The Unseen Pain Hurts Worse A stand alone story

by RRFerree

Jess and Slim discover new dimensions in their relationship as it grows deeper through painful experiences

LARAMIE STORY: "The Unseen Pain Hurts Worse" 2/18/17-5/15/17

DISCLAIMER AND DEDICATION Story Rating: General Audience Adult themes, may contain verbal recollection in brief reference to an event of marital abuse and child violence. Time Period circa 1870 Wyoming with memories back to 1850 Texas. This story is based on the TV series "Laramie" which I do not own or claim ownership or intend profits. It is merely intended to create a story with the characters had they continued the series. Information within this story would be true to the society of that day. The author has not consulted with Robert Fuller in writing any stories and they have been done without his consent or knowledge. However, they are written as a result of the inspiration his depiction of this character has had on my life and would be dedicated to him whether or not I ever meet him as my expression of appreciation for the many lives he has changed bringing to life the dynamics of this fictional character. This would be true harmonically of the actor John Smith and his character. Ruth Ferree

This is a story of how the two pardners would deal with a life and death issue, but one so severe it carries the potential to end their relationship because they've found themselves too close and don't want to be the cause of hurting each other again. Yet, through it all, their relationship perseveres and only becomes stronger. Jess had been severely injured, then medically patched but lingered unconscious for 3 days causing Slim continued agony knowing Jess was injured in retribution for an event in his Union army days. Slim is not convinced Jess will live and if he lives, will he be able to physically return to his former self or will he leave the ranch.

Table of Contents

Chapter Title

That Which We Fear the Most

Locating the Hurts

Slim Visits the Lagoon

Bullets for Brunch

Regrouping

Fears of a Child

Cowboy and His Horse

A "Brother's" Bond

CHAPTER ONE: That Which We Fear the Most

The morning's dawn was hardly distinguishable from the heavy overcast as gray storm clouds were moving with intent on joining each other causing the heavy, humid mistiness suffocating the little hillside. A low, long rumble of thunder off in the distance moaned in sympathy and Slim jerked his head up slightly and blinked, reminded of Jess' deep voice when he'd coo under his breath to a horse to calm the nervous beast. But a smile did not come and Slim looked back down as he stood on the slope leaning on the shovel and gazing at the fresh mound of dirt in front of him. Nearby were the graves of his father and mother and Slim never wanted to be standing here like this again. A big splat of the beginning rain storm splashed onto his cheek didn't match the tear falling down the other one but Slim was relieved the rain would at least hide the torrent of what he couldn't hold back in his heart. He looked down at his other hand holding a small, wooden cross with a name scribbled across it and the sight of it broke the wave of tears over the dam of his eye rims. Hand written across the beam of the small cross was the name "Jess Harper."

The lanky ranch owner's shoulders were hunched over as he was barely able to stay on his feet. Through a set jaw he mumbled, "I'll get a right made stone, Jess. You've more than earned your place here …as part of this family's ….histo…"
He couldn't finish his thought, suddenly engulfed in the feeling of utter loss and being bankrupt, completely robbed of this man's presence. The void was already unbearable and the unfelt shovel fell from his numb hand as he had to reach up and clasp his chest as it became gripped in a vice of pressure. Whenever Jess was awake, he was stirring the pot, his mind miles ahead of everyone else and it was a constant challenge to keep up with his enjoyment of life. There was always a brimming overflow of life energy that somehow oozed through Jess' pores and you felt it the closer you were to him. He'd helped Jess pick himself up off the ground after fights, half carried him in off his horse, they'd even gone a round or two in some tussle and then leaned into each other trying to achieve some heavy lift on a ranch project a time or two. Yes, Jess was shorter and looked lighter, but he was all muscle; solid, hard muscle and Slim had seen more than once Jess take on and hold his own against 4, even 5 larger men in a fight. Being out weighed and shorter meant nothing to Jess who was always convinced of his ownership of the truth, he'd take all comers. Jess walked and rode like a cowboy, however when he moved it was all so balanced and centered, nearly musical, rarely could he be upended. Slim softly rubbed his chest. But today, the memory against his body of gathering Jess' lifeless form had been too much and it burned against his skin like a tall block of ice had been stuck to his bare chest, singeing the hair off his body. Now the air could get to it and any mere change in temperature or just the movement of his clothes instantly sent new sensations of shivers up the front of his frame. Gently laying Jess down in the …. Slim felt as though he was putting his own insides in that box and when he stood back up, he felt caved in and completely empty inside as though he'd laid his own soul in that box. Now the world seemed confining and utterly void of light or shadows. Slim had met many men in his brief life so far, worked with all kinds from the slackers all the way up to military, even presidential candidates, some were worthless and others had tremendous value. But nobody was like Jess. When they first met Slim didn't think much of Jess, a drifter and magnet for trouble and pain well headed to an early grave. But within an hour of meeting, when the pressure hit, Jess had Slim's back, had dug in and helped through a hostage trauma of not only Slim's little family, but a judge. And when the chips started flying, Jess' instinct and skill was pin point on target and under the stress they had become one bigger sum as pardners, not needing words or planning. They just moved as one somehow instantly able to read the other's thoughts. Once Slim had gotten to see the deep part of Jess, they became more than pardners, they were friends, even nearly identical twins on the inside, one just a year or so younger. They were each different in personality, but on the inside, they finished each other's weaknesses. Now, laying Jess' body down lifeless, had it not been for Andy, Slim had fought the drive to just give up and join him and it ripped him on the inside throwing dirt down over that box and he'd had to slow way down gently pouring the dirt rather than heaving it.

Slim tried to draw in a deeper breath, but his lungs were suffocating in the humidity, his hair was falling into his face, clothes stuck to him like glue and his face was completely wet and dripping from the rain and tears. Angry with himself, his voice deepened, "It isn't supposed to happen this way! You …..burst into my world and changed me, Jess! Hell, you changed this ranch! Daggone it! You have such energy, so full of li..." Slim's voice cracked as he sucked in air, "..always.. stirring the pot …. An' it's just not going to be the same…."
The tall guy shuddered in memory then in anguish shouted in a whisper trying to breathe,
"Dad gum it, Jess, everything I own, just stand back up and give me hell again over the ant crossing the porch…. Anything! Anything at all! Just … PLEASE stand… back…" there was a short pause before he could suck in more air then murmured, "…up." The hand holding the little wooden cross came up to and covered his eyes, but it too, failed miserably as a dam to hold back the tears of the tortured rancher's agony and his shoulders shook with each sob.
As though speaking from the heavens another deep rumble of thunder moaned, this time lasting longer and was closer. Somehow…..it had a quieting effect on the tall man. It wasn't the crackling, heaven moving boom of thunder, although that could also have described Jess when he was angry or just stirring things up. This was a low, soothing mumble in rhythmic syllables as though a sentence was being spoken. When it eased, looking through tears Slim glanced in the direction the thunder came and felt a soft, warm hand on his shoulder like Jess would sometimes do, and blinking against the rain whispered, "Jess?"

"Slim?" a reassured, feminine voice reached into the depths of his soul. "Slim? Wake up, Slim."
"Huh?" the groggy blond slowly lifted his heavy head off of his hands which were crossed on the table in front of him. He tried desperately to open bloodshot eyes covered by eyelids glued shut with fatigue as he tried to focus on who was beside him and whispered, "Jess?" Slim's face was flushed under the 4 day growth of beard, and he'd taken off the blood soaked outer shirt from when they'd found Jess in the crate, but was still in his undershirt which had absorbed some of Jess' blood and was now quite wrinkled.
"No, Slim, it's Daisy. Jess is still over there." She removed her hand from Slim's shoulder and waved across the room where they'd moved a bed into the dining room so they could keep a watch on Jess. "You must have been dreaming, but you sounded so upset, even with your lack of sleep, I didn't think it wise to let you go on. Could have disturbed Jess."
Slim quickly began rubbing his eyes just in case his crying had been real or seen, he wasn't sure. "Dreaming? Sleep?" He tried to stand up but Daisy was easily able to push the exhausted man back down in the chair.
"Well, it's no wonder at all….you haven't had a wink of sleep since this all started. Or eaten anything in nearly a week. Here I fixed this all hot and fresh for you." Slim had to quickly pull up a little away from the table. His nose was about to be smacked by a fast moving, huge incoming plateful of food on the heels of a cloth napkin that was parachuting from the tips of Daisy's fingers through the hair hanging down off his forehead and aiming into his lap. The parachute began drifting off target slightly headed for the secondary drop zone of the floor and catching it prevented him from stopping the incoming plate.
"I'm not hungry, Daisy. Stomach's a rock." His stomach said "no," but his nose was loudly screaming "yes" as she set the plate down in front of him. It was loaded with a hot slice of ham and three over easy eggs, Texas sized fresh fluffy biscuits which were sending smoke signals of aroma into the air, and in her other hand was a mug of steaming hot coffee. Disobeying his mind, his hand grabbed the fork and after a fresh sniff of the mug of coffee, he cut a huge corner off the ham and speared it with the fork.
Taking only a half a step back Daisy firmly planted her hands on her hips, "You've simple got to eat something, Slim. I don't need two patients on my hands. Then you have to clean up and give me those clothes before they're so far gone I have to burn them."
"Well," stuffing the overloaded fork into his mouth and talking with his mouth full, "maybe just one or two bites." With his mouth full of a second bite, he confessed, "I am kinda empty."
Daisy smiled at the success of her plan, wiped her hands together and headed for the stove.
"Try to take at least 2 breaths of air before you finish the plate. I've got a fresh pie in the oven I simply have to watch."
Mike was sitting across the table from Slim semi-blocking the view of Jess and chimed in, "Those biscuits were something special and Ms. Daisy used real buttermilk in them."
"Ya, I can taste it, too!" His long, left index finger reached around the biscuit it was holding to catch a crumb not slathered in butter that was tumbling from the corner of his mouth. He tried to speak with his mouth stuffed full and not lose more morsels by slurping a sip of coffee, "I musta been hungry at that."
The slice of ham, 3 eggs and two biscuits were inhaled in a matter of 3 minutes not that anyone was timing it. As Slim used his second biscuit to mop up the last residue of eggs, Mike got up and headed over to peer at Jess. Looking over to where Daisy had gone, still chewing on his next to last bite and grabbing the mug of coffee, Slim choked out, "Is that an apple pie I smell?" A sudden shadow cast across Slim's face and he mumbled shaking his head, "Jess' favorite pie."
Daisy's cheery voice responded: "It sure is! Apples came off the tree out back this morning."
Slim finally got a glug of coffee swallowed chasing down the meal. "That tree never produced apples before you got here, Daisy. I swear, I think Jess has been dumping the compost at the base of the tree, and I know he re-routed the water trough drain that direction. Never seen such ….. it even has leaves on it. I almost cut that thing down so many times." Picking up his dishes he headed to the sink. "Ya know, we got that one pasture, we call "the north 40," was always dead grass and Jess came in all dirty one day looked like a pig fresh out of a hog Waller and wouldn't tell me where he'd been."
Daisy smiled up at Slim, "I'd have loved to have seen that!"
Slim tapped her shoulder lightly with the back of his fingertips and was grinning ear to ear shaking his head side to side, "Oh it was sompthin' to see all right. Head to toe mud, nothing but two blue eyes peeping out of solid mud. Anyways, he ran an errand into town the next day for me so I went out and back tracked him and found he'd cleaned out a trench to it off the spring that had gotten all overgrown and clogged. Was a dadgum long trench, too, maybe 20 feet. That pasture's been producing the best alfalfa hay we have on the place since. Can't hardly keep the cattle out of it."
Monitoring the oven Daisy smiled up at him, "Well, if you have a green thumb…"
Slim smiled back, "Can't quite say he's got that, but he finds the darnest things to get into. Stuff I never see and sure gets things done…..when it's his idea."
"Jess just moves to his own rhythm. He's got a strong head on his shoulders. I think inside he's just a little more mature than he looks on the outside. Knows and has a determined sense of direction."
"Probably so…. Comes from being out on his own so early in life, I guess. Survival and all."
"What was he, about 13 or 14?" She turned to the dishes he set in the sink.
Leaning with his back to the sink, crossing his arms on his chest holding the coffee mug with the last gulp waiting, "Ya, him and his dad weren't all that close and just him and his sister are left. The rest of his family was wiped out when he was 15. How'd you know?"
Lovingly patting his arm, "You two aren't the first men I've known. A woman knows."
Shuffling into the kitchen, but looking back over his shoulder, something is bothering Mike and Slim sees him first.
"What's up, Mike? Need another biscuit?"
"I don't get it, Slim. Jess has his eyes open but he won't talk back to me, and his hand is cold as ice….like snow in winter."

Like someone blowing out a lamp, every drop of color drained from Slim's tanned face as his forehead stretched upward and he exchanged looks with Daisy and the hand holding the coffee mug sank to his hip. Even her complexion suddenly went ghastly white, too, and she immediately fumbled the dish she was cleaning crumbs from into the sink. She wiped her hands off on her apron and still looking at Slim's face, gathered Mike and headed to Jess' bed in the dining room. "Let me take a look, Mike."
Half a second later, Slim swiveled barely in time to aim into the compost pail hanging next to the sink, and lost all of his breakfast faster than it had gone down. His stomach was correct…..it wasn't ready for this. HE wasn't ready for this, either. Slim barely managed to suck down a gasp of air when with the same force as a lead ball being shot out of a cannon, from somewhere all the way down six feet deep inside his well broke in boots, everything else that wasn't tied down inside him tried to follow the departing breakfast, too. It felt like it completely turned his insides out wringing them like long johns just before hanging to dry in a heavy wind. The breakfast ejection his mind could understand and deal with, but the following evacuation came with such force, and hurt so much, it twisted his roots as if they'd been caught in the spokes of the back wagon wheels on a fully loaded runaway Conestoga. It spun him on his heels and an unheard, windless gasp escaped as he clamped down pressing hard folding over at his waist. The convulsion nearly caused him to pass out and almost brought the big guy to his knees as he curled his hips together in delayed reaction of attempted protection, and his hands instinctively headed south to his roots had to desperately redirect and seize the edge of the sink just to keep his feet beneath him. Bringing his head back up frantically gasping for a backup lump of air to go the right direction, by sheer arm strength pulling himself half way to a stand he could lean on the counter and look out the window over the sink. Without permission the morning sun had disappeared and very dark clouds had already painted the heavens closed. The first rain drops were taking aim on the earth below when there came that distant rumbling moan of thunder, again, but it was rolling away from the valley. Unable to wait for the end of the thunder's sentence, this time, the dam of tears gushed open in real time. Leaning over into the sink his elbows leveraged on the edge, his knees felt filled with gelatin, and waves of silent sobs gushed from his heart. Slim was not sure he was through dealing with his cranky viscera, and with his midsection still curled tightly in a pretzel and wishing desperately some blood would return to his legs, he could hear Daisy coming back into the room behind him. Giving a quick push to the pump handle, he caught the cold water in his hands and drenched his face trying to hide the tears and any evidence of the lost breakfast or other portions or unmentionables lost from his anatomy, then quickly covered his face in the nearby towel. But nothing gets past Ms. Daisy. Quickly looking around Slim's hunched over mountainous frame, she could tell what happened, shaking her head in empathy and motherliness. She stood by his side wanting to place her arm around his waist but was only tall enough all she could reach was his hips. Quickly feeling Slim wobble against the sink at her light touch she peered up into his shrouded face as Slim instantly began feeling some measure of strength incoming from her solid frame. Still leaning on the edge of the sink with his forearms, Daisy's experienced mother-trained left arm came around the front of his body with a supporting hand over his stomach in case he was still needing to heave, and she leaned sideways to peer further into his face reaching with her right finger to gently draw his fallen hair off his face that was not caught in the towel. Still too weak to escape her mothering, Slim remained motionless afraid to move should something else give way or initiate another eruption.
Her voice was soft, very gentle but solidly encouraging, "I think Jess is trying to wake up, Slim, but he's just not clear enough from the unconsciousness yet to focus his eyes. His pulse is stronger than it's been the last 3 days and his color is still pale from all the blood he lost. The fever is all but gone, he's a little cool and his arm was outside the blanket, so I tucked it back in and put another log on the fire. It's a tad cool in there. Mike crawled back into bed at his legs to help warm him up…he's such a little helper."
Slim maintained the towel over his face convinced he could not keep his eyes from tattling on him and not wanting Daisy to know about his tears and fears over Jess' lengthy unconsciousness. She squeezed him a little tighter in reassurance giving him the time he needed to regain air movement to his lungs. Trying hard to believe her report, speaking from under the concealment of the towel, Slim's voice attempted to squeak out some hope. But still drained from his internal purging, his jaw exhausted from the hurricane forces, his voice was incapacitated by a lack of any supporting volume and it failed miserably to hide its quivering;
"So, …Jess is…. just moving ….at his….. own pace, then?" now Slim was not so sure he could believe any thoughts of Jess still being alive only to have the floor drop out from under him again.
"That's right. He's a determined young man and very tenacious, that one. I can see day to day, little by little he's getting back into life. But with this depth of injury and trauma, Jess has had to go deep inside himself to pull from that inner strength to deal with the monumental job of survival in front of him. In his past, he's had to go that alone, so he knows nothing else but to retreat inside and get levelled out again. When he's able and ready, he'll come back to us. He's pretty close, now. Slim. Maybe you both need to just know you are there together so he can make that step?" Holding the towel in one hand as security and quickly turning in to her to avoid her gaze, Slim stood up to his full height and gathered her into his chest with a big brother hug, his chin resting on her head, eyes closed still fighting back tears. Needing her own hug, Daisy melted into his hold gaining her own reassurance by feeling the mere power innately built into the manly structure of his body now slowly coming back online.
"Daisy, you're a miracle worker. We are so blessed you came." Slim quietly spoke, his voice gaining slight momentum. He could feel from the tightness of her hold on his hips that she was soaking up some strength from him in return and stayed still until she came up for air while planting a big kiss on the top of her head. When she began to release her grip on him, he plopped the towel on the sink's counter. "You're darn right. We all need each other. And that pie sure smells good!"
Momentarily flustered, Daisy released Slim waving her hands up and down and turned immediately to check on her pie. Finding it was done, she quickly retrieved it from the burning fire and brimstone of the oven. Slim smiled at her sincere bustle with the pie and spurs clanking away, strode into the room and pulled a chair close to the head of the bed where Jess was just squirming from a light pain spasm. Looking deeply and studying his pard's face for any little detail, he could see what Daisy referenced. There really had been a change in his face. Yes, the pain spasms floated through and his breathing was still raspy, but there was now a softness under the facial skin, but you had to look past the growing scruff. Before, like when he was riled, the muscles under his skin would be tight as a bow string. When Jess was at peace, his face muscles would relax and he'd appear much younger than any normal day's appearance. But you had to know what and where to look because those peaceful moments were even scarcer. That Daisy. She doesn't miss much. Mike was already passed out snuggled at Jess' legs, covered with a light blanket, his tummy full from a huge biscuit breakfast. So seeing an even more rare moment of opportunity Slim slowly leaned closer, reaching tentatively forward with a finger of his left hand brushed the curl back off of Jess' forehead, amused how now that curl so closely resembled the forelock on a horse. Then he brushed the back of his fingertips along Jess' thick, wavy hair trying to get the wayward lock to stick down somewhere. "Don't know how you do it, Pard. Your hair just stays where you put it. Mine's always falling in my face." And just as stubborn as its owner, the curl promptly returned to its rightful position guarding Jess' forehead. Slim smiled shaking his head murmuring, "Determined sense of direction, alright. Inside and out. Well, I'm just as determined…Jess. I'm here when you're ready to wake up. I'm not done with you yet."
Jess was propped on his left side by pillows keeping the weight and gravity off certain injury sites and for access to monitor them without always moving him… it was Daisy's engineering. Over a period of several minutes, Slim watched as a series of strong pain spasms hit Jess starting at his right leg injury at first curling him to a near fetal position. Then as it moved up his body along his spine, it flattened him forward in an arched back spasm driving his hips forward into the pillows he was packed into for support. Jess' jaws tightened down and his eyes opened staring straight ahead in concentration against the pain, unfocused to the world. Those blue eyes were full of pain, but not in whimpering defeat. They were hardened in combat, not giving an inch. Slim winced almost having to look away, yet there was a flicker of something that caught his attention. Slim had seen Jess' blue eyes change into different tells. Depending on what he was dealing with, those eyes could be a soft, gentle teal blue at moments of tenderness with animals and kids all the way over to hardened steel when he was angry or facing a loaded weapon. Now, within the pained hard blue, like the center of a target this was a different blue he hadn't seen before and was like looking into a very deep lagoon filled with blue water without a breath of movement, mirror like in reflecting the inner reaches of that liquescence back into itself. It was a deep lagoon, one where a person would want to retreat to for strength or refreshment. Magnetically, it drew Slim in and he couldn't look away, but then…. as the pain subsided, Jess' eyes closed softly. Slim frowned slightly and his head tilted trying to memorize that glimpse of a new view of Jess' eyes. He'd never seen that before and it instantly drew one deep within Jess, wanting to see more of this lagoon and the understanding that was there. He realized this must have been a rare, precious glimpse into the inner soul of this man that very few are invited into and Slim shook his head slightly side to side recognizing both what Mike had reported and what Daisy had interpreted. Truly, Jess was fighting from deep inside himself to survive this blast of life's storm. Only now, instead of in complete silence, he'd regained enough strength to be approaching consciousness where one would actually respond to pain. Laying on his left side facing the room, his left arm and hand was outlined under the light blankets. His hand was grasped into a fist and pulled back near his body where the spasm had travelled as though strangling the causative spasm in fierce defeat. Slowly but firmly Slim reached under the edge of the blanket, gently opened Jess's left fist and clasped it with his own and then covered their hands with his right hand in a sandwich. Her pie safely resting in comfort on top the stove, Daisy inched closer from the vertical beam near the fireplace…. smiling at the energy she could see growing between the two men.
"Right here, Jess.… you're home and the Doc says you're gunna be fine. When you're ready, I'm here." Slim's voice was so soft and gentle it took Daisy by surprise coming from such a big, powerfully built man. Ever so slightly Slim thought he felt a light squeeze back from Jess' hand, but another spasm touched off a second wave of travelling pain, this time a voiced groan and another unfocused look came with a frown raising the infamous eyebrow momentarily before reclosing. Slim caught another glimpse of the lagoon, but again, it was all too brief. He was sure now that Jess was slowly regaining consciousness but dealing with the accompanied pain. As Jess became more awake his hand began trembling lightly within Slim's grip. Feeling Daisy behind him and calling softly over his shoulder, "Daisy, you're right, he's coming to, but he's beginning to tremble. Is he still too cool?"
"That's normal, Slim. What I saw in the war, that's more an indicator of lost strength and depth of trauma. It disappears as they get better." Slim nodded in acknowledgement without looking away…..waiting for those eyes to give him another look. It was a unique moment of looking at Jess without the normal accompanying direct eye contact when Jess was conscious. Always, always, when conscious, it was a chess match trying to keep up with Jess' mind constantly miles ahead of anyone else. It gave Slim a chance to study Jess' face more deeply.

