Table of Contents
(Working Draft - Updated Periodically)
Author's Note:
Full Disclosure: I tagged this story as a Pam and Tara novel, which it very much is. A key concept that is explored in this novel over and over is that what something looks like on the surface has nothing to do with what it really is. The very way that this novel is written illustrates this theme. I am giving this disclosure so that readers don't expect to read about Pam and Tara from the very beginning of the story, and then get surprised when that is not the case.
The Prologue and the Planet Earth chapters are a prequel to Pam and Tara's story. The prequel chapters do not feature Pam and Tara. However, in my opinion as the author, these chapters are very much about Pam and Tara. Moreover, when we get to the actual Pam and Tara chapters, you will see that you have been reading about Pam and Tara the entire time, in every single prequel chapter. I am delighted that some readers already see this. Understanding that not everyone will see that or want to invest the time to realize that payoff, I am giving this upfront disclosure so that the reader can decide whether they want to invest in the prequel chapters, or any of this novel. If you only want to read chapters that include the characters of Pam and Tara, wait until the prequel chapters (which include both the Prologue and the Planet Earth chapters) are finished and the Pam and Tara chapters begin. Check the Table of Contents to this novel to see when that transition from the Planet Earth chapters to the Pam and Tara chapters will happen.
This is both my first attempt at fan fiction and the first time I've ever shared my writing publicly. I'm a perfectionist who almost always lets the best be the enemy of the good, so I am the only one who reads what I write. But I fell so in love with this story of Pam and Tara that's in my head. Now I just need to get it all down on paper. This process will make me do that, and I decided to see if anyone else wants to come along with me for the ride.
When I first posted this Table of Contents, I included a very long background about what this story is and isn't. It was totally confusing, partly because I needed to think more regarding what my story is about. I originally described it as an homage to epic science fiction films. I now see that was wrong. While this story includes some themes from and homages to science fiction films, it also has scenes from many other types of movies.
In a nutshell, this story is parody, satire, social commentary and my exploration of grand, sweeping ideas about love, happiness, life, death, and spirituality. I basically took True Blood and made my own Scary Movie, recasting my True Blood characters in scenes from some of my favorite films. I think I was afraid to say that this is what the story was about before, because good parody is sooooo difficult to pull off, and I didn't want to put it out there and fail miserably at it. Moreover, I'm mixing parody with this existentialist exploration of spirituality and the meaning of life stuff, trying to balance being serious in some parts of the narrative with not taking anything too seriously ultimately, and being fun, all at the same time.
Chapter 1 is this Table of Contents, Background and Soundtrack, which I will periodically update as the story proceeds. The Prologue and Planet Earth chapters introduce you to my original universe and serve as a prequel to Pam and Tara's story. The Pam and Tara chapters roughly follow the True Blood universe from Season 4 through the end of Season 6. All the chapters that follow, which are under the heading Pam and Tara Explore Planet Earth, slowly pull the True Blood characters out of their universe and into my slightly insane, parodic, over-the-top and absurd universe (even by True Blood standards), accentuated by a soundtrack and detailed footnotes on whatever eccentricities go on in my head that I want to share with you.
Thanks so much to a very smart fellow author, who suggested that with so many chapters I find a way to describe their contents so that readers can find scenes they want to reread later. I will do that with the fan fiction chapter descriptions, and I will update this Table of Contents periodically with more detailed descriptions of what's in each chapter.
Finally, a word of advice for those of you who just found this story and are intrigued enough to take a further read. Chapters 2-4 are essentially a very lengthy prologue. Feedback I've received from readers is that these three chapters are dense and challenging; and they may turn readers off from what is a very great story. If I ever publish this for a wider audience, I will rewrite the entire prologue and turn it into a much shorter, single chapter. I'm leaving it as is on this forum, for those who want to read it unredacted. If you find Chapters 2-4 to be too dense, just skip them and go straight to Chapter 5. I promise that the story is much easier to read and follow from that point on. Also, that's when the real story starts, and you won't lose too much if you skip the prologue chapters entirely or come back to them later.
I don't own the True Blood characters or the characters and dialogue from the various social media that I reference in this story. This story, however, is an original True Blood parody and satire; and that's mine.
I'm gonna write this anyway, but reviews, love, constructive criticism and feedback are always appreciated.
