What Hurts the Most
I am not sure how to continue my other two stories I currently am working on, so I decided to write this. It has been bothering me for awhile! This will most likely be a oneshot, but we will see. Thanks for reading.
Wisher 93
"Are you sure he is going to be okay?" Lisbon asked the doctor.
"He is recovering well. I won't know anything for sure until he wakes up," the doctor replied, her features graced with the up most sympathy.
"You said that the last two times I asked," she said with severe disappointment.
"I know what I said, and I also know that there is nothing you can do to change it. I am sorry Miss. The most important thing you can do is be there for him and talk to him. Maybe that will encourage him to wake up," the doctor said as she gave Lisbon another encouraging smile.
'Why do they even try to make us feel better? How can a smile and a few words change what happened to Jane?'
Lisbon slowly walked down the hallway, her feet carrying her almost automatically to the door she had become much too familiar with for her liking. She stood halfway inside the room and listened to Jane's breathing. She couldn't yet see him and she wasn't sure she could take staring at his practically lifeless body for much longer. If not for his soft breathing, she would have gone crazy long ago.
She knows she needs to go in there, and see him, talk to him. To beg him to wake up, if only for her sake. She knew that was being much too selfish, but what could she say? She knew the team needed him too, and he had yet to find Red John and get his revenge. She would help Jane find Red John if it meant he would wake up. She hated knowing all the things she would do for him. Her annoying, joke making, psychic, her best friend and maybe more (not that she would ever admit that to anyone, let alone Jane. Well, at least not yet.) . But that, she knew was not okay. She could not let herself feel anything for Jane. He was in a state she didn't know how to deal with. How do you help someone who pretends they don't need help.
Then it hit her. She is exactly the same way. She never lets anyone in and never admits she needs help, even when she really does.
'How odd that I never realized how much I need someone there for me sometimes. I guess not everyone is perfect and we all need help eventually.'
Lisbon takes the few more necessary steps to see Jane. She once again is shocked at what she sees. Realizing she was holding her breath she lets it out slowly, and breaths deeply.
"Oh Jane," she sighed, "look what you got yourself into. I am so sorry I couldn't get you out of this mess too. I need you to know that. Please wake up Jane. Please." Finding herself on the brink of tears, with no response, she continues talking about normal things. About anything that will help her feel like everything is the way it's supposed to be.
Lisbon hears a soft knock at the door and sees the nurse Kate's head poke in the door.
"Hello, Miss Lisbon. It's getting late. You have been here for days. Let's see, has it been five or…"
"It's been seven," Lisbon interrupts. She looks at Jane again and Kate can see the unshed tears in her eyes.
A lonesome tear makes its way slowly down her cheek when Kate says, "You know my father has been in this very hospital for years. He is stuck in a coma. He was shot four times by a guy who thought he was someone else. I know what it's like and I must say, as wonderful a person you seem, I don't think Mr. Jane would want you sitting around in the same clothes you had on when you arrived. Go home, get some sleep and I will call you if anything happens, no matter how slight it may be, alright?"
"Oh, I don't know about that. I could sleep through the call, or get stuck in traffic, or…"
"Mrs. Lisbon, I doubt you will sleep through the call, you awake at the slightest change in his heart beat on the monitor, and I doubt there is enough traffic to slow you down at midnight. Go home. Mr. Jane is well taken care of and that will continue," she presses gently.
"Alright. And thank you for everything. And please, call me Teresa. I will be back at…" she faltered, "eight tomorrow, okay?" she asked taking a minute to look, once again, at Jane while deciding when to come back.
"Okay, Teresa. I will see you then," Kate said with a smile.
With one more look at Jane, a quick "Good bye, I will see you tomorrow.", and a silent 'I think I like you a little too much.' she walked out the door, and went to her car.
"Jane!" Lisbon yelled as she shot out of bed. "Jane. Damn it Jane. What the hell where you thinking," she said aloud after realizing what she had just been through had only been a dream.