"Sss …" then sucking in air, "..lim?" Almost a whisper. If Slim hadn't seen his lips move, he'd have never known and he instinctively inched closer.
"Right here, Jess. This way. I've got whatever you need."
Smiling, under her breath Daisy muttered inching closer: "Or you'll move the earth to get it."

"Sl. Mmm?" This time Jess' eyes fluttered open, at first not focused, but with a few blinks like a match being lit, they finally ignited focus of being awake, but it was momentary as a pain spasm snapped them closed again. Slim's eyes watered watching his pard struggle twisting in a knot by the pain yet proud of Jess' will, now becoming in awe of the discipline from within Jess to deal with such a depth of trauma and the tenacity to somehow still keep his head above water.
"Keep coming, Jess. Take whatever you need….I'm right here."

There was a long pause and when he finally spoke Jess' answering words were soft and deep, slow and stretched out, sometimes messed up breathing in and out at the same time trying to form words.
"Know. Feel you… par…d. Don ..' t…. urn loose." A gasp at a spasm interrupted, then, "Where…..."
"Never leave you, Jess. You're doing great. One foot at time. Grab on, I gotcha.."
"K…." This time Slim could feel Jess' grip tighten ever so weakly. Jess released a deep sigh, a first breath without an accompanying spasm finally sensing strength coming from an exterior source.
Actually hearing even just a wisp of Jess' deep voice caused the heavy overcast of fear to begin to shrink away and Slim had to wipe his tears of relief off on his shoulder, shaking his head realizing new truths about this amazing man on the bed. Leaning this close in to Jess' face, Slim's empathy had kicked in and with each new pain spasm, he could feel the twinge of them in the same places in his own body….and they were deep and very painful. Daisy had reached Slim's back and placed a hand softly on Slim's other shoulder, her eyes were glued to Jess while feeling Slim with her hand. She moved her hand back and forth in support and also slightly bending down into Slim's side vision and Slim caught her movement without losing concentration on Jess.
"I can feel where his pain is, Daisy. Not as strong as he does, but it's deep and he's weak."
"You're doing fine, Slim. He's weak from the lost blood. His body's not had time to replace it yet and why he's cool."

It'd been too quiet, too long. "Jess?" Slim called softly.
"Ya." Jess was poked with a smaller pain jab and an "Ow!" snuck out like he'd been pinched. Then his eyes blinked open trying to focus on where he was at. "What ..s 'at…..smell?" Another small jab caused him to wince and suck in some air through his teeth causing the shutters to shut down his eyelids again. "Is this…heav …..i…" Jess sniffed the air, "…..pple…p?"
"About as close as it comes. Daisy just pulled a fresh one out of the oven. Just follow your nose.." A small smile cracked Slim's face for the first time in days as relief began pouring into his exhausted soul and he half looked at Daisy, shifting slightly in his chair, almost gleeful, and quickly back to Jess, "I told you Jess can smell your pie from 5 miles upwind. I've seen him galloping along and suddenly pull up, whip that horse around and point his nose into the air, just like a hound. "
Daisy's smile beamed: "I remember. Why do you think I baked today?"
Murmuring, "Sssso ….dad…gum….… empt.….could eat … whole …." Jess slowly retrieved his left hand from its warm spot and with trembling fingers reached to rub his eyes trying to pry them open. But fingers have a mind of their own and they quickly moved to rub his aching head, then down his bristly face. Jess tried to hold his head up to help his eyes open and look around finally slowly recognizing, "Sherm…ranch….Laram?" but had to quickly lay his head back down. "Whoa! room…..too fasss…. spin i…"
Slim quickly put his hand on Jess' shoulder in a light attempt to hold him down, but it was not needed. Daisy quickly backed him up; "You have to drink some water first, Jess, so your body can replace all the blood you've lost. That's why you're light headed. If your tummy can hold the water, then we'll do pie."
Not to be denied, still holding his left hand to his temples, "Pie first, Dais…need pie….. …PLEASE." It was a pleading whisper.
Slim looked entreatingly at Daisy backing up his partner's plea with full understanding how the aroma of hot apple pie can cause a healthy man to go weak in the knees let alone a wounded one, and Daisy couldn't take it from both of them.
"Ok, one spoonful of pie if you promise to let it dissolve in your mouth, slowly. Don't let him up, Slim. Don't want him ripping anything open."
"Deal!" Jess' word was barely a whisper but held such hope. Daisy scurried to the oven and gathered up a spoon and the pie and a short, flat whiskey bottle she'd already cleaned and filled with fresh water. It was her version of "medicinal use only" but in the form of healthy water.
Jess' eyes slowly opened and without moving them or his head, his hand still trembling, he could see Slim peering over him. "Is she here yet?"
"I'm coming, Jess." Daisy still heard it from the kitchen, but didn't hurry.
Slim looked closely at Jess' eyes hoping for another glimpse into the lagoon and could still see it although they were still too brief because Jess was still having difficulty keeping his eyes open. A slight smile remained on the rancher's face…..he could see flickers of the feisty Jess reemerging slowly and that was the priority and much needed relief. He reached over and pulled a second chair close to the head of Jess' bed for Daisy to land on just as she arrived. She handed the water bottle to Slim who began watching with near giddiness as the two began dickering over the pie.
"If you move or try to sit up, Jess, I'll take the pie back to the kitchen. Just open your mouth and let me put it in." Daisy instructed being self-appointed as fully in charge.
"Yes, Ma'am….anything you…." and with that Daisy placed a lady like spoonful of the smooth nectar between his lips before he could finish speaking. Like a hungry baby bird, Jess' mouth instantly reached up slightly and secured the nourishment and just as instantly the left hand grabbed his mouth trying to catch the sudden gush of flowing juices trying to escape the corners. Swallowing happened before dissolving as there were no apple chucks included and was immediately protested barely above a whisper, "You call…." Swallowing hard, "… that a bite?"
A larger smile escaped Slim's face and he chimed in; "Did you give him any yet?"
"I want to make sure nothing comes back up. His stomach is healing, too, you know. Ok, Slim, now the water."
"Haven't had …pie yet!" Jess' eyes opened in a desperate search for the pie plate wondering if he could focus enough to grab it….should it be nearby. With his right shoulder and arm bandaged, he was on a short leash with the left arm he was half laying on. Seeing his eyes search, Daisy quickly drew the pie plate out of reach. "C'mon, Dais…" Jess whimpered.
Still supporting Jess' protests and unaware he was rubbing his stomach with his empty hand, Slim offered, "He's got to have something to pitch up if this doesn't work, Daisy. You don't want him heaving up nothing." The experience from breakfast was still way too fresh on his mind.
Jess jumped on board, "That's right. An …a man size bite, not one … those lady … ones."
Daisy considered their logic only momentarily, happy with her results. "Ok, but you promised to let it dissolve, don't just wolf it down."
"Just get it … here, I'll keep … down." Squinting at her, Jess wiggled his fingers waving toward himself.
Daisy pushed the spoon into the pie and measured out a small spoonful and began to aim for Jess' mouth only he was watching this time. "More…more…" She dove in again and almost doubled the amount. Slim smiled again and unconscious of the effort, his own mouth mimicked Jess' as this time Jess' mouth was open and waiting and she neatly dropped the spoonful in and Jess caught the spoon with his lips getting every morsel of flavor before it could be retrieved. He tried to grasp the spoon from her hand, but focusing and aiming were not synchronized yet and definitely no match for Daisy's adept speed and his hand missed and fell instead once again covering his mouth needing to secure its seal. The warm, nectar mixed with a goodly amount of soft chucks filled his mouth and groaning softly in ecstasy, he sank deeper into the pillow allowing the juices to flow and mix as the pie dissolved, finally swallowing. Sucking lightly to avoid losing some precious remnant liquid, Jess could barely mumble in a noisy exhale,
"Oh….dadgum!" He slurped softly, "This IS heaven….Dais ….an you're an angel."
For the moment, Jess' face was in full peace, nourishment from the sugar flooding his being…then just as fast, he began fighting tears back at just the taste of food again, quickly tried to brush his eyes dry.
"It's enough to make a grown man cry, right Jess?" Slim smiled in sympathy, then frowned quickly because a shadow of something awful flew through the expression in Jess' face as Jess firmly covered his still leaking eyes and most of his face with his hand turning his face away to shut down access and smothering a sob in his hand. For several moments Daisy and Slim looked at each other in puzzlement and frowns, unsure how to proceed. Another milder wave of pain tunneled up through Jess' body causing him to bring his hand down, drawing his left arm alongside his core to brace against and cover the offending spasm and he turned his face downward into the pillow with his eyes slammed shut in retreat smothering a groan deep in his throat.
Mike began stirring behind Jess's legs slowly waking and rubbing his eyes but nobody noticed. Slim began looking sheepish, the aroma of the pie was too close to his wayward nose who had begun again trying to convince his stomach it was time for feeding and seeing the initial response of delight from Jess had only reinforced his nose's side of the debate.
Slim offered with a light smile wondering why he found his mouth stating it "If you need a quality control test on the pie, I'm standing by." Jess slowly peeked open one eye trying to recover himself, contemplating whether or not to share when Mike sat forward sniffing the air. "Is that a new pie, Ms. Daisy?" Mike began drawing a bead on the pie she was holding.
Jess rolled his eyes and covered them in disdain: "Aw, no! At's my pie, guys! You're gunna wolf it down and I won't get anymore!"
Unaware of the preceding deal arrangements, Mike chimed in, "I'll save some for you, Jess."
Slim chimed in with renewed hunger: "Me, too. I just want to do a quality check."
Delighted with her prize and the results from her men, Daisy was in heaven. "Well, I think since I made it, it's my pie and I say who get how much."
Jess quickly but weakly asserted, "Me first." Then Mike, "Me, second" followed by Slim, "Me third!"
Daisy was not to be denied her part of the deal, "Well, ok, but Jess has to finish his part of this deal. A drink of water, first. Slim, maybe you can help him sit up a little."
Slightly frustrated but unable to muster much energy, let alone sit up, Jess looked around finding Slim holding the whiskey bottle. "Is that it? Or is that the good stuff?"
Slim lifted the cork and sniffed the bottle, "Nope, it's water. Very clever, Daisy. For 'medicinal purposes'…" Slim smiled at Jess trying to remind him of Jonesy's cure all.
Daisy offered, "The doctor left me some laudanum if you need it, Jess."
"Never. Here, hand it over. How much so's I can get some more pie? The deep raspy voice was nearly feisty again and Slim couldn't help but smile. Jess had his priorities and at barely able to move, apple pie was at the top of the list of the conscious side of the world at whatever cost in pain.
"Just a swig or two every hour or so. Don't overdo until you can read how your stomach's doing."
Jess took the offered bottle from Slim and put his finger over the opening, lifted it upside down to his lips releasing a controlled flow and swallowed several glugs slowly before handing it back to Slim and wiping his dripping mouth with the back of his hand. With the hand emptied, he waved his fingers to Daisy expecting the spoon to be handed over. Daisy held a good grip, however, still controlling the pie plate and the spoon. "I don't trust you boys. First thing I know, you'll all be diving in with your fingers. Here, Jess. Here's your bite."
Jess started to coach her, "Man size, bi…." But she already had a good scoop and again tucked it into his mouth before he could finish his sentence and Jess made sure to capture every molecule of nectar and he sank back into the pillow again. This bite somehow dissolved faster than the first two.
"Me, next!" Chimed Mike and Daisy fed him a child size bite. His bite went down faster than Jess' while Daisy offered the spoon to Slim to dig his own out of the pan. They exchanged smiles but Jess became concerned…. "Nothing bigger than what she gave me, Slim."
Teasingly, Slim smiled at the continued improvement in Jess' eyes, and he dipped in with the spoon and ate a normal sized bite. Barely able to keep from drooling himself, he covered his lips with his finger, then waved the spoon pointing it at Daisy, "Oooh, THAT is an extra special one. Did you do something different?" Neither one noticed Jess squirm against another wave of pain spasm shooting up his body.
"No, Slim. Same recipe." Then nodding toward Jess, "I think it's just these apples were better than the earlier ones, now that the tree has gotten its footing back."
Slim understood her hint and smiled back, "I think you're right, Daisy. Tremendous tree just needed some encouragement."
They both looked back at Jess who'd gotten very quiet and seemed to have cuddled down into the bed and covers. Becoming concerned again, Slim shoved the spoon into Daisy's hands and leaned closer to Jess whose eyes were now closed again.
"Jess? You ok? More pie?" he tried to coach any sort of response.
No response came back so Slim tugged at the blanket near Jess' nose. "Jess? Jess!" he was becoming alarmed.
"Huh?" Jess mumbled back almost conked out in sleep not bothering to open his eyes.
Daisy joined in; "Is your stomach doing ok?"
"Ah….oh," hesitating a moment to take a reading, "ya….save some …for me. Empty….very tire (d)." Jess looked a little more pale than a few moments earlier and Slim could see his face tightening back up, his eyes clammed closed again. Speaking softer and slower, drifting away on a cloud, "Need ….nap. (a brief pause of silence) Take …reins?"
"I got 'em, Jess, just don't leave me…ok?"
"Will take next…..um..watch. Wake ….mmm."
"Will do."
"Prom….?" Jess dropped off before he could finish the word or hear the response.
"I promise….." then Slim muttered "Believe me, you're not getting away from me."