Table of Contents
(Working Draft - Updated Periodically)
Chapter 1 - Table of Contents; Background; Soundtrack
Prologue: Blue World
(Introduction of Jonathan Fergus on Planet Elise; How Pam and Tara Became Goddesses)
Chapter 2 - Prologue, Part 1: Introduction of Jonathan Fergus and His Family on Planet Elise
Chapter 3 - Prologue, Part 2: Jonathan Fergus Deals With Benedict Saul
Chapter 4 - Prologue, Part 3: Jonathan Fergus Overviews How Pam and Tara Became Elise's Goddesses; William Compton and His Two Special Guests
The Planet Earth Chapters
(Introduction and Backstories of M, Helena, Afrida and Quinn)
Chapter 5 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Mr. Roboto: Introduction of Generals M, Helena and Afrida and Colonel Quinn; VA Project Meeting
Chapter 6 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Breathe: AV Weapons Testing; Helena, Afrida & Devo; Nikola Tesla & the Man From Dallas
Chapter 7 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Hurt You: Helena Learns Clues About Afrida's True Identity
Chapter 8 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Father and Daughter: Helena Remembers Her Life-Changing Encounter With the Man From Dallas
Chapter 9 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Time to Change, Part 1: Family Strife; Something's Happening to Quinn - Quinn is Home Alone; Helena and Afrida Conduct Impromptu Field Tests; M, Quinn and the Generals Go to Juicy Lucy's Big Bush Club
Chapter 10 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Time to Change, Part 2: Family Strife; Something's Happening to Quinn - The Awakening of Quinn's Inner Tiger, Vampire, Maenad and Fairy; M Confronts Helena About The Man From Dallas; A Distraught M Goes to Afrida
Chapter 11 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Time to Change, Part 3: An Interlude Between M and Afrida
Chapter 12 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Time to Change, Part 4: Family Strife; Something's Happening to Quinn - Let the Alpha Games Begin; HR Director Rachel Sullivan Determines Whether Helena Hates Cats
Chapter 13 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 1: A Dangerous Interlude Between Helena and Afrida Causes Earthquakes
Chapter 14 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 2: The Goddess of Love Isn't Always Dangerous; Kara Wellington Has Fears
Chapter 15 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 3: General Hobbes Awaits an Assignment; Helena Learns A Secret About Herself; Helena Gives a Very Special Gift to Kara
Chapter 16 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 4: The Story of Helena Hobbes and Pumpkin; Afrida Opens Pandora's Box; Helena Wolfe's Past Suddenly Becomes Her Present; Pumpkin Returns
Chapter 17 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 5: Wellington Family Pride
Chapter 18 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 6: The Birth of Queen Leonine "Astarte" Wellington (Kara)
Chapter 19 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 7: Arielle (Family is Where You Find It)
Chapter 20 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 8: Sonja Braga and Chelsea Letterman; Helena Remembers the Day She Met Afrida
Chapter 21 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: That's What Friends Are For: Quinn Tiger Roams His Own Territory
Chapter 22 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Right Round: Family Therapy; Quinn Tiger Throws a Party
Chapter 23 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: I Hate Everything About You: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Goddess Scorned
Chapter 24 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Tears From the Moon
Chapter 25 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Beautiful Stranger/I Kissed a Girl
Chapter 26 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Beautiful You Are
Chapter 27 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Besame Mucho
Chapter 28 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Goodbye Horses
Chapter 29 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: (Don't Fear) The Reaper
Chapter 30 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Science Fiction Double Feature
Chapter 31 - Planet Earth, Subtitle: Absolute Beginners
The Pam and Tara Chapters
(Pam and Tara in Their Universe)
Chapter 32 – The Fear
Chapter 33 – I Love You . . . I'll Kill You
Chapter 34 – Reborn
Chapter 35 – Shot in the Dark
Chapter 36 – Candy Perfume Girl
Chapter 37 – Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?
