Shadowed Past: Swan Song
Chapter 1: Safe If We Don't Look Down
Chapter title credit: Mutemath (band), Vitals (album)
NEW READERS: This is the third installment of this fanfic. The first one is titled Shadowed Past, the second Shadowed Past: Visions of Affliction.
RETURNING READERS: This installment is only going to be in third person, just like the first installment, just because it's the best way to tell the story.
**If you haven't done so already, please go back and read the very last chapter of Visions of Affliction. It's a teaser for this installment and plays a big role in how this chapter ends!**
Also, I'm going to be putting a snippet of the lyrics at the beginning of each chapter when the chapter title is based off of a song title.
Thanks and enjoy the chapter!
Hide away your fears and take my arm
Hold your balance
Rest assured we're right where we belong
With our chances
Flying over seas of unknown ground
We won't ever drown
We're safe if we don't look down
It's not like anyone said life was going to be easy, right? That was something that had been running through Alex's mind since the very beginning, and it still didn't bring her any comfort. Weeks had passed, and she was running out of time. She was going to have to start wearing maternity clothes soon. She was already stealing practically all of Steve's shirts to hide the small bump she already had. But now her pants weren't fitting right. So far, all of the basics had run through her mind about being a mother. But she couldn't let herself daydream, because in the end it would all loop around to the problem at hand.
Steve didn't know.
He was the father. They were married. But Alex knew he was going to upset that she never said anything, that she almost died with their baby. That she should've been more careful and not so stupid. Now even more time had slipped away, and that just gave Steve a reason to be even angrier with her. Alex couldn't stand the thought of Steve being upset with her. So whenever she tried to tell him, she would end up clamming up and saying something else.
Just the other day she was so close, but she backed out at the last minute.
"Steve, I need to tell you something." Alex spat out, walking up to Steve outside of the training room.
"Anything, hon. Is something wrong?"
"No, no. I just, um, I, I-" She saw exit the training area and start heading their way. "I'm just feeling so much better. I was thinking...maybe I could start training again soon? Build up some muscle again?"
Wanda brushed by them, giving Alex quite the glare.
"Are you sure? You shouldn't rush yourself."
"Honey, I'm just sitting around getting all flabby. I can feel myself aging."
"You're taking walks!"
"Walks, Steve, walks. My legs are more toned than ever." The sarcasm in Alex's voice was thick.
Steve paused, letting out a defeated sigh. "Okay, I guess you can start working again. But nothing too harsh."
"Yes! Thanks, Captain." Alex grinned, tapping Steve's butt as she walked past.
"Hey-" He muttered under his breath, turning around.
"Don't act like you don't love it!" Alex called.
Steve couldn't think of a response. He was trapped. Alex looked back to see him a blushing mess and laughed as she continued on her way. Steve turned back around to see Natasha standing there.
"Really, Captain?" Natasha was trying her hardest to suppress her amusement, but she was failing miserably.
"Nat, please-"
"I didn't take you as the kinky type, Stevie."
"Please don't tell Tony." Steve muttered out, looking down as he scurried off. Natasha could barely hold back her laughter as she pulled out her phone. "Oh, of course I'm telling Tony."
The way that Wanda glared at Alex would always bother her. But she also knew that Wanda was having a hard time with the whole Pietro mess, so she decided to not let it get to her.
As the days went on, there were many close calls in which Alex would have to scurry off. Her exits were hardly subtle, and of course that only raised suspicions.
Alex was brushing her teeth before bed one night when Steve walked up behind her and put his hands on her hips.
"What are you doing?" Alex asked as clear as possible through the toothpaste in her mouth. She bent over and spit in the sink.
"I thought you liked it when I held your hips? Or, was it your stomach?"
As soon as Steve moved his hands towards her stomach, Alex spazzed out and slipped away from his grasp.
"Whoa? Are you okay?"
"Yeah! Yeah! I'm fine! I just remembered that Piper wanted to tell me something, like, right now-"
"It's ten at night..."
"Yeah! She's been busy all day now with...Bucky...and...stuff...yeah." Alex looked down as she left their apartment.
