welcome back! this wasn't exactly how I was planning on returning to AO3. I was hoping to have more updates to Security this summer, but moving has been hellish for me. however, a friend of mine just started the Mass Effect trilogy and she wanted to know more about Shakarian. after scouring this site for something that she could read without many spoilers, I could only find a few examples and decided to just write something on my own. this is featuring her beautiful Shep, Celeste. she is a ruthless spacer sentinel and probably has cooler makeup than most people I know. I don't anticipate this lasting any more than 3 chapters because I really want to get back to Security now that I have my confidence back. please R&R!

xoxo

THR

UPDATE: fixed crappy formatting. I have no idea why did that and it's extremely annoying. this is why I prefer AO3. D:

Chapter 1 - Red

Celeste Shepard had spent most of her adult life in the military, but never before had she imagined that she would be the commanding officer of her own ship. Of course, she had always dreamed of such a thing when she was younger. She did have a personal vessel back then; however, it was just made of plastic and made little sound effects when the right buttons were pressed. Times had changed, though. Through countless commendations and battles, she had made it. She was a Spectre now-the first human one, too-and she had somehow managed to get her hands on the brainchild of the turian Hierarchy and the Alliance. Her name was the SSV Normandy, and while she didn't mind being in command of the ship, she couldn't help but feel like she didn't deserve it.

At first, it didn't feel like her ship. She had indeed been the executive officer, but nobody could replace Captain David Anderson, a man she knew better than most. They were coworkers but he was also her superior and mentor. After serving with him and surpassing him in a few ways, there seemed to be no other option; she had to make him proud of what she was doing. Her assignment wasn't a simple one. Tracking down a rogue Spectre who had more than a few tricks up his sleeve appeared to be job better suited to one of her superiors, namely the one who she jokingly called "dad". Anderson had made it clear, though. He had ruined his chances to be in Celeste's shoes a long time ago. It was time to pick up where he had left off.

Sometimes, though, living up to her own preset expectations made things difficult.

Celeste looked out of the window in her room. She wasn't sure why she did it anymore; the view would be the same every time as long as they weren't docked. However, the charm of the stars was inevitable even after years of growing up as a spacer. Perhaps she liked them because they brought her back to a time when life was easy again. When she was a child, she was able to look at the stars with whimsy in her dark eyes. They signified adventure and wisdom; each glimmer was an uncharted world. Now, though, it was hard to relax and think of a time when they evoked innocence. She couldn't help but wonder if that star was where Saren was hiding. What if the supernova glittering in her peripheral vision brought her closer to her objective? In actuality, this probably wasn't the case. Celeste's mind raced regardless of the irrationality of her thoughts. When this much stress was placed on her, there wasn't much else she could do.

Fortunately for her, though, nobody else on the Normandy knew this. If there was one thing she was good at, it was keeping up her reputation. Yes, she was ruthless at times, but she put being fair above everything else. It was the best way to lead, in her opinion. It also still gave her opportunities to fulfill her dream of being a badass. It was slightly immature of her, but she still couldn't help but fantasize about being the kind of woman she would see in vids as a kid. She kicked asses and took names, standing up for what was right in the galaxy. Any words that passed through her red lips were righteous and commanding. However, at this point, it was fair to say that she had surpassed the dream woman that she had conjured up in her head.

Despite this reputation and everything she had gone through, her eyes still sat lost in the stars, wondering how she had even gotten to this point. It was overwhelming, but she knew that she couldn't just sit there. In a flash, she came back to reality, stood up and then began walking to the door that lead out to the crew deck. Before leaving, though, she was sure to swipe her infamous lipstick across her lips one more time. Who said she wasn't allowed to be a little frivolous just because she was on a warship?

The door opened with its usual buzzing sound and the crew members that were on the deck turned to look. Some of them greeted her with a smile while a few others nodded. There was one in particular who smiled a bit more than most; he was straight to the left of her cabin and was hunched over a few storage lockers.

