So, I'm absolutely horrible at fluff, and comedy, but this is the best I got. I hope you enjoy! Written upon request for Proudauntie. I do hope you enjoy, Friend, and that it is everything you hoped it would be. :)
"Regina, we should not be doing this," Emma protested without any real conviction.
"Shut up, Sheriff," Regina growled and kicked the door shut behind her.
Emma's lower back hit the folding counter of the laundry room at Granny's painfully, but the lithe, warm body of her lover turned the jolt into delicious tendrils of arousal that pulsed into her belly. Her shirt hit the floor behind Regina and a gush of cool air against her heated skin wrinkled her nipples uncomfortably in her bra. Regina raised an amused eyebrow at the hot pink article with "hot" scrawled on one cup and "stuff" on the other.
"Are you 15?" Regina mocked the ridiculous message. "Do your panties match?" She purred, with a smirk and slipped one finger between the waist of her lover's indigo skinny jeans and the ticklish skin of her belly.
"Laundry day," Emma said with a shrug. Giving herself to the moment, the sheriff wrenched the infernal garment over her head and tossed it in the general direction of her shirt.
Regina licked her lips, predatory eyes upon the toned, naked torso of Emma Swan. Wardrobe failure forgiven, she lowered her mouth to a dusty pink nipple, pert and begging attention. Emma moaned into the sensation, forgetting about the weak protests of their very public location. The thought of being caught heightened every single caress, pumping adrenaline into her already throbbing veins.
Fumbling hands pulled and tugged at the buttons on Regina's silky shirt, but more nimble fingers undoing the buttons of her jeans distracted her from the task. Teeth scraped the hardened nub as the wet heat of a demanding mouth disappeared, and Emma whimpered at the loss. A moan followed when it reappeared on the other side and lavished attention upon the dry breast.
"Regina," she hissed when teeth clamped onto the overly sensitive peak.
Hands found black hair, holding the head in place and simultaneously tugging lightly at Regina's scalp. Nails raked her stomach as Regina's arousal surged and dripped into her already ruined silk panties. She'd driven herself to distraction all morning with thoughts of the sheriff, ignoring contracts and budget spreads and phone calls in light of her fantasy world. She'd even hiked her skirt in her office chair behind the huge desk and brought herself to climax twice in attempt to alleviate the demands of her body. She exacerbated the issue, and by lunch, her desire possessed her completely.
"Do you know what I've thought about all morning?" She breathed into Emma's ear, blonde hair tickling her nose.
Emma shook her head, too flustered to speak. She resumed the task of removing Regina's shirt, popped three buttons before her hands slipped again. Regina huffed and stepped back, finishing the job for her trembling lover. Emma licked her lips subconsciously and stared at the olive skin revealed for her touching and viewing pleasures. Regina left the royal purple shirt to hang at her shoulders and slipped a thigh between Emma's as their lips collided.
"Oh god," Emma broke the kiss when a hand slipped into her underwear and cupped the smooth, wet skin at the apex of her thighs.
"Not quite," Regina growled. Emma squeaked when she suddenly found her chest pressed against the table, Regina's cunt grinding into her ass. She whimpered and bit her lip to keep from screaming her lover's name. Sometimes Regina just got this way and needed to fling her dominance all over the place. Emma loved it.
A clawed hand grasped her throat and jerked her body upright as the other pushed her tight jeans over her hips. Breasts pushed rapidly against her shoulder blades, telling her exactly how much Regina also enjoyed their clandestine meeting that was supposed to be a mild-mannered lunch between mayor and sheriff at Granny's. No one knew of their passionate liaisons. No one knew what followed after they'd spent the day at the other's throat for no other reason than to watch her squirm.
Lips brushed her ear, puffing "I've wanted to bend you over my desk all morning and fuck you with my strap on until you couldn't walk straight for a day."
Emma's stomach jerked violently as the words shot directly to her core. "Oh god," she repeated. Regina's hand tightened.
"That's not my name," she seethed and slipped a hand between Emma's legs from behind. The sheriff whimpered and clamped her teeth onto the back of her hand when a thumb and forefinger pinched her clit mercilessly.
"Please, My Queen," Emma played along, uncaring of the fact that she now begged a known murderer and self-proclaimed sociopath to fuck her silly.
Regina smirked, more satisfied with the fact that Snow's daughter now begged for her touch than the 28 years she'd had to torment her former step-daughter. She pinched harder, and Emma flailed.
"Please," she whimpered.
"Tell me what you want, Savior," Regina teased and taunted.
