Father Figure, a naruto fanfic

Father Figure

A quick One-Shot

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto in any fashion. So, in that case, please don't sue.

AN: Yes, another stupid humour fic from OpForce. And yes, where is SiC Chapter 22? Oh, and what happened to Hime Murasaki Chapter 3? Well, let me give you the gist of it. After watching a comedy group called "Kids in the Hall" for several months, I landed on one of their best sketches 'Daddy Drank'. It displays a son who takes a lot of verbal abuse and insults from his alcoholic father. Obviously, the sketch was made to be ultimately hilarious, and somehow I found a dangerously funny connection between this and Naruto. And so, after being completely inspired by the sketch, I fused it with the Naruto world.

In this spirit, please don't sue me. If you find it funny, that is great.

I don't go to doctors often, especially not one who specialized in psychotherapy. As though that is already not enough, the therapist is my lovely friend, the beautiful Hyuuga Hinata. Hinata is not really much of an issue, but it is somewhat weird for me to be speaking so freely to a dear friend. After I lied down on the couch, our session officially started.

Okay, let's move on.

You all know who I am. I am Uzumaki Naruto, the number one ninja in Konoha that is recognized by not his skill, but by my determination to be acknowledged and persistence to become the Hokage of Konoha one day. I am more than certain that I don't need to elaborate about my history which includes my demonic heritage, graduating as a genin under extreme circumstances, received an A level mission although it first said C rank and almost got our asses kicked, you know the rest. Everything that I have done so far is to achieve that goal, that dream, that impossible fantasy that I intend to make it a reality. It's pretty cool, isn't it? But despite that, Uzumaki Naruto still wishes for something.

I am a persistent man, but a simple one too. I don't ask for ridiculous things like asking Haruno Sakura to be my girlfriend; dare Neji to act like Lee for just ten minutes; kiss Hinata right in front of Sakura so she would be jealous that I actually found someone; you know shit like that. All I ask for is a family, a father or mother figure who I could admire and look up to so this life of mine would not seem so hopeless. In all honesty, I didn't think it was such a terrible thing to ask for. After all, I grew up not ever having a parent of any sort to take care of me. Sure, asking for someone to take over the responsibility as my parent, banishing my demon factor aside, is still huge. Sometimes it is actually understandable why no one has taken the initiative to do so. As sad as it is, I must endure and stand strong.

But salvation comes in the end. And that person is no other than the mighty sannin Jiraiya. Definitely, Jiraiya never looks like the man for the job for… well, anything. If it weren't for the fact that he had crucial jutsu and skills to bless unto me during my chunnin exam, he would not even be a candidate. At any rate, Jiraiya says that he is a dedicated man who can handle such a responsibility. Besides, he took care of his group of genins during his younger days and nurtured them like his own children. One kid does not pose to be a problem in comparison to three. At that point, I truly believe that having Jiraiya as my father, the person I would look up to in many, many circumstances to come, is going to be exciting. Although I never like to admit it, I know that I needed guidance.

Jiraiya, however, is bearable and reliable when he is sober. When he is drunk, then he is a fucktard. And there are not enough times that he is sober. Most of our encounters usually happen at night when I go to bed, because that is when he comes back after his sex and drinking.

This is our conversation during one night on the second week we travelled. In fact, all of our conversations take place in my bedroom while I am about to sleep.

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"Naruto," he said, tucking me in my bed. "Have a good night's rest… And remember, I can murder you while you are sleeping. Look here, all you have to do is be real quiet and have the will to do it. And believe me, Naruto, I am willing to do it. And remember-" He pointed to his shoes with a grin. "I got quiet shoes. Well, goodnight Naruto, sleep well!"