Anytime that Steve tried to hug her, she had to make sure she kept her waist back so he wouldn't notice that her stomach was bigger. The worst of all was in bed, Alex couldn't let Steve put his arm around her, which is something he's always done, or else he would feel her baby bump.
Steve had gotten very suspicious of the whole matter, but he wasn't sure what was up with Alex. He just knew something wasn't right. He decided to go to Bucky for help.
"What do you mean she's avoiding you?" Bucky asked, halting his rapid-fire hits at the worn out punching bag that dangled in front of him.
"I don't know if she's avoiding me or not. She's just not acting like herself."
Bucky started unwrapping his hands. "Well, she did almost die..."
"I don't think it's about that, Buck. It's different."
"Can you give me an example?"
"She keeps acting all funny whenever I try and touch her. Like-"
"Ouch, sounds like you got it rough, pal."
"Just let me finish! That came out wrong!"
"Sure did." Bucky chuckled under his breath.
Steve sighed. "She won't let me drape my arm over her side when we go to sleep anymore. We've always done that. And whenever she says she needs to tell me something, she gets all nervous and says something random before darting off. The worst was the other night, I tried hugging her from behind, which she loves, and she literally darted away. And then she said she had to go talk to Piper, but it was ten at night."
"Yikes...that's, really weird."
"Exactly!"
"Aren't you guys married? Couldn't you just, y'know, talk to her about it?"
"Yeah, but I'm honestly afraid that she's going to run away when I try and confront her about it."
Bucky nodded. His eyebrows were furrowed. That was his thinking face, Steve knew that face anywhere.
"What are you thinking?"
Bucky exhaled deeply. "I don't want to say it in case I'm wrong. Might give you a heart attack, grandpa."
Steve brushed his comment aside. "Tell me, please. And for the record, you're only a year younger than me."
"Still younger." Bucky hummed. He got a glare from Steve. "Anyways, the thought just crossed my mind because of the one thing I'm noticing in common with the things you just told me. She's not letting you touch her stomach."
"Okay, and?"
"When was the last time you two, did the deed?"
Steve's cheeks turned pink. "Buck-"
"I'm being serious Steve. Maybe she's not letting you drape your arm over her or hug her from behind because she's pregnant."
"That's impossible. She would've told me." Steve was hurt at just the thought her Alex keeping a secret like that.
"I'm just saying, man. Probably not, but, all of the facts add up."
"She has been wearing my shirts lately...and they're huge on her. And we haven't done anything involving...that...for about five or six months now."
"Steve-" Bucky deadpanned. "You're so dry. You're married for crying out loud. Make love to your wife once in a while before she leaves you. No wonder she's been acting weird."
Steve rolled his eyes, standing to leave. "Not everybody is as horny as you, you know."
"Just because I'm active does not mean I'm horny."
"Whatever you say, grandma."
Now it was Bucky's turn to roll his eyes. "Punk."
"Jerk."
Steve still thought about Bucky's words from that night, even though it was weeks ago. Maybe he was right. But Steve couldn't bring himself to believe it. There was no way that Alex would hide something like that from him. He decided to shake that thought off.
Early one morning, Steve was about to shave his morning scruff before heading down to the training room when he noticed that he needed another razor. Like many times before, he got level with the cabinet below the sink and reached for his box of razors. His eyebrows furrowed when the little box wasn't in its regular place. He began digging around, his hand slowly crossing every box that was down there. His hand finally rested on one that felt about the right size, and he pulled it out. Unless he could find razors in a purple tampax box, that wasn't it. He crouched down a little further and scanned the compact area with his eyes. He saw a small rectangular box at the very back of the cabinet, and that had to be it. Pulling that box out, he studied its label and felt his heart sink.
First Response: Pregnancy Test
He shook the box hesitantly, hearing something rattle inside. Taking a deep breath, he opened the top of the box, and dumped its contents gently into his other palm. Now his stomach twisted into knots. He couldn't believe his eyes. A used pregnancy test, with two little orange lines. Positive.
Steve was shaken from his thoughts when he heard Alex stirring in the bedroom. He quickly shoved the tampax box back in the cabinet. He didn't have time to put back the pregnancy test before he saw the doorknob turning. He stood quickly, kicking the cabinet shut and holding the test in one hand behind his back and holding his towel up with the other, which was slowly falling farther away from his waist with every passing second.
