Chasing Shadows

Pairing: Dan x Kwan

Warnings: Homosexual relationships. Kwan is in his mid to late 20s. Remembrance of murder and character death.

Disclaimer: Danny Phantom is a product of Nickelodeon. All characters in this story are imaginary.

Summary: Dan reflects on things after leaving Kwan at the hands of the ghost and Danny to be the big hero.

Written: March 2013

Afterward

It almost seemed like a lifetime ago when his friends and family were killed in the explosion of the Nasty Burger. He could still recall the pain and suffering he felt back then, mixed with the loneliness and misery that Vlad felt, made worse after Maddie was taken in an even crueler fashion from him. Up until recently, he was content to believe that he tossed away his humanity, removed himself from feeling those harmful emotions that humans experienced. But laying around in Clockwork's tower awaiting some new errand to be sent on by that annoying taskmaster, Dan had nothing to do but think. It didn't take him long to realize the truth in Kwan's comments, still surprised by the man's insightful analysis of him. He knew Kwan was smart, but he didn't think the man possessed that same hitting the nail on the head psychoanalyzing thing that Jazz used to have. He guessed Jazz still had that, in this time, having not died in that explosion here.

Dan was not devoid of human emotions like he once believed. He felt things. He enjoyed destruction and kicking ghost ass. He got frustrated when things didn't go as he planned. He was annoyed when Kwan seemed to hit just the right button with his analyzing. He felt alone when he was left with nothing to do and trapped in the tower. But under the surface, he was a terrible mess of pain. He lashed out in rage, destroying everything and acting without remorse when he killed. He could still remember when the new him was born, a pure ghost being made up of Danny Phantom and Vlad Plasmius. That terrified expression on his human half's face as he towered over the mortal remained vividly in his mind. Clenching a fist in front of him, Dan could recall the feel of killing his human half, brutally without holding back in vicious rage.

Dan closed his eyes as he shook his head. That was a memory he often tried not to think about but could never forget. He thought he felt nothing in taking that life, but when it sneaked into his mind, there was that wash of pain and regret that made him go on another terror, destroying whatever was left of the world. The feelings inside him, buried under the surface, simply hurt too much to touch. He never learned how to deal with them. His human half couldn't deal with the loss of his friends and family. Why would he think his ghost half could fare any better with them? The jumble of twisted agony was simply too much, and throwing it away to pretend he felt nothing was so much easier. He claimed that he had no humanity left inside him because it was better than admitting that he was a horrible mess that couldn't pick up the pieces of his shattered world. Danny and Vlad's pain of that time remained in existence because he still lived even though that timeline was erased. Dan gritted his teeth thinking of Danny and Vlad living happily in this time while he still suffered so much pain.

"Still moping in the shadows?" Clockwork appeared in the door to the room where Dan usually hid when he had nothing to do.

"What, you have another threat to the timeline that I need to take out?" Dan sat up, glaring in annoyance at the Time Keeper, who smirked under the hood of his purple cloak. He grew to hate that smirk over the many years under Clockwork's employ. That smirk followed after him with his every action, like Clockwork knew something that Dan didn't. Which of course, was always true because Clockwork always knew everything. It was a fact that drove Dan crazy while being in the Time Keeper's presence.

"Not this time." Clockwork floated farther into the room, shifting between his forms as usual. In his old man form, he leaned on his time staff, his white beard hanging down to practically his navel, if he had one while he had a wispy tail instead of legs. "You could go back."

Dan stared at the Time Keeper then snorted scornfully as he turned his head away. "Go back to what? My timeline was erased. Remember? You had a hand in that. And why would I want to go back if I could anyway? There's nothing for me there."

Clockwork chuckled as he shifted into his infant form. "I wasn't talking about your time." He grinned widely, showing off those ridiculous bucked teeth. "I meant back to him."

Dan sat up a little straighter as he leveled a flat glare at the Time Keeper, wondering if this was some amusing joke Clockwork wanted to play on him. "I'm not worth it."

Clockwork shook his head with a sigh. "He knows you were evil, yet even he thought you could be redeemed."

Dan frowned remembering that part of their last conversation before he left Kwan. When asked to stay, Dan said he was no hero, but Kwan only answered with that he was once. "I haven't been a hero since I was fourteen." Dan climbed to his feet, ready to toss the Time Keeper out of his room, but the time staff slammed down sharply on his head. Dropping into a crouch, Dan growled curses through clenched teeth as he held onto his head, throbbing with pain.

"You're an idiot, Dan." Clockwork sighed tiredly. "Do you really believe that I've been sending you on these errands purely for my own amusement?"

"Yes," Dan hissed, massaging his aching head. He glared up at Clockwork, wishing the stupid Time Keeper would leave him alone already.

