Chapter 1 — Land!
Blood ran through Robert's fingers and toes, and his fingertips prickled. He moved them slowly, becoming accustomed again to the sensation of feeling. This feeling spread to his limbs, which he discovered were very cramped. He stretched each arm and leg in turn, flinching in pain.
Suddenly it occurred to him what was wrong, at about the same time as he consciously knew that anything was wrong in the first place. The boat was no longer moving. It was static, if a little precariously balanced, tilted as it was to one side. And in the background he could hear the faint sound of waves breaking.
He jumped up, and immediately fell over again, his head spinning. Struggling to his knees he croaked through dry lips "Land! Land!", his voice thick and indistinct. He managed one final cry of "land!" before he saw them. They had been thrown to one side of the boat by the slope, where they lay in horrible, lifeless heaps. One of Marc's hands was flung towards Robert, pale and bloodless. George lay on his side, a single eye staring up at Robert without expression.
A sudden wave of fear rushed over Robert. He hurried to the door and was outside gasping for air before he realised he was standing in full daylight. He returned to the cabin hastily feeling, despite the circumstances, rather proud of himself.
The feeling soon evaporated once he was inside. He began to feel sick, and tears formed in his eyes. "What should I do? What should I do?" he muttered, and then immediately felt uncomfortable for breaking the silence.
Eventually he knelt down and leant carefully towards the two figures. He reached forward and touched Marc's hand gingerly. It twitched. Robert leapt back. Then he was filled with a second with hope, before he remembered that corpses often twitched after death. Having actually thought of them as corpses he felt even worse. He sat back and stared at them both sadly.
It seemed right that he should lay out the two of them properly, and presumably prepare a cremation or a burial or something of the kind. So he again approached them, resolving to be less cowardly this time.
After initial hesitation he managed to block his mind to the reality of the task at hand, and began attempting to move George, desperately trying not to think of who and what he was lifting.
He was just shifting George's weight into his arms when there was a sudden strange guttural moan from behind him. He leapt away, dropping George unceremoniously to the floor in the process, before he realised what had happened. He had been accidentally leaning on Marc's chest while lifting George, and Marc had choked.
Robert was suddenly filled with happiness. He rushed forward and began to shake Marc, who opened his eyes and squinted around, looking confused.
"Marc? Can you hear me?" asked Robert anxiously.
"Yeah." replied Marc dizzily "Hi George."
"No, I'm not George, I'm Robert" he said soothingly "Now just lie down…"
"I know who you are for Gods' sake. George is behind you."
Robert jumped around. "Did someone drop me on my head?" asked George, who was sitting up looking annoyed. "I think I've got a bruise."
Robert leapt up and screamed with joy. Then he began to laugh hysterically.
"What's got into you?" asked George, rubbing the bump on his forehead.
"I'm alive! We're all alive!" screamed Robert, dancing around the cabin. "Everyone's alive" He paused and hugged Marc happily. "Don't ever be dead again."
Marc stared at Robert in confusion, and then looked at George questioningly. George shrugged, and watched, puzzled, as Robert capered around the boat. "God only knows." he said.
Chapter 2—Exploration.
Once Robert had calmed down the three men decided to explore their new surroundings. In keeping with this resolution they all agreed to dress for exploration.
Fifteen minutes later Robert stood on deck shading his eyes and looking around at the beach on which they had landed. He wore black trousers, a baggy black jumper with holes in it over a large white shirt, and oversized white trainers. He had reapplied his black eye-shadow and red lipstick, and chosen one of his favourite black necklaces.
George emerged form the cabin wearing white leggings with weird prints on them and a very large matching tee-shirt, which he had belted tightly around his waist. On his feet were white pumps, and a straw hat shaded his eyes. He also wore pink lipstick, and a lot of eye-shadow and blusher.
"Couldn't you have worn something a bit tougher, or warmer, or more waterproof?" said Robert "We don't know what this country's like yet. You should be prepared for anything."
"Don't be so boring" said George, slipping a massive bangle collection onto each arm. "Now, which earrings look best—dangly or loopy?"
Robert sighed. Marc appeared on deck wearing extremely tight blue jeans, a very small tee-shirt with the sleeves cut off, and trainers. He also wore lip-gloss and glittery eye-shadow. Robert shook his head.
"It's pretty hot here, isn't it" said Marc, looking around the empty beach unenthusiastically.
"Yeah, just imagine how bad it is for those of us who are bothering to wear any clothes." said Robert. Marc looked annoyed.
"He's already whinged at me." said George "Said I wasn't being "practical"."
"Well you should be more sensible" said Robert "I mean, can you even bend down in those jeans Marc?"
"Why would I need to?" asked Marc, frowning.
"Well I don't know." said Robert, looking irritated. "We might have to climb or crawl or something later. You never know."
Marc shrugged. "Fine" said Robert grumpily "If you two really want to dress like that it's no concern of mine."
