/This one is an experiment. Figured I might as well write something a bit different as my 100th story. It might have turned out quite different from what people expect in Kream stories, but I've got good feelings about it anyway./
Chapter 0 - Thou Mother Art Gae
Year 2137, 9:37 PM
Izuku was sitting in his room in the dorm, scrolling through websites with old games. One of them piqued his interest, because it looked like total crap. But given the fact that it was described as one of the most influential games of early 21st century, he decided to look into it a little deeper.
"Huh." Izuku thought, "How can this possibly be classified as a game? It's all cubic and the textures are shit."
The game was called Minecraft and was available online for free in the public domain.
The website showed that the last time anyone downloaded this game was ten years ago. Looking at other statistics Izuku noticed something bizarre…
It looked like for the past ten years, there was always one person playing this game at least once a week. And that person was online, right now, playing Minecraft.
"The fu- how is this possible?" Izuku thought, "Who would play this? And it's the same guy who downloaded it ten years ago…"
Out of pure curiosity, Izuku checked out this person's profile. However, it was set to Private. Izuku thought that maybe he might meet this person in the game, but then realized that they probably play single-player anyway.
It was getting late already, and Izuku was stretching and yawning on his chair. This Minecraft situation was intriguing, but not so much that he would look deeper into it. Besides, it's not like he can contact that person anyway.
After a quick fap session, Izuku went to sleep.
Next day
"Yo Deku!" Katsuki's voice echoed throughout the hallway.
"What's wrong, Kacchan?" Izuku asked.
"Nothing, I just wanted to tell you that u suck and ur mom gay."
"Oh."
"Hahaha! What a FAG!"
Izuku sighed and lowered his head "You sure are cool, Kacchan. Offending me like that, asserting your dominance… That's okay, I don't mind. Cuz it's not like I'm gonna kill myself after such an insult. Though I should most definitely consider it, because… damn. I was never insulted like this before. Saying that I suck? Jesus Christ, Kacchan… you went a little overboard there."
"Nani the fuck?"
"Not only that… you called me a fag. I mean *sad chuckle* to even suggest that I would engage in sexual acts with men… Like, I am deeply hurt by that, you know? And you even had to bring my mother into this. Thanks, man. As if my life wasn't already shitty enough. Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna go to my room, lie on my bed and cry, while thinking about how you've just destroyed me. I have no idea how I'm going to recover from this."
Katsuki felt genuinely confused.
"Okaay…" he said slowly, "That's weird…"
"Oh, Kacchan, have you perhaps heard of any good suicide methods? Just not too scary, and it has to be painless. Sometimes I just want to end the pain, so any info you can give me could prove useful in case I want to finish myself."
Before Katsuki could reply, Aizawa came out of the bathroom next to them.
"Alright, that's enough." He said, "Because of you two arguing behind this door, I felt uncomfortable while taking a dump."
"We're sorry." Izuku said, "We'll try to argue somewhere else next time."
Katsuki said nothing. Aizawa looked at him first.
"… Bakugo, you're free to go."
"Finally…" Katsuki said and left the two, confused.
Aizawa set his eyes on Izuku.
"Midoriya… are you perhaps depressed or something?"
"Why would you think that, sir?" Izuku asked.
"Let's see… you said that your life is shitty, something about crying alone in bed and that you consider suicide."
"Oh… Oohhh, that! No no no, it wasn't like that, I…"
Five minutes later, at principal's office
"Principal, I've brought a student who is having difficulties in life. I've heard him talk about suicide."
Izuku gulped.
"What? Another one?!" Principal exclaimed.
"What do you mean, 'another one'? This is the first one."
"Well, this girl came here a minute ago by herself, and…"
Izuku's pupils widened when he saw the person on the chair in front of principal's desk.
"Ochako?!"
"Wh- whaat? Deku, you've got problems, too?" Ochako asked loudly, both shocked and embarrassed.
Before Izuku could reply, Aizawa dragged him outside and apologized to the principal.
"Alright, Midoriya. You will enter once Uraraka leaves." Aizawa told him.
"Do I have to?"
"How do you think?"
"Damn."
"I will wait with you here, so don't think about running."
They sat on the chairs next to the door. The stress caused Izuku to fidget on his chair. Aizawa started napping after a while, but Izuku knew it would end badly for him if he tried to sneak out.
He realized that he was also a little tired. It was a bad idea to fap late in the night. Izuku closed his eyes for a few moments, and it got really quiet. So quiet in fact, that he was able to hear what Ochako and Nezu were saying in the office. Upon realizing this, Izuku started eavesdropping.
"So that's the entire problem, principal." Ochako said. Though Izuku could hear only faintly, he could tell that she was crying.
"I see." Nezu nodded, "Well, this… certainly isn't something I've myself experienced before, but… I can definitely relate in one way or another."
"R-really?" Ochako said through tears.
"I'm pretty sure everyone at some point in their life has dealt with loss of someone or something they loved."
