Um... I have no explanation for this, except that what's happening in the most recent Naruto chapters has me roll my eyes in exasperation, harumph in a pissed off fashion, and sulk in anguish all at the same time. If you know what I'm talking about: this story is set AFTER all that stuff has happened and everyone's probably in an angsty mood (only I didn't want to make this angsty so it ended up half-crack). If you don't know what I'm talking about: this is so vague anyway that you can still enjoy it, I'm sure.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto (which I don't), there would be a Western-style restaurant in Konoha that uses forks.
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Digressions
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"Repeat after me. Sasuke's an asshole and deserves to be castrated with a porcupine."
"Ew." Sakura wrinkled her nose. "How's that, like, even possible?"
"Forehead, that's the point. Imagining it is the fun part," added Ino, grinning wickedly.
Sakura chewed on her piece of chicken thoughtfully. "Nah, I oppose. I mean, poor porcupine. That's just animal abuse."
"Fine, you think of something more painful," said Ino, rolling her eyes.
Sakura looked down at her hand. "I say we neuter him with a fork," she suggested, waving the said weapon around.
"No, a spork," argued Ino.
Sakura raised an eyebrow.
"What? Sporks are cooler," shrugged Ino.
The two of them ate in silence for a few moments. Then Sakura laid down her fork.
"Oh, Sakura," sighed Ino. She got up and knelt down next to Sakura, putting her arms around her. "It's okay. Let it out."
Sakura choked back a sob as she hastily wiped her tears. "I - I hate this. The stupid chicken reminds me of his hair. I want to be a vegetarian."
"That's good. Vegetarians never get fat."
"No - I can't do it. I love chicken too much. And beef."
"Sakura, seriously. You threw up last time when you had beef."
"I don't care. I like it."
"Are you done now? Because you're getting snot on my dress. And I think someone just wondered if we were lesbians."
"Shut up, Ino-pig." But Sakura cracked a smile.
Ino returned to her seat and picked up her glass of bubble tea. "Come on. Cheers to a successful therapy session."
"You call making me cry a success?" asked Sakura, blowing her nose.
"Of course. Tears are the first step towards healing," said Ino wisely. "Keeping them bottled up all this time was doing you no good. Tears are a catharsis. To the hell with pride: you gotta bawl like a baby."
"Stop talking to Shikamaru, Dr. Ino."
"But you know it's true."
Sakura leaned back in her chair. For the first time in three months she realized that the bright sunny sky outside looked really inviting and nice. Maybe she'll find Naruto and Sai today and they can go to the beach.
"You know what, Ino-pig?" smiled Sakura mischeviously.
"What, Forehead?"
"We don't even need a spork. He should just get a Brazilian bikini wax because he's got nothing down there to see."
They raised their glasses of bubble tea and clinked them together. "Kanpai!" the two girls shouted in a chorus.
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