"So where are we going then?" asked George. "There doesn't seem to be much here."
"Well I thought we could walk over the sand dunes, and check the rest of the country other than the beach before we make any judgements." said Robert, rather meanly. "Come on."
The sand dunes turned out to lead to more, higher sand dunes. George led the group across these, Marc and Robert followed.
"You've got holes in your jeans Marc." said Robert smugly as they walked.
"I know. They're supposed to look like that." sighed Marc.
"Well they look stupid." said Robert grumpily. "And will you stop your stupid plaits blowing in my face George" He pushed George angrily. "It's really annoying"
"They aren't plaits. They're dreadlocks actually." said George. "And don't push me." He pushed Robert back. Robert glared at him.
Fortunately the group reached the top of the highest row of dunes at this point, and were distracted from their arguments by the view of the country ahead. In the distance was a huge hill, on top of which sat a tall, gothic castle, with spiked turrets and sharp corners. Surrounding the castle, reaching right to the base of the hill and spreading onto the surrounding land was an enormous maze, its convoluted pathways twisting in endless patterns. The maze ended in a tall wall, built like all that could be seen of the rest of the maze with sandstone blocks. Between this wall and the hill on which the three men stood was about half a mile of flat, dusty ground, to which a few small bushes clung desperately.
"Wow." said Robert, leaning on a leafless and spiky tree which had so far managed to withstand the hostile wind. "That's a pretty complicated maze."
"It's too big for a maze." said George, blinking as sand blew rather painfully in his face. "It's more of a labyrinth."
"Funny." said Marc "This really reminds me of a picture book I had when I was little. It was very popular in the South..." But George was already running excitedly down the hill towards the gates of the labyrinth. Robert followed him unenthusiastically. Marc trailed behind them, still thinking of his book.
Once George reached the gates, which were about twice his height, he pushed them with all his strength. They didn't move. He stood back, out of breath. Robert, who had just caught up with him, walked towards them calmly. They swung open immediately, apparently of their own volition.
"They could have said they were automatic." grumbled George as he followed Robert inside and looked around. There was one passageway to the left, and one to the right, the walls smooth and high. They appeared to have no end, and for that matter no junctions or alternative routes.
"This isn't a labyrinth," he said sulkily. "There aren't any turns or any corners or anything."
He was interrupted by the gates banging shut behind him. "Marc! What did you shut the gates for?" asked Robert angrily. "They might not open from this side, and we'll be stuck."
"I didn't shut them." said Marc "They just closed behind me."
George approached the doors cautiously, pushed them tentatively and then, angered by their immobility, began to throw himself against them. They didn't move.
"Great." said Robert "Magic doors. Now we're trapped."
"This was in the book too." said Marc thoughtfully.
"You might have mentioned that before we came in." said Robert.
George gave up throwing himself against the doors and instead threw himself against the wall and sighed peevishly. He jumped away again almost immediately shrieking "Ew! There's things growing on this wall with eyes. Look." Robert began to look nervous as he examined the stalks, each with an eyeball on the end, which moved to follow the three men as they changed position.
Marc meanwhile was holding his hands in front of himself and walking carefully and deliberately into walls.
"What's he doing?" George whispered to Robert.
"I have no idea." said Robert. "Marc? Are you all right?"
"Yeah thanks" said Marc absently, continuing to walk slowly into different areas of wall.
Robert shrugged and turned back to George. "Probably some idea he got from a book. So. Left or right?
"Well, right would be the right way, but then that's what they'd expect us to do, so we should go left. But maybe they'd expect that to." He frowned and looked confused. "So maybe we should go the other way, right? Not right, I mean right! Or was it right?" He paused, his forehead wrinkled in concentration.
"George?" said Robert nervously.
"What?"
"Where's Marc?"
George looked worriedly along the two empty, endless pathways. There was no sign of Marc whatsoever.
"Marc?" he called, his voice small in the silence.
"Yeah?" said Marc, from just behind George's head. George shrieked and jumped forward. Behind him Marc's head appeared floating in mid air.
"Hurry up" he said "I've found a secret passage."
"Yeah, but did you have to give me a heart attack as well?" grumbled George, as he and Robert followed Marc into the labyrinth.
Chapter 3 — Inside the Labyrinth
George, Robert and Marc wandered aimlessly among endless interlocking walls and hedges. They were getting nowhere.
"I don't suppose" said Robert, glaring at the dead end he had just reached "that this book told you how to get out of the labyrinth?"
Marc looked thoughtful. "Yeah, sort of" he said, rather doubtfully "The girl in it had to get to the castle in the centre and defeat Jareth the Goblin King."
"Goblin King?" said George nervously "Is he repulsively ugly with warts and stuff?"
"Oh no." said Marc. "He looked like a human." George looked relieved.
"The goblins on the other hand…" continued Marc
"This girl." said Robert cautiously. "She won, right?"