CHAPTER TWO: Locating the hurt

Slim and Daisy could hear the clatter of hooves from a horse approaching at a normal pace and they both stood up looking toward the door. With Jess tucked into a more normal sleep, Slim looked at Daisy, "I'll check it out, wonder who that could be." With a quick re check of Jess sleeping Daisy agreed. "I'll put the pie away and start a fresh pot of coffee." Spurs lightly clinking away, Slim crossed the floor to the door as quietly as he could, opening it in time to see Sheriff Mort Corey a step away from the front door.
"Morning, Mort. What gets you out so early in the day?" Slim inquired. "C'mon in."
"Thanks, Slim. You know I was gone to Denver week last, just got back this morning and heard Jess had been badly injured. Thought I'd come see what's going on. You know, Jess, always into something. Hi, Mrs. Cooper."
"Good morning, Mort. Have you had your breakfast? Fresh coffee brewing." Daisy's sunny manner always brought a smile to Mort's face, secretly admiring her from a safe distance but pea green in envy over Slim and Jess' good fortune.
"Well, no. Guess I haven't eaten yet today. Was concerned about Jess."
"How do you take your eggs?"
"From how Jess and Slim talks about your cookin', Mrs. Cooper, any way you want to cook them. I'm not fussy. Thank you."
"Ham or bacon?"
"Whatever's out." He repeated with a coy smile.
"Why don't you two come sit down at the kitchen table and talk so to not disturb Jess. He just dropped off to sleep."
Mort wandered a short distance behind Daisy and Slim's lead but made a loop toward the bed Jess was sleeping on and took a good close look, shaking his head before dropping his hat on the dining room table and following them into the kitchen. His eyes became overshadowed by a frown not leaving the study of the rare sight of Jess sleeping, he pulled out a chair where he could face the kitchen door and still see Jess, then eased into it with a heavy tiredness from his long trip. Daisy began cooking a full repeat of Slim's lost breakfast, motioning to Slim a question if he wanted another, to which Slim shook his head but grabbed an extra coffee cup with the table wear set up for Mort and sat down opposite him.
"Well, he looks like he got into something over his head this time. How's he doing?"
"Been an eternity in a week, Mort." Slim began but not sure where to start. "Jess finally woke up just a little bit ago, been unconscious the better part of 3 days.
"Three days! Ok, what's going on? How bad hurt?
"He was kidnapped and missing little over 24 hours, arrived back here 3 days ago stuffed in a large wooden crate Mose found sitting in the middle of the road up a few miles." Slim waved over his shoulder the opposite direction from where Mort had arrived. "From what we could determine, the Dr., and Ms. Daisy, he'd been bound, blindfolded, beaten and bull whipped, then shot twice and had a gash sliced in his right thigh before being crammed into the crate and left in the road. We were lucky the coach that brought him in had a new doctor on board who had all the fresh training and he was able, with Daisy's help, to patch Jess back together, but he lost a lot of blood and been unconscious since."
Mort's jaw was sagging open in amazement not even noticing the cup of coffee Daisy poured. "Do you know who did it, somebody from his past? Will he have any permanent …?" Questions were lined up in the experienced law enforcement man's mind, fighting for first place in getting answered.
Slim looked at Jess and then down under the table. Mort watched and frowned looked over at Daisy who had turned from monitoring her cooking on the stove and looked at Slim in a knowing, but "he needs to tell you" kind of face. Unknown to any of them, Jess had begun surfacing from his slumber by intermittent pain spasms that didn't understand the concept of sleep and in a fog going in and out of sleep he began overhearing some points in their conversation.
"Slim?" Mort tried to stir Slim from his place lost under the table.
Finally, Slim answered unable to meet Mort's eyes; "I can say with almost 100% certainty, it was not somebody from Jess' past or current world, but we haven't had a chance to talk with Jess yet about what he experienced and I don't know after what he's been through if he will be able to even talk about. It would be better to him to get his side of the story, first."
"I understand how you feel, Slim, but you know as well as I do, if we're going to catch these hellions, time is of the essence. The longer we wait, the less chance we'll have to bring them to justice and we're already 3 days in the hole."
"I agree with Mort, Slim." Daisy remarked as she placed another masterpiece plateful of scrumptious breakfast goodies in front of Mort smiling as she watched Mort's eyes widen in anticipated delight. Between what was coming in his ears and what delicacies were sitting on the plate in front of him, Mort didn't know where to start. But, like Slim an hour before, the aroma assaulting his nose won out and he began piling into the steaming hot plate of food. "You boys eat like this every day?" He stuffed his first fork full into his mouth and looked at Slim.
Slim looked at the plate and nodded yes.
"No wonder Jess doesn't eat in town anymore. Ms. Daisy this is.." stuffing another load of food in his mouth and trying to speak, "…. best food I've ever eaten."
Blushing, Daisy waved a hand downward, "The biscuits were fresher an hour ago. I do love men with healthy appetites." She reached for the coffee pot and refilled both cups.
"What do you know, Slim? Let's start there. Was there anything written on the crate?" Slim looked at Mort unbelieving that Mort could go straight to the key identifying piece of evidence. Munching away, crumbs falling from the corners of his mouth, Mort read Slim's face. "So you do have something."
Slim abruptly stood up and circled in a stew not wanting to deal with opening a can of worms. The last 4 days had been hell enough without needing to confirm the source. Mort looked at Daisy and behind Slim's back she signaled to Mort to give Slim some space and wait.
"Another biscuit?" She offered in stalling for time.
Mort was getting full, but her offer was just too tempting, "Well, ok. Thank you, Daisy. You twisted my arm."
Slim walked over to Jess' bed to check on him and see if he was asleep and seeing him approach, Jess quickly closed his eyes, but was desperate to know if Slim had any clue what he'd been through and why. Something bothered Slim. He knew from the writing on the crate why Jess had been captured and injured, and that it was revenge against his Union service, but he didn't want Jess to know he knew. Slim knew if Jess knew, Jess would try to hide the information to protect Slim from feeling responsible for the injuries Jess was experiencing. Both men knowing, but neither one wanting the other to know they knew. Slim found a way and went back to the table to Mort. Hearing Slim's departing footsteps and wincing against another pain spasm, Jess reopened his eyes hearing Slim's plan and frowned.
"When you're through, we need to go outside so I can gather up a team for the stage that's due here shortly."
Mort knew Slim's purpose and fell into the plan…plus he needed to get away from the temptations on the table. Chasing his last bite of biscuit with coffee, Mort stood up, wiped his mouth on the napkin, once again complimenting Daisy. "Best food, Daisy. I can make it now. Thank you!"
"You're quite welcome, Mort. Anytime. Maybe someday you'll manage to get here for a supper. I make a mean roast beef."
Grabbing his hat and shooting another look at Jess, Mort fell into step with Slim calling over his shoulder, "That's a deal, Daisy." Going through the front door following Slim Mort asked, "You have the crate out in the barn?" Overhearing the remark, Jess frowned at getting left out and forgot he was injured for a moment, tried to stand up and follow but within the first inch of moving was immediately reprimanded by all injuries which jerked him back to the starting block and he fell back into the bed grabbing screaming body parts and trying not to scream in pain. Daisy caught the motion and approached Jess. She eased into the chair still sitting near his face and Jess quickly closed his eyes, trying to play possum again but getting stabbed with pain spasms causing him to groan.
"Are you playing possum, Jess? Did you hear all that?"
Trying to avoid being caught red handed, weakly Jess asked, "Water?"
Reaching for the small whiskey bottle still sitting on the dining room table where Slim left it, she took the cork out and handed it to Jess. However, to take a drink, from his failed launch he had to shift in the bed and lean back some onto his back and the shift caused a severe ripple of pain putting the water bottle in jeopardy. Daisy caught it and tried to help him adjust, but still exhausted, the room still spinning with a headache and any movement sending pain to previously unknown parts of his body, Jess relinquished the bottle as she caught it and he grabbed his screaming leg. It took a few moments to get into some level of position causing the least amount of pain and to relax down once the spasms let up. Daisy watched intently and helped where she could, as he fought to get comfortable. Trying to assist him, her touch surprised him and in a knee-jerk reaction, he pulled back from her touch in memory of all the hits to his body he'd just experienced blindfolded not seeing them coming and therefore not able to brace against them. Daisy became concerned seeing him recoil from her which reminded her of several patients she had during the war. Knowing why he was recoiling, she shook her head lightly and frowned realizing the depth of the trauma Jess would have to rehabilitate. She took the small towel from her apron pocket and held it toward Jess offering to dab his forehead from the effort and finding her watching him, he waved objectively in open space, and muttered, "Just didn't see you coming, Daiz."
"The doctor who helped us said he could tell you'd been blindfolded from some marks on your face. Pretty hard to brace against incoming when you can't see them coming, isn't it?"
Jess looked at her frowning in amazement at her perceptivity.
"You're not my first patient, Jess. I've seen pain in more ways than you could imagine."
"Yes, Ma'am. Forgot." Jess whispered. "What crate?"
She offered the water bottle back to him, "Do you really want this?"
"Really want more pie, but it's probably gone." Jess took the bottle and was able to easily swallow several small gulps, and handed it back. "Thank you. What crate?"
"You are a tenacious young man, Jess. I'll hand that to you."
"Yes, Ma'am. Survival skill been forced to perfect."
"Do you remember what happened to you and know why and who did it?"
"Does Slim know? Is it on the crate?" Jess' voice became agitated.
"Why is that important?"
Frustrated and weary, perturbed at the dodging questions Jess pushed deeper into the pillow and rubbed his forehead with his hand….this was too complicated for his aching head. "The more Slim knows, the worse he'll be hurt. The pain needs to stop here." He explained pointing at his body pleading with her, "Can you trust me, help me keep this from hurting him? It's very complicated, Daisy. Just take a look at him now, he's already in overload. I won't hurt him any further delving into details. What's on the crate?!"
Daisy looked deeply at Jess, seeing a heart of gold but also another man who was himself in overload and neither one of them able to handle this event alone. Pouring some of the cool water from the bottle onto the small towel and wringing it throughout the towel, she leaned forward toward Jess, "I have a cool towel for your head ache, Jess. Here it comes." Without opening his eyes, the towel was accepted as applied without recoil, even feeling good to Jess and he covered her hand holding it to his head with his own hand. Her tenderness brought tears welling up in his eyes and he was grateful for the cover, but too overwhelmed to say anything.
Quietly Daisy counselled the young, tormented man, "Jess, you and Slim are going to need each other in order for both of you to pull through it with the least amount of damage possible. It only causes more hurt when you start hiding things from those you love because it breaks down the trust factor. There are things that Slim can do to help you through this, and things you can do to help him, but you both need to reach to each other to do that and not try to hide things trying to protect one another. Do you understand?"
Without lifting the towel, Jess thought about her words, it was his deep baritone tone, "Ya, sort of." After a long pause, he continued, "I just never been through something this deep before with somebody."
Daisy offered; "You've always had to fight alone, right?"
Jess continued becoming more tense as he tried to explain, "Ya….alone. It's just….Slim's been like a….closer than a brother to me, I never had before and I…. can't lose him. This thing goes beyond that to Andy. Slim's done so much for me…keeping me from destroying myself…... I want to pay that back. Just….don't have a map for this one, very complicated…." Interrupting his thoughts another long wave of pain travelled from his leg up through his back causing him to suck in air and twist into the pillows burying his mouth into the pillow to suffocate a scream of pain. The towel fell off his head toward the floor where Daisy caught it before it landed. Once the pain subsided, Jess was able to pull up from the pillow to breathe, wiping the threatening tears from the corner of his eyes with the bedding.
"One thing is certain, Jess. Trying to carry this alone is too much for any one of us and getting all tensed up will only aggravate your injuries like this. The priority is getting you well. I think I can help you both, but you've got to work with me, ok?"
"Yes, Ma'am." was barely a whisper as he faded out again, but she could tell it was genuine and Jess was still exhausted.
"Try to relax and sleep. I'll go monitor Slim for you. Do you want another sip of water?"
She reached for the cork, then looked at Jess' face but he was already passed into sleep, his breathing was quiet and smooth and she couldn't pass up the inner motherly impulse. Leaning forward from her chair she stroked his wavy hair, checking his forehead for temperature, his pulse, making a small effort to move the forelock curl back, but it once again, stubbornly didn't obey her any more than it did Slim and regained its rightful position on his forehead and she smiled at it. Sitting quietly studying his sleeping face, her hands resting on her knees, Daisy began thinking out loud to herself,
"You're an amazing young man, Jess. Wasn't so sure when I first met you, not many "pretty men" are worth much inside once you get to know them. But you have changed my mind. You are deeper inside where it counts and advanced for your years in the heavy things of life. You're just behind in the emotional side handicapped from the age when the trauma tore up your family leaving you no role model as a guide. In many ways I see my son in you, had he lived. He had that same zest for getting into things and always stirring up the pot and I miss that. I've simply got to find a way to keep you two men stitched together."
Seeing Jess' continued steady breathing and a welcome break in the pain spasms, Daisy was mostly confident that Jess was completely asleep this time. Watching his face for any change, she stood up and slowly started adjusting the pillows and blankets around him for fit and comfort and saw no response or change, so she lifted his left hand and set it down in a normal resting position while testing it for resistance and found it fully relaxed. So she gently pulled back the cover off his wounded hip area that he had grabbed at so hard in pain, placed her hand feeling through the bandages for any flare up of heat or drainage. Finding everything in order, she replaced the bedding and tucked him in, planting a kiss on her hands held up to her lips, she picked up the water bottle, placed it back on the dining room table and went back to the kitchen to put Mort's dishes in the sink.

CHAPTER THREE: Slim visits the Lagoon

It was a full moon shining in through the windows of the stage line's infamous ranch house and a gentle breeze was caressing the nearby pine needles. Inside the house Slim had decided to keep at least one lantern lit in a corner not to disturb the sleep but just enough to illuminate the room should they need to move through the house if Jess needed something during the night. Daisy had gone to bed and all the "men" had moved back into the first bedroom where weeks previous to Jess being kidnapped, Mike had promptly taken ownership of the top bunk at the far wall. Mike slept deeply and quietly, about the best 10 hours of quiet in the house when the adults could get stuff done. Jess had adapted the bottom bunk into a desk and chair where Mike had his own little office to do his school work with less distractions because of the half wall partition. Slim had been impressed with Jess' ingenuity and craftsmanship turning a bunkbed structure into a bed over a desk and Mike had instantly adhered to it as his private corner of the world. In the last 2 days, over strong protest by Jess, they had moved him and his bed back into the bedroom so he could sleep in longer intervals due to the constant activity of the relay station in the living room. Being tied up in bandages however, Jess could do little more than protest. Slim had built a curtained off corner of the room into an indoor potty with a commode seat over a removable bucket where Jess could reach it without having to be fussed over going to the outhouse. That new option helped quiet Jess' protest and Mike had worked a deal of his own to care for the removable bucket in exchange for his own use as needed at night. All around, the boy's new bedroom became their own version of a man cave, a guy room and Daisy was happy to have her space and private quarters where she could move around the house without disturbing any of the males.
Jess had made some progress physically in the week since he'd been kidnapped off the ranch. Once he'd woke up, the apple pie progressed to soups and stews and little by little the color was returning to his face even though he was still gaunt from the lost weight from his injuries. Much to his frustration, he still had no strength and it was a major project just making it to the commode and back to bed. He'd make it to the table for the main meal of the day, but it was right back to bed completely drained within the hour of activity and back to Daisy's bedside service and visitor monitoring. Slim could tell Jess wanted to back at it but at the same time Jess was not pushing for it as much as Slim had anticipated and that lack of push concerned Slim. On a bad day, a headache or even head cold couldn't keep Jess in bed. Nights were especially hard on Jess and the longer his sleeping pattern became, the more the dreams and nightmares seemed to come with it. During any given night Slim could hear Jess' breathing pattern change from a soft regular rhythm into staggered gasps and looking over from his bed to Jess' he could see Jess begin to wince against pain spasms and start to toss, but the tossing movement would cause a deep pain waking Jess. Still not able to rotate much in the bed because his wounds were still in the process of scabbing, Jess would lay still but often cover his eyes with his hand and Slim could tell he'd be lost in some deep thought and it would take time for the regular breathing pattern to begin again.
It was on this moonlit night Slim eased his tired body onto the bed, almost too tired to undress, laid on his side propped up on one elbow facing Jess. A quick look showed Mike at the farthest edge of his top bunk spot oblivious to the world, his blanket pulled almost completely over his head. Against the back light of the lantern set up on the other side of Jess' bed, Slim could see Jess was sleeping by his regular breathing all cozied into the supporting pillow system Daisy had developed that helped keep the pressure from gravity off of most of Jess' injuries. Jess had adapted well to sharing his bed with so many pillows as though he enjoyed cuddling and had never experienced it before. Seeing him like that always brought a smile to Slim's face. It wasn't often you'd see Jess allowing close physical contact, just not so much the huggy type Slim assumed was in testament to the distressed childhood from which had Jess come. Snuggled into the crowd of pillows made Jess look more boyish and peaceful. Mike had even cuddled into Jess' legs in the first few days which Slim and Daisy tried to stop, but Jess had always stopped them from removing Mike insisting on allowing Mike to cuddle up into him. That too, surprised both Daisy and Slim. Watching Jess sleep bundled in pillows and thinking about Jess allowing Mike to cuddle ignited a small lightbulb of thought in Slim's mind. Could it be that feeling something or someone next to his body Jess was setting a guard on his physical perimeter should someone try to get at him, the movement off his body would wake Jess? So Jess was using the contact as an alarm system against anyone getting to him after what he'd been through blindfolded? It made sense. Jess still wasn't talking about what all he'd been through while kidnapped, but….being blindfolded, he would have needed to develop some type of early warning system. That's how Jess would think. Well, taking one last look at Jess' peaceful face, he still looked boyish cuddled into pillows and it was cute. This whole thing wasn't moving fast enough for him either, but every time Slim got anxious, he thought of the little wooden cross with Jess' name on it from his dream and immediately shut down on those thoughts. At least Jess was healing and not up on that hill Slim thought laying back onto his pillow, where the change in gravity somehow snapped his eyelids shut and he was out cold.
It couldn't have been but a minute later and a noise snapped Slim's eyes back open and blinking hard he looked around the room. The moon light casting through the window hadn't moved very far at all, there was no noise coming from outside the house, Mike hadn't moved an inch, so did Jess? Looking toward Jess one pillow had moved slightly, but nothing else. Maybe it's just frayed nerves Slim thought adjusting his bedding to grab a blanket to throw over himself as the night cooled down. Another noise and quick look at Jess, Slim saw Jess' breathing pattern wasn't smooth and even, and there! A wince against a pain spasm while asleep. Slim leaned forward on an elbow again, pulling the blanket over his shoulder. I'll watch for a few moments, maybe Jess is just shifting in bed, he thought. Nope! Another wince, a spasm reaction, this one with a gasp. Faster and faster they came, harder and harder, too. Slim could tell watching the pattern repeating in Jess' body that he was having a nightmare from the captivity and looked like he was being lashed by the bullwhip. The doctor who'd treated Jess' wounds told them that although the welts from the whip had sections over different portions of Jess' body, they had been concentrated between his waist and knees and that the angle of the welts, the one doing the lashing was experienced in aim. He had been standing behind and to the left of Jess where the end of the lash would land across the front of Jess' body where the deepest part of the welts were made. Most of them had impacted each hip, sometimes both hips and mostly the right one where a gun belt would rest. The doctor had commented that he thought it'd be quite a while before Jess would be comfortable with the weight of a gun belt simply from the time it would take for the scars to diminish. Further, the right leg's welts intersected with the right thigh's gash and were a point of continual distress for Jess awake or asleep. Watching Jess' reactions in the nightmare he was experiencing, his body was responding mostly to this area of injury, they were getting stronger and Jess was turning away from him and further into the pillows both in protection and in muffling his gasps. Fighting the blanket on his shoulder, Slim saw Jess flinch against a particularly heavy strike across his roots that folded him in half and Slim heard a gasp escape Jess' mouth that was much higher than Jess' normal baritone voice. Tripping over the blanket that landed on the floor between them, Slim raced around the bed to check Jess' face just as Jess woke up and pulled himself against more pain into a half raised position on his left elbow, face buried in the pillow and gasping in pain and quite awake. As Slim kneeled down on the floor in front of Jess he thought he heard a couple of heart wrenching sobs but couldn't be sure because Jess' face was so deep into the pillow. Jess' body was half twisted, legs curled up in a fetal position and half over onto his stomach nearly onto both elbows and tight as a bow string braced against a very real and extremely deep pain. Slim raised his hand but didn't know where it was safe to touch so it wavered suspended in space over Jess waiting for Jess to release his brace. It was an eternity when Jess then dropped his right elbow onto his right hip and pressed down hard, the right thigh folded over in front of him deep into the bed covering Jess' roots. Slim's forehead stretched up as a new realization locked in. Slim had helped Daisy change the bandage on Jess' right thigh and had seen the gash caused by what had to have been a hunting knife, but the entry and angle of the gash was not straight vertically into the thigh, it had come from a side attack. Now looking at Jess from this angle Slim could see where very likely Jess had raised his leg against the knife attack in a defense maneuver protecting himself from a dirty strike below the belt attempt and the color drained from Slim's face. Jess had relived in the nightmare some part of this assault, and the memory defending himself from the knife's original target had antagonized the surrounding real injuries of the whip and the knife. No wonder Jess wouldn't discuss what had happened. Slim gently brought his hand down on Jess' right bicep to offer support and help whispering Jess' name, but Jess was clueless Slim was anywhere close. Just as with Daisy, Jess instantly recoiled away from Slim bringing on another milder spasm from the movement. Unsuccessful in fighting off tears in empathy, Slim quickly jerked his hand away and murmured, "I'm right here, Jess. Whatever you need." Jess' body gradually softened slightly as the spasms ever so slowly subsided, but shook his head side to side still pulled away from Slim trying to regain some composure and dry his face in the pillow without being noticed. Softly but a little louder Slim settled deeper onto the floor not to be denied. "Let me help, Jess. I need to help you! Please let me in." His face was pleading but also carried a pinched look as Slim's eyes narrowed when he was in distress and was a tell Jess used to read Slim.
As the deeper pain spasms eased off into the more occasional, lighter ones, Jess was able to breathe somewhat normally again. Still faced into the pillow he pulled out enough to be able to get air, finally bringing the pillow half way down covering his neck and jaw barely clearing his mouth. He cast a quick look into Slim's entreating face holding eye contact reading each other as only pards can do. Even in the soft moonlight, there was enough light caressing Jess' face that Slim could see the deep blue lagoon again realizing Jess had to drop back into it to fight off the assaulting nightmare. Jess could see the pain in Slim's face that he'd wished to avoid and dropped his face into his left hand, rubbing his eyes and thinking. Still half on his stomach, half on his left side, Jess was able to bring his right leg back down about half way still at a slight angle, but if left him laying shoulder toward Slim who was facing him and although it was somewhat awkward in position, it was finally a position offering the least of amount of discomfort.
His voice was back to its normal deep baritone and another quick glance to watch Slim's response, Jess finally spoke holding eye contact to read the response. "So now you know what happened." Jess could read the pain on Slim's face he thought he was hiding. It was an opening statement leading the witness expecting to discover from Slim's answer just how much he knew.
But Slim wasn't going to let Jess know what he'd just figured out because that would hurt Jess in at least embarrassment at discovering the attempted nastiness. He wanted to give Jess the dignity of telling him what Jess wanted him to know, so Slim's kept his face neutral, "Well, I know some but its bits and pieces of a huge puzzle."
"Did Daisy tell you?"
"Daisy and I haven't had time to talk. Besides, what does she know that she hasn't told me?" A shadow of disturbance hardened Slim's voice and Jess recognized a pending breach of trust Daisy had referenced and Jess looked away shaking his head slightly.
"She was right."
"Right about what?"
"Trust and hiding things."
"Ok, you just lost me." Slim face changed to full puzzlement and he frowned.
Still not looking at Slim, Jess' voice dropped almost to a whisper and was deep, "The pain on your face, Slim."
"The pain ?…on MY face! Who's the one laying in the bed?"
"There's different kinds of pain, Slim. The ones that hurt the most .. you can't see….." "….unless you know where to look, right?" Slim finished his sentence for him quoting it from things Jess had spoken of before, but not personally convinced or really understanding it.
"Ya."
"So you're the one fighting to breathe through hard pain, and it's the pain on my face that concerns you."
"Right." Quickly jerking his thumb over his shoulder but not looking at it, "Obvious as that buck hanging on the wall. You know what happened or it wouldn't be there."
"How can you know I know?"
"What's on the crate, Slim?" Jess' mind was again, miles ahead.
"How'd you know about that?" Slim is dumbfounded. "Did Daisy tell you?"
"Daisy wouldn't tell me the time of day."
"How'd Daisy get involved in this?"
"Why is everyone side stepping what's on the daggum crate? I can't get a straight answer anywhere!" Jess raised his voice but that brought tenseness to his body and with it the accompanying mild spasm. "If I knew what's on the crate, I'd know what you know about what happened. I don't want you to know what happened because it will only cause you more pain!" With that out, Jess sucked in air at a pain spasm deep inside and curled slightly.
"Easy, Jess." Slim cooed trying to settle Jess down. "I HAVE to know what happened."
"Why!?" Jess' face was contorted in pain but more from frustration.
"Well, for starters, this is my ranch and I'm responsible for what happens here, plus more than that, we're pards….or at least I thought we were."
"We are…." Jess mumbled weak from his body but not his doubt of their relationship.
"…and pards share everything and don't hide anything."
"….'ats what Daisy told me."

