DISCLAIMER: I do not own NCIS
***
McGee balked; there was no way this had actually happened. He stared at Tony who was looking back at him. Unfortunately, Tony didn't realize who was staring right back at him. It wasn't until McGee snapped his fingers that Tony grinned at him lazily,
"Probie! How long you been there?"
McGee swallowed hardly; this was going to be tough. He closed his eyes briefly before reopening them. Ziva walked over to them and spoke,
"Do you think he will be okay," Ziva subtly glanced to Gibbs who was talking vehemently with Vance above them.
"Yeah," McGee said. "No."
Ziva looked over at him appraisingly. Her eyes were slightly puffy, telling McGee that she too was affected by the events that transpired. McGee attempted to explain,
"He won't be fine, but he might appear fine. Last time someone died… when Kate died, he went nice."
Tony chuckled lightly, "I hated that."
"That surprises me," Ziva said glancing back up at Gibbs. "He felt guilty, did he not?"
Tony and McGee nodded, "Why do you think he did it?"
Ziva shifted, the conversation turned away from Gibbs. Tony, McGee noticed, pulled back a little bit.
"Ah, Probie why'd you have to go and say that?"
"It could have been many things McGee," Ziva said slowly. "A mistake perhaps?"
"He never makes mistakes Ziva," McGee argued. "Not like this. It had to have been something he couldn't handle, something too big for one man."
"Probie!"
McGee glared at Tony before swinging his glance up to where Gibbs and Vance stood still. He looked back at Ziva who was sitting on Tony's desk.
"Uh, what's going to happen next, you think?"
"Well, Gibbs'll come down either bark at us for sitting around, or ask if you want coffee," Tony said with a grimace on his face.
"We are about to find out," Ziva said as she quickly moved to her desk.
"I'm going for coffee. Look over his recordings McGee. See if you get any indication of what happened that started all of this."
Gibbs was almost out of the bullpen when Ziva volunteered to help, he nodded before disappearing. Giving them a meaningful look, Tony trotted over to McGee's desk alongside Ziva.
"Well, that was not so bad," Ziva said quietly, pulling her chair up. "Alright, so Tony and Howell were undercover as Marine recruits. Sgt. Kilgore was under suspicion of giving his unit performance enhancing drugs, yes?"
McGee nodded slowly; Tony was bobbing his head and humming a song.
"Yes. Kilgore must have found out," McGee said trying to ignore Tony. "That's why…"
"Alright," Ziva quickly said. They sat and listened to everything Tony had reported to them when he got the chance. Unable to carry a wire at all, Tony hid his old voice recorder and periodically made his way to it. Because of this, the two had barely two hours worth of recordings to go through.
McGee sat with his head on his hands, listening as Tony spoke the last time into the device.
"Alright guys, and Ziva, Kilgore is having us go on one of those two week excursions. Survival training or something. You know what I'm talking about Gibbs. Can't take this with me, so don't worry if I don't report in until at most twenty days," Tony's voice came out grainy and quietly.
"Anyway, you won't believe this boss, but Kilgore made me team leader. Wouldn't you know a drug dealing Marine would see potential in me? Gotta go."
McGee stopped the recording and stared over at Tony, who sat tipped back at his desk. Catching McGee's look, Tony smiled and said,
"I would've found that an honor if it hadn't been for he was going to drug us all up! Ah, no matter. I made it through the same boot camp Gibbs did!"
"So something happened the day they came back because you hit the panic button on the recorder," McGee ignored Tony.
"That is when we came. There is nothing on that that will help us. No one except James Howell and Tony know," Ziva said as she sent a glance to her left. McGee watched as Tony sent Ziva an apologetic wince.
"He doesn't remember because of the drugs in his system sent him out of it," McGee turned away from the two. Disappointment that he would never know why the events had occured the way they did, leading to an agents' death.
Ziva stood up from his desk and said, "I am going to get something to eat. Do you want anything?"
McGee shook his head. Tony scoffed,
"After Marine food? Yes! Anything unhealthy."
Ziva nodded slowly before leaving. McGee glared at Tony before hissing,
"What are doing here?"
Tony grinned at him, "Do you think I want to go home yet?"
Sighing, McGee made to leave but sat back down. Tony sat up a little straighter when McGee turned to him seriously.