"Oh yeah." said Marc, nodding. "But she was the only one. Everyone else who had been in the labyrinth died, I think."
"Great" said Robert "So we're just the incidental characters in a Fairy Story."
"Don't be stupid." said George "This is real life, not a fairy story. We'll be fine."
"I wonder." said Marc absently "if we could get on top of the wall?"
A few minutes later Robert was leaning against one of the rough sandstone walls while Marc stood on his back struggling to lift George up.
"Could you please hurry." he asked, with great difficulty. "I can't breath."
"Hang on" said Marc "Nearly there. Just move that way a bit."
"What way?" asked Robert "I can't see where you're pointing, idiot."
"Oh yeah, sorry." said Marc "Left. Okay, now right a bit. Okay, now…" At this point he broke off, as he was falling towards the ground
quite rapidly.
Robert straightened up. "Thank the Gods." he said, feeling his spine worriedly. "I think it's okay. You all right Marc?"
"Yeah, just bruised." said Marc, brushing the dust from himself.
"I don't suppose I could have a little help?" interrupted George. He was half on top of the wall, his legs swinging around desperately.
Robert and Marc took hold of a foot each and pushed. George nearly fell over the wall entirely, but recovered and struggled into a sitting position.
Once he got his breath back he lifted Robert onto the wall with Marc's help. Robert made almost no effort to climb, and instead hung like a sack and muttered about the pain in his back. When he reached the top he and George assisted Marc as he scrambled awkwardly up the wall after them.
A few minutes later the three men were leaping from wall to hedge to wall, clumsily but quickly making their uncertain way to the castle of the Goblin King.
Chapter 4 — The Goblin City
Several hours, many rests and seven falls later the three men finally reached a high stone wall. Behind it the castle could be seen no more than a mile distant.
George jumped gracefully to the ground and was almost immediately knocked face first to the floor by Robert. Marc descended from the wall laughing.
"Oh shut up." George shoved Robert viciously as he stood. Robert looked hurt, and also rather embarrassed.
"Well, if the city is like the one in the book." said Marc, examining the open doors "then that second set of gates shuts automatically and turns into a big robot. So we'd better run."
"Is it a dangerous robot?" asked George, as they hurried through.
Marc shrugged. "Probably. I forget."
Behind them the second gates shut with a metallic clang.
"Oh look at the houses. They're so tiny." George gasped, bending down to look through a window. Inside the house was empty.
Robert leant on a roof. "So, are we gonna go to this castle then?" he asked. "And will there be food there? I'm starving."
The three men made their way through the miniature city, and soon reached the castle. It towered above them, a weird collection of towers and ornate gargoyles and elaborate stonemasonry.
"It's awfully quiet." whispered George as they pushed open the massive doors "Do you think something horrible's going to happen?"
"Probably." said Marc uneasily.
They paused uncertainly in the massive entrance hall, and looked around. The castle was as silent and empty as the city.
"Well." said Robert "What did the girl in the book do now?"
"Oh I don't know." said Marc crossly "I haven't read it since I was 10."
George wandered over to a half open door and looked inside hesitantly. "Hey look." he called to the other two. "I found a kind of throne room."
Robert and Marc followed George through the door and into the candle lit chamber beyond.
"It's not very big is it?" said Robert disappointedly "For a throne room." He stood in the shallow pit in the centre of the room and kicked the bundles of rags that were laying around, morosely.
"Robert! Marc! Look over here." George called. "There are barrels of wine!"
A few minutes later the three men were sitting comfortably on piles of rags drinking red wine from the weird black goblets they had found.
"So, why d'you think there's no-one here then?" asked Marc.
"Maybe there was a plague or something." said Robert.
"Surely there'd be some bodies in that case." George pointed out, refilling his goblet.
"Well something weird's going on." said Robert thoughtfully.
Suddenly the lights dimmed and there was a loud bang, followed by huge billows of smoke. George, Robert and Marc dropped their goblets and scuttled behind the wine barrels.
"Typical." muttered Robert "I knew something was bound to go wrong. We never have any more than five minutes of good luck."
"Look" said George, who was peering out form behind the barrels. "It's a man!"
Chapter 5 — Jareth the Goblin King
As George watched cautiously from his hiding place the man turned towards him and stared directly into his eyes. He wore a massive kind of cloak-jacket of white feathers, a white shirt, white tights and rather strange eye make-up. His blond hair was unusually large, with blue streaks.
As George watched in wonder the man extended a white-gloved hand in his direction. He held four crystal balls, which he was moving constantly around in a complicated pyramid shape.
"The Goblin King!" breathed George, his eyes wide with awe.
The Goblin King lifted the topmost crystal ball, while keeping the other three in incredibly fast rotation, and allowed it to float out of his hand towards George. He followed it with the second, and third. They drifted past George and disappeared among the ornate cornices on the throne room's ceiling.
