Hello.
This is a diary, I guess.
An online diary I suppose.
Weird.
Well, anywho.
My name is Phoenix and I rule your putrid little soul.
Ha ha ha.
I totally pwn ur .
Continuing.
I guess I should tell about my life.
Or, how about this Wednesday.
Anywho.
It all started that fateful day...
It was precisely 6:66 and I sat at my desk, examining the work that lie down upon the hard wooden surface. Hard. Wood. Ah ha ha. Anyway. I picked up the papers, looking down at the poorly written Japanese transcript.
"WHAT THE FUCK MAYA! I CAN'T READ THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Maya stormed up to me, wearing nothing but a t-shirt, and all I could think about was the shitty Jessica Simpson song "With You" or something-or-other.
"PHOENIX! DON'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF PEARL!" She glared at me, her pale face turning a deep shade of red. I didn't know whether to slap her or kiss her, but I decided to settle for looking at her with a seductive stare.
Soon enough, Pearl came up behind her with the same red-faced look, hands on her hips in that "Pearly-Girly" sort of fashion.
"YEAH!" She chimed in. "I'M JUST A KID!" I brushed the little ones off and decided to go back to my work, ignoring Maya's bickering. Then I suddenly became hungry. Man. No seriously, I'm hungry. I need to get some Mac-n-Cheese so I'll be back in a few.
That's basically how it went.
Yep.
Now I'm eating some Easy-Mac with a butter knife.
Do you know how hard that is?
Do you know how hard I am?
Jesus.
Moving along.
Dahlia.
Dahlia Hawthorne.
Mm.
Too bad she was a murderer.
Yep.
Man, was she saucy.
But, I guess I owe my life to Mia.
If Mia hadn't proven Dahlia guilty, I would have probably died the next day.
Too bad Mia died.
Why must the good die young?
Come on!
I didn't even get to bang her more than six times!
Jesus Christ in Holy Heaven of Macaroni and Cheese.
My tongue is itchy.
Weird.
Speaking of itchy...
No, I will go no further.
Have you ever had one of those days?
Where you feel like you have a wedgie, but you just can't pull it out?
Boobs.
I wish I was pregnant.
That would be fun.
Some guy'd be all "Hey you're pregnant!" and I'd be all "Fuck yes I am!"
Fuck.
Don't you just love the word fuck?
It's like duck with an f.
Or like, freaky duck put together.
YOU ARE A FUCK!
My father once told me something, something I would never forget.
And it went a little something like this.
Boobies. I really like them.
/inuyashaparodies kicks ass.
What? No advertising? WELL TOO FUCKING BACK!
YOU FUCK!
You there. points to Maya Fuck me.
Sex.
Hot, kinky sex.
We even used anal beads this time.
Ah, what fun.
Have you ever tried grass?
Grass. Sounds like a drug.
Anyway.
It tastes like yogurt covered in cow manure.
Oh that's right, I did eat yogurt covered in cow manure.
Yogurt.
Yellow Yogurt.
Lemons are yellow.
That reminds me.
I read this lemon.
It kinda sucked.
Like your mom did last night.
She sucked my... sucker.
Cherry flavored.
If that's what you wanna call it.
Pickles.
Yummy pickles.
I want a pickle.
Well, I guess I'm going to go.
But before I do, I have one message for you to remember.
...
Boobs.