"Well, good morning." Alex chuckled, a yawn following short after. Steve noticed a blush creep on her cheeks. How perfect she looked, her hair all messy from sleep, her natural features on her face not being disguised by makeup. She would never truly understand how beautiful she was in his eyes.
"Morning." Steve smiled, remembering the issue at hand.
"I was gonna hop in the shower, but, I'll just wait until you're done." Alex said, turning away.
"No."
"No?"
"Alex, I need to talk to you."
"Shoot." She shrugged.
Steve took a deep breath. "Look, I'm not pointing fingers, but, we need to talk about this."
"Talk about what?"
"You've been acting strange lately. Yes?"
"I don't know, have I?" Alex played as dumb as she could. Panic was stirring up in her head, she feared this was headed down the path to the dreaded conversation.
"Yes. And I just want to make sure everything's okay."
"Yes, I'm fine, babe. You worry about me too much."
"Okay, well here's a question. Why are you waiting for me to finish in the bathroom so you can shower? You've taken you're shower while I'm in here before..." Steve muttered, feeling dumb. But he was trying to prove some kind of point.
"Yeah, I just, thought that I would wait a little bit, that's all. I just woke up." Alex tried to slip away again.
"Wait." Steve swallowed thickly. "We need to talk about this." He took out the box from behind his
Alex looked at the box intently before cracking a small laugh. Steve looked down to see that he'd grabbed the wrong box.
"We need to talk about...tampons?"
"No!" Steve grunted, going back to the cabinet under the sink. He pulled out the pregnancy test box and placed it on the counter. "We need to talk about this."
Alex froze. "I, I, I-"
"I can't believe it...you're pregnant and didn't tell me?" Steve was hurt. The pain was strong in his voice.
"That wasn't my intention!" Alex finally broke. She felt tears beginning to rise.
"How far along are you?" He didn't look up at her. He was still trying to process everything.
"I don't know. I haven't told anybody. At least five months by now."
Steve felt overcome by concern. "You mean you went through all of that with our child?" He wasn't mad, he was just worried about her health. But Alex didn't take it that way.
The floodgates broke. "Steve, please hear me out. I didn't know. I didn't have a clue until I was on my death bed and Loki came to me when I was trapped in that coma and told me about it." Her breathing sped up. "I didn't tell you about it because I was horrified you were going to be mad with me because I almost died with our baby and I couldn't stomach the thought of you being mad at me and I've been trying to tell you but I couldn't because you were gonna get mad and you're mad at me right now and I just love you so much and I'll never live with the fact that I kept this from you for so long but I just couldn't help it, Steve! I'm sorry!" Alex was sobbing by the end of her rapid-fire rant.
"Honey," Steve's heart broke seeing Alex this upset. He pulled her in for a tight hug. "How could I be mad at you if you didn't even know about it yourself? And I'm not mad, by any means."
"But I've known for almost three weeks now." She sobbed into his bare chest.
"Okay, yes. But that's three weeks compared to almost five months of you not knowing for yourself."
"Aren't you mad about me not telling you for those few weeks, though?"
"No," Steve chuckled softly. "I could never be mad at you, you know that."
"I'm so stupid, Steve." Alex sniffled, pulling back and looking up into his eyes.
"No, you're not. You were scared. It's okay to be scared. I just want you to know, you can always trust me. I'll always be there for you." He placed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too, so much." Alex breathed, looking up into his eyes. "You do realize what this means right?"
Alex could see the pure and utter happiness sink in. "I'm gonna be a dad..." Steve whispered. "I'm gonna be a dad!" He cheered the second time lifting Alex up and spinning her around.
Now it was Steve's turn to cry. He finally placed his hand on Alex's stomach and felt how raised it truly had become. "Can I?"
"Sure." She whispered, tears welling up in her eyes again. Steve knelt down, slowly rolling up his large black long sleeve shirt that Alex had worn to bed up her stomach. He leaned in and kissed her raised belly, resting his hands gently against her bump.
"Hey baby," Steve began in a cheesy voice, causing Alex to chuckle in the midst of her crying. "I don't know if you can hear me or not, but you're gonna have the best mother in the entire world taking care of you."