George was entranced by this apparent magic. He stared at Jareth, his coral painted lips lightly parted and his green-blue eyes fixed, as the Goblin King held out the last crystal to George, tilted his head and beckoned.
Inside the crystal ball George saw a mass of colours and patterns. He wasn't sure what it was, but he knew it was beautiful.
As Robert and Marc cowered, George slowly rose to his feet and began to walk steadily towards Jareth.
"George!" hissed Robert "What're you doing? Come back." But George did not appear to hear him. He walked towards Jareth as if hypnotised. The Goblin King smiled with a cold tenderness and held the crystal ball temptingly in front of him.
Robert watched this fearfully from his hiding place. "Make him come back." he whispered to Marc. "He's going to get killed! He's insane!"
Marc eventually risked looking out of his hiding place. He caught sight of Jareth and gasped.
Jareth was still holding the crystal ball to George, who was now standing directly in front of him and reaching for the orb tentatively.
Suddenly Marc stood up confidently, grinning broadly. "Hey David." he said. And abruptly the crystal burst, and it was nothing more than a bubble.
Chapter 6 — David the Goblin King
"Hey Marc" said David, looking at the floor and shifting from one foot to another awkwardly.
"So" said Marc, smiling nastily. "It's Jareth King of the Goblins now is it?" He bowed mockingly. "I'm honoured your highness that you grace us with your regal presence." He ruffled the feathers of David's collar carelessly. "Nice jacket. I see you have as much fashion sense as always."
"Wait." said Robert "So, the guy in the tights is a friend of yours?"
"Well, I know him." said Marc "He's from the South too. I believe I may have mentioned him vaguely." He waved his hand dismissively.
David looked deeply embarrassed, and played with his sleeves nervously. "I thought you were dead.." he began.
"Obviously not." said Marc. Then he turned to David and suddenly smiled warmly. David brightened up.
"Actually David, I'm really glad to see you." he said, sliding an arm around the rather self-conscious Goblin King's waist. David smiled.
"You see baby." said Marc brightly, smiling graciously up at him "My friends and I need somewhere to stay. You don't mind do you?"
"Well I suppose you can…"
"Great" said Marc "Thanks Davie.". He turned and skipped blithely out of the room. Robert hurried after him, grinning. George followed, still looking rather dazed.
David was left alone. He sighed and trailed out of the room, his feathery cape dragging in the dust behind him.
Chapter 7 — The Banquet
Robert stood on the balcony of his suite of rooms, watching the sun set in the distance. Behind him was a luxurious bedroom complete with four-poster bed, huge fireplace and hand woven carpet. George was just along the corridor, in similar surroundings. Marc had already ensured, through a combination of sulkiness and bossiness, that the master bedroom was his. This had somewhat annoyed David, since the bedroom in question was his own.
The sound of a large gong interrupted Robert's reverie, and he headed enthusiastically downstairs for dinner. It had after all been some time since he had last eaten.
David was already seated in the dining hall, and had changed into a white shirt with a frill at the throat, grey opaque tights and brown, knee-high leather boots. Around his neck was a gold necklace shaped like a bat. He was talking to George, who was sitting next to him and listening intently.
"Well, it's nearly completed now." He was saying as Robert entered "I simply need to convince the goblins to come and live in my city, instead of their little villages, and the Labyrinth will be operational."
"It's amazing" said George admiringly "Making your own fairytale." He sighed longingly. David smiled.
"Where's the food?" interrupted Robert, who was never polite when he was hungry.
"We can't serve it until all the guests are present." explained David patiently, as if talking to a particularly stupid five year old child.
Robert glared at David, but refrained from actually insulting him, as he was distracted by Marc appearing at the door, still wearing his jeans and tee-shirt, but having now added David's white feather cape on top of the ensemble. He posed dramatically at the door, and then strutted mockingly to the table.
"Marc!" David protested anxiously "That's my best cape! Put it back. Please."
Marc removed the cape and flung it unceremoniously across the hall, where it landed limply in the dust. "Okay everyone" he said grandly "You may eat."
Robert began to remove the coverings from various dishes with interest. David looked rather miserable and George smiled at him encouragingly.
"So David." he asked politely "What exactly made you come all the way out here when you had such a good life in the South?" Were you exiled too?"
"Oh no." said David "Nothing like that. It was really the war that encouraged me to leave."
"What war?" asked Marc with interest.
"Most of the Southern states declared war on a group of Northern countries." said David. "Or possibly the group of Northern countries declared war on the Southern states. It depends on who you listen to. It was kind of over trade. No one's really sure what started it to be honest. It was just one of those things that was bound to happen. I mean, you know how much tension there was between the two areas."
"These Northern countries." said Robert "Do they include Vanaheim?"
David frowned. "I don't believe so." he said "But there were rumours that they were about to join when I left. I only saw the first few months really."
