Broken Tradition


The Three Broomsticks was still well attended when Remus Lupin entered through the heavy wooden door and shook the snowflakes from his cloak. Nevertheless he immediately recognized a familiar face amongst the crowd of strangers. He nodded his greetings to the man sitting alone at a table in the corner and received a curt nod in return before he walked to the counter to order his drink. For a short moment he considered joining his colleague at his table but then decided to rather take his usual seat at the small table at the end of the counter. Severus Snape wasn't really the sort of company he enjoyed too much and he knew that this feeling was mutual - to say the least.

The pub was dimly illuminated and the air was heavy with smoke. Remus stared out of the windows on the faraway side of the room which were granting only a small impression of the outside world. A dense curtain of snowflakes made it hard to see any further than to the opposite side of the street, where the moonlight was reflected by the snow covering the roofs of the old houses. He let his gaze travel through the pub, noticed that the number of guests had already diminished significantly, and finally rested his eyes on the candle standing in front of him on the table. Barely surprised he realized that he had already lost count of how many times he had had his glass refilled by now. Staring into the fire made his vision blurry and he started to feel sleepy. The flame flickered under a cold breeze when the entrance door opened and closed again. Reaching out he caught some of the wax dripping down from the white candle with his finger. The faint pain when the hot wax touched his skin was the first thing he felt this evening and it seemed to pull him out of his thoughts and back into reality. By now it had become relatively quiet in the pub, for there were only few people still present. Everyone here knew the pub never closed as long as someone was still in need of a good drink and so he asked for his glass to be refilled once more. He saw Snape too was still sitting at his table. In his left hand he held his half empty glass and stared at the candle in front of him, the flickering flame reflected in his empty black eyes.

Remus rose from his chair, took his glass with him and walked across the room over to his colleague. He wasn't quite sure what had made him do it, it might have been the alcohol, the general emotionality that seemed to have taken over his mind that night or maybe even the sadness and solitude he imagined to have seen in Snape's eyes.

That seat taken? Lupin asked in a low voice.

Snape hadn't noticed him before and looked up. Actually I'd rather stay on my own.

I know. Lupin replied and sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the small table.

Snape stared at him blankly. Why do you even bother to ask at all?

Lupin took another sip from his glass. Trying to be polite I suppose.

Now that's a first. He sneered.

I wouldn't have expected to meet you here. Lupin said. What's your reason?

For what? Snape leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. Lupin nodded towards the glass the wizard had placed on the table.

Does one need a reason? Snape asked.

I think you do. Lupin replied.

Snape sighed and took his glass. What do you want to hear?

Lupin was surprised. He had expected he would rather jump up and leave than actually exchange only a few more words with him. Tell me what's going on in your mind.

He smiled, a sad and weary smile. Looking into his glassy black eyes Lupin could tell Snape must have been drinking even more than he had. That would explain the smile.

Sorry, but I'm still trying to figure that one out for myself. Snape replied. So, what's your reason for being here?

Lupin ran his hand through his unruly hair. He hadn't really expected to be asked any questions in this conversation. Well... it's something like an anniversary. He finally answered the question. Snape didn't seem to consider it much of an answer though and looked at him, arching an eyebrow. Lupin sighed. It's... I... I killed someone, you know?

When was that? Snape asked technically and emptied his glass. He didn't seem to be shocked or repelled or anything like that. Maybe because they had this much in common. He had killed too, more than once. He couldn't hate him for it. But still he had always hated him for being a werewolf, something he had never even chosen to be.

It will be fifteen years next sunday. Lupin replied.

So you're telling me that for fifteen years now you're starting to drink whenever the time of year gets near?

Lupin was surprised he didn't ask any more questions about that incident. It probably was obvious to him that the wolf inside of him had been responsible for it. Not his true self. The wolf that was a part of him and always would be no matter how much he denied it, hated it, fought against it or wished it away.

Snape didn't seem to care about the details, for the who, the how, the why. Which was something Remus was quite thankful for at the moment. He hesitated and then nodded. Basically yes.

A young woman walked over to them, placed a full bottle on their table and smiled warmly before leaving them alone again.

It's your turn now. Lupin said. What old ghosts are haunting you?

No time but the present... Snape muttered. I'm trying hard not to let ghosts of the past haunt me.

So it's the present that's troubling you?

He sighed. I'm just sick and tired of it all.

What? Fighting Voldemort? Teaching students? Lupin asked.

