"I'm leavin', swee'heart." Rick leaned over Michonne's side of the bed and kissed her face.
"So early?"
Before he could defend his sunrise departure, a little voice from her behind her rose from the covers, "Can I go, daddy?" Judith had a drawl even thicker than her father's and Michonne had no idea how her daughter had managed that. Recently, Judith had been an adorable yet unwanted bed guest. Normally, she took over Carl's bed, but since he had the first watch of wall patrol last night, she had creeped and crammed and cuddled herself up between her mom and dad a couple hours after her bedtime. Rick had tried not to wake her but little Judith slept like at cat.
"You can go next time, I promise." Rick answered. "Carl's comin' with me. I need his help. So you stay here with mommy and help her."
"Are you gonna see Shiva?" Judith's eyes widened and before Rick could answer she asked with excitement, "Can you give Shiva this?" Judith scuffled out of the bed and ran to her room.
"Are you sure everything's ok?" Michonne asked as she slowly sat up in the bed with a groan.
"Yeah. Everythang's fine. So we'll be back soon."
"But you've been there so much, Rick. Seems like every other day you're at the Kingdom. Are you sure Ezekiel has everything under control?"
Rick looked at her playfully confused. "Carol's there, baby. You know everythang is under control." He held her hand. "Don't worry. If it was anythang serious, you know I'd tell you."
"I know." Michonne was suspicious but trying very hard to let that suspicion go since it was obvious Rick wasn't ready to tell her what was going on. She knew eventually he would. She could have found out what he was up to easily enough but she decided that an even bigger challenge for her would be to have patience. Besides, it wasn't as if she didn't have enough on her plate already and Rick was insistent about her not being stressed. "But I want the record to show that I have been very, very," she closed her eyes tight for emphasis, "extremely patient with you and all of this."
Rick looked down at his feet and his shoulders jerked as he chuckled, shaking his head. "The record will absolutely show... It's becomin' the longest record in the world... but I will add this to it. I promise."
Rick and Michonne exchanged quizzical glances as they heard Judith's little feet bounding down the hallway at top speed, wondering what she'd want to give a full grown pet tiger. She stopped in the doorway with her parent's full attention, a sheet of paper and blue crayon in her hand. "See!" she said with a giggle. "It's Shiva!" A crude but colorful drawing of a tiger was grandly presented.
Rick praised the portrait and reached for it but his daughter snatched it away and ran to Michonne's night stand. Judith laid the drawing on the table and prepared to write, "Mommy, How you spell Shiva?"
"Sound it out, remember?" For Judith, Michonne had all the answers and she followed her like a shadow now more than ever. Michonne navigated Judith through the woods- 'You can eat these berries, but don't touch these leaves.' Her mother had shown her miracles in the kitchen- 'A wooden spoon keeps the rice from boiling over, see?' Now she was guiding her through letters, syllables, words and sentences. "What letters make the 'sh' sound?" Michonne helped Judith write the big cat's name as she bunched her blonde brow and curved the tip of her tongue over her top lip in concentration. Only when it was just right, was it given to her patiently waiting father.
"Another perfectionist." Rick sighed and took it from her hand. That comment caused Michonne to raise her brow at him, taking offense. He mirrored her look, reiterating his position. What could she say? She dropped her head in acceptance, but no shame.
"Give Shiva a kiss for me, daddy!" Judith requested as she resumed her place next to Michonne, who was smiling at Rick and shaking her head.
"Uh, we'll see." He said doubtfully, as he leaned down and kissed his wife's lips tenderly, enjoying the moment. "Love you." He said, looking into his lady's soft brown eyes and simultaneously pinched Judith's nose, so she'd know his 'I love you' was for her too. He exited the room and called for Carl so they could get going.
Carl ran pass to the bedroom door as he put on a jacket, "Bye Michonne. See ya Jude."
"Bye." She and Judith said in unison and snuggled back under the covers.
Michonne didn't know, but Rick and Carl were on their way to the Kingdom to pick up a present for her. A little more than a month ago, she had told them about her mother's mother, Mercedes Girrard.