"They'd better not bloody join" muttered Robert darkly, ladling food onto his plate with some ferocity "Or there'll be hell to pay when I get hold of them." This remark didn't seem to be a very helpful conversation leader so it was pretty much ignored.
"I don't see the problem" said Marc "There was always a war of some kind going on."
"But this wasn't just any war" David explained "This was it. The war to end all wars. The one we'd all been dreading"
Marc looked shocked. The other two looked merely puzzled.
"So the new weapons…?" He asked tentatively
"Operational" David's voice was grim. Marc shuddered
"Could I ask for some kind of explanation here?" Robert interrupted "What kind of new weapons? 'cause they'll have to be pretty good to beat the combined armies of the North. You Southerners may think you're clever, but you're no match for their strength and skill and you know it."
"But you don't understand. These weapons…"
"Oh it's always the same with the South. You don't think these things through. What use is one of your armoured car things if it can't get near the enemy 'cause it's no good on mountainous terrain? And those idiotic cannon things you insist on using. They explode more often than they fire
at the enemy."
"But these weapons are different" David persisted "These are weapons of mass destruction."
"What exactly do you mean by mass?" George asked with concern. "Like, killing 20 or 30 people at once?"
"Maybe" said David "Maybe 2 or 3 hundred. Maybe thousands."
"But who has an army that big anyway?" Robert objected.
"They're not intended for use on armies." said David. Then he sighed. "D'you remember that song I wrote Marc, '5 years'."
"Sure" Marc nodded.
"Well." David said sadly "That was all we had."
"I don't see what good you leaving did though." said George "I mean, if it was a political protest it wasn't a very good one"
"It wasn't for political reasons exactly." David explained. "It was just to avoid going to war. They stepped up the hunt for National Service dodgers and the word was that conscription was the next step."
"Is that why you were in prison then Marc?" George asked. "Not doing National Service?"
"That and other stuff." Marc nodded. "It's kinda complicated. I mean, I hadn't really done anything. Well, nothing they could prove."
"You were never imprisoned then David?" Robert smiled falsely "Now, why was that?"
"Luck, I guess." David tried to shrug the matter off. Marc muttered something under his breath that didn't sound very polite. David continued hurriedly.
"It seemed a good time to keep out of the way, so I sailed over to the Island of Exiles. I was planning to stay at the home of the Head Warden, who was an old friend of mine. When I got there though, it turned out that he'd been fired for losing some prisoners in a storm. Apparently they were supposed to be for a particularly high profile public execution."
He paused and looked at Marc, who had gone pale. "I asked the new Warden if you were one of those prisoners and he said you were." David continued. "He told me they'd never found your body or the wreck of your boat, but is was pretty likely you'd died.
That night I couldn't sleep. I didn't know if you were dead or not, but I knew you were gone. And I felt kinda jealous. I mean, disappearing in that mysterious way made you sort of a legend. Well, I didn't have any better ideas and I was getting sort of tired of everything, so I thought I'd follow you and disappear too. So I crept out of the house and sailed towards the fog."
"Oh don't mention the fog" shuddered George
"So" said Robert, as he tore a piece of bread from the loaf. "How'd you come by the Labyrinth, big-nose?"
"I built it" said David proudly, so glowing with pride he missed the insult. "Well, the goblins helped obviously. They've only met a very few humans. They think of us as gods. It's very convenient."
"What about the doors and the smoke and the crystal balls?" asked George
"Now I can't tell you all my secrets, can I?" David smiled and chucked George under the chin. George blushed and simpered and David laughed.
"When a man knows as much about the occult as I do he has to keep secrets for the good of mankind"
"Oh for Gods' sakes" said Robert impatiently, throwing down a chicken leg half-eaten. "You might be able to make George think you're some kind of…" his tone became increasingly mocking "mystical wizard. But I'm not stupid and neither is Marc. There's no such thing as magic, there's no such thing as mystical powers and furthermore there's no Great Cosmic Power behind everything. And going around in a stupid cape and a pair of tights isn't going to change that. Right Marc?"
"Oh shut up Robert!" Marc screamed, rather unexpectedly. "You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know anything." And he ran out of the room.
"What was that about?" said Robert unconcernedly, choosing a pastry from the selection in front of him.
"Typical" said David "Him and his mood swings. I'd better go and see if he's okay." And he followed Marc out of the room.
"Listening to him you'd think they were married." said Robert, re-filling his wine glass.
George sighed happily and began to absent-mindedly butter a small plate.
"So" Robert smiled with sickening sweetness at George "You seem to be getting on very well with David."
"Isn't he wonderful?" said George dreamily. "He's just so individual and different. Hasn't everything just turned out perfectly?"
"Well I think he's a weird, big-nosed, stupid-haired freak with no clothes taste. I mean, has he never heard of trousers for Gods' sake? And he thinks he's gorgeous. It's deeply sad." Robert laughed. "Jareth the Goblin King! Honestly!"
