I just got this and thought it might be funny please review. Thanks to AthenaAnn and Emmet is hotter than Edward for the constructive critism. I have taken what both of you said and used it.

Disclaimer: Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

I don`t own Twilight,

So please don`t Sue!,

And make sure you Review

I went to go get the mail . It was pretty far from the house so I ran there. I looked at the mail curious as to why I got a letter from Walmart, I was not amused. The letter read:

Dear Mrs. Cullen,

Over the past six months, your husband ( AN: let`s just pretend they moved somewhere as a married couple for once)has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Cullen are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

16. October 26: Pranked the teenager Mike Newton, and made him believe that Clowns were coming to kill him while he acted as the clown himself.

17. October 31: Scared off little children from the costume section while making a ghoul like sound and circling sound with I white blanket over his head

18. November 5: Started singing Barbie Girl in a girlie voice and dancing around in the toys section.

19. November 15: Flooded the toilets in the men`s restroom

30: Stripped down to his underwear and ran threw the store.

5: When an announcment came over the loud speaker he claimed god talked to him.

And last but not least ...

10: He gave an old lady some beer and got her drunk as they caused a riot through the store.

Sincerely,

Walmart

I couldn`t believe my eyes. Where was I when this happened?! Ugh! Bella is going to go hungry. Oh well I shrugged it off. But I still had a bone to pick; EMMETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh shit I heard him faintly whisper.

So yes this story is done. My first ever One shot.*sobbing now ; )* pLease Read & Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!