As a kid she couldn't pronounce 'Mercedes' so she just called her Gram Mae. Michonne explained as her family paid rapt attention, that whenever she stayed with her grandmother, she spent all her time on the wrap-around porch of her grandmother's elegant, white Southern Victorian. The porch was full of vibrant potted plants and the red, black and gold trappings of the house were so cheerful, but regal too.
Michonne told them Gram Mae was an artist botanist beekeeper. To Judith's amazement, her mother explained that she always thought Gram Mae was magic because she would pick up the little bugs and then purposely sting herself in the knees or knuckles. She would pull the bee away from its pulsing stinger and Michonne would stare with big eyes and an open mouth as Gram Mae unflinchingly endured the pain. Her grandmother really used the venom because it helped her arthritis but she told Michonne getting stung helped her 'speak bee' so she could ask them for their sweetest honey. "Bzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzz" Gram Mae's tongue would vibrate against her pearly white teeth. Old Mercedes would do everything with all the theatrics necessary to stun a six year-old and Michonne told the story with the same wonderful charisma, leaving the rest of the Grimes clan enthralled.
"Gram Mae lived to be 113 years old." Michonne announced proudly. "She never went to a doctor. She made all her own medicine. She could even do cartwheels!"
Michonne told them about how she would lie on the red cushioned porch swing and watch the roly-poly bees hover and rest on the roses, the lavender, the hyacinth and the daisies. Her grandma would sing French Creole nursery rhymes from the kitchen window, right off the porch, while she packaged golden brown honey for the farmer's market. Michonne stretched out on the couch, showing them how she would slouch in the porch swing lazily and sing along with Gram Mae, giggling at the little gray kitten who seemed determined to lick her stubby fingers clean of honey. She told Rick and the kids stories until late about her Gram Mae, the bees, Snook- her cat, the house with the porch and of course, the her favorite spot, the porch swing.
Rick could picture Michonne small and bored, all sticky with honey from the comb, snaggle-toothed and happy. When she talked about her grandmother's house she lit up and Michonne's light always seemed to make his whole house warm, calm and sweet. As he thought of all the peace and joy she had given them, Rick decided to give her something special. He wanted her to have something that didn't come off a run or out of some dusty house or someone else's pre-lived life. He wanted to give her something that was only ever hers and something that he'd made with his own hands: Her own porch swing.
When he told Carl about his plan, Carl's response was a very dry "I'm in." But later that night, while Michonne wrangled Judith to bed, he found his father in the kitchen at the sink and told him with sincerity, "I think your idea is really cool. She's gonna love it. I can't wait to see her face."
A carpenter in the Kingdom offered to help him and counted it an honor to do so. So Rick and Carl felled timber, measured, carved and sanded the lumber with love and anticipation of her smile. When Carol wondered why he was in her neck of the woods so much, Rick proudly told her about what they were making, knowing she could keep a secret. She offered to make throw pillows and a blanket so the cool nights could be enjoyed as long as possible.
One of the hardest things for Rick to do was surprise Michonne. She was his right hand. Everything he planned and executed involved her somehow. For him to make his way to the Kingdom for weeks without her knowing why would have been easy enough if he just lied. But he wouldn't do that. Getting around her made it take longer than it should have but he was more than thrilled that he was able to complete this gift without her knowledge. Even though, if he was perfectly honest, he could never really rest assured that she didn't know. Her poker face was that good. But, finally, today they would unveil her gift and warm the space they called their home with happiness for the "perfectionist" who kept everything in their imperfect contraption of a world running perfectly.
All day while Rick and Carl were gone Michonne rested and played with Judith. They ate apple slices and put puzzles together. They did target practice and Daryl came over to help Judith with her crossbow (her weapon of choice). They worked on Judith's reading, but all she wanted to do was draw and paint. So they spent some time in the coolness of the spring day making clay pots to plant seeds in and painting the pots that had already been baked in the kiln. Now they were back where Rick left them earlier, napping in the bed.
They awoke to the sound of Ricks boots pounding the wooden stairs. Michonne and Judith's eyes opened in sync, "Daddy's back." They both announced to the other, smiling brightly, nose to nose.