"I don't know how to handle this Tony. Tell me how to handle this; you helped me when Kate died."
Suddenly, Tony's grin faded and he made his way over to McGee. Gone was the goofy grin as he hunkered down kneeling next to McGee's desk, eye level with the younger agent.
"Look, McGee, I can't help you with this one. I don't know how much he meant to you. You need to learn how to keep going," Tony looked at him sadly.
"But listen to me Probie, he knew the risks when he volunteered for the op. Hell, when he took this job. Being a NCIS agent is a daily risk, and we have to remember not to believe everyone is going to make it to retirement age."
Tony laid his hand on McGee's shoulder and stared at him. Shaking his head, McGee argued,
"The risks weren't death by overdose by accident. He shouldn't have been anywhere near the needle."
Tony rocked back to his heels, "What do you mean?"
Taking a deep breath, "He jumped at Kilgore and landed on the needle trying to protect me…. I wasn't in danger, yet."
"You are worth the risk, McGee."
Suddenly angered, McGee pushed Tony. Tony tried to catch himself but managed to grab the stapler. It slid off McGee's desk and hit Tony on the inside of his arm. Widening his eyes, McGee jumped up and stuttered before running to the elevator. The doors were almost closed when Tony slipped in after him. Flipping the emergency brake, McGee slumped.
"That's where the needle went in. Why won't you tell me the gory details and yell at me," he said dejectedly.
"No point. You are doing a better job than I could," Tony shrugged.
"Well, you should! What's wrong with you," McGee shouted. "I'm depending on you!"
Tony blanched. Shaking his head he said, "You don't need to. You're becoming an excellent agent McGee. All you need to do is stop looking to me for answers."
"Don't say that," McGee whispered as he turned away from Tony. "You sound like you are preparing me for something."
Silence. McGee straightened and flipped the switch again. The doors slid open on the ground floor. A perturbed looking Gibbs and impatient Ziva were waiting there. They immediately noticed that something was wrong and entered the elevator.
"McGee," Gibbs said softly. "It's not your fault."
Beside him, Tony sent him an I-told-you-so look. Ziva laid her hand on his shoulder before saying,
"He knew the risks McGee," echoing the words Tony had just said. "He always put other lives before his own. He saved you McGee."
Tony smiled at him and exited the elevator as it opened to autopsy. After taking a breath of courage the three followed suit, meeting up with Ducky and Palmer.
"Abby is on her way here," Palmer said quietly. He moved to one of the lockers and began to open as the elevator dinged again. Turning, McGee watched as Vance and Abby shuffled into the room. Palmer reverently folded the sheet back exposing the head of the body.
"Take a look McGee," Tony said encouragingly. "Come on. You can do it. You did for Katie and if you don't look at me, I'm going to be pretty hurt."
Tony was lounging right next to the metal slab and staring straight at him. Setting his jaw, McGee moved forward and looked down at the body. Anthony DiNozzo lay still below him, the quietest anyone in the room had ever seen him. He listened as Abby cried into Gibbs' shoulder and Ducky tell Palmer that he hadn't been in much pain in his final moments. He listened as Ziva leaned down and whispered in Hebrew to the fallen agent. He listened as Tony said,
"Good job Probie. See? Not so bad, you're going to be fine."
Still looking down at the closed eyes, McGee nodded.
Continuing, Tony said, "You're going to be just fine McGee. You didn't need me anymore anyway. It was my time."
McGee made a sound much like a sob before saying, "I wish you were really here Tony. I may not need you anymore, but I want you here."
Everyone looked at him, making him realize he spoke aloud. Ducky opened his mouth before closing it again. The group stood in silence. Tony grinned at McGee and said as he made his way to the elevator,
"I wish I was too, Probie. Take care of everyone alright?"
Swallowing hard, McGee nodded slightly. The last second before the doors closed, McGee caught Tony smiling widely.
"He's gone," Abby said suddenly. "Right now, he really left, didn't he?"
McGee saw Ziva tear her gaze away from the elevator as well. Abby was staring somewhere to her left. Palmer moved forward and replaced the sheet before sliding him back in. The door closed with a resounding thud, reverberating through McGee's body.
A/N: Let me know how I did!