Terms of Endearment
Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece
Summary: Kakashi figures out what Iruka's really saying
Author's Note: In the Favourable Bachelor Universe, but can be read alone. Possible out-of-characterness, deeply skewed logic, abuse, and a bunch of dysfunctional derangement.
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 8 February 2009
Rating: T
Kakashi was pretty sure that he had finally figured it the genius that he was, he had--at long last—cracked the code of the language of Umino Iruka. He hadn't figured out all the details and tones for other people, but he felt certain that he had worked out the parts that pertained to him, and really, that was the only part that mattered.
Normally, the breaking of such a complex code would call from some sort of celebration or some bragging rights, at least, but Kakashi kept his mouth shut. It would do him no good if the entire village understood.
Just imagine how embarrassing it would be if, say, Genma knew that 'I'm going kill you!' really meant 'after this chase and your apology and hot sex, we need to talk about what just happened like rational adults'.
Or how awkward it would be if Anko knew that 'you dumb-ass bastard! Get back here!' actually meant 'Sweetie-pie, you goofed and I'd like to explain why I'm hurt'?
How embarrassing it would be if Ibiki found out that 'brainless, blundering baboon!' translated to 'honey-bun'?
No, it was for the best if Kakashi was the only one who knew.
He liked being the only one to know that 'what the hell were you thinking!' translated to 'while I appreciate your efforts to help me out and it was very sweet of you to try, please let me wash the whites from now on, okay?' and 'you...you...you!' meant 'how wonderful!' He enjoyed knowing a twitching eyebrow equated an 'aww' and a suspicious glare really told of admiration and flattery. It was nice to come home to 'you moronic nincompoop! Stop bleeding all over the place before I kill you and bury your few remains under the floorboards!' Understanding that really translated to 'I was worried sick about you and I hate seeing you wounded! Let me help you bandage those up.'
The only thing he hadn't worked out was when Iruka said that he wanted Kakashi's head on a platter. Kakashi couldn't tell if that was Iruka's way of saying 'please stop doing that' or if was Iruka having castration fantasies again.
Still, he felt fairly confident that he had broken the code and now knew how to properly respond to each and every situation.
So when he had to be hospitalised after a particularly nasty mission and Iruka was standing by his bed, hurling profanities over the nurses' attempts to get him to be quiet, Kakashi felt he knew the right way to responde.
"I'll try to be more careful nest time," he slurred sleepily. "Don't like worrying you."
"You simple-minded, two-bit, idiotic dunderhead! This isn't about worry!"
"I know," he managed to get out before Iruka could start another tirade and he felt asleep. "Love you, too."
Later, when his brain was working and not under the influence of painkillers anymore, he wondered if maybe he hadn't worked all the nuances quite yet because, for the first time, Iruka had nothing to say.
A week later, he knew that he had nothing to worry about because he really had mastered the complex language of Umino Iruka when Iruka punched him for restarting the gossip mill on their love life again and Iruka screamed at him 'don't think that you're going to get away with this, you asshat!'
It was good to know that Iruka loved him, too.
x Fin x