Rick entered the room and immediately found his arms full of four year old. "Did you see Shiva, daddy?"
"Yes, I did." Rick replied, "She told me to tell you thanks for the picture and…" He tapped his chin, pretending to forget, "Uh… oh yeah. Shiva said," he threw her on the bed, "Rooooooaaaaaarrrrrrr!"
Judith bounced on the mattress and screamed back, "Roooooaaaaarrrr!" stretching forward, up on her tip toes.
"ROOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRR!" Rick answered back.
Michonne clapped her hands together once with authority, startling the honorary jungle cats, "Hey!" she got their attention. "We're gonna have to make Shiva a pen pal. No more tiger talk unless Shiva comes to visit because I don't speak tiger." She joked as she tickled the little one under her arms. While Judith caught her breath and swept her hair from her eyes, Michonne turned her attention to Rick. "Did everything go okay?"
Before Rick could answer Carl came in on cue. The level of acting he was going to attempt now made his mouth dry with uncertainty. Ok. Be chill, he thought. "Dad! Are you telling her?" he asked pretending to be annoyed.
"Not yet. But…" Rick turn to answer him.
"Telling me what?" Michonne shifted her gaze from Rick to Carl.
"Nothing." Carl answered quickly. "C'mon dad. Just let me handle it."
What Michonne didn't know was that Carl and Rick had devised a plan to keep her occupied while Rick and Morgan, who was milling around outside, installed the swing on the porch. Carl was doing a decent job of pretending Rick was somehow being unreasonable and butting into his life. They both knew Michonne would jump to straighten things out between her two favorite guys. So when she raised her brow and cut her eyes at Rick, excused him from the room without a word and patted a spot on the bed for Carl to sit down to talk, Michonne had no idea she was playing right into their hands. She didn't even notice the smug looks they exchanged as one entered and the other exited the room.
Judith, however, caught on that some mischief was afoot and followed her dad down the stairs. Her voice traveling away from Michonne's hearing, "What's so funny, daddy?"
Back in the room, Carl mildly exaggerated a dilemma about moving to the Hilltop with Enid. Michonne listened intensely, all the while thinking how she could discourage him from going while still not sounding like his father. She didn't say anything definitive and after letting him talk awhile, the conversation turned to music when Carl produced a CD he had found. He wasn't sure who the band was, but he liked it and wanted Michonne's opinion. He played it, cleverly raising the volume to drown out the sound of the drill outside.
"What's this?" Judith asked as Rick and Morgan struggled to bring the wooden swing off the truck, onto the porch. She peeked under the tarp but still didn't know what she was looking at. "Daddy, what's this?" She repeated. Rick wanted to let Judith in on the surprise weeks ago but that would've been the same as directly telling Michonne. But now, so close to mission completion, he figured it was safe.
Rick sat his end down and caught his breath. "It's a gift for mommy."
Judith's eyes got big and she took off, "Mo-" she started, attempting to call Michonne down. Rick quickly scooped her up with one hand over her mouth, her little feet running ahead of her and swinging in the air as he pulled her back.
"Shhh!" He whispered in her ear. "It's a surprise for mommy. Stay here and help us put it up." Judith nodded enthusiastically and began to pull back the cover.
The swing was much heavier without Jerry's help to carry it and it took Daryl to come in and hold it up with Rick while Morgan drilled the supports into the wood above their heads. Judith was in charge of screw distribution and lookout. She would lean toward the first floor window on her tip toes now and again to make sure the coast was clear, her little face brimming with undying anticipation to see her mom's reaction to this surprise.
She wouldn't have to wait long.
Michonne remembered that she wanted to bring in some clothes that were drying outside, but when she tried to go get them, Carl quickly volunteered. He left the room and before she could tell him she needed the exercise, he was down the stairs. But she was normally a woman in motion and she found out she was restless when she was resting, even though she knew her body would welcome a little lazing about, her mind raced with a million things she could get done before dark. There were projects all over the house that needed to be done and she was facing a deadline. So she made her way down the steps looking for Rick.