"And the best father." Alex added.
"I love you so much." Steve whispered against her stomach, kissing it again before rising to his feet. "And I love you so much." He whispered against Alex's lips before kissing her softly. He reached in to hold her face gently as they shared said kiss. Just as they both began to practically melt into each other's embrace, there was a soft flap from below.
Keeping their eyes locked on each other's, they pulled away from their kiss.
"Is that your towel I feel on my feet?" Alex laughed.
Steve blushed. "Yeah..."
The couple laughed for a moment before Steve pulled Alex in for another kiss, running his hands over her extended stomach once more.
"No, please-"
Piper was awoken from her slumber to hear Bucky talking in his sleep again. They'd both fallen asleep on Piper's couch again earlier that night. Piper had rested her head on his shoulder during a movie, and the next thing she knew she was sound asleep.
But now Bucky was experiencing another nightmare. And those could get ugly...fast.
"Bucky, Bucky please wake up..." Piper began, grabbing onto his shoulders and shaking him. Luckily she'd been able to adapt her powers in a way that gave her just as much strength as Bucky, if not more.
Bucky continued to stir getting more and more violent as he breathing became shallow and his voice became panicked.
"James!" Piper shouted, just before he swung at her. She dodged it, only to be punched in the face by a metal fist seconds after. She felt the blood seep from her broken nose as she tried to wrangle him down. She climbed onto his lap and kept him bolted to the couch with her thighs, then rustling her way through his many swings with his arms to get her hands on either side of his head. She closed her eyes and concentrated until the horrific visions began to flash in her own mind. Screaming from the pain in her head, Piper tried to remain calm as she took deep breaths and continued to erase yet another memory that plagued Bucky's mind. She finally felt him begin to relax, and then it was done. Breathing heavily through her mouth as her nose began to heal, she opened her eyes to be met with Bucky's blue ones, filled with panic.
"Doll, I'm so sorry..." Bucky ushered out, seeing the damage done to Piper's face.
"It's okay, it'll heal in a few minutes." She chuckled. "Are you okay?"
Bucky nodded gently, apologizing again as he gently brushed a strand of hair out of Piper's face.
"Apology accepted, accidents happen. Do you remember anything?"
"No. Please don't tell me you did it again."
"I had to. It was the only way to make you stop...calm you down, I mean." Piper corrected herself to make the situation sound less menacing.
"You hurt yourself when you do that. I can't live knowing I keep hurting you like this." He brushed his metal fingers gently over bruised cheek.
Just then, Piper's nose fully fused itself back into place, as if on cue. "You're not hurting me. And those memories I erase, I just destroy them as soon as their in my mind. So I don't even remember what it was either."
Bucky sighed. "Okay, then. Thank you."
"No problem." Piper flashed her best smile. She was completely lying. She could distinctly see every vision she'd erased from Bucky's mind, and she fully understood why he lashed out so much when he saw them. It was bad enough seeing them for herself, but she couldn't even imagine actually living through them. Sometimes she caught herself waking up from nightmares because of them.
"So, are you just gonna stay on my lap, or?"
"I mean, I've got a nice view." Piper chuckled.
"Oh really?"
"Mhmm."
"Well, I'd hate to ruin it, but-"
Piper cut him off with a kiss on the lips, running a hand through his shaggy brown hair. He went to cup the side of her head with his flesh hand, but she stopped him. "Use your other hand."
"I can't."
"Yes, you can." Reassuringly, Piper gave him another peck on the lips. He slowly started moving his metal hand towards her face, but he was stalling. Piper put her hand over his, guiding him up to run his metal fingers through her hair. "See?"
Bucky exhaled softly, grinning. "I love you."
Piper blushed, surprised by his words. "I love you too, J." J was another nickname Piper had adapted for Bucky. She only called him James when she was mad, serious, or worried. And since Bucky had become his common name, she decided to make up her own nickname for him.
"No, I love you. I remember now, what it feels like, to love."