"Please, fuck me until I can't walk straight," Emma blurted without hesitation.
Regina grinned and pushed three fingers into Emma's tight, clenching hole. Emma bit into her forearm, muffling the moans of ecstasy tearing from her throat. Her hips pushed back, meeting each malevolent thrust enthusiastically. The force of each stroke of Regina's fingers pushed them back against the wooden table.
"Oh my god!" Emma stilled along with Regina's fingers as the foreign voice shattered their fantasy world. The sheriff whimpered when Regina pulled free, still too aroused to hold it back despite being caught with her pants down. Literally. This was embarrassing. Why didn't she feel embarrassed?
"Astrid," Regina growled. The nun sputtered, wide eyes flitting between the mayor and the sheriff desperately jerking at her jeans that refused to cooperate against her sweat-dampened skin.
"Astrid, is everything okay?" Leroy's gruff but concerned voice filtered in along with the rumble of the diner.
"Uhh," the former fairy stuttered and rubbed her chest as though the scene had aroused her. "Y-yes, I'm fine." His boots clumped against the floor, and Astrid jerked to life. She closed the door quickly and turned back to the two women.
"Quick, under the table!" She whispered and actually shoved Regina to the floor, surprising all three of them. The former royal slit the nun's throat with her eyes, but Emma wrapped a hand around her lover's mouth and nodded her appreciation.
"Oh, I'm so happy for you two!" Astrid gushed and grabbed a folded sheet, spreading it over the counter so that it hung in front of the lovers. "We've been wondering how long it would take until you gave into your passion," she continued in a giddy, childish voice as she leaned around the sheet and chucked Emma's discarded clothes. Regina growled when they hit her face.
Emma spared a thought to who the "we" was that Astrid referred to but remained silent when the door creaked Leroy's entrance. Fantastic. Her mother's most loyal and trusted lackey practically walked in on her being rammed by her mother's worst enemy. Regina stiffened at her side and held her breath. On top of that, sweet little Astrid, the clumsiest and possibly most child-like adult on the planet now protected them from further discovery. What the hell had her life become?
"Who are you talking to?" Grumpy grumped.
"Oh!" Astrid exclaimed and leaned against the counter, holding the sheet in place with her hips and wide spread hands strategically placed. "Just… myself." She smiled prettily, using the dwarf's infatuation with her to her advantage.
"What are you doing?" He asked, still slightly confused and skeptical of Astrid's unusual behavior.
"Oh, I'm just… ironing out some wrinkles in the old sheets Granny donated to the convent. You know how Mother Superior loathes an unkempt bed," she spurted quickly.
Regina snorted silently beneath Emma's hand. Emma uncovered Regina's mouth but fixed her with a pointed glare. They were so screwed. Leroy was never going to leave Astrid alone.
"Uhh, okay," the dwarf agreed, clearly having no clue as to how the nuns kept their beds. "Let me help you."
"Oh no, you really don't have to. I know your hands are better suited to harder labor, Leroy," Astrid countered huskily.
Emma bit her bottom lip in silent laughter. Regina glared at her for all of one second before her face split open into a brilliant smile. Emma softened, struck by the beauty of the unrestrained gesture. Perhaps this day hadn't wrought complete disaster. Regina could still play with her power. Emma wanted her to. With painstaking care and silence, Emma situated herself between Regina's legs and leaned into the mayor's chest.
Regina craned her neck to catch those emerald eyes shining with mischief. With the subtly of a blow horn, Emma snatched Regina's still slick hand and guided it between her legs. They both jumped when Leroy's voice reminded them exactly where they were and the ramifications of being caught. Astrid may have kept their secret, but Leroy was the person you told when you wanted news to spread quickly in Storybrooke.
"I don't mind. I could just watch and help you fold. Here let me find you an iron," he offered helpfully, making his intention to stay clear. Astrid sighed heavily but held her position like a dog warrior chained to her post.
Regina positioned her lips next to Emma's ear. "I want to see you play with your beautiful breasts." The words barely reached Emma's brain, so low were they breathed directly into her ear.
Emma shivered and obliged the queen. As two fingers slipped into her throbbing velvet walls, her own hands pinched and rolled her nipples. Regina sighed at the sight of the vibrant, rebellious, disobedient woman who had been the bane of her existence acquiescing so easily to her command in such a high stress environment. She could have simply poofed them to a more secure location, but Emma clearly wanted to dance with danger today as much as she.
"Here Astrid," Leroy announced triumphantly, and Emma's eyes flew open. Regina's hand stilled, and teeth clamped onto Emma's lip to prevent the huff of frustration from escaping.
