Title-Healing
Author- garrettelliot
Rating- R to be safe
Summary- After the fadeout on Contagious did El go home alone.
Disclaimer- Yeah, I know, not mine either.
Author Note- This one is for FaithHopeLove who encouraged me to post it. Once again, no beta, blame only me (if there is a beta out there I looking.) While I am a huge O/E fan, Elliot is way too close to the edge. I just want the guy stable before it breaks my heart. (I cried when El got teary outside Dobbins' house.) Dick, you are a mean man! Bad Dick, bad Dick! This was not an easy one and parts still don't feel good. Please r and r. (virtual quarter to the person who spots what doesn't feel right.) -

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Olivia watched as Elliot blew out the candles and hugged all four kids at once. He looked around at her and mouthed 'Thanks'. Suddenly her eyes widened as she looked past him. He turned to see Kathy standing in the doorway holding a bag.

"Happy Birthday El. The children took off so fast they forgot your presents." Kathy held out the bag and looked unsure of what to say next.

"Thanks, Kath. He took the bag. "I'm glad you let them come." He winced. 'Damn I sound as unsure as she does.'

Kathy just nodded sadly and as she turned to leave, Elliot noticed the tears in her eyes. He followed her into the hall.

"Kathy?" She kept walking. He reached for her arm at the elevator doors.

"Babe, what is it?" He could feel her trembling.

"Elliot, don't. I can't do this right now. Not in public." Elliot could hear the tears in her voice.

"Come on, we need to talk." She shook her head.
"Please, baby?"

"Not here, El. I don't want to break down and embarrass you." Her arms were wrapped tightly around her waist as if she were holding herself together.

"We can go in the interview room." He touched her shoulder. "Please, Kath."

"Alright." She turned to follow him.

As they walked through the bullpen, he looked at Olivia and the kids. "Can you guys hang on? We'll be back."

Elliot closed the door and drew in a deep breath. He had been dreading talking to Kathy, he figured this was when she would ask for a divorce. The silence was heavy as they both searched for the words to say.

"You'd think after twenty years and four kids I'd be able to talk to you, but I haven't been this nervous since I asked you out the first time." Elliot joked weakly. "Where do we start?"

"I'm sorry might be a good place." Kathy said

"Baby, tell me where on the list of my screw-ups you want me to start and I'll apologize for each and every one." Elliot said sincerely.

"No El, I meant I'm sorry." Kathy's voice broke.

"Sorry for what, Baby? Finally having enough? Kath you tried, I'm the one who fucked it all up."

"Elliot, please sit down and listen. I need to explain what's going on with me."

"Okay, I'm listening." He sat in a chair.

"You didn't screw it up all by yourself, El. You stopped talking and I stopped listening. We both just quit trying. I tried so hard to be a good mom and a good wife. I just was so overwhelmed. That last morning at the house I couldn't get out of bed. I just lay there for hours, staring at the ceiling and suddenly I had the bottle of sleeping pills Dr. Adams prescribed for me in my hand and I didn't remember picking them up. It scared me so bad I just packed our things and left. I think if the kids had been at school, if I'd been alone in the house I'd have taken those pills. That's why I ran, I was afraid if I didn't get out of there I'd do it."

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?" He pulled her into his lap and held her for the first time in months. Kathy began to tremble and Elliot let her go. "I'm sorry baby, I never meant to hurt you so much. You can't even stand for me to touch you now, can you?" There were tears in his eyes.

"Oh El, God no! What makes you think that?"

"Every time I've touch you tonight you shake."

"Elliot, I want you to touch me. I want you to hold me and love me the way you used to." Kathy said as tears coursed down her face. "I want to throw my arms around you and never let go."

"Why would that be a bad thing, Kathy? We don't have to be apart unless it's what you want. I just want you happy, baby."

"Elliot, I love you. I love you so much it hurts, but I can't go back to how we were. The distance was killing me, having you beside me in bed, but so far away. I can't go on that way. I felt you slipping further away from me and I felt so lost. But living apart from you is just as bad, I feel like a part of me is missing. Do you remember the last time we made love? On our anniversary, almost a year ago. I can't go on being the only one in love; it hurts too much, El. And what hurts more is you weren't honest enough to tell me you weren't in love with me anymore."

"Kathy, I .. " She placed her finger on his lips.