"He made his own fairy tale kingdom! I think it's brilliant."
"Yeah, but he copied it straight out of a book." Robert pointed out, moving a slice of chocolate cake onto his plate.
"Do you have to be so cynical about everything!" George slammed his wine glass down angrily. "Don't you ever get tired of refusing to believe in anything? Can't you just be happy?"
"Why should I be?" said Robert coldly. "Unfortunately I can't go through life like a blinkered horse as you do. Actually I kinda wish I was as stupid as you, so I wouldn't see that there's no reason to be happy and there never will be."
"You know what Robert." said George calmly. "I hate you. Can't you just be grateful that we're alive and warm and safe after all we've been through?"
"What's so good about being alive?" said Robert. "What have I got to live for? I hate my life and I hate you, and if I wasn't such a coward I'd kill myself."
"I wish you would you whining, self-pitying, pathetic…" George paused, lost for words, and finally simply screamed and threw a tureen of tomato soup at Robert before storming out and slamming the door.
Robert, left alone, shook the worst of the tomato soup from himself and began to eat a cream bun.
Chapter 8 - Should I stay or should I go?
It was a sunny but cold morning in the Goblin City. Robert Smith was wandering the corridors of the castle of the Goblin King. He was bored. He had spent most of the morning luxuriating in the huge mahogany bath with shiny brass taps in his en suite bathroom. When he had exhausted even the pleasures of playing with bubble bath he had resorted, such was the height of his boredom, to washing his hair.
Eventually his boredom had grown too great, and he had ventured into the castle's silent halls. He had crept nervously around the huge, empty rooms, fearful of waking anyone up. Eventually the strain of tiptoeing everywhere became too great, and he went instead to the Goblin City.
But the silence of the uninhabited City unnerved him, and he soon returned to the castle. He wandered dejectedly up the stone stairs and slipped through the gap he had left between the heavy doors. As he entered, voices could be heard from somewhere within the castle. Robert brightened up. Pushing the doors until they slowly swung shut, he hurried in the direction of the sound.
He soon discovered George, Marc and David in the throne room. Marc had flung himself carelessly onto David's throne, and David stood next to him looking annoyed at having been usurped from his rightful regal position. George was standing in the corner filling goblets with wine. He smiled as Robert entered and passed him a full glass.
"It's about time you lot got up." said Robert, sipping at the liquid handed to him. "I've been awake for hours. Have you been up long?"
"We've been up about 20 minutes" Marc yawned.
"Only a few minutes" said George. "I couldn't get to sleep for excitement. Where've you been?"
"The City." said Robert. "It's really creepy. You should take a look around."
"David?" said George, approaching him hopefully. "Will you show me around the Labyrinth today? And explain it all to me?" He batted his eyelashes at David.
"Sure" David replied "Marc, Robert, would you like to come?"
George looked sulky. Robert noticed and smiled. "No, it's alright. I've got to stay here and...um...have a bath." George smiled his gratitude to Robert and then looked anxiously at Marc.
"It's alright" said Marc "I've read the book." And he swept out of the room.
"Ignore him." George patted David's shoulder. "He's just jealous."
After George and David had left Robert wandered around until he found Marc in the courtyard, sitting on a wall strumming his guitar.
"Where'd you get that from?" said Robert, sitting next to him. "I thought it was in the boat."
"David's had all our stuff brought here." said Marc. "It's upstairs. I'll show you later."
"Where's the boat?"
"He's had it put in his boat house, along with the one he arrived in." Marc explained.
"Oh. Okay." Robert paused. " So...are we staying here then?" He glanced at Marc, who was staring ahead.
"No" said Marc with vehemence. "No. I can't stand it here and I can't stand him."
"George'll be upset." said Robert. "He really likes it here. And he really likes David."
"Yeah, I know." Marc sighed. "Do you like it here?"
"Well there's no immediate risk of death. I suppose that's quite nice." said Robert. "But I couldn't say I like it. Actually, I think the whole place is creepy and weird. I agree with you. Lets leave."
"I guess..." said Marc slowly "that we could leave George here. I mean, if that's what he wanted. And just go on. The two of us."
"Yeah." said Robert. "If that's what he wanted. Do you think he'd be happy?"
"No" said Marc. "But if it's what he wants he won't listen to me. And we can't force him to come with us."
"No." said Robert sadly. "I don't suppose we can."
Chapter 9 - United we stand
George and David strolled arm in arm through the Goblin City under the setting sun. They had spent the day wandering around the Labyrinth, through secret doors, underground passageways and horrible bogs.
As they approached the castle they could see Marc lying on the steps resting his head on his folded arms and listening to Robert, who was sitting on the top step strumming his guitar and singing. As they got closer they were able to make out the words:
"Go on, go on, just walk away.
Go on, go on, your choice is made.