"Rick!" she called out, the sound of her voice alerting Carl that she had left the room as he came back in the house with a basket full of line-dried laundry. He rushed to the bottom of the stairs and started to climb,
"Hey! I got the clothes." Carl said, smiling a nervous smile, sequestering her to the middle of the staircase.
"Just put them on the couch. I'll get them. Where's your dad?" She asked as she took another step and put her hair up in a ponytail.
"Uhhh…" Carl was trying to think quick and just then Rick gave himself away and Michonne heard him giving instructions to Judith on the porch.
She started her approach again but Carl still blocked her way. She chuckled, "Carl?"
"Yeah?" he stared at her with dead eyes, his brain had froze and all he heard in his mind was Stall her. Stall her.
"You wanna put the laundry on the couch and move out of my way?" she said with a delicate playfulness, wondering what foolishness had seized his brain.
Rick couldn't hear what was going on inside but he thought he saw someone stirring in the house through the window. Carl and Michonne both heard Rick say to Judith, "Go make sure Mommy isn't coming." Quickly, the youngest Grimes came running in to them. She stopped in her tracks, tensing her jaw, when she saw Michonne just steps from ruining her surprise.
"Daddy, she's coming!" she called back over her shoulder, eyes fixed on her mom, "DAD!" she screamed.
"What's going on out there?" Every move she made, Carl countered. Michonne looked him up and down, stupefied. "Move!" she insisted, trying to look past his head, incidentally noticing how big he had gotten.
"She's coming daddy. What do I do?" Judith asked in a frenzy.
Just then, Carl had a stroke of genius or maybe it was madness. He prefaced his next move with, "Sorry." He braced himself and rolled the dice, emptying Michonne's hand-scrubbed laundry on the floor. He knew she would never tolerate clean clothes on the floor. When he cautiously raised his eyes to meet hers, she stood in front of him, jaw dropped and eyes narrowed.
Her face softened, "Nice try." She smiled as she stepped over shirts and socks.
Michonne could see through the widow in the living room that Rick was doing something out there but the blinds obscured her view and now her curiosity could not be sated. "Rick!" she called. "Move, Carl." She demanded in an authoritative tone. She added a poke to his ribs that made him jerk with a short howl and wince against the wall to protect his tickle spot.
"No fair!" He called out as she hurried past him, looking back over her shoulder ready to tell him to pick up the laundry. She smiled when she saw him already hastily scooping it into the basket.
"Richard Grimes!" she called again.
Rick wouldn't answer Michonne. His mind leaning toward the unreasonable thinking that if he didn't answer her, she wouldn't find him. "Daryl?" Rick made a desperate request to get his friend to slow Michonne down.
"Not me, 'Richard'. Y'all are pissin' her off." Daryl declined.
"You pussy." Rick grinned, taking a well-deserved shot at his friend. Daryl simply shrugged his shoulders.
There was only one more screw to go, so Morgan handed over the drill to Rick and, with heroic posture, approached the door that Michonne was bounding toward. "Hey, Michonne." He said, stepping inside the house with a gentle smile, standing in her path.
"Hey Morg?" Michonne replied with one foot forward and her arms crossed over her chest, daring him with a lifted brow and losing patience. He stepped aside without further warning.
"I tried, Rick." He apologized.
"Yeah, you tried." Rick said sarcastically under his breath and rolled his eyes with disappointment. He nervously fumbled with the last screw trying to position it before she stepped onto the porch. "Come on, come on." He coached the wobbly screw to it's mark. Pulling the drill's trigger, Rick bit his lower lip as the screw began to turn, entering the wood like a hot knife through butter.
With no more time, Daryl tossed the pillows and knitted throw that Carol had made on the seat of the swing and backed away as Michonne emerged from the house like a tempest with her lips parted, ready to interrogate everyone involved. But instead of issuing the third degree, Michonne saw the swing suspended between Daryl, who was shaking his head at her stubbornness and Rick, whose curls were slick with sweat from the intense exertion and the nerve-wracking crunch of time.
She ran into Ricks arms wordlessly. He chuckled at the way her frustration immediately fell off her face and he squeezed her tight. The feeling of being buried in his arms moved her to tears. Carl, Morgan and Judith assembled on the porch to witness her reaction.