Chapter 38 – I Drove All Night
Chapter 39 – Save Me
Chapter 40 – And Then We Kiss
Chapter 41 – Mine
Pam and Tara Explore Planet Earth
(Pam and Tara in a Different Universe)
Chapter 42 – Over Your Shoulder
Chapter 43 – Out of Time
Chapter 44 - Devil in Me
Chapter 45 - Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
Chapter 46 – Strict Machine
Chapter 47 – There's the Girl, Part 1
Chapter 48 - There's the Girl, Part 2
Chapter 49 - Bad Moon Rising
Chapter 50 – I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Part 1
Chapter 51 - I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Part 2
Chapter 52 – Family Affair
Chapter 53 – Drive
Chapter 54 – It's a Sin
Chapter 55 – Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me
Chapter 56 – I'll Never Go Back to Georgia, Part 1
Chapter 57 - I'll Never Go Back to Georgia, Part 2
Chapter 58 - Fly Away
Chapter 59 – No Light, No Light
Chapter 60 – Hurt
Chapter 61 – Queen Bitch
Chapter 62 – Crush
Chapter 63 - Smack My Bitch Up
Chapter 64 – Promises
Chapter 65 – Self Control
Chapter 66 - Bulls on Parade
Chapter 67 –Machinehead (Viking Training Week: Days 1 -3)
Chapter 68 - Reflections (Viking Training Week: Night 3)
Chapter 69 – Take On Me (Viking Training Week: Day 4)
Chapter 70 – Bad Girls (Viking Training Week: Night 4)
Chapter 71 – Dust in the Wind (Viking Training Week: Day 5)
Chapter 72 – Love is Not a Fight (Viking Training Week: Night 5)
Chapter 73 – This Woman's Work (Viking Training Week: Day 6)
Chapter 74 – Teenage Dream (Viking Training Week: Night 6)
Chapter 75 – Home (Viking Training Week: Day 7, Graduation Day)
Chapter 76 – Toreador Song
Chapter 77 – Face to Face
Chapter 78 – Blue Christmas
Chapter 79 - Ain't No Sunshine
Chapter 80 - People Are Strange
Chapter 81 - Wrong Turn
Chapter 82 – She's So High
Chapter 83 – Closer
Chapter 84 – Ice Box
Chapter 85 – Love is a Stranger
Chapter 86 – Lakme (Seven Rounds of Courtship: Round 1)
Chapter 87 – Blue Danube (Seven Rounds of Courtship – Round 2)
Chapter 88 – Black Swan (Seven Rounds of Courtship – Round 3)
Chapter 89 – Nessun Dorma (Seven Rounds of Courtship – Round 4)
Chapter 90 – Send in the Clowns (Seven Rounds of Courtship – Round 5)
Chapter 91 – Beautiful (Seven Rounds of Courtship – Round 6)
Chapter 92 – Tonight (Best You Ever Had) (Seven Rounds of Courtship – Final Round)
Chapter 93 – Locked Out of Heaven
Chapter 94 - Sweet Dreams Are Made of This
Chapter 95 – Arrow
Chapter 96 – Nothing Lasts Forever
Chapter 97 – Take the L
Chapter 98 – Three O'Clock in the Morning
Chapter 99 – Electric Sky
Chapter 100 – Blow (Any Way You Want It)
Chapter 101 - Voices Carry
Chapter 102 - Good Times Roll
Chapter 103 - What It Feels Like For a Girl
Chapter 104 – Respect My Conglomerate
Chapter 105 - Sexy Back
Chapter 106 - Faster Kill Pussycat
Chapter 107 – A Girl Like You
Chapter 108 - Vampire Club
Chapter 109 – Rapture
Chapter 110 – Into the Dark
Chapter 111 - The Damned
Chapter 112 – Masquerade
Chapter 113 – I Have the Touch
Chapter 114 – The Power of Love
Chapter 115 – Supernature
Chapter 116 – Love, Love, Love
Chapter 117 - You Can't Stop the Music
Chapter 118 - Clique
Chapter 119 - Medication
Chapter 120 - Lost in the World, Parts 1 and 2
Chapter 121 – Pressure
Chapter 122 – Human
Chapter 123 - No Secrets
Chapter 124 – No Ordinary Love
Chapter 125 - Where Have You Been?
