Death of a Dream
Taichi's hands shook as he dialed Sora's number.
I'm probably making the biggest mistake of my entire life, he thought, as he listened to the phone ring. She always takes forever to pick up....
Sora stared anxiously at her phone, debating whether or not she should pick up. The phone rang and rang....
Hi, this is Sora Takenouchi. I'm not able to come to the phone right now, so please leave me a message and I'll get back to you ASAP. Have a blessed day!
"Dammit!"
Frustrated, Taichi hung up and threw the phone on the couch. Mimi came into the living room just in time to see this.
"What's the matter?" Mimi asked him.
"What?" Taichi wheeled around, just noticing she was there. "Oh—nothing. Phone's screwing up again, that's all. You know what I always say—what electronics really need is a good hitting!"
"Oh, ok," Mimi said, looking suspiciously at him. "Dinner should be ready soon—what are you grabbing your coat for?"
Taichi dashed past Mimi and rushed over to the coat rack in the hall. He pulled his own down and hastily put it on.
"Sorry, honey," he said, breathing heavily, "but I'm going to have to skip dinner for now. I've got to take care of something really quick."
"What?" Mimi asked, hands on her hips. "What could be so important that you have to rush out all of a sudden?"
"I'll be right back, I promise," he said, now pulling on his gloves.
"Wait," said Mimi, running up to him.
"Mimi, I said I'd be right--"
The next thing Taichi knew, Mimi's arms were wrapped around his neck and her lips were pressed against his. Her fingers dug into the wiry fabric of his wool coat; she was holding on to him for dear life. Taichi could have sworn he saw a couple tears in the corners of her eyes. She was so beautiful, even when she was sad...Everything else lay forgotten in the back of his mind as he pulled Mimi in for a deep, passionate kiss. Mimi pressed her body against his, wanting to make it last, possibly even turn into something that would make him forget about what he needed to "take care" of, but after about thirty seconds, Taichi pulled away.
"Got to go, hon," Taichi said, putting on his hat. Before Mimi could say anything, he was out the door and halfway down the walkway towards the car. Mimi watched as he started the car and drove off.
The winter air was biting cold, but Mimi could feel nothing but an unsettling emptiness.
"You better come back to me," she whispered.
******
Taichi wasn't quite sure how he'd gotten there. Everything that had happened since he and Mimi kissed was a blur. But here he was, at Sora's front door, about to ring the doorbell.
He still wondered if he was doing the right thing....
He rang the doorbell. His heartbeat became louder and louder, and as he heard footsteps from inside the house, it was deafening.
The door opened. Sora stood there, wearing a blue housecoat and slippers over her pajamas.
"Taichi, what's going on?" she asked, as she opened the door wider to let him in. "Is something wrong?"
"Oh, I didn't realize you were asleep," he said. "I didn't mean to wake you up. It's ok, I'll come back tomorrow---"
"No, it's ok," she said. "I just got done bathing Takuya and putting him to bed. That's why I'm wearing my--"
"Sora," said Taichi, finally entering the house and closing the door behind him. "I've got to do this. I can't keep lying to myself, you, or Mimi. I've got to be completely honest. Especially now that---"
"--Mimi's pregnant, I know," said Sora.
"Sora, I have to tell you this," Taichi continued. "I've got to be honest with you. It's only fair. I've got something I have to tell you."
"What is it? What is it that you have to tell me?"
Taichi let out a deep breath. What he was about to say would change both of their lives...
"Sora, I'm going to ask Mimi to marry me."
Sora felt like she was sinking, falling....For a while, she couldn't say anything.
"But Taichi--"
Taichi was a bit surprised at Sora's reaction. For him, the second the words had left Mimi's lips, his mind was made up. In his mind, there was no other option. The next step should have been as plain as day.
"I know what you're going to say. And I want you to know this. I never meant to hurt you. However you might feel right now, I didn't do it on purpose. It's not like I have a choice."
"You're right," said Sora, trying to stop her voice from cracking. "It's not your fault. It's mine. It's my fault for putting myself through this again...making myself vulnerable to this again, and for being so selfish. I couldn't honestly expect you to leave your baby and baby's mother just to be with me, could I?"
Taichi wanted to smile. Even now, she was being completely selfless.
"Don't say that..."
Sora couldn't hide her emotions any longer. The tears slowly began to fall. Taichi moved to comfort her, but she pushed him away.
"Taichi," said Sora, looking right into his face, "no matter what happens, no matter what happens between me or you or Mimi, no matter what I may say tonight or in the future, will you promise to always be there for Takuya?"
"What? Of-of course, Sora..."
"I'm serious, Taichi. I'm not only asking for me. If you were to completely disappear from Takuya's life, he would be devastated. He thinks the world of you. He has nobody else but you. I want you to swear to me that you'll always be there for him."
"Of course, you know I love that boy like he's my own, Sora!"
"Ok. Now that we've established that, before you go and propose to Mimi, there's something I want you to know."
"What's that?"
"You may not know it, but I've loved you for a really long time. No, just listen. You've said enough. It started back when we were in college...even then. Even on that last day, when I told you we should stay friends. I was just too proud to admit it. But the only reason why I let you use me—yes, use me---, the reason why I stuck around every time you and Mimi fought and called it quits, was out of hope that you and I would finally be together.
"I know that you love me. You know that you love me. But, we're never going to be together. No matter how much we know that we love each other, no matter what happens between us, you will always go back to Mimi, you will always end up with her. I was always good enough to hook up with every now and then, but you could never be with me."
"Sora, that is NOT TRUE! I wasn't using you! I won't let you stand here and accuse me of that!"
"If you were or weren't, what does it matter now?" Sora yelled back. "That's all water under the bridge now, isn't it? You and Mimi are going to get married and have children and live happily ever after. You'll get your happy ending. And you know what? I'm happy for you. I'm glad you've found love, even if it wasn't with me. Because I didn't and don't selfishly love you. I love you enough that I want you to be happy, even if it isn't with me."
Tears streamed down Sora's face and her voice shook with every word, but she was determined to say it all.
"I can go on and on about why you shouldn't be with Mimi, about why you should marry me instead, but that would get us nowhere. I know now that even though we love each other, we are never going to be together. Ever. And because of that fact, my heart is broken. A part of me will always be in love with you, but it's time for me to move on. Really move on this time."
"Sora..."
"Goodbye, Taichi."
Again, Taichi moved towards her, arms outstretched, wanting desperately to make her feel better, to erase the pain he had caused her. He had no idea she'd loved him all this time...His fingers had barely touched her shoulder when she jerked away from him.
"I SAID GOODBYE!" she yelled at him. "GO! JUST GO!"
Sora grabbed the door handle and flung the door open. The cold winter air rushed in, but she didn't so much as shiver. It was nothing compared to how she felt inside as she watched Taichi walk slowly down the walkway to his car.