So this is a first for me with this story line, tell me what you think?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything -sigh-
I sat, staring at the shelves of books lining a wall of the study room as the rain tapped against the window. I was house-sitting for a family, which isn't something I would normally do, but I need the money. There weren't any bounties to collect, so...
I guess you can say I somewhat welcome the change at the moment. Even though I would much rather be out exploring and traveling, I need time to think. I would be out driving around – I think best that way – but I'm short of cash, so I need to save gas. So, here I am, thinking about everything that has happened, everything that's going on... everything that's tearing me apart.
I feel like nothing's here anymore. Like deep down inside, nothing functions, nothing moves, nothing is felt. But then there's you. You fascinate me, yet you confuse me. You make me smile, and you shatter the glass surrounding my heart. You... you make me tick.
As I make my way to the light switch, the thought of seeing you lets a smile break through my mask. It's funny how you have this affect on me. The true smile, too, not the one I use to get what I need, or the one that I have when I'm out collecting a bounty.
You don't see it though. Your innocent, sweet, and caring nature always seems to overlook how much you affect me. You show no emotion, but your words speak volumes for what your eyes and actions never express. You're so unconsciously selfish, and you don't even know it. You say you care for me and want to see me smile, but that, in itself, is selfish. Your dry emotion and lack of expression makes it even worse.
You bottle your fears and emotions as if trying to shield yourself. But why? Why do you make me want to force those things out of you? I see it in your eyes, the pain you're holding in; the pain I want to soothe out of you.
The last light flickers off, the darkness around me thickening, my own guilt and dread solidifying. Guilt for having feelings for you. Dread of you pushing me away. In my mind, you are mine, but in my heart, I could never claim you as my own. I'm torn apart inside, yet I feel comfort, both at the same time.
I pull the blanket over my body, lying back into the recliner. My phone goes off as I do so. It's a message from you:
"Hey, Nadie. Lirio and I are having fun playing. Can't wait to start back on our adventure in three weeks. -Ellis"
A lone tear of shame and happiness slides down my cheek as I wonder how you can make me so happy, but break my heart at the same time.
Tonight will be lonely, just like every night, with or without you. I hold you spiritually in my mind, but you are so far away... even when you're right next to me.
Good night, Ellis. Good night.. my debilitating infatuation.
Like it? Yes? No?
Should I make more? Maybe only next time... Not something Angst?