"You love the mother of your children; I know that. But you're not in love with me. You barely touched me. You used to come in no matter how late it was and pull me to you and hold me while we slept. Before I left you didn't even kiss me anymore. I can't lie in bed next to you, needing your touch and not have it, El." She was sobbing now, barely able to speak. "I thought I could hang onto loving you and that would be enough. But I'm not strong enough to go on with just a memory of what it was like when you were in love with me. I had to leave first, because if you left me I'd die. This is what I didn't want. I didn't want to beg you to love me."

Elliot held her and let her cry. He wondered how things had gotten this out of control. Kathy truly believed he wasn't in love with her, when all he could think of since she left was how to get her back in his arms. It was time to put his family back together. As Kathy calmed enough to hear him he pulled back a little, still holding her.

"Kathy, baby, I am still in love with you. I love you more today than the day we were married. I don't know myself what was going on with me before you left. But since you've been gone, I've reached for you at least a dozen a night." Elliot brushed the tears from her cheeks never noticing his own. "Please come home, babe. We'll work this all out, I'll do anything, marriage counseling, you name it. I just need you. I'm no good without you, Kathy."

She touched his cheek. "I am home, you're my home, baby."

"I love you, Katherine Elizabeth Stabler." He kissed her until they were both breathless. "Does that feel like the kiss of a man who doesn't love you?" He whispered across her lips. He pulled her hand to his crotch. "Does that feel like I don't want you?" He murmured into her ear. "I hope you got plenty of sleep at your mother's, because I may keep you in bed for a week, proving to you how much I love you and want you." He kissed the spot on her neck that always drove her crazy.

"Come home baby. Come home not because I need my wife and kids. Come home with me because I need the woman I love, the only woman I have ever loved. Let me spend the rest of my life showing you how in love with you I am."

"Oh Elliot, I've needed to hear that for months." Kathy sighed as he nibbled her neck. "El, we have to stop, the kids are waiting."

"Let them wait." He slid a hand up the inside of her thigh, chuckling deep in his throat as she clutched his shoulders and moaned. "I'm busy with my girl."

"Elliot Richard Stabler, behave yourself. Children, home," She stroked the front of his trousers. "Then bed."

They stood and straightened each other's clothes. Elliot held Kathy's face between his hands.

"Never doubt, I love you more than my life and I want and need you always, baby. Always!"

"Just never stop loving me, Elliot." She smiled at him.

They walked out into the bullpen. "Time to go kids, tomorrows a school day and Maureen has exams." Kathy said.

"But Mom, we haven't spent any time with Dad." Lizzie pouted.

Dickie piped up. "Can't we stay a little longer, it's Dad's birthday?"

"How about dinner and then home, troops?" Elliot said pulling Kathy into his arms.

"Our home, not Nana's." She leaned back into Elliot's arms. "Permanently."

"You guys are getting back together?" Maureen asked.

"Yes Reni, Dad and I back together." All four kids squealed and mobbed their parents, talking at once.

Cragen came up beside Olivia. "Is this what I hope it is?"

"Yeah Cap. They're back together." Olivia couldn't stop smiling.

"Well maybe now I can get one of my best detectives back." Don smiled. "Join me for a drink to celebrate?"

"Captain, I can't think of anything I'd rather do." Liv grinned at him. "But you're buying."

Elliot looked up at Cragen over the heads of his children. "Cap,"

Before he could finish, Cragen interrupted him. "Take a week, Elliot. Hell take two, we'll survive." He walked over and kissed Kathy on the cheek. "Welcome back. And don't pull a stunt like that again. If he gets out of line call me, I'll have Olivia kick his butt for you." He smiled at her.

"Thanks Don." Kathy grinned, "I may take you up on that some time. Think you can handle it, Liv."

"No problem, Kath. Anything for a friend."

"Dad, can Aunt Liv really kick your butt?" Dickie asked.

"Any day of the week and twice on Sundays, son." Elliot grinned at his partner. "Now I'm going to take my family home, before my partner teaches my daughters to do the same."

-TBC
A/N- This was originally written differently, but Kathy jumped up in my brain and rewrote it. Boy, am I glad she's such a pushy character. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dry the tears off my keyboard. I cried through most of this. I'll update soon. Please read and review, even if you hate K/E. I accept anonymous reviews too.