Chapter 126 – Bring Me to Life
Chapter 127 – Beautiful Day
Chapter 128 – Aphrodite
Chapter 129 – We Are Family
Chapter 130 - Baby Love
Chapter 131 - Love Sex Magic
Chapter 132 – Building a Mystery
Chapter 133 – Three
Chapter 134 – Here Come Cowboys
Chapter 135 - Let My Love Open the Door
Chapter 136 – Here Comes the Sun
Chapter 137 – Fernando
Chapter 138 – The Rose
Chapter 139 – Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In
Epilogue: Blue World/Planet Earth
Chapter 140 - Epilogue – Blue World/Planet Earth Reprise
Bonus Chapter - Ending Credits: Grease
Story Soundtrack
(Updated Periodically)
Chapters 2- 4: Prologue: Blue World
Blue World by The Moody Blues
Chapter 5: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Mr. Roboto: Introduction of Generals M, Helena and Afrida and Colonel Quinn; VA Project Meeting
Mr. Roboto by Styx
Blue Danube Waltz by Johann Strauss II
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 6: Planet Earth, Subtitle:Breathe: AV Weapons Testing; Helena, Afrida & Devo; Nikola Tesla & the Man From Dallas
Super Freak by Rick James
Do You Really Want to Hurt Me by Culture Club
Whip It by Devo
Mickey by Toni Basil
Breathe by Telepopmusik
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 7: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Hurt You: Helena Learns Clues About Afrida's True Identity
Hurt You by The Sounds
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 8: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Father and Daughter: Helena Remembers Her Life-Changing Encounter With the Man From Dallas
Father and Daughter by Paul Simon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 9: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Time to Change, Part 1: Family Strife; Something's Happening to Quinn
Time to Change by The Brady Bunch
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 10: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Time to Change, Part 2: Family Strife; Something's Happening to Quinn
Time to Change by The Brady Bunch
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 11: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Time to Change, Part 3: An Interlude Between M and Afrida
Time to Change by The Brady Bunch
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 12: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Time to Change, Part 4: Family Strife; Something's Happening to Quinn
Time to Change by The Brady Bunch
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 13: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 1: A Dangerous Interlude Between Helena and Afrida
Cradle of Love by Billy Idol
Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie
Dangerous by Kardinall Offishall featuring Akon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 14: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 2: The Goddess of Love Isn't Always Dangerous; Kara Wellington
Fire (Flashover Remix) by Ferry Corsten ft. Simon Le Bon
Dangerous by Kardinall Offishall featuring Akon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 15: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 3: General Hobbes Awaits an Assignment; Helena Learns a Secret About Herself
Blue Danube Waltz by Johan Strauss II
Dangerousby Kardinall Offishall featuring Akon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 16: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 4: Helena's Past Becomes Her Present
Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson
As the Rush Comes (Gabriel & Dresden Sweeping Strings Remix) by Motorcycle
Music for Strings, Percussion and Celesta (Full Version) by Bela Bartok
Dangerous by Kardinall Offishall featuring Akon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 17: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 5: Wellington Family Pride
Dangerous by Kardinall Offishall featuring Akon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 18: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 6: The Birth of Queen Leonine "Astarte" Wellington (Kara)
Dangerous by Kardinall Offishall featuring Akon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 19: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 7: Arielle (Family is Where You Find It)
Dangerous by Kardinall Offishall featuring Akon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 20: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Dangerous, Part 8: Sonja Braga and Chelsea Letterman; Helena Remembers the Day She Met Afrida
Dangerous by Kardinall Offishall featuring Akon
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 21: Planet Earth, Subtitle: That's What Friends Are For: Tiger Quinn Roams His Own Territory
That's What Friends Are For by Dionne Warwick and Friends (Stevie Wonder, Elton John and Gladys Knight)
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 22: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Right Round: Family Therapy; Tiger Quinn Throws a Party
Right Round by Flo Rida
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 23: Planet Earth, Subtitle: I Hate Everything About You: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Goddess Scorned
I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace
Planet Earth by Duran Duran
Chapter 24: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Tears From the Moon:
Chapter 25: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Beautiful Stranger/I Kissed a Girl:
Chapter 26: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Beautiful You Are:
Chapter 27: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Besame Mucho:
Chapter 28: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Goodbye Horses:
Chapter 29: Planet Earth, Subtitle: (Don't Fear) The Reaper:
Chapter 30: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Science Fiction Double Feature:
Chapter 31: Planet Earth, Subtitle: Absolute Beginners: