Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, nor do I own any of the lyrics shown below. That should be obvious.
Warning: Expect a bit of OOCness, a few lyrics here and there, and also a couple spoilers for Order of the Phoenix. Oh, and Voldemort, as always, has to go and Crucio someone.
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"Harry!"
"What!" He yelled, suddenly wide awake. He jumped up from the squishy red couch he'd been pleasantly drooling on and stared at his friend-of-surprisingly-high-pitched-squeals. Dread seeped through his veins as he saw the insane glint in her eyes. "Hermione, what's wrong?" He asked cautiously.
"Oh, nothing's wrong, Harry. I've just made a breakthrough!"
Harry raised his eyebrows, "What?"
"Oh, didn't I tell you?" She asked.
Harry almost rolled his eyes. No, you didn't, he thought. If you had, why would I be asking you in the first place?
Oblivious to his newly begun inner monologue, Hermione continued, "Oh, Harry, I've finally found an easy way for you to block Voldemort from your mind!"
Why does she always have to say my name like that? It's always 'Oh, Harry' this, and 'Oh, Harry' that. And why does she have to squeal in my ear like -wait… "What?" He asked intelligently, looking to Ron for help. The redhead was sitting on the common room floor playing chess with Dean. Raising his eyebrows at his friends' antics, he shrugged at Harry cluelessly.
"I said 'I've finally found an easy way for you to block-" Hermione would have continued, but Harry interrupted.
"I know that! But how? You know how badly I'm doing in Occlumency."
"By the Power of Music!" She exclaimed, eyes lit with excitement.
Harry stared at her. He blinked. What the hell? 'The Power of Music'? He could practically hear the capital letters. He blinked again. "Oh."
Now it was Hermione who almost rolled her eyes. "Here," she said while pulling out a CD player from somewhere in her robes. "I have some CD's I think you should listen to. You should also try to remember the lyrics and melodies once you hear them." She looked up at Harry's bemused expression and sighed, "Next time Voldemort tries to read your mind, all you'll have to do is just 'play' the music. Like when you get a song stuck in your head. Except you just send it down the link."
"Oh…," Harry tilted his head to the side. "I didn't think electronics worked in Hogwarts. How did you get the CD player to work?"
"The girl's a bloody genius, Harry," Ron pointed out. "You should know this by now."
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Harry slept fitfully. Voldemort was extremely happy. Happy, as in the 'it's-so-incredibly-entertaining-to-torture-people' type of happy. And Harry had the oh so pleasant experience of being in He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Sane's mind at that very moment. Therefore, Harry was not happy. No, he was pissed off, in fact -and terrified. Completely, utterly terrified. Luckily, Voldemort was currently unaware of Harry's presence, and the young wizard certainly hoped to keep it that way.
Voldemort lifted his wand at the hooded Death Eater kneeling on the floor in front of him. "Crucio!" Voldemort loved the way the world rolled off his lips. It had such a lovely ring to it when pronounced correctly, he thought absently.
The man screamed and twitched, falling to his hands and knees in agony. The poor man's face contorted and twisted in pain; he couldn't take this for much longer. He regretted his actions so much now -and his wife and daughter! If only he hadn't...
Meanwhile, Harry was getting annoyed. The Cruciatus Curse? Again? Come on! Where was the originality in that! And why was Voldemort always torturing his followers? That made no sense! His minions wouldn't be his minions for much longer if he kept trying to drive them insane with pain. Now, if Harry was the Dark Lord, he would-
:The Gryffindor Golden Boy, considering being the Dark Lord. Why, Potter, what a pleasant surprise.: Voldemort's sudden greeting startled Harry, to say the least. In fact, he reacted quite like the proverbial deer in the headlights.
Oh, crap.
:Refrain from using such vulgar language. I will not tolerate it.:
Harry would have snickered -if he wasn't so scared. How can the f***ing Dark Lord disapprove of swearing?
He probably shouldn't have said that, he later thought. Intense pain lashed into his forehead as Voldemort abruptly bore into Harry's mind. Letting out a steady litany of curse words, Harry pushed frantically through the pain-filled haze that shrouded his thoughts.
Aha! The boy exclaimed triumphantly.
That was when Voldemort realized something was different, but of course, being a villain in a children's book, He Was Too Late!
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock! Harry sang.
:What?: The boy almost laughed maniacally as he felt Voldemort's sudden confusion.
Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring! Harry concentrated firmly on the song, mentally pushing it towards Voldemort's presence. Snowing and blowing… up bushels of fun! Harry pushed the song down the link, putting as much focus as he could into the process. Now the jingle bell hop has begun!
Fiery bolts of anger lashed into Harry's mind once more as Voldemort's fury doubled. :Stop that blasted singing, boy!:
JINGLE BELL, JINGLE BELL, JINGLE BELL ROCK! (You sound like my Muggle Uncle!) Harry almost giggled. JINGLE BELLS CHIME IN JING-, Harry stopped singing as he opened his eyes to find himself safe in bed, his mind free from He-Who-Has-Too-Many-Monikers' presence.
He really did giggle now. No, wait, he didn't giggle. He laughed. He laughed a Very Manly Laugh. This is going to be fun, he thought.
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Harry walked to breakfast by himself, whistling. He had successfully escaped Moldywart all by himself, and he wasn't even (more) psychologically damaged! Life was good.
"Um, Harry, are you feeling all right?" Hermione immediately asked him as he sat down at the table.
"Oh, yeah, Hermione. I'm great, actually. Because it worked! The music thing actually worked!"
"Really?" Hermione asked doubtfully, rubbing the back of her neck. "I mean –yes, of course it did! I'm so glad you're all right."
Harry just grinned and promptly dove into the food, ignoring his friends' worried, suspicious stares. Something nudged subtly at the back of his mind, and he almost thought nothing of it… except, well, after last night's little debacle… Hm…, well, just in case-
I always feel like -somebody's watching me!
And I have no privacy! Whoa-oa-oa!
Harry smirked as he felt something akin to annoyance slide towards him from the link.
I always feel like -somebody's watching me!
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Voldemort was torturing Wormtail. How could the brainless rat have failed him yet again? "Crucio!" He screamed at the rotund form curling and trembling on the ground. "Cru-,"
That was the moment when Potter took the offensive.
I love you!
You love me!
Voldemort would have gaped as an image of a demented purple dinosaur popped into his head, to which Potter happily provided the connotation of "Barney", except, well, Almighty Dark Lords did not gape. :I do not want to know where you heard that song.:
We're a happy family.
:Potter, shut up.:
Won't you say you love me, too?
:I have the means and more than enough will to end your life at this very moment!: Despite the threat, Voldemort could already hear the beginning of another song. :I'll torture the Mudblood!:
Hm… you mean you don't like my singing?
Voldemort refused to answer. He would not bow to this child's silly whims!
Ah, well, suit yourself.
Voldemort mentally cringed as Potter began sending another song down the link. Then… :Mozart! You're sending me Symphony 40!:
What? I'm not singing. But if you have a problem with it, would you rather hear Hannah Montana? Oh, I've heard there's this new pop star called Justin Beaver or something like tha-
Voldemort slammed his Occlumency shields onto the link. What in the world was wrong with the brat! Voldemort had always wanted to drive the twit insane, but –this! :Honestly, Potter!:
"M-master?" Wormtail's pitiful voice called out. "A-are you a-all ri-"
"Stop stuttering! Crucio!"
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Two weeks. Two extremely long, utterly ridiculous weeks since the Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Shut-Up had discovered he could bypass Voldemort's Occlumency shields if he didn't intend actual harm. Two aggravating, insane weeks of pop, rock, country, jazz, metal, classical, bloody holiday songs, etc. Two completely infernal weeks of the Beatles, Michael Jackson, Rihanna, the Blues Brothers, Bach, and more. Voldemort thanked Salazar he had only heard Phantom of the Opera from the boy once. With a growing sense of dread, Voldemort realized said boy had just woken up, which meant…
I see trees of green, red roses, too.
I see them bloom for me and you,
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.
:Oh, hell.:
…Hey! You said 'hell'! Didn't you yell at me for saying 'crap'!
:Fire with fire: Voldemort thought to himself. :That's all and nothing more.: This was so wrong, but after two weeks- He couldn't take it any longer! No, he wasn't backing down! This was just - :A strategic surrender. The boy's won the battle, but not the war.: Now which song to choose… the beginning of "Thriller" or "Blackened"…. :What to choose, what to choose.:
It turned out that Ha-Potter made the choice for him.
Ev'ry little trait, however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl
With simple utter loathing.
:Oh, no. I am not singing a bloody song from Wicked!:
There's a strange exhilaration... in…come on Voldie!... suuuuuch…You can do it! Don't be scared!
:I am not scared of singing, you asinine, Gryffindork dimwit!:
Prove it! In… sss-
:In such total detestation.: Voldemort grumbled mentally.
Salazar, this music would be the death of him.
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Tada!
Oh, and credit to songs:
"Jingle Bell Rock" by Bobby Helms
"Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell (Michael Jackson as background)
"I Love You" by Barnie ?
"Symphony 40" by Mozart
"What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
"What Is This Feeling" by the cast of Wicked