It all started after the Elysian Fields Hotel - after watching Gabriel's stupid, stupid porno. That stupid video that made Sam feel just a little more empty inside. The one where all of Gabriel's jokes seemed to fall flat even to himself.
That was the first time.
After Dean had fallen asleep, Sam had gotten up - long since resigned to the fact that he wouldn't be sleeping for the night - and took a walk to try to quiet his mind a bit. Maybe work through some things. He'd gone out for a directionless wander, but within a few short minutes he found that his feet had taken him to the neon glow of a gas station.
He stared through the window, wondering why. Why he'd come here, why he couldn't sleep, why he could never clear his mind, why he could never let go, why he should even care so much, why he had to take everything so seriously, why he had to be so emotional, why he had to keep fighting. Why he even had to exist.
He stepped inside. The door chimed. The cashier didn't look up.
Sam stared at the display in front of the counter for an endless minute, before picking up a chocolate bar and placing it on the counter.
"That's all, thanks."
He stuffed the wrapper in his back pocket before he opened the door of the motel room.