Slim's face finally registered understanding the Daisy reference. Jess turned and took a quick glance at Slim. "It's just if you know everything, it will hurt you more and I don't want to hurt you because we ARE pards. I…..just don't know …what to …."
"The hard pain is inside where you can't see it, is not necessarily physical?" Slim's analytical mind was having difficulty focusing through the empathic pain, but it was never completely inactive.
"Ya…. can't see doesn't stop from dealing with it. You're already in too far, Slim, whatever you do know."
"You need to let me be the judge of what I can or can't handle, ok?" Slim gently coached.
Jess paused thinking over Slim's insistence unable to launch a counter argument; "What's on the crate?" he tried again, softly asking Slim to take the first step, looking over at Slim with open eyes.
Slim could see the lagoon in Jess' eyes and the wide open door. Realizing he was being offered entrance into a private sanctuary, he agreed to the line of questions. "You disappeared off the ranch and I found your gun belt laying in the middle of the yard. I knew you'd never leave it like that and realized something was wrong. We looked for days but couldn't pick up any trail. Mose was coming in from Rawlins and found a large wooden crate in the middle of the road addressed to me here at the ranch, so he loaded and brought it in here. When we opened it, we found you all bloody and tied up. He had a passenger who was a freshly minted doctor from the east coast on the stage who, with Daisy's expertise, was able to patch you up. Otherwise, we'dve lost ….."
"Anything else on the crate?" Jess was still reading Slim who dropped his eyes having not given up the clue.
"Ya" reluctantly, "it had a return address of a plantation in Georgia, addressed to me and a reference of "little brother"."
"Is that all?"
"No, Mort said while he was in Denver a group of rowdies came into the saloon partying up all proud they were having "killed Sherman's little brother" as some kind of planned revenge. He wasn't sure if I was the Sherman being referenced and knew Andy was in St. Louis. I know who these people are, Jess, I just need confirmation from you and Mort and I will go after them on a warrant. Mort said we can put them away on aggravated assault and attempted murder. I want these people, Jess!" Slim sat forward leaning toward Jess' face.
Jess could read the anger rumbling deep inside Slim and looked down into the bedding and pillow. He had a jab of pain shoot up his back and it caused him to arch and suck air so he began looking around to figure out a new position that wouldn't be too painful to attempt. Slowly moving a leg at a time, inching into a new position and holding it to see if new complaints would commence, Jess eased into a position along his left side again, but propped up padded with a pillow through his arm mostly on his elbow where the pillow took his weight…seemed to work. He had to position the right shoulder a little lower, where the right elbow could move either direction to the hip or drawing up the shoulder, whichever one complained first, but it left his right hand free enough to doodle on the bed while he talked. As he spoke, Jess would occasionally look up into Slim's face to make sure Slim was following him and found Slim never seemed to look away.
"I'm certainly not going to claim to have mastered any of this, Slim, bbut… I have been through some things a little differently than the closeness you've enjoyed in a family."
"I realize that." Slim offered softly, hungry for anything Jess could tell him.
"I remember what I felt when my family was wiped out by the Bannister gang, and every rotten piece of human flesh I've managed to run into since, including Hallette and the Union POW camp I went through at the time. I've tried to study these events afterwards so's I can defend myself better."
"Sounds smart. What have you come up with?"
"Revenge, rage, anger….all seem to be a part of the same species and it's like a living organism, a bad infection eating healthy flesh and it destroys everything in its path. You feel it now, as I have to fight this one off, too. It's kept alive by feeding on more anger and revenge and the only way to cauterize it is to stop feeding it. If we don't learn from our past, then we destroy ourselves….and without anyone else's help."
Slim realized he'd truly immersed himself in Jess' lagoon by the peacefulness coming from Jess' voice. "So you knew why they were doing what they did?" Slim asked quietly.
"I'd just tucked the last team into the corral and, I dunno, 7 or 8 riders came into the yard, some were still wearing Reb pants. They asked for Lt. Slim Sherman and I told them you were away, they'd have to come back later. They became unruly and began circling me, calling me the runt of the litter because of our size difference, and that I had to be your younger brother. Well, someone hit me in the head from behind and I woke up blindfolded and cuffed to a beam of wood in what smelled like some shack deep in the woods somewhere. It didn't take them long to reveal they wanted revenge that would equal the treatment their youngest brother experienced in a Union POW camp because he'd been taken prisoner by your squad. Since they were calling me "Sherman's baby brother" I knew they thought I was Andy, which in my mind, put Andy at risk, so I didn't correct them. A nudge here and there bragging about "my big brother" didn't hurt their focus none either."
Slim shook his head at Jess' bravado pushing his kidnappers. "So you were pushing them?"
"Well, no." Jess checked Slim's face. "Convincing maybe, you know, just trying to protect Andy and that they had their target…'s all." His face was straight, but Slim could see a twinkle Jess would never admit to hiding from him. Slim had seen some of Jess' "convincing" techniques.
"Uh huh. Ok. So what did they do to you?" Slim was looking for evidence to support a warrant but Jess read his intent and instead maintained his track on methods.
"Bullies use threat, intimidation, and bluff as weapons to torment whether or not they actually carry it out. If they can create the belief in the mind, they don't actually need to carry some of it out. They use just enough actual physical force to reinforce the bluff. It's a filthy tactic of sick minds who often have such low opinion of themselves they have to drag others down to their size. That's why the cuffs and blindfold to confuse a person so you can't defend yourself against the actual real physical assault completing the helplessness."
"What gave them away?"
"I was blindfolded in the Union POW camp several times and when you're blindfolded other capacities take over. I began to realize the punching and verbal were timed and limited. The guy with the whip knew exactly where he was putting it and how hard to um…." Jess flicked his wrist. "…..rip it, when to let up and when to start again. It was calculated and not just outright destroying me all at once and then walking away. I began to realize they weren't after me, they were trying to destroy you by trying to torment me. If they could destroy me, then they succeeded in their revenge for whatever had happened in the war. They wanted me to fight back giving them the excuse they needed to use as justification, but I wasn't falling into their plan. They were surprised and it threw them off balance. The guy who sounded like he was the boss got very angry with me, considering I was blindfolded. He used his gun and began pulling in and shutting down the whole thing. They threw me in a corner and disappeared, I pulled my belt off and tied my leg up just before they came back and threw me into a wooden box and started nailing it down. It wasn't laid out like a coffin, but it was very tight and felt like one would, I guess. Odd thing is, Slim, as long as I maintained my head, everything they threw against me, became a tool against them. Right down to the crate, was so tight, I'm sure it put pressure on places I was bleeding."
"Ya, the doctor was amazed you were still alive when we got the thing opened. I've never seen Daisy that pale either. Thought she was going to pass out at any minute. We've got to stop these bullies, Jess!"
"Think a moment, Slim."
"What?"
"If you pursue these guys and it goes to trial, whose identity is at highest risk?"
"Well, they'd find out you're not…." A light bulb of understanding turned on inside Slim's head and he could barely finish his sentence. "….Andy. But, Jess, justice needs to be served! If you didn't know us Shermans, you wouldn't have been hurt."
"IF I didn't know you Shermans, I wouldn't have survived, or learned some pretty amazing things."
"How so?"
"Well, every time they'd sneer "Sherman's little brother" at me, I'd think of something specific about Andy like how it was because he snagged me that I came to stay here. And I'd think of his skunk, the coon and birds, the wolf cub…you know….and him finishing my swimming lessons you left undone. I was kinda honored to be considered your legal brother….like I was in a family again. What they were trying to destroy, I used as my armor and defense, ultimately it defeated them….. You see, Slim, IF we leave them go and IF you don't allow them to destroy you with their actions, then you also help me not hurt you any further." Jess' earnestness was captivating.
Slim dropped his gaze, being this deep inside Jess was affecting him inside himself in ways far beyond he'd ever gone. How did Jess ever get that far in wisdom and understanding? Did Daisy really read him right being advanced inside beyond his youthful looks and actions?
"You have another question inside, Slim. What is it?"
Slim's jaw started to fall open, how'd Jess know that!? He looked away for several moments and then back at Jess who then waved his fingers gesturing 'give it here.'
"Something bothered you when Daisy gave you the bite of pie. Why?"
Jess raised his eyebrow in wonderment where that question could have come from and in turn gave him pause. Staring at Slim, this time Slim repeated Jess' gesture to give it up back at him. "When my family was torn down dumping me into the world, I had no clue how to take care of myself, how to survive. Dirt poor as we was, my folks provided everything. Francie was off visiting cousins and all I found in the rubble was my dad's .45 burned and dirty, and I barely knew how to shoot it. Like Andy, in my early years I also had a collection of wild pets where I found my peace, and even they were um… killed in the raid…tortured's more…. Deep inside I was alone, all alone and it didn't take long I got so hungry my stomach went from empty to pain."
"Something you don't forget." Slim's comment was neither a question nor a statement.
"There was no meal to bounce in the door and gulp down. Because of my ….um, you know, pets, I was determined I'd never shoot any animal to keep myself alive, but after a few days I was getting light headed and then came the horrible headaches. So I shot a rabbit. First shot I ever made…. the rabbit jumped, squealed and fell over. It was a thin, small rabbit probably just as young and hungry as me, but I'd got him in the stomach and had to finish him off (gesturing a hit to the head). Stood there staring at it, clueless how to clean it. Francie had always laughed at me 'cause up to then, I always fainted at the sight of blood. I sobbed so hard, (sucking in a breath) all the way through cooking and eating it, I hurt more from the sobbing than from the hunger." Jess shifted his right leg straighter. "When I woke up here" Jess' voice wavered "…. I wasn't sure where I was and it wasn't just my stomach, my whole body was caved in empty. My stomach was screaming from the bullet, my head was pounding, the room spinning. The whip welts are connected to the gash in my leg and all the way up and out my shoulder, felt like I was laid wide open flappin' in the wind. Laying there that empty, I didn't even have the energy to um…. have covered myself. It was like I'd been gutted from my …um… knees to my neck, and I suddenly remembered the rabbit…..pain it had felt. Strange how memories come back out of nowhere. The last thing I remembered was those nails hitting that crate felt like they were going right through the wood into my body. I was satisfied I'd spoiled their plan and that Andy was safe, but by then, losing blood like that, I was sure I'd never get out and it was pitch black in there. Didn't know they wrote on the crate, as I passed out I figured whoever found me would just dig a hole on some hillside and throw the dirt back in on top me, marked by a small wood cross with no name on it like you find all over the prairie." Jess looked down a moment but Slim's head began to raise in comprehension. Jess slowly looked back to Slim, "Bbut, there I was taking another bite of food. I don't know what manna is, but it's gotta be something close to Daisy's pie." Jess looked down doodling on the bed with his finger, "You don't realize how good even a single morsel of food can taste…. until you've been gutted and turned inside out empty waiting for a mound of dirt to fall on your face."

An eternity of maybe five seconds ticked by in silence as the two men looked deeply at each other. Jess could now read the why of the pain in Slim's face recognizing an unspoken sense they had experienced the same thing, but then fending off denial, they looked off behind the other, down to the floor and bed, and then back to each other's face unable to deny the truth. It was a peaceful silence, but deep in wide open hearts aching together having shared more than they reckoned. While looking down now fighting back his own tears Slim quietly said in compassion confirming for Jess, "I think I know, Jess. That first bite of apple pie didn't land only on one inside-out stomach that had been gutted and was staring at a looming mound of dirt. But now I understand it." The hardest pain is the one you cannot see, Slim finally understood it.

Slim looked in the direction of the kitchen remembering his evacuation earlier unaware he was rubbing his stomach in memory, but Jess' gunfighter instinct- driven eyesight caught the movement and he looked at Slim's face recognizing Slim had felt the same experience. Slim began to feel Jess was too quiet for too long and slowly looked over finding Jess' blue lagoon fixed on his face and he nervously fidgeted slightly.
"There's different kinds of pain, Slim. The ones that hurt the most you can't see….." "….unless you know where to look, right?" Slim echoed becoming magnetized back to the lagoon now understanding what he'd only quoted earlier. Jess knew where to look using the mirror reflection of his lagoon.
"The hardest pain is inside where you can't see it." Jess' voice was deep but gentle.
"Can't see doesn't stop from dealing with it." Slim repeated from earlier, blinking back tears.
"That's where "understanding it" goes in and pulls the stinger out. Pain on your face is fading, Slim." Jess dropped his gaze at Slim not wanting to embarrass Slim seeing his tears.
"It is?" Slim looked at Jess and seeing him not looking, quickly wiped the tears.
"Clear as that buck on the wall." Jess repeated his gesture but looking at the bed.
"You still more concerned about me and my pain more than yours?" Slim wiped his wet hands on his thigh.
"From the minute they clobbered me on the head and hauled me off."
Very teary Slim mumbled, "The ones that hurt the most you can't see."

Looking down at the floor Slim still fought tears. Family is family and he'd had only a couple real good friends before, but nobody, absolutely nobody had ever gotten inside him or could read him this deeply in his entire life like Jess could. The heavy weight of responsibility for his pard nearly being killed, at that tortured, because of his war deeds and on behalf of his brother, Andy, things he'd been proud of up to then, now had taken a heavy toll on the tall man's heart. Yet, for all Jess' spitfire, his touch was very tender and Slim realized the mirror in Jess' lagoon was reflecting the truth that each of them had been feeling each other's pain, deep inside where it was not visibly seen or understood, somehow connected even though physically in separate locations. It may not have been perfectly synchronized in time or order, but that didn't make it any less real. Still, being that far in made Slim nervous and Jess read that, too, and began backing away following where ever Slim wanted to go next. While Slim studied the floor contemplating deeply inside himself, Jess looked over at the water jug on the night stand behind Slim's head, but saw it was too far away and he'd have to move to get it which meant pain. Without even seeing Jess' gaze or looking up, Slim reached behind himself and handed it over. Jess took the bottle and held it for a moment while his eyes smiled briefly at Slim's unconscious action fulfilling his wish for water only confirmed to Jess he'd been right about their unusually deep connection not needing words, then he took some sips and handed it back. It was such a beautiful example of how they could sense the other's mind, all the way back to the first hour they'd met after the pressure had been turned on. The tighter the pressure, the more accurately they could read each other, and it was uncanny. Slim took the bottle back without looking at it, drank a long swig and returned it to the stand and quickly wiped away a wayward tear creeping out of the corner of his eye while trying to hide it with the movement.
"How's your stomach doing now?" Slim offered gently trying to divert.
Jess realized Slim had enough and followed his change of subject. "Inching along. Can't do full yet. With Daisy's cooking, nose wants me to eat the whole table, but my stomach's not ready to be pushed to capacity. What I can get down without a revolt later, I'm good for an hour or two, then empty again and out of strength. There's no reserve, either. Hit empty and can't even lift a finger." Jess took a quick look at Slim's face to monitor his pardner's emotional vital signs.
"Your body's got a lot of rebuilding to do taking up the energy from the food you do get down." Slim analytical side replied still not making eye contact while his inner responsibility gyroscope was recalibrating with Jess' new truths.
Jess could tell Slim was retreating to the security of his place of safety by analyzing everything and compassionately followed, "Ya, 'at's what Daisy told me. She's working on some snacks in between meals supposed to help with that."
The nightmare and resulting pain had taken some energy to deal with and the concentration of the conversation took even more of what was no reserve or extra and Jess began fading deeper into the bed. The conversation began dwindling slowly like a campfire's logs settling down for the night. "You heard from Andy any lately?"
"No, shared the last letter where he was off on a school trip back to D.C. all excited about seeing the government and a trip to West Point. Jonesy was holding the fort in St Louis with his music gig and some new girlfriend. Wouldn't that be the…Jonesy getting married at his age."
"Well, he's always singing that "Marry me," song. You write back?"
"Ya. Nothing was going on then, it was a short letter. Ever hear from Francie?"
"Nope. She'll probably show up unannounced sometime, 'xpect a widow with 2 or 3 teenagers in tow, needing something. Never heard where she landed, just they'd made the coast."
Slim noticed the moon light had moved past the window and just the light from the lamp in the corner illuminated the room. The fireplace popped in the next room. Jess had gotten even quieter and Slim looked up at the pillow. Jess had drifted back to sleep peacefully in the position he was in, arm up under the pillow his head was resting, the light flickering softly across Jess' face. Standing up quietly, Slim leaned over and pulled the blanket and sheet up to Jess' chin, tucking in behind making sure there would be no roll off backward, and stood back up shaking his head slowly and softly said, "I sure never thought you'd take it this way. I hope I can, too. My mind isn't agreeing, but you have put out the fire in my bones. Quite a lagoon, Jess. Thanks… Pard."

