A/N: Okay, so people here because they got an alert because they follow my Doctor Who fanfiction are probably wondering what I'm doing, writing another fanfiction! The only response I have to that is: Sorry, but I had to!
My friends and I were recently in a musical version of the book, and we were discussing a few of the characters. It was started by our director saying he wanted the Dormouse, when being dragged out of the sight of the adoring audience, to scream "I don't want to go back in the closet!" This lead to our realization that the Dormouse is probably gay, the March Hare and Madhatter to be opressive homophobics, and the White Rabbit, the foil to the March Hare, to be a flaming gay who ran away from the tea party once-quartet-now-trio to be himself. We then discovered the relationships between most characters and their... preference, you could say.
Anyways, enjoy, and I do not own Alice in Wonderland.
The white Rabbit sat with the Caterpillar on a mushroom, distantly wondering why he even bothered with trying to maintain a relationship with the poetry spewing nutter when said nutter looked up from the book of poetry he was reading and poked him in the side.
"Can you do anything else other than just sit there when you have time off," questioned the Caterpillar, his low droll slightly cracked from lack of use in the last couple hours.
"I'm trying to rest my feet and voice, if you don't mind. Not all of us are wheeled around Wonderland by magic on a mushroom." The White Rabbit's voice cracked as well, but from the overuse of screaming for the queen. She herself was getting a little hoarse, and had employed the White Rabbit to not only be her Hermes but her town crier as well.
"But do you have to be so boring while doing so? I mean honestly—"
The White Rabbit's eyes flashed underneath his spectacles as he glared at the Caterpillar.
"You don't do anything," he claimed. "And yet you maintain that I'm the boring one!"
"Your rhyming is impeccably awful, and you have no sense of rithmatic."
The White Rabbit bristled under the blatant insult. "At least I do more than sit on my tail day in and day out spouting poetry."
"At least I have enough brains to, as you call it, 'spout poetry,'" responded the Caterpillar, inhaling calmly on his hookah and blowing a cloud of smoke to hover above the White Rabbit's head.
The White Rabbit coughed—more like had an asthma attack—as the smoke settled on his face. "Can you put that infernal thing away? It gives me and the rest of Wonderland lifelong headaches."
"Here I thought you liked my smoke rings. I do create such beautiful pictures with them." At that, the Caterpillar blew a ring shaped like a heart to hover just above Rabbit's ears. Rabbit shook his head, scattering the smoke, and looked at his overlarge pocketwatch.
"Oh my ears and whiskers! I'm late. Again!" He shoved past the Caterpillar. "We'll finish this later."
"No, we really won't," intoned the Caterpillar. "Because we're finished, my friend."
Rabbit eyes widened for a moment before shrinking to catlike slits. "If you're always ending it, why the hell do you insist on restarting it?" At that, he hopped off to the Heart Palace, hoping the Queen would forgive him if he was a little late.
The Caterpillar sighed thoughtfully, blowing a few questioning rings out of his pipe before returning to his book; what Rabbit thought today would not matter. They'd be back together within a matter of days.
Please to review the shortness? Do you want me to continue? I'm not sure what the point of this is, but it was kind of fun, so I'll keep going if you wish!