Piper smiled, many emotions rising in her that she too and seemed to have locked away. She'd had many boyfriends in the past, but, this was different. She also smiled about the fact that her treatment was working. By erasing more and more of the bad memories that plagued Bucky's mind, it was finally opening up space for him to remember things like love, empathy, sympathy, etc. "I'm so happy for you. What you just said proves how strong you really are. Most men wouldn't have survived everything you went through. Think about that."
"I'm too tired to think." He sounded like a small child, even throwing in a little pout on his lips that made Piper laugh. She yawned soon after.
"Yeah, me too."
They both chuckled as Piper climbed off his lap and curled back up against his side, bringing her blanket off the ground as she moved.
"You do realize you have a bed, right?" Bucky said, looking over to Piper's twin sized bed in the center of the room.
"Yes, and unless you want to try and cuddle on that tiny old thing, I'm staying right here." Piper closed her eyes as she felt the heat radiating from Bucky's body soothe her. "Y'know, I was serious about what I said. You are strong, Bucky. Don't ever think any different."
Bucky kissed her temple, his way of giving her a silent thank you. "Okay, whatever you say, doll."
Piper grinned, falling fast asleep in no time.
Bucky however, was awake for a little while longer. He really did think about what Piper said, and he just couldn't bring himself to believe it. He wasn't strong. If he was strong, he wouldn't have flailed like that in his dream and punched the girl he loved most in the face. If he was strong, he wouldn't have to avoid his own gaze in the mirror, and look away from the scars that covered his skin. If he was strong, he wouldn't feel this way. Guilty, useless, just a machine who had killed too many innocent people over the past seventy years. A useless machine that didn't deserve a second chance, a life. Some days he wished that he had died when he fell from that train, in the brisk weather of the Alps. He would've saved a lot of people a lot of trouble. But then, he looked down at Piper, her body calm and relaxed, her breathing slow, as she slept against his side. It was people like Steve and Piper that reminded him why he was still alive. He soon got caught up in the details of Piper's face as she slept. She looked beautiful, she always did.
In Piper's mind, things were much messier than she let them appear to be. She was already a mess from the fight against Loki, and the fact that she was still adapting to her new powers wasn't helping either. And now she was concealing memory after memory from Bucky's mind in her own. She didn't see Alex everyday anymore, and that worried her. She wanted to stop by and see her but Piper was becoming busy in her own training. She finally had something to do. But at the same time, she missed lounging around, the endless days of staying put in her apartment and watching TV under her favorite blanket. Now it had become the usual grind of getting up at the butt crack of dawn, showering, making herself look decent, and head straight down to training. She hated everything about it, until she got to use her powers that is. Piper loved exploring her abilities, but they scared her sometimes. She could do so much more than she ever realized she was capable of, and she feared that she might hurt someone unintentionally. But that's what training was for. On top of everything, it all still felt like a dream that Bucky had come into her life. They were made for each other, and Piper had never felt so loved in her entire life. She knew that Alex loved her, but ever since SHIELD recruited her that day, she felt excluded. It felt nice to be wanted. She loved everything about Bucky, and his gorgeous stature was just a bonus. So was the metal arm. It killed her knowing how broken he was, but she did everything in her best interest to make him smile, to ease the pain. He deserved the best, he always had.
The next morning, Alex decided that she was going to pay Piper a visit. They'd only spoken a few times since everything happened, and now that Alex's mind was clear, she realized that was the next most important thing that needed attention.
After Steve left for training, Alex made her way to Piper's apartment. Piper didn't have training today, so Alex knew she would be at home.
"Piper!" Alex called out, knocking on the door. There was no answer. "Piper? Are you awake?" Alex heard shuffling, and was met with Bucky when the door finally cracked open. "Oh, hey Buck. I was here to see Piper, but I don't wanna interrupt anything..."
He chuckled, grinning wickedly at what Alex was implying. "Nah, none of that. She's in the shower but I'm sure she won't mind if I let you in."
"Thank you." Alex smiled. After he closed the door behind her, she decided to make small talk. "So how have you been?"
"As good as a past assassin will get, I suppose."
"I'm taking that as an okay, then?" Alex asked, sitting down on the couch, motioning for him to sit next to her.
He sighed in defeat, joining Alex on the couch. "Yeah. I guess so."