CHAPTER FOUR: Bullets for Brunch

"Well, g'morning, sleepy head." Daisy's cheery voice greeted a disheveled Slim as he entered the dining room still in his clothes from yesterday, only now more crinkled. His uncombed hair was hanging in his eyes as he rubbed them.
"Huh? What time is it?" The big guy yawned and grabbed hold hanging off the top of the bedroom door sill to stretch his lanky frame.
"Almost noon, Slim. Mike and the driver took care of the first stage. We figured you were up late. Anyway, you needed the sleep. Jess looked peaceful and asleep so we let you men alone."
"Jess had a nightmare and we spent several hours talking."
Daisy's eyebrows went up, "Oh?….and how did that go?
"Was really good. We got into what happened and where he's at dealing with it." Slim hesitated a moment remembering the visit to the lagoon. "He let me in pretty deep, Daisy. I was stunned. You may have something there." The stretch felt so good Slim decided to do a good twist at the waist one side then the other stretching laterally.
"About what?"
"That he's more advanced inside than he appears and acts. It's a shame he has to go through something this awful to let it show."
"Well, maybe it's the call of survival that releases it."
"That could be." Slim started toward the kitchen led by his nose, looking to see if something was being prepared, scratching his chest up and down like a waking bear and then smoothing his undershirt.
"I'll have lunch ready in a jiff. You'll feel better if you go wash the cobwebs off your face."
"I think I'll do just that, Daisy. Be right back." Clanking spurs disappeared through the back kitchen door as Slim checked out the necessary room out back and then stopped on his way back to splash water on his face. The cold water did a marvelous job clearing the night's fuzzy leftovers. A quick look around the ranch told him things were in order and quiet, Mike was jogging back to the house from up the road checking out the ditch for crawling or other muddy treasures and waved at him. He smiled waving back….Mike was at the age where it is good to be a boy. Frogs, toads and worms, secure home, good family atmosphere and lots of food, what else could a guy want? Slim went back indoors.
"What can I do to help, Daisy?" He picked up a lid of a pot on the stove finding it empty and cold, pulled one side of his mouth back in disappointment and replaced the lid.
She was busy carrying food to the table, "Yes, you do look better now. All awake and shiny. You can grab the plates. Was Jess stirring any?"
Slim picked up the stack she had ready and following like a puppy behind her began spreading them around. "Well, he hadn't moved from when he fell back asleep, so maybe he'll be waking soon." Mike burst through the door and Slim raised his voice, "Wash your hands, time to eat."
Mike's happy voice immediately responded, "Already did. You sure took your time getting out of bed this morning. Charlie and me did the team an hour ago. Ms. Daisy said you and Jess needed the sleep."
"Thank you, Mike, we sure do. Good to have a man around here I can count on pulling his share and backing Jess up while he mends."
Mike's face beamed at the compliment. They all sat down, Slim's back to the bedrooms and the desk just behind him, Daisy's to the kitchen and Mike's to the front door. "Is Jess coming?"
"We'll start without him, he needs all the sleep he can get. That's when his body does the most repair work. I have his food put back for when he's ready." Daisy explained. "Sure turned out to be a pretty day outside. So glad to have the windows open, warm breeze coming in, fresh air inside." They began passing plates of sandwiches and fruit with another bowl of beans and one of potato salad. Slim and Mike were too busy stuffing food into their mouths to respond.
A few moments later amongst the munching heard in the room and occasional clatter of a fork, Jess reached for the door jam catching onto it with his left shoulder to maintain vertical position. He was also somewhat disheveled, even his normal, perfectly manicured hair was in chaos, a good growth of scruff, and he was rubbing his eyes. Dressed in his underwear but mostly in bandages, everything was covered by a nice fluffy robe that came down to his knees and was loosely tied at his waist, plus socks. He was pale, his left hand gave up on the eyes, found and covered his stomach lightly, his right hand was in the robe pocket in lieu of a sling, and he looked out the front window, curtains back, breeze blowing softly into the room. Slim caught view of him from the corner of his eye just as Daisy did, then Mike once he'd pulled out from shoveling a spoonful of potato salad off his plate into his mouth.
"Well, there you are, Jess. Good morning! Are you hungry? And where's your sling?" Daisy was first with an empty mouth to speak. Jess made no response, still staring out the window. Slim had a mouthful of food, but put his fork down and stood up quickly to offer help for Jess to make it to the table. Jess didn't see Slim coming and recoiled from the touch of Slim's hand to his elbow, breaking the concentration to the front window. Jess looked at Slim as though trying to recognize and identify an alien form of life and then upon focus, let Slim help him wobble to the other vacant seat at the table facing the front door. Jess moved by inches, with his left hand grabbing furniture to help himself steady, Slim hovered at his elbow supporting his waist. He eased slowly into the chair, barely sitting on the edge, too sore from back injuries to lean against the chair. As Slim finished swallowing he spoke, but concerned over Jess' paleness and distracted attitude, Slim was frowning.
"You looked like you were getting some good sleep, Pard. Did you drop off the face of the planet?
"Ready for some lunch, Jess?" Daisy offered preparing to stand up and retrieve his plate. Jess looked at Mike who had some potato salad on his cheek, munching happily. "You save any for me, Tiger?" Jess' voice was just barely loud enough for Mike to hear him. Mike grinned, still chewing and nodded yes.
Still watching Mike eat with gusto, Jess responded seriously and matter of fact with complete conviction, "Yes, Slim, the planet is not round, there IS an edge…and I've just been there. Not yet, Daisy, thanks. Stomach's not happy right now." Jess frowned and looked back out past Mike's head gazing out the front window. Slim looked following Jess' glance out the front, too, trying to figure out what was drawing Jess' attention.
The next bite was ready for his mouth, "Something bothering you, Jess? You're a little pale this morning." Slim looked into Jess' face trying to see if the lagoon was available. It wasn't, and there was yet another color showing up in the normally blue eyes, but it wasn't blue. This was a pinched gray color and that was also new to Slim and he frowned wondering what that meant.
"Maybe some coffee or broth?" Daisy inquired, "the warmth might help." Jess held up his hand holding her off.
"What's wrong, Jess?" Slim was becoming very concerned. "Something change from our talk last night?"
Jess looked long at Slim's face and Slim got a good view of the gray color. Jess blinked a few times, looking very confused trying to remember if there had been a talk, what had been said. "Ah….last nigh? What um.… talk?..." Then the brain gears engaged and he remembered, "Um…no. Why would ….it?" He then looked quickly out the front window again and frowned. Slim, Daisy and Mike all stopped chewing and looked at each other with question marks and shrugged shoulders. Jess was oblivious to their disconcerted looks, unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand, he then looked back at Slim's face.
"You seen any sign of bear or cats down here close recently?"
Surprise painted all over Slim's face, he quickly answered, "No. Nothing at all. The warm summer seems to have them all pushed to higher ground. Not even any elk. Old timers are expecting an early winter, though." Slim put another bite into his mouth.
"Where'd you put my gun? Said you found it in the yard." Jess interrupted.
Becoming very concerned, Slim began gesturing where he was stating, "Well, ya. The holster's hanging over by the door. I cleaned, oiled and reloaded the gun and put it in the desk drawer back here. Why?" There was no response, Jess was gazing out the front window again still rubbing the back of his neck. "Jess!? What's going on?" Slim reached toward Jess' elbow but was too far away to touch it.
"Oh, maybe nothing."
"I know better, Jess. You don't spook over nothing."
"You know the feeling you get when a wild animal is watching you over a campfire?"
"Ya. Or when facing off with a bad guy." It was a light tease Slim tried to use to capture Jess' attention, and diffuse as an overly sensitive instinct, but it didn't work.
"Probably just ….nothing. Woke up because I thought I heard something, got my eyes open and had this feeling."
"Like the hair on the back of your neck standing up?" Slim said pointing with his fork to Jess' hand. Calling attention to it, Jess realized what he was doing and jerked his hand down but then put his left hand on his right hand massaging its numbness.
Daisy was not happy and on alert looking at Mike who'd stopped eating. "I'm sure it's just nerves and your sleep being all messed up, Jess. Your blood sugar is probably too low from the lack of food, too." Jess and Slim both caught her eye nods toward Mike.
"Ya, you're probably right, Daisy. I'm a mess. Maybe I will take some broth, or soup if you have any. Then some pie." Jess winked at Mike who grinned back and piled back into his plate of food. She got up and went to the stove to fix his request.
"Hey, Tiger, could you get me small glass of milk?" Jess asked.
"May I…" Mike parroted the corrected English he'd been drilled with.
"May I please have a …" Jess started back at him with a grin playing along with being corrected.
"Mike." Slim corrected Mike gently gesturing him to move and do. As Mike went to the kitchen, then to Jess in disbelief, "Milk? You? We need to check you for a fever."
Jess waved Slim quiet, urgently gesturing at the drawer for his gun but his voice was playfully innocent, "I like milk."
Slim wasn't happy with the request, but none the less, he knew better than to question Jess' instincts. Slim turned and reached for the drawer, pulled out Jess' handgun, looking at it all spiffy and shiny clean…proud of his workmanship polishing it. Just as he was about to hand it to Jess, Jess pushed the table hard at him, knocking him over backward falling into and under the desk breaking his fall, just as a blast of a rifle tore through the space where Slim had been sitting and shattered the empty chair in the corner behind him. Slim tightened his grip on the gun immediately turning toward the front window and fired off several shots. Somehow, through sheer instinct and muscle memory, Jess stood, lunged for the rifle hanging over the desk in catlike movement missed stepping on Slim's big feet and fell back rolling under the turned over table where he'd been sitting and ready to back Slim up. In the kitchen Daisy grabbed Mike and hauled him to the floor beside her, milk spilling from the glass in Mike's hand. Under the desk barricaded against the over turned table Slim looked wide eyed across to Jess next to him who was sprawled under the table. Jess was at the ready, but had begun to curl in pain from having moved injured parts now screaming at full volume in protest. Jess was gasping in delayed realization of what his movement ignited in pain, eyes in full fight mode but tearing, his body was curled into the pain but his hands were cocking the rifle as though it was an extension of his arms. He was breathing hard in the perfect image of both pain and sheer agony crossed with pure fight and adrenaline.
"Jess, you ok?" Slim whispered not sure which Jess to believe, pain or fight.
Nodding unconvincingly with his eyes closed in pain and sucking air and gasping in between words, "They…it's a reb, Slim. Same guys. Saw one, maybe two. Window."
"How do you know?"
"I just. Throw a chair, make 'em show." Jess yelled at a whisper impatient at the questions.
Slim nodded, grabbed the chair that had just thrown him to the floor and tossed it toward the fireplace. Sure enough, one poked his head in the window, another one kicked the door in, both of them aiming at the fireplace and shooting their weapons. In one paired motion as though one a shadow of the other, Slim and Jess raised up and shot their weapons so simultaneously you could only hear one report, each killing one of the perpetrators where they stood.
"Cover me, Jess."
"Ya." Jess was gripping the table with his left hand trying not to cave over it, his right hand on the butt end barely able to support the tip of the rifle propped on the table edge, his teeth grit in agony from a screaming body protesting having been moved yet again so abruptly. The socks on his feet were sliding on the bare floor stressing both legs that were not ready to support him, and his battered stomach muscles were in full rebellion trying to support both ends of his body. Every inch of the welts were screaming worse than ripping a Band-Aid off too fast stretching the new skin trying to form under soft scabs. Slim's eyes never left the two on the floor as he stood slowly prepared for any movement and checked out the two dead men and kicked their guns away. Then he peeked through the door and seeing it clear, checked the yard finding only two horses tied up at the far end of the yard. Satisfied, he returned quickly to the house, bending over briefly checked the two men again, straightened up and hurried back to Jess. By the time he got to Jess, Daisy and Mike had already reached him trying to offer support. Daisy had wrapped herself around Jess' body from behind him trying to support him and Mike had put his body at Jess' feet stopping the slide. Jess was trembling from exhaustion and pain but unwilling to stop covering Slim until Slim returned. Slim arrived just in time gently taking the rifle from Jess as it slipped from his hands in weakness and Jess began gliding fully to the ground leaning against Daisy and the table. Slim put the rifle back in the rack swiftly moving around the table tucked Jess' gun into his waistband and eased into Daisy's spot taking over holding Jess up in his sitting position. Jess grabbed his right leg with one hand and his stomach with the other.
"Careful, Slim, where you touch." She whispered reminding him as she transferred places scooting Mike aside to check Jess' condition from in front of him.
Jess was sprawled, his legs unaware they were supposed to be going the same direction, his head leaning first on the underside of the over turned table until Slim took hold, then Slim pulled Jess close and Jess' head slipped over onto Slim's shoulder. Jess' eyes were closed trying to hide his agony, not knowing what part of his screaming body to grab first. Wanting to check Jess out, Daisy reached to loosen the robe's belt but not seeing her coming and feeling the belt loosen, he recoiled slightly deeper into Slim's body while grabbing for the belt and instead, he captured her hand. That's all Jess needed now was for someone to be pulling his meager clothing off and he hauled at the robe tie to try to keep himself covered. But Daisy understood that she was just moving too fast and stopped.
"It's me, Jess, let me check you out." She cooed.
Jess' hand was trembling, lightly squeezed hers, whispered, "I'm ok, Dais." But she wasn't buying.
"Sure you are. So you have nothing to hide, then?" Her war experience dealing with men automatically went into her sweet voice that was disarming.
"Just my dignity,….(gasping for a breath)… or what's left of it." Jess protested weakly, with his one hand holding hers and trying to also gather up the end of the belt tail so she couldn't have it. He ended up holding both sides of the tie on either side of her hand trapping it tightly in the tie.
"You've got nothing I haven't already seen before in the war many, many times, Jess."
Jess' eyes widened, "Ya, bbbut… I know you." he whimpered.
"Her and the doc patched you back up, Jess. Ain't much she hasn't already seen." Lightly smiling at Jess' modesty, Slim tried to help, not sure he was going at it right.
Jess shot a look up at Slim's face that was filled with utter betrayal, "You're supposed to be on my side, pard!" It became a standoff, one persevering nurse holding the robe tie and the trembling patient trapping her hand with either side of the tie.
"How'd you know it was the same guys, Jess?" Slim was puzzled trying to divert Jess' distress.
"Can't you smell 'em?"
"I know I can, Slim. Really odd odor." Daisy added supportively.
"Ya I caught a whiff when I came back in. Don't know what it is though."
"Collard greens." Daisy reported. "It's a common food from the south but has a strong odor. You eat enough of it, it comes through the pores in your sweat. Never forget it….in some of the soldiers we patched. I can smell it on them from here. Right, Jess?"
"Ya, even worse… close up." Jess managed to cast a quick look up into Slim's face slightly behind and hovering over him, and felt the gun in Slim's waistband, nodded at it, "That thing work ok for you?"
Holding Jess on one knee with one arm, Slim took Jess' .45 out of his waistband, weighed its balance in his hand looking at it with desire in his eyes. "I've held it, cleaned and oiled it, reloaded it. That was the first time I've actually gotten to shoot it, Jess. You ever want to sell it, I'm at the head of the line. Never felt such balance, smooth action like a part of your hand, and it shoots straight, too! Hafta hold my mouth just right with mine, pulls left a tad. Which pocket you want it?" Slim was smiling and offering to put it in a robe pocket of choice, fluffed the nearest pocket with the end of the barrel.
Jess recoiled away and waved him off, "S'ok….you can hold it … little longer." Jess looked back at Daisy who was still patiently holding the loop of his robe's belt. Looking hopeful at her, believing he could move freely per usual, Jess decided this was too much attention, he lied, "I'm ok now, we can get up." Not waiting for a debate and trying to sit up and help himself stand, a jolt of strong pain grabbed his right leg, nabbed onto the left knee and together shot a wave of numbing pain up his core and back. As he tried to stand, everything collapsed like an implosion folding from under him and he fell back to the floor in a puddle, sucking air through his teeth in pain followed by a smothered curse in a sob. He was only saved from hitting his head on the floor by Slim's covering grasp and that was all Slim could take.
"Ok, pard, dignity or not you're gunna….." and he was interrupted by Jess' weaker voice.
"Daiss?" Jess was gasping with worry beginning to cause his voice to crack, "Ssomething's… wrong!" And he released the belt tie freeing her hand and sank deeper into Slim's hold and with his left hand pawing at Slim's knee unable to grab hold of anything.
Daisy immediately went into doctor mode, unwrapping his robe's belt so she could get to his bandaging, but speaking calmly in offered teamwork with him, "Tell me where, Jess."
"Leaking.. inside.." He was sucking in air, "Leg … not ….obeying." Jess was looking down at his body truly puzzled at its absolute rebellion and disobedience completely ignoring his brain's commands to move. In almost a panic, both eyebrows raised in the center, he looked quickly at Daisy's face trying to read what she was finding.
Within the confines of the robe once fully opened they could immediately see blood oozing from his right leg's gash and from his stomach wound from under the bandages. All his sudden movements had dislodged scabs and clots and blood had finally made its way through some of the cloth bandaging.
"Yes, Jess, I see it. Your leg and stomach wounds have reopened. Don't try to move. I'll have to find a way to…." Her mind immediate began working on how to fix the problem at hand.
Weakly Jess murmured, looking at some blood in his left hand, "not moving…no fuel…" Jess' mouth barely puckered making a slight sucking sound, " …dignity AWOL." He grimaced and his head began wobbling and Slim pulled him in tighter.
"You want him on the table or in his bed?" Slim's voice was extremely concerned.
"Can you lean him forward? I need to check his back."
Slim gently leaned Jess forward and Daisy lifted the robe off his back checking for whip reinjuries. "That's ok for now. We'll keep an eye on it. He may have pulled some of the new scabbing loose. Can you raise his bed any higher?"
Slim thought for a moment, running a quick inventory of the barn through his brain. He looked at Jess who was leaning on him, not quite unconscious but fading fast and limp as a wet noodle in his arms. "Ya, I've got something in the barn, Daisy, can you hold him a moment so I can fix you up?"
"Sure, Slim." Reaching in motherliness holding her arms out as though gathering in a small child, Slim slowly leaned Jess into her hold. "I'll be right back, Jess." And Slim disappeared.
Mike leaned forward keeping an eye on Jess' face. "Is he gunna die?"
"You ever pull a scab off a cut too early, Mike?" She asked.
"Ya, it started bleeding again and my mom had to put a new bandage on it."
"Well, that's what's happened. Jess just moved too far and too fast and pulled some of his injuries opened. I'll re bandage him and we'll keep him tied to his bed if we have to until its safe for him to move. Be a big help if you could help Slim."
"Ok" and Mike disappeared.
Slim reappeared with his arms full of two 4' sections of timber carrying them as though they were mere fireplace logs. "You want him back in here or in the bedroom?"
"Here." Jess interjected with closed eyes. "Somebody's gotta keep a watch on this place." He retorted but it was so barely above a whisper nobody was convinced.
"You are officially relieved of duty, Jess, until I say so." Slim affirmed. "Nothing but bed for you."
Slim looked at Daisy for an answer and she nodded, "Here is better when he's got open wounds. You can pull his loose bedding off and I'll replace it with fresh sheets later."
Slim went to work in short order to get Jess' bed moved and up on its stilts raising it a good 8 inches making it easier for her to work on him. Daisy could see Mike wandering behind Slim not being utilized so she redirected him. "Mike, would you put a clean pan on the stove and fill it with water. I'll need plenty of hot water."
"Yes, Ma'am. Then your nurse bag?" Happy to be useful, Mike went to work on his assignment.
"Good boy, Mike." She looked down sweetly at Jess' face and he was half unconscious and no longer fussing, completely relaxed in her arms. While waiting for Slim to set up Jess' bed, she looked endearingly into his face as though holding her own baby boy again and couldn't help but seize the moment and thoroughly enjoy it. For all his spitfire and apart from the visually obvious 'pretty gift wrapping' of his attractiveness, the person inside Jess had a certain je ne sais quoi, a particularly entreating, tender vulnerability that called to the nurturing instinct of normal, healthy women. This underlying quality had a way of weaving itself into your heart without even trying and from which there was no resistance and made a woman want to just cuddle him. The problem was he was always so full of life into one thing or another, or pranks and fights, it made capture almost impossible. A moving target may work fine for a confirmed bachelor, but it makes things most difficult, sometimes downright trying, for a woman's natural instincts to hold whom she loves close to her heart. For a moment Daisy even considered kissing his forehead in a motherly way, but, figuring she'd regret it later giving up her opportunity, she settled for wiping the moisture beads of pain from his forehead with her apron. Even with the hair all askew today the forelock still held guard position on his forehead and she tried once again to smooth the wayward forelock back. She looked up to check on Slim's progress and the wayward hair sprang back into its guard station still refusing to surrender and she noticed how it completed the framework of his face's multiple day's growth of scruff. She wondered, as the thought flit through her mind, if his almost constant scruff and the forelock provided some measure of guard or mask used to keep out all the intended needs of women to reach inside and nurture that vulnerability, or could they be there to prevent the identification of such a private defenselessness? And did he realize he was doing that on purpose, or was it just something done unconsciously? Daisy frowned and shook her head slightly while thinking out loud quietly, 'Sometimes it can be a curse to be so attractive.' Before she could reach a conclusion Slim got done almost too fast for a mother's arms and he was standing over them gently moving the over turned table further away and she needed to get the visible bleeding stopped.
They didn't hear the arrival of a horse and seeing the door still open and bodies lying around, Mort Corey came directly into the room and jumped into action to help Slim. As he moved the other end of the table, he saw Jess and Daisy on the floor.
"Oh what's he done now, Slim? There's just never a dull moment out here, is there?"
"Hi, Mort. Here, help me get Jess on to the bed." Between the two men, they lifted Jess out of Daisy's hold, helped her to her feet where she followed carrying his right arm supporting the injured shoulder. As they set Jess down on the bed, he groaned hard and finally dropped off unconscious from the pain in moving him and Daisy gently removed the robe leaving him in his underwear and bandages. She groaned under her breath seeing the right shoulder leaking, too.
"Well, Mort, we'd just gotten up late eating lunch and Jess felt like we were being watched. Few minutes later, those two came shooting through the front window and broke the door down and we shot them. Jess said they were the same rowdies that had kidnapped and attacked him. I can't figure out what made them come back and where's the rest of them? He had told me he thought there were 7 or 8 of them."
"Do you recognize either of them?"
"Ya, the bigger one there looks like the Reb I ran into back in the war who was all upset blaming me for his kid brother being taken prisoner….just older and heavier now. Don't know the other guy."
"It's beginning to come together. When I was in Denver, I had a talk with the Marshal there about what these guys had been bragging about. So after you and I talked, I wired him back and told him we had a probable connection here as I'd suspected and to keep a watch on the gang. He wired me back yesterday that the gang had gotten into a bank robbery at the south end of Denver and 5 of them had been killed. Said witnesses had reported that the other two had heard that Sherman's little brother had survived. Apparently, Denver has a leak in their wire office. 'At's why I headed out here today, to warn you the other two might be headed back here to finish the job. I guess I arrived a little late. Was Jess shot?"
"No, but too much moving, too fast, Daisy thinks he's pulled open some of his wounds."
Mike came into the room struggling to carry his hot water pan and Slim jumped in to take it for him, placing it on a chair nearby her. Mike ran into her bedroom for the nurse bag and Daisy called after him, "Be sure and grab the …." But Mike was off too fast. "Slim I need the bandage stash that's near my bag in there."
"Yes, Ma'am…I've got it. 'xcuse me, Mort."
"What can I do, Mrs. Cooper?" Mort offered.
"I don't know yet, Mort. We've just lost at least a week of progress in him healing up. Poor Jess….one step forward, two back. Maybe you can take care of those two stinkers over there?"
"That I can do. Is that their two horses tied up out there?"
Slim was back, handing the cloth to Daisy. "Ya, that's their horses, over there." He was waving the direction from the house.
"How about the table and mess on the floor? Where's your broom, Slim?" Mort offered.
"Oh, no, Mort. Don't want anything stirred up until I get Jess's wounds closed down. Thank you anyway." Daisy directed. "I wish there was some way I could get some blood into this poor man's body. He's so pale. At least his pulse is holding."
Slim offered to Daisy, "Let me help Mort load these two up and the next stage is due. I'll be right back, Daisy."
"That'd be great, Slim. Mike, you can stay and help me. You can start another pan of hot water."
"Yes, Ma'am, Ms. Daisy."

