I can understand why there's this depiction of me being "heartless". I've done enough to reinforce their views and assumptions, and I tend to keep it that way. Besides, someone has to play the role of the bad guy.

I brush my hair back and pull out another ciggarette to poison my body further. Sometimes I'm not sure whether I'm trying to keep myself healthy or do the complete opposite. Lighting it up, the crackling of thin paper is the only sound in the loft. I've stood in front of the window numerous times, but it has become an almost tedious ritual as of late. I am getting older, and that kid is just a reminder of that. Hell, even so, he wants me. Then again who doesn't.

Fuck, that little twat keeps butting into my life even when he's not stalking me.

I take a long drag from my cigarette and close my eyes. Ted thinks I'm a heartless bastard. It's conceptual, but its wrong. I do care. I'm just not going to go out of my way to please anyone. And hell, even when I try to be generous or show that I give a fuck, they won't let me. They make smart little remarks, "The Great Brian Kinney showing compassion? Is the sky falling?"

Then they fucking complain when I do exactly what they expect Brian Kinney to do, and have the nerve to call me selfish. So if they have some preconceived notion that I've made some sort of promise to them, and chose to ignore the fact I don't make promises I can't keep, it's their fucking problem.

I turn away from my reflection in the window and walk toward the front door.


Think what you will of me.

You are not Brian Kinney.


And you don't know shit.

I can't believe I'm writing another one. Here I was proud that I wasn't writing fanfiction about QAF, and here I am. About fucking Brian Kinney again no less.

Anyway, I've actually had the concept for this in my head for a while now. I noticed whenever somebody tells Brian that he's selfish, or anything akin to that, it really bugs him. He doesn't sacrifice himself or his lifestyle, but in the end, he tends to do the right thing, even if it takes him a while to get there. I suppose this is what makes him a true anti-hero. Or villain depending on how you depict him. - STan