"Oh, thank you, Leroy," Astrid praised the eager little dwarf. The quiver in her voice, however, spoke of her absolute anxiety.
Regina slowly pumped her fingers once more. Emma squirmed and pulled at her nipples, almost failing at remaining still and quiet. A slow burn ignited in her belly, and she feared that the situation might have kept her on edge for hours without the desperately sought after release. Regina's chest pressed into her back in rapid, shallow compressions, puffs of hot air tickling her ear.
When a firm thumb slid over her painfully distended clit, a gasp tore from Emma's throat. They froze once more, but the pressure of Regina's hand still pressed into her. A rapid pulse pounded against the pad of Regina's thumb, evidence of the sheer adrenaline drowning Emma's system. Good thing the sheriff had a good heart.
"What was that?" Leroy pondered. His footsteps thumped closer. Emma's eyes squeezed shut, preparing for the unfortunate discovery of her and the evil mayor in cahoots beneath Granny's folding table.
"Oh, I got a little too close to the iron," Astrid supplied. "They're hot," she added stupidly.
"Oh, yeah. The diamond mines used to have lots of fire hazards," Grumpy agreed, glomming onto every syllable from the seemingly innocent woman's mouth.
The nun kicked beneath the sheet, hitting Emma's ankle. She twisted her neck and found amused brown eyes staring at her. Regina loved every single second of this. Her hand moved between the sheriff's legs again. Emma moaned lightly, and Astrid squeaked.
"Do you like to hum, Leroy?" She asked, anxiously, her voice rising to an ungodly octave.
"I can hum," the dwarf offered hopefully. He immediately broke into a tune, eager to appease the effervescent woman he'd fallen in love with.
Emma's breath came in more rapid jerks now that a sound covered the slight whoosh of air. She bent her legs and pressed into Regina bodily, rolling her hips to meet the fingers moving too slowly into the gripping muscles desperately seeking attention. Regina took the hint and added a third. Emma bit her lip viciously.
She'd been worked up so much that her tight walls barely accommodated the third digit. They stretched in a painfully pleasurable moment and accepted the penetration reluctantly. Emma wrapped a hand around the back of Regina's neck and craned her own to bury her face into the tantalizing flesh. Teeth clamped her pulse point, and Regina thrust aggressively.
Astrid's clear soprano joined Leroy's tenor. Teeth tore at the flesh of Regina's neck, bruising it for certain. She didn't care, not in that moment. Emma's hips thrashed and jerked erratically. Regina positioned her other hand between Emma's breasts, holding the sheriff steady as she quietly pounded into her to the disturbing duet of the most unlikely couple to stumble upon them during their naughty time, as Emma liked to call it.
Heat exploded. Muscles bit at her fingers. Regina punched into her lover one last time and dragged her nails down the sensitive flesh between her breasts, feeling the skin peel back beneath her claws. Emma jerked, her teeth pulling Regina's neck with her mouth and then stilled without losing her grip on the impressed flesh of Regina's throat. The mayor breathed silently through the pain and jabbed just a little deeper into her lover's knotted walls. Emma's hips pulled upward once, twice, three times, nearly rolling her into the fetal position.
The door to the laundry room banged open once more. "What the hell are you doing?" Granny's harsh rasp demanded.
The tension of Emma's orgasm deflated as her eyes flew open. Regina stopped breathing, her hazy brown mirroring Emma's terrified expression. They realized a moment later that the owner of this establishment hadn't spoken to them when the humming abruptly ceased.
"Granny, we were just ironing the sheets you donated to the convent," Astrid explained hurriedly. Fear laced her voice, and Emma actually felt horrible for the position they'd put her in.
"Don't you own irons?" Granny grouched. "You're not even ironing the sheets I gave you silly fools. These," a thump on the table emphasized her words, and the two women winced, "are yours. That is one of my new sheets. Don't you go thinking you can take everything I have just because you choose to live in poverty."
"Oh of course not, Granny. I would never. I apologize," Astrid gushed.
"Well?" The old woman barked. A tense silence. "Are you going to give me my sheet or do I have to take it?"
"Oh! Uhh, well, you see Granny, I…" the old woman grabbed the linen and jerked it from the counter. Nothing but a hot pink bra with the words "hot" and "stuff" written on the cups lay beneath the counter. Astrid nearly fell over in relief. "I-I-I…" she stuttered.
Granny snatched up the garment, ire in her eyes. "Ruby Elizabeth Lucas!" She bellowed and stomped from the room. "How many times do I have to tell you to keep your clothes on at work!"