"Well, there was some amusement in it." Clockwork smirked as he turned into a young man. "And it was necessary for those threats to be eliminated so that time didn't get fouled up. And it's true that young Daniel could have been called in to deal with some of them. But," Clockwork bent down to be at eye level with the crouching Dan, "it was necessary for your growth to experience certain encounters. What do you think fighting those threats made you, Dan? You may still sit here thinking yourself the greatest evil of all time, and in one case you were, but you're not that same ghost anymore. Even that young man could see there was still a glimmer of goodness in you. You can become a hero again, if you choose it."

With a snort, Dan rested his chin in his hand, balancing an elbow on his knee as he turned his glare away from Clockwork. "And why would I ever choose to be a hero again?"

Clockwork rolled his red eyes. "Must we go through with this? I know all, remember? I know you've developed feelings for him, even if you're being too stupid to admit it."

"Why must you always talk in circles? Can't you just say what you want without all this beating around the bush?" Dan grumped, refusing to even look at the Time Keeper.

Clockwork took a breath and exhaled heavily. "Really, Dan, I thought you could figure this out without me having to spell it out for you." He picked up his time staff, and Dan tried not to flinch expecting another whack to the head. The reaction got an amused chuckle out of Clockwork as he swung the staff around, opening a portal into the real world. "I was suggesting that you go to him."

Dan narrowed his eyes, wary of Clockwork's motives. "Doesn't that break the whole me being your responsibility thing?"

"You'll still be under my command, and you'll have to continue running errands for me." Clockwork smirked at Dan's scowl. "But that doesn't mean you have to be trapped here for all eternity."

"Free pass to the real world anytime I want?" Dan stood, folding his arms as he continued to glare uncertainly at the Time Keeper.

"Just go before I change my mind and let the two of you be miserable for the rest of his mortal life." Clockwork shoved Dan through the portal without another word.

Dan stumbled as he passed through the portal. Righting himself, he glared back at Clockwork, but the portal was already gone. Just what he needed: Clockwork butting into his private life. Not that he really had much of a private life. How could he have a private life while trapped within Clockwork's tower? Folding his arms, he frowned as he looked around at his surroundings. He wouldn't have guessed who the bedroom belonged to, not recognizing the pale gray walls without a single thing upon them. It was a small bedroom with only a bed and a dresser pushed against the wall next to a closet.

When he heard the door opening, Dan quickly turned invisible as the person stepped into the bedroom. Clockwork, you bastard, Dan thought after his gaze landed on man with only a towel about his waist as he scrubbed at his raven locks with another towel. He was well muscled under his bronze skin that still dripped with water after stepping out of the shower. Even for a techno science geek, it wasn't surprising that the man still kept in great shape from his high school days playing football. Dan wouldn't be surprised if he spent hours in the gym weight training with Dash and taking jogs around town. But of course, Clockwork would bother Dan at the exact right moment to thrust him into the man's bedroom seconds before he stepped in looking all tempting with drips of water slipping over smooth flesh that drew Dan's gaze down his chest and abdomen to the hair peeking out from under the towel loosely tied about his waist.

With a wicked smirk, Dan crept closer to the man, waiting for him to drape the towel around his neck. Then he leaned in close, almost letting his mouth brush over the curves of the man's ear before he blew into it. The man gave a startled shout as he jumped, backing up until he banged into the dresser.

"Ow! Damn it, Dan!" he shouted as he rubbed at his elbow and frowned at the empty room. Dan bit his tongue, trying not to snicker loudly and remaining invisible. Aqua green eyes flitted around the room, taking in the fact that he was alone. A stricken look hit him, and he gulped. "Uh, that was you, right, Dan?" Hope flashed in his eyes as he tried to find the invisible being.

"You always make the most amusing faces!" Dan laughed boisterously as he became visible to the man. He grinned widely, watching as the man tried to contain his emotions at seeing the ghost again after the several months that passed since he vanished out of the apartment. With a quick glance around, Dan lifted an eyebrow at him. "This place is new."

"Yeah, well, I had to find a new place after the old apartment got destroyed when you left to allow that dick to attack me," the man grumbled, narrowing his eyes.

"That wasn't my fault, Kwan." Dan frowned, seeing the hurt that passed in those aqua green eyes. "I had orders to follow. Danny had to be the one to come in and take out the ghost."

"You could have suppressed your energy to hide your presence and kept close to me," Kwan argued, folding his arms over his chest as he leaned against the dresser. "I know you know how to do that. You still could have let Danny be the hero without abandoning me."

"Clockwork ordered me to take my leave the moment you figured out why the drug was putting those people in a coma. And," Dan shrugged, "I still had a few more of those fake ghosts to catch so that we could wake them up."