To Celeste, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was both an enigma and a trusted friend. When they had first been assigned together, she learned to appreciate his skills in combat. Their specialties were similar; both had a knack for tech and biotics and it created something they could talk about. Even after Shepard gained control of the ship, their conversations became longer and longer. They were somewhat therapeutic; Kaidan had interesting stories to tell, and from time to time Celeste could swear that he was flirting with her. Some comments were more blatant than others, and while she did find the man attractive, there was someone else on the ship who offered her just a bit more for completely different reasons.

She couldn't think about him now, though. Kaidan was beaming and walking towards her, which meant imminent conversation. Shepard didn't mind, though. Kaidan wasn't him, but she certainly did enjoy his company.

"Commander," he said, his smile fading just a little. "You missed dinner. Granted, there wasn't a lot to miss food wise, but it's still funny watching Liara dealing with Alliance rations."

Celeste chuckled. He was right; she had missed dinner and hadn't even realized it. As a biotic, it wasn't good for her to skip meals. She burned calories faster than the average human, and if she slipped enough, she would quickly become too skinny for combat. After making a mental note to grab a protein bar before taking the elevator down to the cargo bay, she made an effort to smile at the man in front of her.

"Poor girl," she said, quirking an eyebrow up. "She really wasn't kidding when she said she didn't know much about humans. I really didn't think that included the food."

A comfortable silence fell over the two, and before she could say another word, Shepard's eyes lingered on Kaidan as he continued his work. It looked like he was cleaning something up from the storage locker. What it was didn't seem like her business. Of course, it probably was her business, but she trusted Kaidan enough not to get involved. While she did like talking to him, she needed someone else to curb her slight anxiety about what tribulations were ahead of her.

That man's name was Garrus Vakarian.

Everything that happened after that was a blur in Shepard's mind. She carried on with the conversation for a few more minutes, talking about their next mission to Noveria and how hellish the economy and security was there. She ducked out after that, saying brief hellos to the rest of the crew. After grabbing that protein bar she promised herself, she padded over to the elevator.

One hand held her nourishment and the other one fingered with the tube of lipstick in her pocket. She kept it wedged in her undersuit even in combat, but on the ship it was always on her. Most of the time she just fussed with it so her hands would have something to do. Now, though, it felt different. She fidgeted with it because she was somehow a little bit nervous.

There was an undeniable attraction between Celeste and Kaidan, but he wasn't the only one on the ship who shared a special connection to the commander. At first, Shepard didn't know what to think of the former C-Sec agent that she had picked up on the Citadel. He was headstrong and wanted to be a hero, that much was certain. He was also a turian-a tall one, at that. He towered over her and everything about his body made her wonder. His eyes were a fierce blue that matched the clan markings on his face. He didn't have skin-plates, he called them. It contrasted her neutral colored features entirely. Perhaps that was why she was interested in him at first. Celeste found solace in Kaidan because they were similar; she appreciated Garrus because they were entirely different from each other both physically and mentally.

At first, she judged that they would have nothing in common. Turians came from a rigid society, but in no time at all she figured out why Garrus was considered such an imperfect turian. He aspired to be like her someday-going against the grain and fighting for morals as opposed to laws. She was inspired by his tenacity, and he in turn learned from her. Celeste's trust didn't come as quickly in their relationship, but throughout the journey, they developed a mutual respect for each other that managed to drift past mentor and student. It wasn't like that anymore-Garrus had turned into a friend. Celeste always talked to him more so than Kaidan. He didn't always agree with her, either. With almost every subject, he had a different approach. Some people were scared to stand up to Shepard, yet over time, Garrus turned out to not be like that. He made her question herself, and to Celeste, that was just as admirable as honesty and loyalty.

A few months into stopping Saren, the crew seemed to notice the friction between the friends. They ate together and Shepard spent more time than she should have when it came to "inspecting the Mako's repairs". This was really code for spending time in the cargo bay with Garrus, and once rumors began circulating, Celeste had to question herself. Did she really spend that much time in the cargo bay? Garrus was an alien and also her friend. Those kinds of thoughts were dumb, right?

