and sat beside his master as he finished his plate of bacon.
"Quite," he sighed, stretching his arms above his head. "Just so long as Sonic doesn't know I exist, we'll be fine." He snatched a few strips of bacon from the plate. Spenser didn't mind – He couldn't, or else risk being harshly backhanded. "Well, let's go Spense."
"Shouldn't we wait for the kids?" He spoke with a mouthful of food, surprisingly not spewing chewed bits of bacon everywhere.
"Nah," Shadow said, leaning back with his dirty feet upon the table. "I'll send them out."
As the two took their leave, a very angry and fatherly ivory hedgehog entered the room and smacked his husband with a filthy, wet dish towel. The force of this smacking was so powerful that it knocked his spouse's head back, giving him a rather annoyingly sore neck.
"Ouch!" he cried, holding his nose. "Silver, what the hell was that for?"
"Get your feet off the table and give me a hand in the kitchen." One would suppose that this type of behavior oftentimes occurred in front of the young children, as they, oftentimes, playfully roughed around with each other in a similar manner. Why this style of parenting continues to exist within the reconstructed house continues to elude us.
"Tihocan, no," he said, hoisting the child away from the hazardous cliff. Spenser set him down near the hammock. "You're still too young to play with cliffs."
"How old do I need to be, then?" He looked up with curious eyes.
"Uh," he paused briefly, thinking. "Two hundred and thirty-eight."
"Oh, wow." He cast his gaze to his feet, not able to believe the Shepherd.
"Uncle Spenser!" Pookey, the young girl with the pretty blue eyes, rushed up to him with tears streaming down her face. "Adam took my dolls!"
"What?" He stormed over to where the fox was. "Adam! Men don't play with dolls!"
"But, I was just-"
"No! Here," he handed the child the keys to his bright red, eco-friendly, Hummer deemed Betsy. "Now, go drive Betsy like a real man!"
"I'm six!" He refused to take the key ring.
"So? I learned how to drive fighter planes when I was your age! Now, go," he shoved the keys into the child's hand and pushed him away, all the time saying, "And take Tihocan with you!"
Back inside the larger, reconstructed, two-story house, Silver and spouse had just finished setting the table, when a faint ring of the doorbell was heard. Shadow wiped his hands on the dirty dish towel and answered the door.