Go on, go on, and disappear.
Go on, go on, away from here."
"They're very depressing lyrics considering how cheerful the music is." said George as he approached. "Is it a new song?"
"No." said Robert. "It just seemed appropriate for some reason." He paused and began to tune the guitar unnecessarily. "D'you have a good time then?" he asked, rather grudgingly.
"Yeah, it was brilliant." George skipped around in excitement while still clinging onto David's arm. "We saw a talking worm, and these things with two heads, and animals that could take their heads off. And we went to the Bog of Eternal Stench and an oubliette and they were really horrible. And there were goblins and big monsters and…" he paused momentarily for breath "It was absolutely brilliant, wasn't it David?" He beamed at David enthusiastically.
"It was certainly a most enjoyable afternoon." David agreed, smiling down at George rather patronisingly. "Come along gentlemen, dinner will soon be served." And he swept into the castle, George still on his arm.
Robert strummed his guitar miserably. "Well, when are we going to tell him?" He glanced at Marc, who was still lying on the step.
"Oh, I don't know." said Marc grumpily. "Tomorrow." And he got up and went inside.
Robert remained alone for a while in the darkness, strumming his guitar and thinking.
Chapter 10 - Another banquet
Like the previous night David and George sat on one side of the table and Robert and Marc on the other. George joked and giggled with David, Robert ate a hearty meal and ignored everyone and Marc played with his food like a sulky child.
"By the way, you three." David said, refilling his wine glass. "I thought maybe since you were all living here you could sort of take part in the Labyrinth? You know, play some parts."
"Sounds stupid." said Robert. "Pass the yams."
"Well it's either that or you hide every time anyone's here."
"Who exactly are you expecting to visit?" asked Marc nastily. "It's hardly a convenient spot for weekend trips."
"The Goblins say people come now and then." David told him. "Apparently there's a link to another universe"
"Oh for Gods' sakes" said Robert, rather rudely talking with his mouth full. "This just gets more and more stupid. A link to another universe!" He shook his head.
"Can we go through?" asked George enthusiastically.
"Well" David warned "the Goblins haven't shown me how to use it yet, but I'm kinda supposed to keep it to myself. It's some kind of magic thing a wizard put there once, or something."
"And where's the wizard now?" Robert rolled his eyes. "I suppose he disappeared in a puff of smoke."
"According to the Goblins he sailed over the edge of the world." said David. "But they do tend to make things up. Pork?" he held out a slice to Robert.
"Sure" said Robert. "I never say no to food." David served him a few slices, then offered some to Marc.
"David." said Marc wearily. "I'm a vegetarian Jew."
"Oh right...yeah...sorry." David looked embarrassed. "I forgot. Sorry."
"Stop apologising to him." said George angrily. "He's always horrible to you. He doesn't deserve an apology."
"Oh shut up George." said Marc spitefully. "It's pathetic the way you follow him around al day like a lap dog. And don't give me that wide-eyed, innocent look. I'm not stupid."
"I'm only being friendly."
"Oh yeah, friendly." Robert laughed. "Friendly. Sure."
"Why are you both so nasty to him?" George demanded. "You could at least pretend to be nice, since we're staying in his house."
"Not for long." said Marc coldly.
"What d'you mean?" George was confused.
"Robert and I have decided to leave." said Marc. "You can come if you want or stay here." He shrugged. "It's your decision."
"Leaving? Why?" George asked, puzzled. "David has been so nice."
Marc shrugged again. Robert ignored everyone and buttered a roll.
"Look." David began purposefully. "I know you two and I haven't been getting on terribly well, but that's no reason for you to leave. It's dangerous and foolhardy."
"Shut up David. You're boring me." Marc replied.
"Why must it always be like this?" David demanded. "I'm nice to you and you never do anything but mock me." He looked away and bit his lip, either in anger or to hold back tears. Then turning back he said purposefully. "You know, I wrote you a song once, but you were exiled before I could sing it to you." He hesitated awkwardly. "Can I sing it now?"
"If you like." said Marc dismissively. "Music over dinner's always nice. And you've picked one of my favourite subjects to sing about." He grinned. George glared at him.
"Can I borrow your guitar Robert?" David asked, nodding to where it rested against the wall.
"Will you touch it?"
"Well, yes." said David, puzzled.
"Then no, you can't." said Robert, returning to the far more important matter of eating. David sighed and went to find his own guitar. There was a tense silence in the Banqueting Room until he returned. He sat down and bean to tune up. Marc looked at the clock impatiently.
David, having got comfortable, began to strum a few chords experimentally until he was happy. This is called "Lady Stardust." he said, and began to sing.