CHAPTER FIVE: Regrouping

It was well into the night and the house was completely silent, just the flicker of the fireplace and the lone lantern back lighting Jess whose bed was back in the dining room. Daisy and Mike had gone to bed exhausted and Slim had dragged the couch over to the back wall behind the dining room table. He'd also moved the small kitchen table to the front window and placed the full size dining table in the kitchen going the opposite direction. In between and scattered by the fireplace were the single chairs and rocker. That put Jess between the two bedroom doors and Slim on the couch on the other side of Daisy's door where he could see the entire house with the light of the fireplace. Slim had put the small chest normally under the coat rack at the foot of the couch because lying flat out, as too often happens his feet hung off the edge. After cleaning up himself, he had stretched out on his aching back and arm over his head, blanket pulled up to his chin and had also passed out in sleep. It had been a very long, full day, but the situation seemed to be coming into control. Jess was re-bandaged and repacked into the pillows, lying on his left side facing into the room where Slim could watch him. The refilled, corked water bottle was tucked just under the edge of the pillow within his easy reach. Other than some deep groaning late in the evening Jess had not resurfaced. Daisy had checked him out stem to stern and was satisfied that what had been pulled loose in the fracas was superficial, as not needing a full operation and she'd spent the better part of 3 hours re-stitching his wounds closed and cleaning him up over-cleaning everything to prevent infection. Near Slim's head was both his and Jess' holsters and guns and the rifle was on the floor just next to the couch within easy reach. Nothing… absolutely nothing was going to breach his home again!
Just the soft crackling of the fireplace and the light twinkling filled the room. A slight nudge of a pain spasm jabbed Jess in the side from the whip's lashes on his right side and slowly he blinked awake without moving a hair. For several moments he laid still just watching the soft crackling fireplace trying to remember where he was and why, then why was he in what should have been the dining room? Still not moving his body, Jess' eyes swept through objects in the room trying to unravel the puzzle when he noticed Slim sleeping on the couch just off the foot of his bed across from Daisy's closed bedroom door. He blinked slowly several times grateful for the quiet and being alone, not watched by many eyes and concerned faces and he took an experimental deeper breath of air hoping for no pain spasm and it worked. If one worked, he thought, let's try another….and it worked, too. Finally, two full breaths of air without being jabbed with pain. Trying hard to inch his way back amongst the living, Jess wiggled his left hand gingerly seeking the edge of the bedding stuffed around his face and slowly pulled them away from his chin where he could breathe more freely and feel a cooler portion of air that was refreshing. His left hand found his head and trembling fingers gently rubbed his eyes trying to get them to stay open; then his forehead and finally drawing down his face to his chin. "Huh! Wait a moment," Jess thought finding his face smooth and cleanly shaven. Somebody must have.. and it was really smooth and not cut up or irritated. In fact, he felt pretty clean all over and sneaking a peek under the blanket, someone had changed his bedding and his long johns. It even smelled better in his bed and in the room. Now, if he just had a water bottle to wet his whistle. Wait! Something cool near his head….the left hand slowly inched to the end of the pillow. There it was, the whiskey jug! The cool glass jug felt so good, Jess immediately placed it alongside the top side of his face relishing the refreshing touch of the glass. Ok, now….the world was returning to some type of normalcy. After a minute or two, he moved the glass jug to the other side of his head and let that side cool, too. Then slowly pulling his right hand clear, he wiggled the cork free, planted his finger over the opening, turned it upside down and allowed the cool water to trickle into his mouth swallowing slowly. He could feel the cold water go all the way down into his stomach and then remembered the stomach was injured, so he stopped the flow and righted the jug, re-corking it and set it back near his cheek waiting to see what his stomach would do, closed his eyes wondering what Jonesy's "medicinal treatment" would have done to his stomach.
Slim thought he heard the sound of sloshing water and it woke him. Maybe Jess was awake and needed to use the….and he jerked awake and looked over checking him out. Nope, Jess' eyes were closed, nothing moved from where….wait! The water jug was near Jess' face, not under the pillow. Slim slipped from the couch and a few low bent-over steps and he was at Jess' face. "Jess?" he whispered. "Jess, you awake?" No response, "maybe not" he thought. Breathing was normal, regular, ok check, and check. Jess' left wrist was exposed, so he reached with his finger to check that, but Jess hadn't seen him coming, half asleep hadn't heard him. The touch coming unseen, startled Jess and he recoiled causing the water jug to slip off the bed where Slim caught it before it could clang to the floor, and he replaced it under the pillow. Jess opened his eyes seeing Slim in front of him, but catching the jug and when Slim looked back up, Jess smiled softly. "Hey, Pard" he whispered. "I see you redecorated. You do that for me?"
Slim smiled softly but speaking a little louder, "Ah, the place needed a refresh. I can see everything from my corner now. What do you need?"
Jess' voice was soft and in the flickering light Slim could see the lagoon again, "I'm good. Nothing is hurting yet…so I ain't moving. Took a test dive in the water. So far, ok."
"Ya, Daisy worked about 3 hours sewing and cleaning you back up." And before Jess' "dignity" could lodge a complaint, "and I was there helping maintain your dignity."
"Thanks, pard." Jess blinked slowly in a peace filled thanks then touched his smooth face, "She did this, too?"
"Yap. Most of the time, especially resewing your leg, she was crying, but wouldn't admit it. I think you've captured her heart."
"Don't think they make them like her anymore. Shame. She did the re-do on my leg like she did my face, no wonder it ain't screaming. Never had such a smooth job that didn't sting later. Now maybe I got a chance. Think once I'm going again, if I take her to Cheyenne or Denver for a fancy meal, it'd be enough? Maybe the sewing lady in Cheyenne can make a dress for her she's had her eye on. I want to surprise her, though, ok?"
"Ok, Jess. Good ideas."
"Can't tell. Promise?"
"Promise. Jess. You need anything now?"
"Nope, saving up for more apple pie…..tomorrow…..er, today…um…later."
Daisy's bedroom door opened slowly and wrapped in her robe she peeked out. "I heard voices. Is everything all right?" She queried softly concerned with Slim on his knees in front of Jess.
"Doing just fine, Daisy. Jess' just taking a test sip of some water. Says nothing is hurting."
She pressed through the door to check it out herself and bending over Slim, looked into Jess' face. He could see her hand coming but she said, "I'm going to check your forehead, Jess." And she reached to check his temperature. "Feel any heat or fire?"
Jess looked unfocused for a moment as though taking inventory of himself. "Nope. All's quiet, even my face. Daisy. I…um know you worked hard on me. I really appreciate all you're doing. It means more to me than…"
She interrupted him…. "Just let's get you well and on your feet again. That's thanks enough for me."
"Yes, Ma'am. You're the doc."
"Ok, then, the doctor says, "back to sleep, young man." It's not morning yet.." then looking around at the windows…. "I don't think. No. A few more hours till morning. See you men, then."
Jess and Slim in a rare duet, "G'nite, Daisy."
Over her shoulder closing her door, "Good night."
Slim winked at Jess who was adjusting the covers to the right height on his chin. Jess smiled lightly and Slim returned to his couch and covered up.

CHAPTER SIX: The Fears of a Child

Slim's eyes opened slowly but he was on his right side facing the outside wall and for a moment, he was puzzled trying to figure out the solid, dark wall only inches from his face. Then he recognized the wall and remembered what and where was going on and quickly turned to get up, flipping the blanket off of him and against the wall. A quick look and Jess was still in the same position he last saw him during the night, still sleeping peacefully. Daisy's bedroom door was slightly open and he could hear her just coming in the back door. She came into view carrying a small basket of fresh eggs, apron on and hair tucked into a scarf and Slim knew Daisy had her mind set on cleaning house today. She hurried in past the kitchen and peered toward him, setting the basket down, scurried over next to him.
"Oh, good! I'm glad you're awake. Do you know where Mike's at? I can't find him anywhere!" Her voice was urgent and concerned and Slim ran his hand over his hair pushing the unruly stalk back out of his face…tried to smother a yawn.
"Um, no, Daisy. Just barely got my feet down. Where have you looked?"
"Your bedroom, mine, the barn, yard, shower and privy. All the gates are closed and the stage isn't due for another 2 hours. I don't know where else to look? Slim, you don't…."
"No, Daisy, I don't….let me put my brain on and I'll go take a look." Slim was peeved. All he needed was another problem just when things looked like they'd calm down.
Daisy and Slim both heard a light whistle between teeth, not in full note, more air passing than any sound and they looked at each other, then around the room. A second whistle sounded giving them a bearing to Jess' face. Jess was awake, barely, blanket up to his nose, but his left hand was peeking out from under the blanket and his thumb pointing behind him. Daisy and Slim leaned closer and saw a long lump behind Jess running along his legs and covered completely in a separate cover. Jess pulled his cover lower and was smiling coyly, a light twinkle in his eye that instantly brought relief to the two elders. Daisy took a few steps closer and slowly lifted a corner of the extra blanket and peeking over Daisy's shoulder Slim and Daisy both smiled. Lined up alongside Jess' legs but barely touching him, his head in the middle of Jess' back, Mike was sleeping all tucked hands under his chin facing Jess.
"Uh….whatcha got there, Jess. A bed bug?" Slim whispered
"Yup." Jess whispered back.
Daisy was flustered, somewhat annoyed and concerned Mike's weight was putting undue pressure on Jess' back injuries, she started to grab Mike to wake him. Immediately, Jess pushed his full hand out from the covers in a "stop" and said "Ahn't" just loud enough to instantly suspend Daisy and she returned the blanket corner, drew up a chair close to Jess' head.
"But, Jess, your ….he needn't be leaning on you."
"He's fine. Warmth actually feels good. No weight at all. He's being very careful and moves slow. It's ok, Daiz. Doesn't snore either….." then looking over at Slim with a playful annoyed look…. "like some people I know."
Slim protested quietly in denial, "I don't snore!"
"Do, too."
"Do not!"
"Boys!" Daisy called them down.
"Like a buzz saw. Always try get to sleep first….so's I can't hear ya."
"Is that the first time he's moved in?" Daisy queried.
"No. He's been in a few times, mostly since this started. Couple times after a potty run middle of the night. He'd be standing there staring at me and I'd wave him in, he'd punch out. Then he seems to have a bad dream, cries in his sleep and squirms, but mostly zonks out."
As though on cue, Jess reacted to a light jerk from Mike's body and a mumbled sound.
"I figured he's just upset and worried. Has to be hard for him to get his head around this."
"Ya, I guess so. Not easy on a little guy. When did he arrive last night?" Slim offered.
"Just after you went back to sleep." Then he added, "….and SNORED!"
From under the blanket a muffled sound escaped in a small boy's voice, "Jess?"
" 's ok, Tiger, shhh" Jess cooed. "Still here."
All three heard a small whimper muffled by Jess' body, followed by a sniffing sound. Another, softer and wavering, "Je..ss" followed by another sniffing nose and a bump in the blanket at Jess' waist raised like ground hog head about to burst through the surface. Jess frowned and Slim and Daisy looked at each other concerned. Jess slowly, gingerly reached back over his waist to touch the bump;
"Right here, Tige."
The sniffling was getting worse, "You're not gunna die, Jess, are you? I can't take it if you die, too. Everyone I love….dd…" A soft sob started, "…if I love someone" a full blown sobbing started getting out, "…they'll die!"
The aloneness within the cry of a little boy's heart losing everybody he ever loved hit Jess' internal hidden scar room that held his memories of a dead family harder than any bullwhip and he had to fight back tears. Reaching back under Mike's blanket, Jess wrapped his right arm around Mike's shoulder and began to pull him forward over his waist to his front. Mike quickly responded like an overflowing lava flow poured over Jess diving into and under Jess' chin and the sobbing commenced harder. The motion over his body dragged Mike's weight across the main area of bull whip damage causing Jess to cringe and brace against it, but the sobs coming with the confession tore at him worse. He guided Mike's body up along his stomach and core facing him pulling and tucking him in tight under his chin, the blanket dragging along behind. Daisy and Slim were also fighting tears and Daisy started to stand to adjust the blanket over Mike but Slim beat her to it. Wrapped tightly in Jess' arms and covered to his head by Mike's blanket, the tears from the little boy let loose in a full torrent against Jess' chest, while Jess' leaking tears fell softly on Mike's hair. Jess remembered what it felt like when he first saw his family lying dead, the void and emptiness, sheer aloneness he felt. He couldn't hold his head up by loss of strength and no core in support, Jess had to lay his own head back on the pillow but he maintained a secure, tight hold snugging Mike to his body as though Mike was a piece of his own flesh. Jess' right arm tucked Mike's waist up tight to his and his left bicep became Mike's pillow as Jess held Mike's shoulders up to his chest. Daisy was crying softly into her raised apron seeing Jess do with Mike what her heart was doing with Jess the day before. Slim was barely holding on, wiping tears off his face with the back of his hand.
"Let me have it, Tiger. I know what you're feeling and I'm not leaving you." Jess words were soft and gentle, the deep baritone voice vibrating from his chest against Mike's forehead. Jess had completely tuned out Slim and Daisy's presence, zeroed into Mike, and Slim could see a wide open access to that deep lagoon, wondering if he should keep watching, but still that magnetic draw held Slim captive and he couldn't look away, seeking his own sip remembering his own dream of the fresh dirt on the hillside. Now, it was Mike dealing with facing the threatened absence and void having slept through the reprieve during the night and still dealing with the bullets the morning before.
Mike pulled back from Jess' chest just far enough to softly speak, "Bb…ut I love you, Jess. I can't stop…you can't go!"
By now, Daisy was nearing sobs, yet busting buttons in awe and pride seeing Jess instinctively reach into the little boy's heart.
Jess waited a few moments as he absorbed the torment from the little body, as though by osmosis, or like a skilled surgeon extracting a deeply embedded poisonous thorn of torment deep in the boy into his own body so it could be removed by a stronger being. Slowly Mike's sobbing eased slightly and Jess furthered his work. In the same low, smooth coo Slim heard Jess use with the horses, "I know what you're feeling. I'm not leaving you." He repeated for emphasis, "Can you feel me?"
"Uh huh." Was followed by a small sniff.
"Who's holding you?"
"You."
"Tell me what you're feeling from me."
"I dunno."
"Can you feel my breath on your cheek?"
"Uh huh."
"What about my heart beat on your head?"
A pause of silence as Mike sniffed again and then listened intently, "Uh huh, feel and hear it."
"Good boy. What's wrapped around you?"
"Blanket."
Patiently, Jess guided Mike deeper and squeezed him tighter in a hug.
"Your body. Arms. Your leg is over mine."
"That's right. How's that make you feel, Tiger?"
"Safe. Very safe. You're very strong, but gentle."
"Does a dead man, breathe? Can you feel their heart beating? How about can they hug and squeeze and hold you tight?"
"Nope. Can't."
"I'm still here, Mike. I haven't left and I don't plan to any time soon. Hear me?"
"Uh huh…hear your voice through your chest. That's cool! Say something else."
Slim and Daisy smiled lightly at each other. Daisy was shaking her head watching a natural father instinct seeping out of Jess' pores.
"Ok, Tiger, listen tight.
"K.."
"Love doesn't kill people. Hate and anger and revenge 'at's what kills people. You can love me all the way to my toes and it will never kill me. Got that?"
"Uh huh."
"Repeat it back to me."
"Love doesn't kill people. I can love you all the way to your toes and it will never kill you."
"'at's my boy. Good job! Loving your folks didn't kill them either. Bad people did. It had nothing to do with you loving them. That thought is a wrong answer, like on a test question in school. People die. That's just a part of life…like a coin has a heads and tail. People live, then they die."
Mike's mind became engaged as Jess wanted, but he skipped ahead. "My ma said pa and her loved each other and that's why I was born. I figured, it was love for me then that caused them to die." Slim and Daisy exchanged looks of amazement at the logic. Jess was in his own world also amazed, but it didn't seem to derail him.
"Well, that's seems pretty good, Mike, but it just misses the mark your shooting at. Yes, two people love each other and they choose to make babies, but love creates, it can't kill. Like a horse can make another horse, but a horse can't make a pig. Understand?"
"Ya, that makes sense. So no matter how hard I love you, my loving you can't kill you?"
"Right, your love will stop you from killing me. That's what love does. Even if it hurts you or I hurt you, as long as we still love each other, that love will stop us from killing each other. That's what love does, it creates and protects, it encourages."
"So it surrounds us with huge hugs and takes away my tears like now?"
"Now you've got it. So proud of you, Mike. You're really smart for a short guy."
"Ya, well, I'm getting taller every day. Ms. Daisy said my pants are too short and if I keep eating like I am, I'm gunna be as tall as you and Slim."
"At's right, Tiger. You're already a foot taller than when you got here."
"Must be all the love in this house, huh?"
"Absolutely."
Mike pulled up a just a little away from Jess' hug enough to look into his face, wiping his teary face with his blanket. "Jess?"
"Ya?"
"My ma never held me and my pa only touched me to whale the tar outta me when I messed up."
Jess cringed in memory, "Ya, I know what you're talkin' about."
Slim dropped his eyes in sadness, shaking his head slightly side to side…then looked back watching Mike being magnetized into Jess' lagoon in an unwavering eye contact.
"I love you, Jess." Mike voice was steady and assured.
Jess' eyes rimmed with tears and he frowned lightly, looking deeply into Mike's eyes. "I love you, too, Mike."
"And I like your hugs much better than my pa's strap. You have great hugs. Can I….May I have more hugs?"
Jess smiled and pulled him back in for another while Mike willingly surrendered, "Anytime, Tiger. I got lots of 'em, all piled up just waiting for ya. Slim does, too, and Daisy. "
"I know."
"You got great hugs, too, Tiger. I need lots of them…so whenever you're too full of hugs, how's about you give me some. Deal?"
"Deal!"
"C'mere…." Jess pulled Mike turning him to face Slim and Daisy, who was wiping her eyes again on her apron. Jess pulled Mike's head to his head and pointed tightly toward them.
"Looks like they need hugs, too. Got any extra?" Mike looked, then smiled back at Jess who winked at him.
"Sure do, then I gotta go pee." Mike slowly began unwrapping himself from the blanket careful not to bump Jess and gave Slim and Daisy each a hug, then ran outside to take care of nature.
Slim and Daisy were grinning ear to ear watching Mike sprint from the house and when they looked back at Jess he was laying back into the pillow exhausted and with his left hand covering his face.
Daisy shifted happily on her chair, "You're going to make a really wonderful father, Jess."
"Not if I don't get some more apple pie and pretty dadgum fast. Sooo … outta of fuel…light's flickerin'.."
Slim chuckled under his breath.
Looking through his fingers at Slim, "Or did you and Mike finish it?"
"I saved you a piece, Jess. Would you like some soup first?"
"No…..need pie…..fading….." sneaking a coy look at her between his fingers, "room is spinning….no food yesterday…..where…..which way is …..the ground?"
"Ok, Jess….just give me a second."
"'bout all …..ggone…...hurr….." teasing her trying to get some speed from her...
Daisy brought the plate with the single slice and a spoon, "You still need to go slowly, Jess, let it dissolve and see if your stomach can handle…"
She was about to sit down and begin feeding him when Jess saw the plate close, too close, and as she bent forward to seat herself, he grabbed the plate from her ravenously, the spoon went flying. Unabated by minor obstacles of no tools, putting the plate on his chest, Jess grabbed the pie with his left hand and took a huge bite of the center point, closed his eyes and sank deeply into the pillow sucking on the sweet morsel in his mouth and trying to not drown in his juices. His hand holding the pie sank with the intent of putting the pie back on the plate, but not seeing where it was headed, it was about to miss and land on his chest half off the plate. Smiling and understanding Jess' previous admission of being over hungry, Slim reached over astutely and guided the plate under the sinking pie where it landed safely. Daisy was startled and didn't know quite how to react.
"It's ok, Daisy, I'll help him."
"I guess I'll go start breakfast. Never heard of pie for breakfast before." She mumbled as she departed for the kitchen. "Ham or bacon, Slim?"
"Bacon, I think Daisy.. be fine. Thank you."