'You better hurry the hell up and wake up from the a coma. I will go crazy if I need to relive what happened to us again.'
Looking at the clock Lisbon realized it was only three fifteen in the morning. Not wanting to go back to bed for fear of having the same dream again, she decided to watch T.V. Padding through to her couch, she dragged the blanket over herself as she wills herself to relax into the cushions.
'CSI, no, Full House, uh-uh, In Plain Sight, maybe, Law and Order SVU…'
She switched it to In Plain Sight as a tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn't get the dream out of her mind. It was like what happened is a part of her. A part that no matter how hard she tries won't go away. A part she doesn't know if she can live with, and doesn't know how anyone else could either.
It was five to four when the phone rang. Lisbon was watching Marshall Mann and Mary Shannon. She actually really liked the show. It took her mind of what happened, if even for a few minutes at a time.
'What the hell… Jane!' She realized as the phone chimed for the third time.
She picked up the phone and heard Kate say, "He is moving. He may wake up. Hurry here, and you might be here if he does."
"He is? Oh, thank God!" she said, pulling on jeans and then finding her shoes. Lisbon slid into the driver's seat in her car.
"I will be there soon. I am already in my car and pulling out of the driveway."
"Alright. See you soon."
"Hey, thanks for letting me know," She replied somehow able to remember to be thankful.
"I told you I would."
Lisbon took a deep breath. The first in a while she imagined.
As she sped down the highway she thought about Jane and the possibility of him waking up. Was here deepest wish going to come true, or was she about to break down again (on the inside of course) because he will not be waking up now, and he maybe never will. She wished she could be strong, but she couldn't seem to be able to get full control of her emotions. Why that was she didn't understand. He was annoying. She practically despised him. He could read her so easy, she wasn't sure if she liked that or not, but it sure got old.
'But recently… I just… well something happened and I don't really know what it was. We just… I don't even know, but it was what… amazing?'
Lisbon sees the sign for the hospital and takes the exit. Ten minutes later she is inside and approaching his room. Kate is waiting outside with a concerning look on her face.
'She looks almost… upset,' Lisbon thinks.
"Can I see him. Please? Like now?" she asks, with the worst case scenarios running through her head.
"Uh, I'm sorry. Jane is not waking up. At least we don't think he is. We don't think he ever will now. I really am sorry," Kate said looking as if she is holding back tears of her own.
"No. no, no, no. This is not happening. You're lying to me," she cried. "Why would you do that? He will wake up. He has to!" Nothing she could do would keep the tears from freely falling. She didn't cry in front of people. Ever, really. But she no longer cared. She didn't care that people passing by were giving her pitiful looks or that the nurse no longer tried to get her to stop.
"What happened?" She finally managed as she pushed open the door and walked to his side.
"It looked like he was going to wake up, I mean he was moving and that's a good sign. Then he had a seizure. It was a bad one and very rare. It caused him to go into a state we believe he will never come out of." Lisbon clutched his hand for dear life, feeling it limp and rough in her small hands.
"But you're not sure. He could wake up. I mean there is a possibility," Lisbon asked begging on the inside that God would do this one thing for her. After all she had been through. They had been through.
"Um, well yes. I suppose, but we highly doubt it," Kate said, eyes cast down. "I'll be at the nurses' desk if you need me," she informed Lisbon as she turned and left.
Lisbon walked around Jane's bed to a chair where she sat down and took his hand. The tears kept falling.
"Jane, damn it. Wake up. Right now. I need you. Now, Jane. Come on, please," she started of angry and mad, but as she went on she broke down again. "Jane I love you," she admitted, her voice breaking. "Wake up," she commanded as she hung her head and cried more tears than she thought one could hold.
So this is my first real sad story and like I said my first oneshot. But if you all like it and you R&R, maybe I will continue. It depends on what you think. Even if you don't like it, please tell me why. It would help me a lot! Thanks to NeverAndAlways for being my beta again!
Thanks, Wisher93