Yes, all of that. He replied and slammed his glass back onto the table. Fighting him, never being able to trust anyone, never knowing who is on your side. Being stuck in that castle, having to teach those annoying students... And more than anything else forever being indebted to Dumbledore.

Lupin leaned back in his chair. He couldn't remember any occasion where he had ever heard him talk so much and more than that, reveal so much about himself.

Do you really believe Albus feels like you still owed something to him? Lupin asked. Quite a few questions had come to his mind all at once but for some reason he had decided to start with that one.

It's of no matter what he thinks about it or what I think about it. Snape replied dryly. It's a fact. My death is the only way I could ever pay my debts.

Lupin shook his head. That's ridiculous. You have already done so much, and risked so much. If people only knew about that they would appreciate it.

A twisted smile crossed Snape's face. I'm not asking for appreciation and I don't deserve any. I just... I wish Albus knew I'm not the hero he likes to see in me.

You should know better, Severus. Lupin replied, showing a wide grin. Albus Dumbledore knows everything about anyone in that school.

They sat in silence for some minutes. Lupin looked around the room. There were only three other people in the pub now. The young woman standing at the counter was yawning. It was getting late. But not yet late enough to leave. He hoped Severus had gotten his remark right. He wanted him to know he was appreciating what he did.

Hey Lupin. Snape broke the silence, the drawling in his voice clearly showing he had been drinking too much by now. Remember when you got that detention for skipping McGonagall's special transfigurations lesson? The whole four hours?

Listen, I didn't skip it, I was locked up in the girls' bathroom the whole time, everyone knows that!

A vicious grin showed on Snape's face. Now guess who did it.

Lupin stared at him with his mouth half open. No, you didn't! He replied.

You bet I did. Snape replied.

Oh you're just so lucky I never found out, my revenge would have been terrible... I got a full week's detention for that one! He was trying hard to sound really dangerous but couldn't hide his smile. Looking back now it really was funny, although it definitely hadn't been back then. He wondered why they had never even suspected Severus.

Albus didn't know I did it. Snape said.

Lupin sighed. Don't be so sure about that. He might have known and still not have done anything about it. He always liked you.

For whatever incomprehensible reason. Snape muttered.

Lupin hesitated, not sure if he should take advantage of the situation to ask him the one question that had been bothering him for such a long time already. Can I ask you a question?

Snape shrugged. Why not, drunk as you are you won't be able to remember anything I said by tomorrow.

Well... what is it about you and Harry? Why do you hate that kid so much? Only because he's James' son? Lupin asked, studying the other man's face closely, hoping he wouldn't be mad at him for asking this question. Snape wasn't. Drinking seemed to turn him into quite a sociable person actually.

No. It's because... He paused to stare onto the table for a few seconds. I had hoped it was finally over. The moment I read Potter's name on the list of new students I knew it wasn't. After eleven years of peace I knew that he would return.

What made you so sure?

I don't know. He leaned back in his chair. Good and Evil. One can't exist without the other. Potter is some sort of a counterpart to him, he had to return...

Lupin noticed that Snape had not once used Voldemort's name. Most wizards refrained from doing so but he had expected different from him. You're afraid of him. Even more than anyone else. Lupin said.

You have no idea what it's like to be one of the Dark Lord's... Snape replied dryly. It's not a club you join and leave whenever you feel like it. It's more something like a lifetime engagement. He smiled sadly, lost in thought, staring into his empty glass.

I think it's about time for us to leave, we have classes to teach, don't we?

Yes, you're right about that, Lupin. Let's go back to Hogwarts then...

It's the only place we have. Lupin said in a low voice, noticing they might actually have more in common than meets the eye.

The young woman at the counter smiled at them when they walked towards the door. It was still snowing and a cold wind was blowing as they trudged through the snow.

Lupin asked. You will never call me by my first name, will you?

Why not?

I hate to break with tradition.


The next morning clearly showed Snape's talent when it came to potions - and Lupin's complete lack thereof. While Snape's whole appearance showed no sign of his late night activities, Lupin obviously had a really bad hangover. He was standing in the hallway next to the entrance doors of the Great Hall and trying to evade the questions of three well-known Gryffindors very concerned about his health when he saw Snape turn around the corner. Lupin followed him with his eyes while he strode along the corridor, but Snape didn't return his gaze.

Good morning, Severus. He greeted him in his usual warm and calm voice, although it sounded a little hoarse today.

Snape muttered and walked past him and the three students into the Great Hall.

Remus smiled as he ushered the students inside and then followed as well.

Definitely no breaking with tradition there. He whispered to himself while walking along the Gryffindor table up to his place at the high table.


End