CHAPTER SEVEN: A Cowboy and his Horse

It had been just over two weeks since Jess and Mike had their talk. The Denver doctor had made a trip back to check on Jess and had put him through a minor surgery on the left knee to replace the broken knee cap and strengthen the ligaments with reinforcements he brought with him. Jess was back in the men's bedroom at night and able to pull most of the day awake in the house where Daisy kept him busy peeling potatoes and apples and Slim had him reluctantly doing some of the ranch and stage paperwork where he mostly got sidetracked prospecting in the desk's cubby holes and drawers. By doctor orders and through Daisy and Slim enforcement, Jess was limited to a crutch and a cane and sit down exercises trying to ease into strengthening the healing legs and shoulder. Jess, however, was not content being confined inside and the front porch, but he still had no reserve and even though Daisy was feeding him every two hours, he still hadn't gained back his normal weight. The bandaging made it impossible for Jess to wear his own clothes, so they had rolled up the pant legs and shirt sleeves on some older clothes now too small for Slim. It was baggy, but fit over the bandages and kept the pressure off the welts and injury sites removing pressure from forming scabs and new growing skin. They were trying to fill up his days so that his sleep would improve, but he regularly fought off nightmares and all they could get out of him was the dreams involved the whipping and the claustrophobia from the crate. He'd either be experiencing the whip as when Slim saw it, or he'd wake up gasping and trying to get his head out the door or window to breathe. Jess didn't want to talk about the dreams and he'd shut down if the topic surfaced. Jess had asked many times about Traveler because he'd never see him from the porch or windows and the answer was always the same, "Traveler was having time off in this pasture or that, or tucked in the barn due to some incoming weather." Jess was having difficulty believing the answers but said nothing not wanting Traveler to be put way out of reach somewhere under the excuse of removing him from temptation. Daisy and Slim had taken off early for town to pick up some groceries and feed for the animals and Mike had been put in charge of entertaining, er adult-sitting Jess, but it wasn't working. Mike decided to go feed the chickens as he'd forgotten to do that. While she was out of the house Jess was hopping around on the crutch and cane snooping around the kitchen looking for Daisy's apple pie recipe behind this or that cabinet door or drawer and in the supply room. When he found leftover food, he'd eat it generally with his fingers where he found it as though on a scavenger hunt. Having discovered a partially eaten cake, with his fingers he dug out a cut piece and jammed it into his mouth and while munching as fast as he could to eliminate any evidence, he noticed Mike headed for the house, head hanging low, shoulders drooping. Mike came in the kitchen door and startled running into Jess and almost knocked him over because the crutch and cane were parked against the wall. Jess had to cough slightly to keep from choking on crumbs he had to swallow too fast. The cough brought a mild pain spasm to his core, but he managed to cover it up and clear his mouth to speak.
"What's wrong, Tiger?"
"Aw, nothing."
"'s matter, chickens kick you out of the hen house?" Licking his fingers clean.
"No. Red won't eat, again."
"Red? Who's Red?" Jess' curiosity woke up.
Mike jerked alert coming to attention realizing he was about to really mess up.
"Red? I didn't mean, Red. It's the old rooster." Mike was lying and Jess knew it.
"We don't have any red roosters, or any chickens named "Red," Tiger. What's going on?" Mike was looking down, kicking the floor with the toe of his shoe, trying to figure out how to escape. Jess squared Mike up face to face and pulled him over to a chair so he could sit and talk with him. "Look at me, Mike."
"Huh, ah." Tiger shook his head and diverted his eyes and tried to pull away.
"Whoa, there, Tiger." Jess' voice deepened but remained calm and gentle, near a coo. An all knowing tone.
"I ain't gunna be the one, Jess"….I just ain't. PLEASE don't make me!"
"You need a hug, Tiger?"
"Huh?" Mike looked up into Jess' face with a glimmer of hope.
"Hug. You need one? I sure do."
"Ya, sure do." Mike echoed reaching for Jess and Jess took him into a full bear hug.
"Wanna talk about it later?" Jess offered, seeing something was too heavy for this boy. "Could we?" Mike pulled loose gently and Jess released him.
"Sure. How about you get out some school work and do some homework. Make a big surprise for Ms. Daisy."
"OK!" Mike piped in glee. Anything to keep from having to tell Jess the secret that Traveler's code name was Red and he'd been off his feed for weeks. He turned and ran for his room. "I'll be in here if you need anything, Jess."
"OK." Jess could smell a rat. Sometimes an animal would do a stupid thing and get called some unkind nickname, but none of the animals had ever been formally named Red, especially the chickens who regularly disappeared by over flight hawks. With the bedroom door securely closed, Jess hobbled to the kitchen door and opened it looking into the yard. The next stage wasn't due until late afternoon, so there were no stage horses gathered and rigged, the chickens were all doing their daily constitutional. It was a nice, cool day with a light breeze and cloudless sky, perfect to be outside. So Jess decided, shaking his head, what used to be an 'easy, short walk' to the corral now looked like miles, but the journey to unravel the mystery animal begins with one step and he began inching his way to the corral gate. Next to the gate and on the outside was a bucket of oats that Mike had left behind that apparently "Red" had not accepted.
Jess tapped the bucket with the cane tip and thought out loud, "So Red must be a horse…huh?" Inside the corral up against the barn in the warmth of the sun, standing on 3 legs resting the off side back hoof with his head hanging down to his hooves, was Traveler and behind him was Alamo, 2 other bays and 1 gray. Resting on the gate Jess mumbled, "Out to pasture, huh?" Trying to arrange getting around the gate with the crutch, a cane, grabbing the bucket closer, the gate itself and the annoying oversized clothes, Jess had his hands full trying to maintain some level of balance and not fall over. He could feel the breeze come up behind him and it felt good on the heat his dark hair always seemed to attract in full sunlight always keeping him well thawed to medium rare, sometimes well done if his temper flared. Barely through the gate and getting it secured, Jess turned just in time to see Traveler's head raise up and look at him. Traveler blinked several times very deeply as though having been drugged, perked his ears forward toward Jess and brought his off hind leg back to full weight. Jess could instantly tell Traveler was off his feed and underweight. "Whoa, boy…..hoe down." Jess cooed in his deep baritone voice. Traveler nickered softly as though in disbelief under his breath. Jess cooed again and almost tripping in his first step, Traveler began slowly to walk toward Jess, then as he got closer, his pace quickened until he was near a trot by the time he reached Jess standing inside the gate. He almost didn't pull up fast enough and shoved his head right into Jess' chest nearly knocking him over and Jess grabbed the fence tighter. Then Traveler began vigorously rubbing his head all over Jess' body and Jess had to grab the fence with his second hand to brace against Traveler's enthusiastic greeting. Laying the crutch against the post, to try to settle Traveler Jess quickly and knowingly placed his hands on Traveler's head, rubbing down his neck, up behind the ears, patting his chest and withers, all the good spots known only to each other and kept cooing to him. Traveler kept rubbing against Jess, pushing him harder into the corral fencing pinning him. It was too easy and Jess laid his head against Traveler's neck, still cooing, gently maneuvering his sore right shoulder over the withers patting the other side of his neck. Traveler then began lightly pawing the dirt at Jess' sock clad feet and Jess quickly pulled his toes out of danger noticing the bucket of oats was behind them under the fence rail. While hanging onto Traveler, Jess reached down and pulled the bucket of oats through the fence and Traveler plowed his muzzle into the bucket like a starving animal. Words were not needed between them as Traveler munched away at his breakfast, sometimes pulling the bucket toward himself, nearly pulling Jess off his feet trying to keep the bucket from falling and the oats going everywhere.
Jess didn't really hear the buckboard coming into the yard pulling up to the kitchen door, but both Slim and Daisy instantly saw Jess' back to the gate and Traveler pushing him into the fencing. "Oh, no! I just knew the minute we'd get out of sight, he'd be in the corral." Slim muttered. "Just can't leave him ….unattended."
"Slim!" Daisy choked out in instant concern.
"Well, it was bound to happen, Daisy. I should have …was just hoping not this soon."
"Slim, he's gunna get hurt and open everything back up again. It's only been 2 weeks."
"I know. But he's a full grown adult, Daisy. Where's Mike?"
"I don't know, but I'll find him. Hurry Slim, before that horse runs over him."
"Traveler? Ain't gunna.. not that horse. Never seen two closer than them. Ah, oh!" Slim noticed the other horses saddling up Jess' direction having noticed an oat bucket was available. That meant crowding and was the true potential crisis, and Slim secured the buckboard, jumped down and trotted over to the corral.
Jess heard boot spurs incoming and without looking at Slim, "Red, huh? Out to pasture?" Slim was more concerned with the incoming crowd. "Jess, the other horses."
Jess retorted fighting anger, "How could you, Slim? He's lost weight, you lied telling me he was ok, he was in pasture."
Slim hoped over the fence and waved the other horses away, which was only a temporary fix. He came back up on the other side of Traveler to maintain a watch against the other horses, and to look into Jess' face. "He was ok, just this week started dropping the weight. And I did put him in the pasture, in the barn, here in the corral, tried everything to get him to eat. Even had Mike ride him around in here, but the more this went, the more he just quit eating and would just stand over there in the corner, all hanging. I even argued with Daisy. If she hadn't been here, I'd a brought him into the house to see you."
"You could've brought some of my clothes out here for him to smell."
"Ya, and they were covered in blood. Some comfort for an animal smart as him."
Jess couldn't argue against Slim's information. "Ya, well….." then mumbled "sheets or blanket."
"I even remembered what you said about molasses and brought back a jar. It's over there in the wagon." Slim waved toward the buckboard.
Traveler was finished with his late breakfast and with a mushy chin brought his head out of the bucket and again began rubbing the side of his head against Jess' body while the last few kernels of oats fell off his whiskers. Then Traveler nuzzled Jess toward his side in a clear invitation to go riding, bumping Jess still hard enough Jess had to brace and catch himself against the fence. Left handed Jess pitched the bucket out of the corral.
"He wants to go." Jess interpreted in his low voice. "Dadgum, me, too, Trav…more than you! It was so easy….before. No thought to it. Nearly fell half dozen times just getting over here." Traveler gently pressed Jess into the fence, seeming very careful to not step on him, in the process noticed a few kernels of oats had fallen on Jess' socked foot and nibbled them carefully. Jess began measuring the distance between Traveler and the fence if he could actually reach and Slim recognized Jess' thoughts.
"Oh, NO, Jess! Huh, ah….ain't gunna. Daisy will kill me for sure! You pull something open again… she swears there isn't anything left on you to sew back into."
"Just gunna sit on him. No harm just sitting, like I do on the daggum porch. 'Sides in these clothes, I ain't decked out for riding." Jess was shifting and tugging at the oversized clothing. His waist was not healed enough to handle any tight belts and keeping Slim's loaned extra-sized pants up and the shirt on his shoulders was a constant challenge. "Don't know how you keep these duds on. If I sneezed, they'd come right off." Jess waved his hand downward. "Be daggone lucky they don't slide right off, now! Just keep him blocked over there."
"Jess!" Slim was aggravated at the same time in full empathy knowing how much of a horseman Jess is and being grounded now for 5 weeks is just near ….well…worse than… At the same time Slim shot a glance to the house to check Daisy and tried to hide an outright laugh watching Jess fuss over the larger clothes. "I think my dad had a pair of suspenders, be in the attic, if you give me a minute."
Jess shot a dirty look at Slim, "Suspen?…..over my dead body!"
Jess wasn't waiting, nor would he be delayed by an obvious dodge. He grabbed the top rail with his left hand and motioned Slim to push Traveler in close, but Traveler beat him to it, stepping close in parallel to the fence. The moves began to initiate pain in Jess' body from soreness and trying to mend, stretching parts that had been offended by injury, but he moved slowly and eased over Traveler's back. Watching from the kitchen door, Daisy had an angry look staring at Slim with daggers in her eyes and her hands on her hips ready to launch into someone, scared to death Jess was going to reinjure something. Seeing Jess actually board, she stomped her feet angrily.
Jess eased aboard but it hurt, stretching scabbed skin on his hips and waist, his legs had no strength to grip or even balance straddling a horse and his shoulder wasn't ready for his right arm to even reach down to the withers. He could feel the gash on his thigh stretching against the stitches and the healthy hamstring muscles on the back of his thigh was confused over the lack of counter resistance from the injured top of the thigh and threatened to pull into an all out cramp. Both knees were not up to specs and were unable to grip Traveler's sides or aid in balancing. His core stomach muscles had been breached by the bullet and through his back giving him no upper body strength or counter balance and all his weight was sitting directly over his roots above Traveler's spine with no padding and only one left hand and arm to grab on or control his position. Jess groaned and to distract the hamstring's pulling he slowly bent forward over Traveler's withers in pain trying to stifle a gasp and try a different pull of tension in his body, but that wasn't working either. Jess began to realize he hadn't planned this move very well. Slim's face was in agony and empathy feeling every inch of Jess' pain and the ache of his freedom loving heart wanting desperately to just hop on and go for a long gallop in the open pasture, breeze in his face. Slim had his hands up ready to touch either Jess or Traveler, whom ever needed him first knowing this moment would not last very long at all.
Alamo had other ideas and thought Slim was paying too much attention to someone else and had begun to walk up behind Traveler wanting some attention, too. The two bays and the gray thought Alamo had discovered a new, rich claim site of more oats and decided they weren't going to be left out, so they followed Alamo. The crowd coming up behind him caused Traveler to begin to move forward still close to and parallel of the fence, but not having seen the incoming, Jess was not prepared and as Traveler began to move slowly off, it jerked him to stay balanced in place and he sucked in air. Slim saw the entire field go in motion and reached up to grab Jess off of Traveler and bring him down to the ground to put Jess into the fence and cover him with his body anticipating the horses would mill past them. But Jess waved at the incoming herd and Slim understood and immediately turned and waved the horses away. Watching from the kitchen door, in desperation Daisy gasped and covered her eyes at her wits end convinced Jess was about to fall off the horse and be trampled.
"Whoa….." Clinching a handful of mane, Jess cooed in a barely audible soft, deep voice and Traveler instantly froze and put his ears back at Alamo who decided the hay stack looked pretty good and moved away. Slim quickly regained guard position on Traveler's off side as Jess patted Traveler's neck and began to slowly slide off toward the fence side, but stopped. Jess' head bobbed up briefly clearing the withers and Slim noticed Jess' upper lip covered in tiny sweat beads of pain and shook his head. It was just like Jess to plow ahead with his idea without having also planned an escape plan of dismounting. It was one thing that was a constant difference between them and most of the time amused Slim. He always had an exit strategy but Jess never seemed to understand the two words, especially the concept of them when paired. It was a part of what attracted him to Jess…..the innocent pursuit of pure life of doing, constantly stirring the pot, perhaps never knowing what the dish was supposed to turn into.
"What do you need, Jess?" Slim quietly spoke supportively so's to not embarrass Jess. "Stuck."
"Where, how?"' Slim spoke in a shorthand language they'd been able to speak since Baxter Ridge on the first day they met.
"Body parts not working. Gash can't stretch enough to move backward to come over. Knee alone won't hold weight coming down." Jess was leaning forward again off center over the withers trying to provide some protection for his roots, all body parts were beginning to revolt and threaten a complete body cramp.
"Stay put, Jess. Can I back him two feet?"
Jess nodded yes but said, "Not moving." And he sucked in a gasp of air between clenched teeth.
Slim put his hand on Traveler's muzzle and pressed gently while keeping his left hand on Traveler's off shoulder to block him in order to back him to the gate where this had started. For his effort, Slim received a pliant muzzle that moved back giving in his neck without moving the rest of the body, but with his hooves firmly planted in the ground, and a stubborn tail swish unyielding his obedience to his rider's "whoa" that was his last binding instruction. Slim pursed his lips and frowned at the willful, guardian gelding then heard from the other side of Traveler's withers Jess' quiet, low coo, "Back, son." Instantly Traveler's body disappeared from Slim's touch. They slowly backed several steps, Traveler dragging his hooves rather than making distinct steps and when lined up by the gate Jess cooed again, "Whoa." Slim wasn't even sure he heard the words, it was more of that deep, bass tone that was barely audible. Slim quietly but quickly walked behind Traveler quickly blinking to protect his eyes from receiving a second swish of the tail to his face getting the distinct impression the horse was only tolerating him. Slim reached over and grabbed Jess's waist to pull him slowly off and Jess stopped him. Daisy's hands went to her mouth relieved to see a dismount beginning.
"Higher….ribs. Slow…..reeally slow."
Slim adjusted grabbing Jess around the ribs instead and gently pulled him off very slowly gauging speed to feeling Jess grab on around his shoulders, and Slim held on suspending Jess' weight until Jess could get his legs lined up vertically and ease the weight transfer on them and the fence. Traveler had turned and stood behind Jess, ears forward his muzzle near Jess' bum, seeming to be ready to catch Jess if he fell backward. Slim started to move Traveler's muzzle away, but Jess caught Slim's hand preventing it. Taking another look at Traveler, Slim could see it was an offer, not an aggressive move challenging the tall intruding human and he patted Traveler's nose. Jess, in the meantime, was having difficulty standing, and refused to sit on the ground or fence, continued to hang onto Slim with one arm and leaning his bum on the middle rail of the fence. But he was bent over at the waist, crouching over his roots and looking into the dirt, biting his lip waiting in agony for the affected parts to quiet down over being abused by being stretched. Traveler snuck his muzzle into Jess' chest sniffing and checking on him and with his hands busy holding aching body parts, Jess brought his cheek over and met Traveler's muzzle.
"You um…..hurt yourself?" Concerned Slim waved motioning to Jess' roots.
"Things got stretched going a new direction….trying to cramp back. Sometimes the hamstring's too strong for the loss on top the thigh, and when both legs send at the same time, it gets jammed at the intersection trying to go up my spine. If I move too fast anywhere, they all chime in. Lack of use's only making it worse. Never been this stiff before and I got sensations in places I never knew even existed!" Jess was grimacing and nodding in all directions.
Trying to bide the time Slim offered some amateur information, "Broke my lower leg when I was a kid and started getting cramps in my calf. Mom said I was dehydrated and needed to drink more water."
"Ya, Daisy's always pushing …..'at whiskey jug at me." Moments in eternity passed and slowly Jess was able to stand back up seeing Slim's face pinched in sympathetic empathy. "Daggum, Slim. No leg on one side, no knees, can't grip or balance. Swinging a leg over, how do you break that down?" Jess' face was in absolute confusion trying to figure out how to move what once had been previously instinctive activity. Slim understood.
"Ya, pretty automatic, generally. But you'll be at it before you know. Riding you'll remember, just have to reteach those muscles which way to go." Smiling slightly Slim gently bumped Jess' nearest elbow, '''Course they um… learn faster…once they're all healed up."
Jess looked up at Slim giving him a "ya ok, you're funny" look and shaking his head, "Got lotta work to do on this body. Gunna start with laps to the corral and back. Feed my horse."
Slim pointed down to Jess' feet. The bottom side of both socks were dirt brown and the one that made the trip across Traveler's back was hanging half off Jess' foot. "We're gunna hafta find you some slippers until you can pull a boot on and off those short stubs you call legs."
Jess wasn't listening to Slim's humor and managed a small grip on Slim's shirt in a weak rage meant as a threat pulled him down eye to eye and about two feet away from his face; "Don't ever hide anything about him from me…aga…" the effort brought a renewed threat for a cramp and clothes slipping and Jess eased back… "Come ask me for ideas."
"I know, Jess. I was wrong, I'm sorry. He's one of those rare, special ones." Slim dropped eye contact then peered past Jess saw Daisy. For her benefit and his own survival, he looked back directly into Jess' face he pointed a finger at his nose, "You promise ME one thing."
"Ya, what?" Jess released Slim's shirt and grabbed to start readjusting his clothes that had slipped half way around his body.
"Wait for me on your little excursions. At least until you're solid enough to move out of harm's way. I've seen your wounds, Jess, and Daisy's right. You have to have something to sew broken flesh onto and you're stretching it now."
"Well, they don't feel so hot on this side either." Jess grumped pulling at his still threatening hamstring.
"I've got to get you back to the house. Daisy's been at that kitchen door ready to tear my head off. You done yet?"
"No, but, ya. Can you manage the stage later?"
Slim nearly broke into a full laugh. "Like you're gunna help?"
"You can't possibly imagine how much I wish I could." Jess was dead serious as he tried to reach for his crutch and cane but they'd fallen to the ground so Slim retrieved them while Jess held onto the fence with a death defying grip. Going through the gate, Traveler tried to follow, and Slim stopped him, but it took Jess' touch to get him to back into the corral and had to coo to him. As Slim helped Jess back across the yard, Traveler nickered.
"Who's gunna handle Daisy, you or me?" Slim queried quietly as they maneuvered back to the house, "Ah, oh….incoming."
"Slim Sherman! ….." Daisy started in, Slim was vulnerable helping hold Jess up and the doorway was blocked. Someone was going to be held responsible.
"Hey, Dais…..couldn't find your pie recipe. Was gunna start a new p…." Even Jess' attempted rescue got cut off but he was able to back her into the house by grabbing body parts like they were giving out. She gave way to blocking the door but not to her pent up helplessness.
"Jess Harper! You are not supposed to leave this house!" She charged as though he were a child.
And Jess responded with his best boyish face trying to melt her, "I know, Daisy, but since I couldn't find the recipe, thought I go be useful somewhere!" It wasn't working.
"That recipe is up here…in my head." She said tapping her temple with a fingertip, "and that's where it's going to stay." Next the finger point went to Jess' nose. "I ought to never ever make you another pie simply because you disobeyed! You could've gotten yourself hurt again out there, young man! And just look at those socks!" Her face was aghast as she pointed to his feet where one sock was still half off, both of them by now thoroughly blackened on the bottom by dirt. "I'll never get them white again!"
"Oh, you done it now, Jess." Slim offered. To Daisy dirty laundry was the ungodliness of sin. "Oh, but, Daisy!" Jess was near panic. Not live without apple pie? He winked covertly at Slim and began fumbling for Slim's handgun but obvious to Slim viewpoint, it was a feign. "I can't live without apple pie! Slim just shoot me and put me out of your misery!" Then under his breath to Slim, "Hurry, out of fuel, too."
Slim tried to hide his smile and played along. "That's it! You're nothing but trouble Harper, now Mike and I can't have any more pie either!" Slim grabbed his gun securing it deeper in the holster, but Jess kept faking reaching around him to get it but not getting past Slim's mountainous frame. Slim finally pulled it and raised his arm high, pointing the gun to the ceiling and being taller, was way out of Jess' reach. For one instant Jess considered tickling, but he didn't have the reserve energy and what precious little he had left was draining fast.
"Aw, now you ain't playing fair, Sherman!" Jess began slipping, but raised his crutch to swipe at the gun, purposefully missing but falling off balance, headed to crash on the floor, dropped the crutch and clutched the sink trying not to go down. Neither Slim nor Daisy could tell if Jess was truly falling. Neither could Jess.
"BOYS!" Daisy became immediately concerned and withdrew. "All right, I'll make more pie! PLEASE JUST DON'T HURT YOURSELF, Jess!"
In one slick move, Slim holstered the gun and grabbed Jess and they both fell to the floor, Jess on top purposefully protected by Slim then rolling to the floor where Jess wilted, out of fuel. Slim got up and gently lifted him at his ribs to the nearby kitchen table. Jess tried to paw his way in an assist, but failed to make contact grasping the table because he had to divert and grab the pants that were falling off his hips… "Oh…am I gunna be sore." He muttered as Slim directed his body by the waist like it was a half full sack of oats trying to swing him into the nearest chair.
"We've got to feed this guy, Daisy. He's nothing but skin and bones anymore." Slim looked pleadingly at Daisy for sympathy hoping to help diffuse her anger.
"Food would be good." Jess weakly echoed but he was serious, energy plunging and focus beginning to fade, "Almost dived into the oats out there."
"Slim, if you could bring in the supplies, I'll make a snack for Jess."
"Yes, Ma'am!" and to Jess, "Protect yourself Pard!" he strode off relieved to be off the hook. "What am I going to do with you, Jess Harper?" She firmly planted a glass of milk in front of him on the table nearly spilling some over the top then planted her hands on her hips shaking her head at Jess.
Avoiding eye contact, drawing a purposeful aim on the glass, "Could start with food. Any kind." Then sneaking a boyish peek, "Or pie if there is some."
Jess was truly running out of fuel and fading fast and becoming concerned. He began slouching at the table, grabbed the milk and drank it down in one swig without taking a breath. Firmly replanting the glass and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Right now I'll eat anything that doesn't move or scream if I put a fork in it."
"Well, at least your appetite is coming back." She turned to walk into the supply room to retrieve his snack.
"Don't know about that. Appetite means enjoying food. For now, it's strictly fuel." Jess mumbled as he laid his head down on his arm on the table….empty again and exhausted.
From the other room she called in a disgusted voice, "And you can take off those filthy socks while you're sitting there."
Without lifting his head, peering over the corner of the table Jess cast a look at his feet and wiggling the foot with the hanging sock and shook his head no still mumbling, "Ain'ta gunna happen!" If his body couldn't coordinate enough to sit a horse, leaning over exhausted and hurting to pull off socks would be pure disaster.