Alex's maternal instincts kicked in, and she noted how worn out he looked. "How much sleep have you been getting?"
"Not enough. That's for sure."
Alex gave him a look.
Bucky instantly understood what she was implying. "Oh no! We haven't...we're not..."
"Okay, not that I care what you guys do, but your health comes first."
He sighed again. "No, no, nothing like that." He was embarrassed now, causing Alex to chuckle. She loved embarrassing Bucky. "I've been, having trouble sleeping. Flashbacks."
Alex nodded. "Steve used to have those. So did I. Must be a common thing around here."
"Steve had them?"
"He never told you?" Alex was shocked. "Well, before they found out you were still alive, he had them all the time. About you falling off that train in the Alps."
Bucky's heart sank. "I'm so-"
"Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anybody's fault. But the important thing is, that you found each other again. Right?" Alex touched his shoulder.
"Yeah. You're right." Bucky flashed her a smile.
"Well, if you ever need anything, I'm always here for you, Buck. Any friend of Steve's is a friend of mine."
"Thanks, Alex." Bucky smiled. He noticed how she was sitting. The way her shirt fell showed that her stomach was larger than usual. Second thoughts about the conversation he had with Steve ran through his mind again.
"Well, good morning!" Piper said cheerfully as she came out of the bathroom, dressed with her damp hair leaving marks on her shirt. Alex and Piper shared a hug. Bucky smiled at how happy Piper looked to see Alex again. "I'm not trying to sound rude or anything, but what are you doing here so early?"
"I just wanted to stop by, talk to my other half for a little while."
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Piper ran to open it, only to see Steve standing there. "Hi Steve!" She flung his arms around him.
"Hey Piper!" He mocked. After she let him go, he walked in behind her and closed the door. "Oh good, Bucky's here."
"I know right, perfect timing you guys." Alex said as she walked over to stand next to Steve. Piper stood next to Bucky.
"What's going on here, Stevie?" Bucky asked, confused.
"Well, there's some news we wanted to share with you guys." Steve began.
"Before we told the others." Alex added, excitement beaming in her eyes.
Piper and Bucky both looked at each other. "Well, what is it?" Piper asked.
Alex looked up at Steve, before biting her lip. She took a deep breath before speaking. "We've got a bun in the oven!"
"What?" Piper and Bucky asked simultaneously, beyond confused.
Alex sighed before excitedly spitting out the words. "I'm pregnant!"
Piper started jumping up and down and squealing, running up and engulfing Alex in her arms. "Oh my goodness! Congratulations!" Piper shouted before hugging her again.
Bucky gave Steve a proud look that reeked of I told you so. "Congratulations, old man." Bucky teased, bringing Steve in for a hug.
"Thanks, granny." Steve winked at his best friend, breaking out into a laugh afterwards. They then turned their heads to the girls, who were still going crazy.
"Can I be Aunt Piper?!"
"Yes!"
They started cheering again.
"Wait! Wait!" Piper called out. "What about a name?! Boy or girl?!"
"We don't know yet, but, I'm going to talk to Bruce later today." Alex said.
"This is so exciting! I'm so happy for you, both of you." Piper smiled brightly.
Steve and Alex both blushed, thanking her. Alex and Piper got caught up in another conversation about the baby, and Bucky took this as his chance to talk to Steve about something that had been bugging him for night after night now.
"Hey Steve, can I talk to you for a sec?" Bucky asked softly. "Alone?"
"Sure." Steve said, his face scrunching up a little in concern. "We're headed out, are you two going to be okay on your own?"
"Yes, we'll be fine." Alex sighed, giving Steve a goodbye kiss. She pulled Bucky into a hug right after. Piper followed close behind her, except showing the opposite affection to each super soldier. She gave Steve a warm hug, before kissing Bucky goodbye.
After the boys were gone, Alex and Piper had a grand time catching up with each other.
"So, how have you been holding up?" Alex asked.
"Pretty good, I guess. How about you?"
"Fine, fine. I'm sorry I haven't been to see you more. I've been holding the news of the little one off longer than I should have."
"Why are you apologizing? I was healed faster than you were, I should've been the one coming to see you. And what do you mean?"