"You like it?" Rick questioned her, though he could readily tell.
Michonne still couldn't quite speak, her hand over her mouth, overcome with gratitude and a little embarrassment. She turned to touch the smooth grain of the wood with her fingertips. She just stood there stunned, propped against Rick's still-pounding chest.
"It's your surprise!" Judith happily explained.
"'Least, it was." Daryl chastised her, "But you ruined it."
"Shut up, Daryl." She found the breath to warn him sharply. She sneered at him, extending her crumpled nose and tongue in his direction.
"Why you gotta be like that?" Daryl continued, relishing her torment, unwilling to let her live it down. "So damn nosey."
"Leave her alone, man." Rick chuckled coming to her rescue, the palms of his hands rubbing circles on her round belly with her hands covering his. He kissed her cheek when he felt a bulging little bump roll slowly across her middle. "Babies seem excited."
Michonne's eyes met Carl's and she started to tear up again. Carl looked down, shifted uncomfortably and leaned against the porch post. "So you gonna try it out?"
She stepped away from Rick's embrace and lowered herself onto the seat. The wooden planks whined and the suspension chains squeaked causing Michonne to hesitate a deep sit. "Is this thing gonna break?" She asked, her eyes bulging with comical trepidation as she looked up at the chains, "You know I'm a lot heavier than I was a couple months ago.
"No." Morgan assured, "It'll hold."
"Where did you get it?" She asked as she began to push back off her toes to swing.
"Your boys made it." Daryl answered. "Rick and Carl."
"You made it?" she looked back at Rick, amazed.
"And it wasn't easy." Rick answered in his pit-stained shirt and velvet smile. "Can we put that on the record? It's brand new, one of a kind."
Michonne had never received a gift that meant more, though she had received so many gifts since she decided she was done taking breaks . Starting this family, this place- this next world with Rick and everyone in the ASZ had been more than she would have ever dreamed for her life, even before the world fell apart. And when Rick asked her to marry him, full ceremony and all, she wholeheartedly said yes. Though, admittedly, it felt very unnecessary to her at the time. Even when she was with Mike she never thought a ring would make love more real. It wasn't until she looked into his appreciative eyes, as they stood in front of Gabriel, that she got it. She felt what he was trying to convey with all the formality. It was his tribute to her.
He wanted everyone to recognize her position, to behold her as he did. Everyone in their close-knit family knew Michonne well and what she could do. But when he invited all the groups in their trading circle to hear their vows Michonne understood he was establishing her in a place of honor. Something he didn't need to do. But something he wanted to do all the same- because not only did he love her, he wanted everyone else to know how much. "I'm gonna give you reasons to smile every day." He'd promised in his smart looking vest and tie on a summer day. "Because you're the reason why I smile everyday. You're the reason why everythang I do works."
Even before the wedding, a chubby-cheeked Judith gave her a gut-wrenching jewel when she asked Michonne, with a mouthful of oatmeal, if she could call her mommy. Michonne was flooded with instinctive emotion. All she could do was get up from their breakfast, stand at the kitchen sink with her back to those little sweet eyes and cry. She never dreamed anyone would call her mommy again. She had even convinced herself that she never wanted to hear it again, until Judith changed her mind with one easy request, "Can I?" So Michonne composed herself and calmly and simply answered yes.
Carl had poured more love on her soul, when, one night as Judith slept on her chest, he took a seat next to her on the living room couch. "You ever miss your old life?" he asked her in a voice low enough not to disturb his little sister.
"I do. I miss some parts of it. But I wouldn't trade this one for that one." She told him after a moment of contemplation. "Do you?"
"I don't know. He answered honestly, "I miss my mom. But..."
Her heart clenched not knowing what he'd say next. Carl continued, "But I wonder if she was still here with my dad, would they be happy. I don't even think I'd be the same person. I'd still be a boy if she were here. But I miss her anyway."
Michonne knew the feeling he described. They talked for a long time that night. They always talked about everything. Rick had told her that Carl was the first one of the group to say she belonged with them. Since then she had become Carl's friend and she had become his family. "I'm glad you're here with us." He'd told her that night on the couch. "I'm glad Judith has a mother. I'm glad that you and dad are happy..." He added, to his own surprise, "and I'm glad I can say that and not feel guilty at all."