"People stared at the makeup on his face
Laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace
The boy in the bright blue jeans
Jumped up on the stage
And lady stardust sang his songs
Of darkness and disgrace
And he was alright the band was all together
And he was alright the song went on forever
And he was awful nice
Really quite out of sight
And he sang all night long
Femme fatales emerged from shadows
To watch this creature fair
Boys stood upon their chairs
To make their point of view
I smiled sadly for a love I could not obey
And lady stardust sang his songs
Of darkness and dismay
Oh how I sighed when they asked if I knew his name
And he was alright the band was all together
And he was alright the song went on forever
And he was awful nice
Really quite paradise
And he sang all night long
As the last notes died away George wiped a few tears from his eyes. There was a thoughtful silence.
"Pass the dumplings." said Robert. David looked annoyed but did so.
"So what d'you think?" He looked at Marc, who was eating a cream cake.
"It was alright." he said, finishing off his wine.
David looked hurt. "I thought it was beautiful." said George, patting David's hand. "He didn't deserve it. You should write a song for someone who cares about you." He smiled.
Marc yawned. "What do you think Robert?" he asked. "Shall we leave tomorrow?"
"Sounds like a good plan to me." said Robert. He looked at George questioningly. George looked away.
"We'll need the boat ready by noon at the latest to catch the good winds." Marc informed David. "Well stocked with appropriate food. And get someone to clean it to." He held his wine glass in David's face and turned away to talk to Robert. David sighed and refilled the glass.
"David." George nudged him. "You don't have to refill it. Ignore him until he asks properly."
"Yeah Marc, say the magic word." said Robert mockingly.
"Oh shut up." said George. "I'm glad you two are going. You're taking advantage of David's generous nature. At least when you're gone he'll be able to eat dinner without being insulted and have his own bedroom back."
"He has got his bedroom back." said Marc coldly.
"Where are you sleeping then?"
"The master bedroom." Marc's voice was flat.
"But David's room is the master bedroom…" George tailed off, and his eyes opened wide. He turned to David, who looked away. Marc stared blankly at him, as though waiting for a response.
George stood up slowly. "I hate you." he said calmly. "I hate you all." Then he picked up a large plate of jelly and threw it at Marc's head. It hit him squarely and knocked him to the floor. George looked around as if unsure where he was. Finally he punched David to the floor, threw his plate at Robert and ran out of the room.
Robert ignored the plate, which bounced off his shoulder, and continued eating. David sat up and checked he wasn't bleeding. Then he looked across at Marc, who was still lying on the floor covered in green jelly. Slowly a smile crept onto his face, and he began to laugh.
"Shut up." said Marc harshly, sitting up. "It's not funny." But David's laughter had become that slightly hysterical sort that continues regardless of external factors.
"I said shut up." Marc insisted angrily. "David?" David made no reply.
"Shut up, shut up, shut up. I hate you." screamed Marc furiously. He threw the nearest plate to him at David and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
David laughed for a good five minutes before he finally calmed down. He sat for a moment or two recovering before standing, brushing himself down and calmly leaving the room.
Robert, who by this time was getting pretty used to being left on his own after huge arguments, selected an apple form the fruit dish and shined it on his sleeve. "Well." he told the empty room. "I'll say one thing for them. It was the best dinner entertainment I've seen in a while."
Chapter 11 - It's not the leaving of the Labyrinth w
which grieves me...
Robert stood on the Cat Black Fuchsia Chameleon, looking for the last time at the Labyrinth. They were leaving from a small harbour just to the North East of the beach they had landed on. As Robert watched, Marc emerged from the cabin behind him.
"Well, I guess we should go then." said Robert. "George isn't here."
"Yeah, I suppose." said Marc reluctantly. "I'll go cast off, or whatever it's called." He looked hopefully toward the shore for something to stop him, but nothing was forthcoming.
He was just untying the rope which secured the boat when George appeared on the harbour wall, waving frantically.
"George!" screamed Robert excitedly as George hurried toward them and climbed into the boat. He couldn't think of anything to add to this, so he simply grinned.
The wind filled the sails of the Cat Black Fuchsia Chameleon as it left the harbour.
"How come you didn't stay?" asked Robert, still grinning.
George shrugged. "I just didn't quite feel I fitted in. And it wasn't as magical as I thought." He smiled. "Hi Marc."
"Hi" said Marc awkwardly. There was an uncomfortable pause.
"Look." said Robert. "There's David!" He pointed to the thin figure perched on the harbour wall, hands resting on a box in his lap.
"What's he holding?" said Robert. Marc looked slightly embarrassed.
"It's my mask." he said. "I gave it to him."
George smiled. "that was really sweet." he said.
"Well I thought I might as well." said Marc sadly. "When am I going to go to a Masquerade Ball again?" The three men were silent.
Gradually the sound of a guitar reached them. It was David. His voice could be heard singing mournfully
"One day
Though it might as well be someday
You and I will go far
All because of what you are
The prettiest star."
Robert, watching until David could no longer be seen, couldn't help wondering who David was singing the song for. But he supposed that in the end it didn't really matter.