"I was afraid, Piper. I found out I was pregnant because Loki told me when I was in the coma on my death bed. I wasn't sure how to tell Steve, and I was horrified he was going to be upset with me. But, everything was fine."
"Oh, hon I'm so sorry! You could've come and talked to me."
"I know, I know. But I didn't want to trouble you. I know how happy you are with Bucky."
"Please. Gals first. Especially you. If you needed me, I'd kick him out for a couple of hours. Tell him to go bug Steve."
Alex chuckled. "Well, you two make a perfect couple."
"Thanks." Piper blushed, looking down. "I forgot what it felt like to date, honestly. But, something's different with him. I feel connected to him."
"I think he's your soul mate. I've never seen you so happy with any other guy." Alex smiled big. It made her happy that Piper was so happy.
"Yeah. I'm just glad I can be there for him. He feels bad hanging off of Steve too much."
"They're just like us."
"Exactly!"
The two shared a laugh before falling silent.
Piper spoke up. "Hey, Alex?"
"Hmm?"
"I just want to say, I give you so much credit for, everything. When I used my powers to make a huge field when the frost giants attacked, I didn't realize how hard it was to hold up a force field. Or just, have powers in general. So, I'm sorry for all the times I bugged you in the past about it."
"Oh, don't apologize." Alex bashed her hand. "I'm just glad we can understand each other even more now."
Bucky led Steve to his own small apartment they gave him, just to make sure that they wouldn't get disturbed by anyone. Bucky had a serious matter to discuss with Steve. Once they were inside, Bucky locked the door behind them for safe measure.
"There's no crazy high tech things that are gonna record what I'm about to say, are there?" Bucky asked, looking around the top of his room for any suspicious looking devices.
"No, at least I don't think so. What's bothering you?"
Bucky started pacing back and forth. He could feel his nerves building back up again. But he knew he had to remain calm. "I've been having these visions..." He began. Steve listening intently, watching his friend with his arms crossed over his chest. "And, they aren't just, visions, they're, flashbacks...of...the people I killed. And, I had this one, the other night, the worst of them all so far. I...I..." His breathing got heavy, and Steve became tense.
"Buck, calm down."
"Steve, I can't. You don't understand."
"Take it easy, and just tell me what you saw."
"Steve...I...I..."
"You what?" Steve slowly approached Bucky, watching him closely.
"I saw the flashback of...no...I...I..."
Steve nodded in reassurance.
"I killed..."
"Who was it, Buck?" Steve asked, closer now.
Bucky froze, leaning in a closer to Steve so he could hear. He spoke at a whisper, tears brimming in his eyes. "I killed Howard and Maria Stark."
Steve's heart broke. "No, Buck, they died in a car crash." He spoke in a hushed tone as well.
"That I caused!" Bucky whispered back.
"No, that wasn't you. You know that."
"But it was me. And you know what's worse? I stole part of that crystal from him. That crystal that Loki just used to take over the world a few weeks ago?"
"What did you do with it?"
"HYDRA wanted it...and I gave it to them..."
"But they didn't do anything with it, Buck. Think about it."
"Yes, but they wanted it. And that scares me. Steve, it all scares me. I can't get two hours of sleep without re-witnessing a murder I committed. And this one is the worst of them all."
"Did the crystal have a silver chain on it?"
Bucky froze. "How did you-"
"I know because Piper found it in Jasper Sitwell's false grave. Howard left clues that led them straight to it. Whatever you gave HYDRA must've been a fake."
"Do you think Howard knew? That that they were going to be attacked that night?"
"I don't know. And we never will."
"So they died for nothing then?" Bucky asked, his eyes tearing up again. "I mean, I'm glad that I didn't give them any real answers, but...they could've lived. I should've let them go...I should've remembered him..."
Steve's character deflated. "I'm sorry, Buck."
Bucky fought back sobs with all of the strength he had. "Tony grew up without his parents because of me."
"I think that's something all of us have in common. We all lost our parents at a young age."
"You're not wrong, but, you're also not making me feel any better."
Steve sighed. "I really am sorry. I don't know what to say. But, you have to promise me something."
Bucky shrugged, looking like a lost puppy dog.
"We cannot let Tony find out."