I in no way profit from writing about Doctor Who, as I am not the BBC. Though how cool would that be?

Not set in any particular moment, perhaps in an imaginary time in which Captain Jack Harkness is the Doctor's main companion.

"Got that, Jack?"

"Yeah, yeah," Jack Harkness waved the Doctor away nonchalantly as he fiddled with his black revolver.

"Alright. Ready to go?"

He put the weapon away, concealing it in the back of his trousers beneath of his long, blue coat. "I was born ready, Doc."

"That's a bit of what concerns me. Now, no using that gun, you know how I am." The Doctor cleared his throat. "Have you got your perception filter key?"

The captain grinned and reached into his inner pocket, tilting his head back and forth. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

The Doctor rolled his eyes, stringing his own key around his neck.

Laughing his iconic laugh, Jack patted the Doctor's back and threw his X-shaped perception filter on as they marched into the console room.

"Bought this one off some shady guy in Space Florida," he confided as the two entered. "Unreasonably overpriced, but you know how they are. Where are you?"

"Oh, sorry," a voice answered. "Hold on."

There was a familiar sonic-ing sound as Captain Jack's eyes focused and he realized that the Doctor stood right next to him. The Timelord was giving him a strange stare. "Sorry. Forgot to set it so that you could see me. Got a bit distracted."

"By what?"

"Um... Dunno." The Timelord squeezed his eyes shut and re-opened them peculiarly, then sonic-ed Jack's own device. "There. Now yours doesn't effect me. Not that it normally would; my brain is filter-blocked. That is, I can see through all perception filters. Well, for the most part. I'm brilliant, then, cleverer than... most..."

The Doctor trailed off and blinked at himself again strangely, confused at his sudden need to show off. Then the feeling dissipated and he shrugged it off. After all, he was pretty clever.

"Little on the rambly side, there, too, huh? Sounds like you really do like me after all."

The Doctor rolled his eyes once more as he pushed the T.A.R.D.I.S. door open. "Do you ever stop?"

"Stop what?" Jack smirked innocently.

"Being Jack."

"That's kind of a big request you're asking of me, there." The companion chuckled as he followed the Doctor through the T.A.R.D.I.S. doors and onto the planet they were investigating. "So... What're we lookin' at, here, Doc?"

"Well," the Doctor raised an eyebrow, gathering in their surroundings. "Looks a bit like... A bar... On earth. Why've we landed in an earth bar?"

"You're a Doctor, shouldn't you know how to fly your own box thing?"

The Timelord frowned. "First off, she is not a box thing, she's an extremely clever Type 40 Time And Relative Dimension In Space, for your information. Must've sensed something for us in here. And, anyway, aren't you a Captain? Don't Captains steer the ships?"

Jack shrugged. "Depends on the fandom. Maybe you just got the destination wrong."

The Doctor frowned at his friend for a moment, then glanced around the room.

"Hold on..." he started. "Why is everyone staring our way?"

The companion shrugged. "I look good."

Sure enough, almost every human in the room had both eyes fixed in their direction. To be more specific, they had their eyes fixed on, "Jack. Is your perception filter up? They shouldn't know we're here."

"Oh. I... It should be." The man reached down to the X-shaped bead, but someone else moved faster.

"Hi."

A girl with short blonde hair gripped Jack's necklace. She grinned. "I'm Meg."

The man raised an eyebrow, then mirrored her expression. "Captain Jack Harkness."

"Jack," the Doctor stepped closer and leaned in. "Now's really not the ti -"

"-Meg!" Another girl, brunette, ran towards the three. She pouted. "I thought I told you! I called dibs."

Meg released Jack's chain from her grip and shrugged. "You were too slow."

A third followed behind. "I hate dibs."

"Whoa, whoa, ladies," Jack laughed. "There's enough of me for everyone."

The Doctor shook his head in disgust as the three girls giggled stupidly at Jack's un-funny comment. He nudged his friend once more and muttered, "Something's not right. They shouldn't even be able to see you, let alone -"

"-Are you a celebrity?" Four more women neared.

"No," whispered a fifth extremely audibly. "Didn't you hear? He's a Captain."

"Omigod, that is so hot."

Jack's smile faded as the mob grew. "Now, uh, girls, and... And, um, you," he glanced at two men winking at him from the bar, "let's just be sure not to, uh..."

Some guy shoved the Doctor into the wall of T.A.R.D.I.S., pushing past to retrieve his girlfriend and double-taking at Jack.

"Ow!" The Timelord shouted. "Am I invisible?! Not that I'd enjoy the attention, but... Jack, where exactly did you say you got that perception filter?"

"I dunno," answered an increasingly uncomfortable Captain Jack, "just some guy! Real shady, you kno-"

"-mm!" He was cut off as the second, brunette girl grabbed his face and smothered him in a kiss.

The Doctor yanked off his perception filter and threw the T.A.R.D.I.S. doors open as people jumped away from him in surprise. He flung himself inside, grabbing Jack's arm and ripped him away from the girl and into the console room. He flung the doors shut behind him as the mob protested, shouting.

"That guy took him away!"

"I love you, Jack!"

"He just wants him all to himself!"

"Captain Jack, come back!"

The two took a deep breath and leaned against the wall.

"Let me see that," the Doctor breathed, sliding Jack's perception filter off and sonic-ing it.

"I swear it's supposed to work, I dunno what happened..."

"JACK!"

"What?"

"This is an adulation filter, not a perception filter!" The Doctor flung the necklace at Captain Jack.

"Oh..." Jack stared at the x-shaped pendant. "That would explain a lot."

They were silent for a moment before bursing into laughter. It was minutes before their chuckles died down and the captain took a deep breath.

"So, uh," he began, pocketing the adulation filter, "I'll just take this down to the Torchwood lab, then. You know, for, um, examination."

"Jack." The Doctor raised an eyebrow, unfooled. "If you think I'm gonna let you keep that..."

"Yeah..." Captain Jack Harkness nodded curtly and handed his friend the chain. "I'd be wrong. Kinda figured that."

Thanks for reading! If you liked it, review and follow/favorite! If you didn't, review and tell me why! (And also favorite, if that's how you roll). And if you review, it maybe possibly increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard. Just saying.

- Impossible Oswin