Warnings: Swearing, attempt at humor, Leonard and Jim's usual antics, nothing bad
Disclaimer: I do not own anything *sigh*
Note: Leonard's list to things Jim can and can't do. I'm considering writing little drabbles that explain why everything is on the list. Let me know if you want me to. Edited, but not betaed. Enjoy and R&R
1- Do not come to me with any or all sex related injuries, from oh, let's say you pissing off Spock
2- Do not come to me for a really stupid injury that could've been prevent by A-common sense or B- Growing half a brain. Example: Tripping, or messing with Scotty's ship
3- Do not come to me for hangover relief
4- Do not come to me with any injuries from pissing off Spock (not to be confused with number 1, those are just sex injuries in general)
5- Do not come to me with any alcohol caused injures i.e, ones from a bar fight
6- Do not get sexual harassment charges, or else I will testify against you
7- Do not copulate with my staff, or else I'll tell Spock
8- Do not drink the last of my Romulan Ale
9- Do not tell me about erotic sex stories from your past
10- Do not tell me about erotic sex stories from your time with Spock
11- Do not tell me about sex with Spock in general
12- Do not ever chew gum in my Sickbay
13- Do not write on the biobed
14- Do not wear short shorts in the gym when I am present
15- Do not flirt with my staff, or else I'll resign (not to be confused with number 7, this is just flirting)
16- Do not fraternize with my staff, or else I'll…just don't
17- Do not make me go on that transporter pad unless my skills will for sure be needed on the landing party
18- Do not talk about my fear of dying
19- Do not tell me how to run my Sickbay
20- Do not try to be my wingman, unless I requested your services
21- Do not try to hook me up with an Orion hooker
22- Do not become mushy with Spock in front of me
23- Do not eat foods so bad I'm sure your heart will explode on the spot around me
24- Do not flirt with me
25- Do not copulate with me, sorry
26- Do not get drunk without me
27- Do not…not invite me to poker
28- Do not ever dare me to remove all my clothing and run down the hall screaming 'Star Spangled Banner' in a singing voice
29- Do not ever erase or look at my PADD history
30- Do not ask about why you cannot erase or look at my PADD history
31- Do not get so drunk that you throw up on me, that's my job
32- Do not share any sex stories I tell to you
33- Do not ask me for sex advice 34- Do not ask me about kinky things
35- Do not ask me for lube, I give you a bottle every month
36- Do not ever ask me to ask you why you need lube
37- Do not ever talk about my divorce
38- Do not wear any of my uniform shirts
39- Do not tell me why you might wear any of my uniform shirts
40- Do not expect me to throw you a birthday party after the one at the academy
41- Do not ever throw me a birthday party
42- Do not ever buy me one of those things you bought me again
43- Do not ever act like we are a couple during shore leave
44- Do not ever give me a present that A-smells like old cheese B- Spock has touched and/or picked out C- Is itchy D-Has to do with sex E-Isn't alcohol
45- Do not tell me about what happened on the Bridge. If I wanted to know, I would've gone up
46- Do not throw away this list
47- Do not discount anything on this list as bluffing or false
48- Do not tell Spock about this list
49- Do not make fun or mention this list to my face
50- Do not break any of the rules above
There you go, Jimmy. Enjoy.
P.S- Rule 51: Do not send me down to the planet's surface in a red shirt