CHAPTER 8: A "Brother's" Bond

It was getting darker outside, earlier than usual and Slim came to the barn door with a puzzled look on his face seeing it clouding up to storm. He'd just brought their personal horses into the barn for the night and put out a little extra oats for Traveler who plowed right into them. Mike had already gone inside after chores and a short discussion about how Jess found out about "Red." Mike was near tears so Slim didn't press him. The whole event had everyone pretty much wrapped in a tangle. Daisy had been particularly quiet both on the trip to town for supplies and after she had gotten Jess fed. Jess wobbled through his snack and then disappeared again. They found him sacked out on his bed and he was so far out that Daisy not only got the dirty socks off, she put on fresh ones and he didn't even stir. Daisy had become so concerned that moving Jess' feet which meant moving his legs hadn't bothered Jess, she checked his forehead for a temperature before leaving the room with the socks held by two fingers and as far away from her body as she could. Slim was also having difficulty seeing Jess sleeping during the day these last few weeks….it wasn't a normal sight to see Jess not into something. Slim looked up at the sky trying to justify the early darkness and found some heavy storm clouds floating by and wondering when or if, but they were moving at a pretty good clip and didn't look like anything would come of them. While looking up, he bumped into a bucket he failed to see sitting on the ground just off the barn door. He reached down to steady it and the cover over it fell off promptly assaulting his nose with fumes worse than Jonesy's liniment. Through the murky water he could see the dirty socks crammed at the bottom and quickly put the cover back on before all the hair inside his nose melted off. He didn't see Daisy come out the kitchen door headed for the triangle. She had the clapper in one hand and the bat in the other but instead of hitting the metal she saw Slim and pointed at him.

"Don't touch that bucket, Slim. I may never be able to rescue those socks!"

Slim straightened quickly backing away, "Don't worry, Daisy. Almost kicked it over and was just setting it back up. What do you have in there anyway? Smells horrible."

"Secret recipe. Just don't touch it with your skin. You need to go get Jess up. Supper's ready."

"Is he still asleep?" Slim was amazed.

"Yes, and if you touched that bucket, better wash your hands before you come in."
"Right. Is Mike inside?" Slim headed to the wash tub and pump and began.
"Yes, he's reading a book at the fireplace. Imagine that. And he did some school work this morning without my asking him."

"He told me Jess almost found out our secret from him this morning and Jess suggested he hit the books as a surprise for you."

"Been a lot of those today." And she swiveled on her heels glaring at Slim and went back inside.

Slim finished and went through the door behind her before it could close and headed for the bedroom. Jess was still sacked out, hadn't moved an inch other than to pull a blanket over himself. He was laying on his left side, per usual, packed with pillows and facing away from the door and frowning. Slim reached over and slowly put his hand on Jess' exposed left hand. There was no initial response so he tried again a little stronger…. "Jess. Supper's up."

Jess moaned turning his head more into the pillow, but otherwise showed no sign of life.

"C'mon Pard. You been sleeping all afternoon, time for supper."

"Ya, ya, ok!" Jess grumbled. "I'm comin'….thank…"

"Need any help?" Slim offered.

"Said I'm comin'….just give me a…. dadgum… minute." More grumping.

Slim could tell something was aggravating him. Probably over did today, but he wasn't going to stir the pot and make things worse, so he turned and went to the table. Daisy and Mike were already seated and waiting. "He's coming, but don't expect anything fast."

"Is Jess in trouble?" Mike queried.

"No. Why would he be in trouble?" Slim asked.

"He left the house this morning. If he's in trouble for that, it's my fault."
Daisy perked up but Slim cut her off at the pass, "No, Mike. He's not in trouble."

Daisy looked over her nose at Slim and murmured, "He should be."

Jess shuffled to the doorway of the bedroom, still half asleep, completely disheveled and leaned on the doorway. He was still dressed in Slim's clothes, but had added the robe, lightly tied, and had added a blanket wrapped around him Indian style on top of that. He was pulling and tugging them trying to get a good solid wrap, but they were not cooperating and he looked pretty much like a crumpled unfolded laundry basket. After a short rest at the doorway, he turned and shuffled toward the front door grabbing the door knob. Slim's voice stopped him.

"Where you headed, Pard? Food's over here."

"Gunna feed, Trav….don't wait ….for me."

"You're going no where in those clean socks, young man! Now come here and sit down." Hours spent getting hot food now getting cold, Daisy was almost ready to lose her temper.

With disgust, Jess reached down, nearly falling over, whipped one sock off his foot and threw it to the floor, glaring back at her. "They're not that dirty." He protested not realizing they were a new, clean pair. As he reached for the second foot, bending with that leg was more difficult and he had to swivel to sit down on the bench to keep from falling over landing hard on his bum then clawing at the stack of garments falling off his shoulders. Slim jumped up from his chair and headed to Jess.

"Ok, you two. Nobody's going anywhere." He reached over and swooped up the sock off the floor and began threading it back onto Jess' foot as Jess had to reach to keep the clothes he packed on from falling off.

"Bbut…" Jess' sentences came slowly and he spoke with grogginess offering no resistance to anything Slim touched or moved.

"No buts, Jess. I've already put them in the barn, he's tucked in for the night and plowed right through a bucket of oats." Slim got the sock on easily and helped Jess stand up, assisting in all the layers of clothes. "You cold? I can start the fire early." He offered.

"Huh?"

"You're covered in 3 layers, Jess. Are you cold?"

"He probably just over did it this morning and hurt himself." Daisy muttered. "Serves him right…stubborn, obstinate…."

"What's eatin' her?" Jess mumbled facing Slim as Slim tried to reach around him and help him walk to the table. Slim could tell Jess was hurting because his face was pinched again.

"Nothing, Jess, we're all a little punchy, that's all. Are you cold?"

"NO, I'm not cold!" Jess grouched. "Just ache…..all over."

"So you did push a little too much earlier?" Slim asked gently, with concern.

"Ya, well there's that, too. Just…everything feels heavy, pressure all over. You're going too fast, Slim….where's the dad gum fire?" He continued grumping.

Daisy became suddenly medically concerned and got up to help Slim.

"How long has it felt this way, Jess?" She reached to assist taking his elbow and he yanked it away like a little boy trying to avoid being caught for a spanking.

"Has what felt which way?"

Slim looked past Jess at Daisy, "I think somebody was visiting the edge of the planet again." He helped Jess ease into the closest chair which was the one that backed up to the desk and Jess made no effort to sit back….just slumped forward clutching the clothing against his body like he was naked in a blizzard. Daisy and Slim took their chairs. Daisy began passing the food, which went from her, she served Mike and then handed it to Slim who helped himself and put the food bowls down around Jess' plate within reach. Jess stared at the food in their service bowls like he'd never seen food of this kind before and now looking from one to the next in line worried why they were circling up around him like a tribe of Indians ready to attack. He didn't dive in.

"The pressure, Jess?" Daisy queried.

"Pressure? Um…." Jess tried to recount the time. "Little after I ate earlier. Got worse through the day, couldn't get comfortable." He slowly reached for the mashed potato dish and watched the scooped spoonful fall onto his plate like it was a science project, then picked through the mound with his fork left handed suspicious as though something was hiding within the white fluffiness. He put his fork down and looked at the salt and pepper shakers in the middle of the table but they were too far away. Slim was monitoring him and watched where Jess was looking, reached over and handed them to him.

"Thanks." Jess mumbled and applied a generous portion and ate several small bites, letting them melt in his mouth more than chewing.

"Still fighting the cramping in your legs?" Slim was trying to help Daisy diagnose the problem.

"Ya, maybe a little worse….get really stiff in my….um…". He trailed off not wanting to mention private parts in front of a woman as dealing with the stretch his pelvic cavity endured hanging like beef over Traveler's withers with no legs to support himself. With the briefest glance, he looked into his lap and waved slightly at it with his right hand as he stopped speaking trying to figure out how to explain himself appropriately in mixed company.

"Gravity takes on a whole new meaning, huh? Stirrups would have been helpful." Slim offered trying to help Jess' rustic vocabulary and it helped nudge Jess' foggy mind over its hump.

"Ya. Big help. Muscles under and skin's tight everywhere with no stretch. No grip is worse than bareback. Felt like a side of beef hanging over a hook." Jess sucked contemplatively on another small fork full of spuds and staring at his fork. "Just don't realize what you have….or need….till it's not there. Stuff you do automatically without thinking…. requires a college degree to figure out."

"Like swinging up on a horse." Slim offered in between bites.

"Ya…or just walkin' normal like, or trying to stand up even."

Suddenly a huge wind strong enough to bend small and medium sized trees over blew through the little valley and lasted several seconds, maybe even a half a minute. They heard a tree somewhere outside snap a large branch and saw the lamps flickering. Looking at each other and then around the room, the food was forgotten. It was followed by an eternal eerie silence and the house shuddered like a hen settling on her nest. Then came a loud explosion of thunder that felt like an 80 mm cannon had gone off in the living room just inches away from them and they all jumped in their chairs as various pictures ejected off the walls. From the sheer concussion of the air in a confined space Jess felt it worse due to the hyper sensitivity and tenderness of the mending skin tissue all over his body surface, the bruising and the underlying weakness. Immediately he jerked in his chair so hard it nearly fell over backwards as he gasped sucking in air and curled up like a ball bug with a deep bass-toned moan. Swiveling in his chair in a half circle facing into the living room, he leaned with his side into the table and the fork fell from his hand clanging to the floor. Mike jumped from his chair to grab the fork but missed, Daisy and Slim both got up and hurried to Jess. Daisy thought Jess had been shot point blank in his stomach and Slim grabbed him from behind to keep him from rolling off the chair onto the floor under the table.

"Jess!" Daisy and Slim choired together.
Jess sucked in trying to get some air into his lungs and then groaned hard still clutching his core. If he could have folded himself inward into a tiny box, he would have. "Ohh! .. Dad..Gum! …. That hurt!" It was an emphatic moan as he could barely speak still curled over his lap. Daisy knelt in front of him and Slim wrapped around him from behind still trying to center him on the chair. Slim could feel Jess back slightly into his support, moaning unable to breathe holding against the ensuing pain spasm that swarmed his whole body reshuffling his bones like a deck of cards.
"Pant, Jess. Don't hold your breath….pant through it." Daisy offered. "Little at a time, till it releases." She reached up to touch his face just as tiny sweat beads began again on his upper lip, she took her apron skirt and dotted his lip dry, cooing to him, "I know that hurt." If Jess was able to open his eyes, they would have been nearly crossed in pain, but he slowly tried the pant, little by little got the air in his lungs moving again in between moans of "mmmm." It took several moments, and rocking slowly back and forth in the chair, but he was finally able to suck in a normal breath and release it, lightly releasing his curl, tried to sit back up slowly. He just barely returned to an upright version of sitting in a chair, when the sizzling snap of a zillion watts of lightning hit the ground out in the yard in a blinding light flash and they could feel the static discharge inside. Jess instantly groaned knowing another hit was coming and curled back down and Slim stood up quickly, shoving the table away with his hip moved between Jess and the yard and leaned over covering Jess' body, his back to the living room trying to diffuse the flood of energy reaching Jess' body. Barely in place, the second boom of thunder went off identically in the same place of the front room as the first one, they both jumped in place and Jess groaned again, only this time his moan was muffled by Slim's body. Daisy curled in close to Jess where Slim's body was not covering and Mike crawled up behind Jess in the chair and leaned over Jess' back trying to mimic the adults. This time, the thunder and lightning discharge sucked the air and all the lamps went out but the one in the bedroom and one in the supply room. A chunk of fireplace rubble poofed out of the fireplace onto the floor in front of it off the air exchange that came down the chimney. Three more identical lightning and thunder claps went off in quick succession about 10 seconds apart and nearly the same place, and Jess' body jerked with each one. Then they began rumbling on down moving off into the valley. As it moved off, the 3 bodies covering Jess gradually relaxed and Daisy started moving around relighting lamps and checking the front yard. The horses outside in the corral could be heard running in panicked circles outside and neighing loudly sounding like an all out riot. Jess slowly began to raise up and Slim eased off of him, then kneeling down in front of him peered into Jess' ashen face which was leaking tears and Slim readjusted the extra clothing and blanket centering them on Jess' back.
Barely above a whisper Jess eeked out, "Go … them. I'm ok." He barely waved his hand the direction of the barn. Slim patted him lightly on the shoulder, "I'll be right back." And he strode away, brushing Daisy's shoulder as he passed her grabbed a lit lantern on his way out the door.

"It's over Mike, you can come off Jess, now." Daisy quietly instructed.

Jess was still mostly curled leaning on his elbows over his lap, breathing but now waiting for muscles to relax to avoid them cramping by moving them too fast. He was staring into the floor, his arms wrapped around his stomach area, slightly shaking his head side to side. "Thanks, Tiger. Good man to have at your back." Jess' voice was loud enough only Mike could hear him and Mike leaned back sitting on the back rail of the chair with his knees near Jess' back.

"You ok, Jess? That hurt my ears!" Mike asked.

"I will be, Tiger. Thanks for the help." Mike hopped down and went back to his plate.

Jess looked over at Mike who began nibbling at his food, "You feel the hair on your head stand up, Mike?"

"Ya, that was weird." His hand went to the back of his neck.

"Whenever you're outside and you feel that anywhere on your body, dive away from where you're standing, hit the ground and cover your head. You hear me?"

"Ya, why?"
"That's called a static discharge and it's the target where lightning's about to hit the ground. If it hits you, it'll kill you instantly. The only way to survive is to get down and away faster than you can move. Light moves faster than you can see with your eye. ANY TIME you see lightning starting in a storm, you get into the nearest building, you hear me?"

"Why didn't it kill us this time?"

"We were inside the house. I'd put money there's a hole outside in the yard somewhere. The house was like you and Daisy and Slim covering me. It broke the path. If it would have hit the house, it could have set it on fire. Lightning is one of the most dangerous things there is, Mike. Life and death, ok?"

"Ok, I got it."

Slim came walking in quickly, somewhat out of breath, first thing looking for Jess. "It's ok out there, but there's a 4 foot black hole right out there where the stage stops, so anyone goes out, watch your step."

Jess started to speak taking a quick glance toward the barn but Slim interrupted, "Corral's all calmed down and the barn is quiet and secure. They're all munching hay inside. Probably be no eggs tomorrow though." Slim tried a smile, still looking at Jess who was fighting tears of relief his horse was safe. "I can't hardly imagine what that felt like, Jess. Musta gone right through you."

Jess looked back down at the floor still leaning forward holding his ribcage. "Ya…. like a hot knife….." He quietly said and Daisy finished his sentence, "through butter." Jess looked back up at Slim, "Never had someone throw themselves on a grenade for me, Pard. That first one took everything I had."

"Sometimes ya just don't think about it when it's your 'little brother' under fire." Slim smiled back.
Jess was finally able to bring in and release a good deep breath without pain and the inner muscles were relaxing quickly. He sat straighter and sighed, slowly looking over the table, the food began calling to him, somehow the nose sensors turned back on.

"You have any more warm gravy or broth, Daisy?"

Delighted to see a positive sign, she turned to the stove and put the gravy pan back over the fire that somehow managed to stay lit. "Sure do, take just a few moments. Want some coffee?"
"I could sure use some." Slim piped up. "Anyone ready for a fire? I'll start the fireplace. Good thing this wasn't going already, or that you weren't out there feeding you know who."

Jess peeled the blanket off and adjusted the other two layers and finding the robe not needed either and peeled it off, too, seating himself better in the chair. Once set he still had to adjust the borrowed clothes of the bottom layer. They could hear a serious rain on the roof.

"Is the pressure gone, Jess?" Daisy asked from the kitchen.

"Ya, better now, thanks." The color was returning to Jess' face. He picked up the serving fork and stabbed a piece of meat and brought it to his nose for a closer sniff. He put it back on the plate and rifled through the stack taking a smaller piece closer to the bottom where it would be warmer, then plopped another spoonful of smashed taters next to them. Slim and Daisy noticed and smiled at each other.

"I think someone found his appetite." Slim was grinning as he finished getting the fire going.

"I think we have a new weather gauge." Daisy said nodding her head toward Jess.

"How so?"

"The pressure he was feeling lifted when the weather front moved off. It's called barometric pressure, Slim. Remember school?"
"School?" Jess piped up not looking up from feeding his face, "Who had the luxury of school? What's baro… whatever you called it?" and talking with his mouth full.

"Can I have some more potatoes?" Mike interrupted.

"May I…." all three adults chimed in…. Daisy grabbed the pan of hot gravy off the stove and headed for Jess' place. "Where do you want it?"

"Everywhere, Daisy….." drawing a circle over the plate with his fork still talking with his mouth full, "You have extra, pour it into my cup and I'll drink it. Where's the bread? Hey, Tiger, please pass the bread. Do you have any pie made?"
"Fresh one this afternoon. Save some room."

"Deal!" Jess mumbled with a mouthful of gravy laden potatoes picking up his knife and the butter container and swooping a good third of the butter onto the utensil.

"Me, too!" Mike chimed.

Rounding the corner of the table headed for his seat Slim happily echoed, "Me, three!" At his feet nearly tripping him was a framed family photo that had evacuated from the wall when the cannon blast had shaken the whole house and he leaned over and picked it up. Then holding it he looked over at Jess who was shoveling food ravenously into his mouth, disheveled and clothes hanging off of him all askew. The once low rumbling thunder moaning across the cloud shrouded heavens had changed to the post zigga watt alive energy force that was double barreled with a powerful, air moving cannon that could take your breath away, shake the whole house and produce long needed, life giving rain. Slim smiled as he straddled his chair and sat down. Jess was back.

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