Reordering their world with her husband, as his equal, was so empowering. The fact that they were so good at it- together- made it feel like this was the reason that they both survived- even though they'd both lost so much- and found each other in the rubble at the end of the world. They were making a life, a good life in a world where she had once thought all the good was gone. And then, that very same autumn when Michonne realized she was pregnant, the joyful promise of new life had turned briefly into a pale apprehension after a dream one night about Andre. She never told Rick the dream or how she was feeling but he could tell. He never brought it up specifically, he'd just reminded her whenever he could that there was nothing he wouldn't do for his family, for her.
"I was feelin' kinda nervous about this." He said one night as he cradled her in a warm bath, rubbing her barely visible bump. "I also felt sorta ridiculous," he spoke her feelings, not wanting her to feel alone. There was even some truth to what he was saying, "I mean, we got the last little piece to everythang we've been wantin', didn't even take long." He chuckled referring to making the babies she carried so beautifully, "Hell, it was easy." Michonne gave a slight giggle to his chuckle. "But I couldn't believe how scared I was about this part. And then one day," He paused preparing himself to go back mentally to one of the worst times in his life, "I thought about how, before we met Aaron, all of us were starvin' out there- with Judith." Rick relived the pain of hearing his infant daughter's high-pitched wail from hunger. "I didn't want to trust him because I couldn't- I- I mean, what if we got to Alexandria and it was a trap? What if she died?" He said bluntly as he took Michonne's water-logged hands into his own and squeezed them tight, resting his chin on her shoulder. He whispered, "But you were so determined. You couldn't say no to him, because you were tryin' to make sure she lived, not just that she was alive." Rick smoothed his palms over her chest and shoulders, pushing her into him till she felt his heart beating through her own body. "When I realized that, I just felt this calm come over me. I mean, I just knew- I knew that these babies are the safest kids in the world. Because we're gonna do this together, like we do everythang else." He huffed a little chuckle near her cheek.
Amazed at the way he could comfort her, Michonne's tears were streaming but she wouldn't make a sound. She loved that it wasn't false comfort. He was right. They were going to raise their family and win at it, like they'd won that day and every other. Winning was coming home to his arms. Winning was Judith waking them up. Winning was Carl rolling his eyes at her jokes.
Rick could feel her body tense and quivering, trying to stifle her sobs. He kissed her neck, "You know?" Michonne ardently nodded in agreement and reaching back to clasp his neck, she exhaled and quelled every foreboding thought. Growing their little ones inside her, was so definitive. It was really their line in the sand against despair and with his words in her ear, she felt her heart swell with defiance of any threat this turbulent world could frame.
She had so many similar flashes of love and care in the savings account of her heart. And now she made another deposit in her heart on a breezy March day-
Rick's flushed, sweat-slicked skin from all the physical exertion and all the nimble maneuvers he made to give her the surprise he'd envisioned in his mind.
The time she spent with Carl while he stalled her for his dad.
The adorable panic in Judith's voice when she saw that her mom was seconds from ruining her surprise.
"Ah'ight. If these guns are no longer needed, I will see y'all later." Daryl slapped his right bicep as he left the porch.
"Thank you, Daryl. Tell Carol to come see me soon so I can thank her." Michonne call out behind him. "And thank you too, Morg." Judith ran to give them both hi-fives.
"I'm gonna get going too." Morgan followed Daryl. "Y'all enjoy this beautiful day.
"Mommy, are you happy?" Judith asked as she used all her little muscles trying to climb up into the swing with Michonne. Rick helped her up as he sat beside them both and rested his right arm on the back of swing, dragging his fingers and thumb along the sides of his wife's neck. They all looked at Michonne waiting eagerly for her to affirm their intentions were well received, waiting for her approval and love. Judith snuggled up under her arm, Michonne's hand now closer to Rick, she intertwined her fingers with his left hand.
Michonne closed her eyes swinging forward and back again as a rush of air brushed over her skin, "I am."