"B-but…!"
"I know, I know. Your case is special, that I can see. However, as much as I would like to, I am not able to help you with your problem."
It got quiet for a few seconds, but Ochako broke the silence with her increasingly loud sobbing.
"Hey, don't cry now!" Nezu said, touched by Ochako's sorrow, "Though I cannot help you with your problem, I can in fact help you overcome your depression. The key is to do something fun."
"… like what? I'm in no mood to take up anything fun…"
"Well, I've heard of this one method human females use to calm down and feel better. It's called flicking the bean, ever heard of such thing?"
"Eeh?!" Ochako and Izuku reacted simultaneously, though Izuku had to stay quiet to avoid detection.
"That was just a suggestion!" Nezu added and laughed, "What, was it embarrassing for me to say it?"
"Uh-huh?!" Ochako mumbled out.
"Well, in that case, there can only be one solution. You need someone to talk to. That better be someone your age."
"Well… I don't think I can talk about my problems to anyone in my class…"
"Then let's have someone to help you open yourself up. For example, Midoriya-kun, who has been eavesdropping for quite some time now."
Midoriya let out a silent "huh?". Aizawa, who knew from the start that he was eavesdropping, got up and led terrified Izuku inside.
"Uhm… I… I'm r-really sorry for that, it just turned out that way, I will never…"
"Calm down, it's okay, we didn't say anything weird anyway." Nezu said, smiling.
"Y-yes you did!" Ochako said, blushing, "Besides, don't drag Izuku into this! Aizawa sensei said before that Izuku's got his own problems!"
"Ochako, wait!" Izuku interrupted her, "I can handle my own shit myself, it's just that Aizawa sensei brought me here, because he was worried. So seeing that you came here by yourself, and that you have these kinds of problems… I want to help, that's all!"
Nezu gave Izuku a piercing glance.
"Is that true?" he asked.
"I swear on John Paul II." Izuku replied.
"I see." Nezu nodded, "I can see that you're not lying. Nobody would swear on the holy pope if they weren't telling the truth."
Nezu looked at Aizawa sensei.
"You can go now." Nezu said, "I'll handle it."
But it turned out that Aizawa already left a minute ago, cuz he really needed to release urine from his pee pee.
"Mr. Principal…" Ochako said quietly, "Don't tell Izuku about…"
"Don't worry, Uraraka-chan." Nezu consoled her with a smile, "This stays between us…"
He then looked at Izuku.
"… but I want you, Midoriya-kun, to take care of your friend. You two are close, right? Don't answer, lol, it was just a little joke."
Nezu's little joke caused Izuku's DICK to harden by approximately 15 percent, and Ochako got even more embarrassed than she was already.
Izuku was told to take care of Ochako during their daily activities at U.A, and none of them could disagree even if they wanted.
It was already late evening when they left the school and went back to the dorms. Ochako didn't say a word on the way, so Izuku had to step in and say something.
"So, Ochako…"
"Let's make some rules." Ochako replied without hesitation.
"Oh shit, that was fast."
"First up: don't ask why I need help."
"Why not?"
"It's embarrassing and I don't want you to hear about it."
"Okaay…"
"Second, don't tell anyone about this whole situation, alright?"
"They're gonna find out once they see me around you all the time.
"In that case, we will just tell them that we suck each other off on every occasion, and if we don't do that often enough, we will die from brain cancer."
"Wh-Whaaatt?!"
"In other words: lie."
"I'm not good at lying, also what was that about sucking?"
"Listen up, because the third rule is the most important: Ur dad lesbian."
"Huh?"
"Alright, we're here."
They stopped at the common room in the dorms. It wasn't sleep time yet, so there were a few people still hanging around.
"I'm off to my room now." Ochako said.
Izuku stopped her with his hand, "Hey, I'm supposed to look after you, so that you don't hurt yourself."
"It's only during the day, though."
"And what if you happen to have suicidal thoughts tonight?"
"I'm not gonna."
"How can I know?"
"Cuz I'm the main female protagonist and it wouldn't make sense for me to die in the first episode of a story that contains my name as one of the main characters, duh?"
"… what?"
"Deku, just…" Ochako sighed, "Thank you. But don't worry, I'm gonna be fine, for now."
"Did you calm down after before?"
"I think I did. A little, at least." Ochako replied, "Alright, it's getting late."
"Are you going to sleep?"
"Nah, nigga. I'm gonna play some Mine-"
She stopped in the middle of the word.
"What was that?"
"Nothing." Ochako replied very quickly, "Umm, goodnight, Deku."
"… did she just call me 'nigga'?"
To Be Continued
/I've scrapped this story so many times now, that it took me like ten hours in total to write this. I don't upload consistently, so I have no idea when I'm going to update it. But it's gonna happen soon.
Also, I know that most of you were hoping for some epic, dank shitposts, but I wanted to make this story different. Shitposts will come back, though. Maybe even before this story is complete./