Kwan frowned, almost pouted at that answer. "So Clockwork snaps his fingers and you have to go running to him like a lapdog to fulfill his every command."

"It's not like I want to," Dan growled, hands curling at his sides in frustration. "It's part of the whole deal that allowed me to be free of that wretched Thermos. He's responsible for my existence since he allowed me to exist outside of time. He could wipe me out in a heartbeat with the way he controls time if I do something he doesn't like."

Kwan dropped his gaze, his expression unreadable. "So Clockwork always comes first."

Dan's brow rose as he stared at the man. "Wait. Wait!" He crossed over to the man and took Kwan's face in his hands, tilting it up so that he could stare into those distant, pained aqua green eyes. "You're not thinking that there's something between Clockwork and me, are you?" He squinted as he searched Kwan's eyes for an answer. All he got was a stunned look as a soft blush colored Kwan's cheeks. Dan laughed. "And I thought you were supposed to be Mr. Genius."

"You left," Kwan pointed out, frowning dully at the ghost. "I was attacked by a ghost bent on killing me simply because I moved here and became friends with Dash and somehow that completely screwed over his life. My apartment got trashed, forcing me to move back in with my parents for three weeks until I could find a new apartment. Plus I had to buy new furniture. Meanwhile, you're off playing this Clockwork person's bitch. What else am I supposed to think when you just leave?" He turned his gaze away. "I didn't think you cared. You were only hanging around me because Clockwork ordered you to."

Dan felt the serious urge to shake the man until some sense rattled into that empty head of his. "Sometimes, you're really thick." He flicked Kwan on the forehead, making the man wince. "I only didn't come back because I didn't think it was allowed. Usually I'm forced to stay inside his tower unless he has some job for me to do." He sighed at the lingering miserable expression on Kwan's face. "What happened to that ass that wanted to kill you? Do I need to go terrorize the shit face?"

"He got gunned down by a rival gang about a week after he woke from the coma," Kwan explained, moving away from Dan to get some clean clothes. "Why are you even here? Clockwork has no reason to have you watching over me again."

Dan grabbed hold of Kwan's arms and yanked him until his back was flush against Dan's chest. "Maybe because I wanted to see you," he murmured against Kwan's ear, not missing the way he tensed up or that sharp intake of air. "I'm not good with the whole feelings things, and I'm a total mess inside."

"Everyone's a mess inside," Kwan mumbled with a breathy, nervous laugh. "You think I'm not without my own mental and emotional scars? I was pretty much a lifeless doll until I met Dash. Being the new kid wasn't easy, and I got picked on a lot. It was easier to just shut down emotionally and not fight back. Then Dash stepped in and befriended me, and it was, like, suddenly it was okay to feel again."

"I never knew that about you." Dan blinked in surprise at that confession. The Kwan he remembered from high school always looked so cheerful, like he never had a care in the world. He was almost jealous of that, but now he realized that Kwan only got to be that way because of Dash. "So I guess we both have issues to work out."

Kwan turned around to face Dan. "So," he said slowly, not meeting the ghost's red eyes, "what are we doing?"

Dan smirked devilishly as he hooked a finger around the top of the man's towel, tugging him a step closer. "Starting something," he suggested and leaned in close. "If you want."

Kwan tilted his head to the side, pursing his lips in thought. He took his time, like it was a huge internal debate that need several hours if not weeks to think over while Dan started to feel like he mistook every signal with a terrible sinking sensation. "Now who's the one being thick?" he asked with a smirk after catching the fall of Dan's wicked grin. "I've strangely missed your incessant chatter during the night. After you left, I laid awake at night unable to fall asleep because you weren't there talking mindlessly. How the hell did you do that to me?"

"Maybe you just missed getting to stare at my ass when you were supposed to be working."

The grin returned to Dan's face as Kwan blushed darkly because they both knew that he did just that from time to time when Dan was guarding him. While Kwan remained silent, his face impossibly bright red, Dan closed the gap between them to steal a kiss. Kwan leaned into it, arms wrapping around the ghost's neck. Dan smiled, not grinned, not smirked, but truly smiled, hardly believing that he was kissing someone, let alone Kwan. It wasn't like he was a virgin, but in his exploits, he never shared a kiss on the lips.

Then Kwan laughed, and Dan jerked out of the kiss, baffled by that reaction. Kwan shook his head as he calmed his laughter. "No, I was just thinking," he said, managing not to grin, "Dash ended up with the good version of Danny Phantom, and I ended up with the evil version."

"You got the better version." Dan puffed his chest out proudly.

Kwan rolled his eyes, but he grinned at the ghost. "I guess I'm just a sucker for the badass bad boys." Then he pulled Dan in close for another kiss, and Dan thought he could definitely get used to that.