They didn't seem so dumb when she began to apply more lipstick than usual and straightened up her uniform just so she could go see him.

It was all subconscious at first, she thought. There was no way in hell that she had a petty crush on an alien that looked like a humanoid raptor. She had never felt attraction towards turians before.

That is, until she began opening her eyes a little more.

During their lengthy conversations, Shepard began noticing things. At first, it was the small stuff that she didn't feel ashamed about. She admired the markings on his cheeks and the way his mandibles would flare when she cracked a good joke. Then she began paying a bit more attention to his voice. The dual tones it had changed based on his tone, almost as if he was sending her subtle messages. She wasn't one to judge, though; her knowledge of turian vocals was nonexistent.

Now, though, she watched him in a way that made her feel like a teenaged girl again. The curve of his hips and the way his armor always hugged his body intrigued her. His eyes shined brightly every time they met hers, and each time he smiled, she couldn't help smiling back. It all felt so stupid at first and she doubted that he reciprocated the feelings, but she didn't care.

In Celeste's mind, Garrus became a fantasy-a "what if". She didn't want to ruin the relationship she had with him and she sure as hell had no desire to admit her feelings. It was obvious that the crush was becoming too much for her-as if she didn't have enough stress already. Yet at the same time, Garrus calmed her. The emotions she experienced in his presence confused her; she was both anxious and relaxed at the same time. This occasion was no different.

The elevator doors slid open and she shoved the wrapper of the protein bar in her pocket with the bright red lipstick. With confidence, she began to walk over to the Mako, ignoring the other crew members in the room. They didn't acknowledge her, anyway. They knew why she was really there.

Her combat boots made a distinctive thud on the metal grated floor. She had to vent to Garrus-there was a lot to go over after the last mission, after all, but much to her displeasure, he wasn't there. This situation seemed highly unusual. Garrus usually kept to himself after mealtimes and calibrated the large vehicle in the cargo bay. He was a man rooted in routine-it was probably because he was a turian-but today, this didn't seem to be the case.

Celeste crossed her arms and inspected the scene in front of her. The Mako looked relatively untouched, and despite being out roving on a planet the other day, it looked immaculate. It just proved that her friend was good at his job, and as if to confirm this even more, she continued giving the vehicle an informal inspection. As she moved, it was apparent that there wasn't a single scratch.

When she got behind it, though, she found a welcome surprise.

She had never questioned where or when Garrus slept. She remembered him saying something about turians needing significantly less sleep than other species. That wasn't really what was on her mind right now, though. What she did see was a very large turian sleeping on a cot that looked neither comfortable or appropriately sized. Both his fringe and his legs hung off of either end of the cot, and to Celeste's surprise, the man hadn't even taken off his armor. It looked quite excruciating, and with a bit of hesitation, she took a step towards him.

He must have heard her. He had to have, because in an instant, Shepard leaned back and watched as Garrus sat up and rubbed his forehead. His eyes appeared dizzy from lack of rest, but that was all Shepard was able to determine about his current state. Turians weren't like humans; there were no bags under his eyes and and he didn't seem lethargic.

"I didn't interrupt you, did I?" she asked, her lips curving into a frown. Thankfully, he didn't look too unhappy with her. In fact, she could swear that she saw his mandibles flare out just a bit.

"No, I was just catching a cat nap. That's what humans call it, right?"

This was something that Celeste couldn't help but laugh at, and as a friendly gesture, she held out her arm to help him up. He took the offer in stride and the turian was soon on his feet again, making his way out to the front of the Mako.

"You don't usually sleep now." Celeste continued. "Are you slacking off, Vakarian?"

At first, Garrus' heart pounded a little. He might not have been one that played by the rules, but he did not slack off. It wasn't in his nature. Luckily for him, he had gotten better at reading human body language. Judging by the smirk on Shepard's face and the way she had shifted her weight to one hip, it was clear that she was joking.

"You know me," he joked. "I always look like I'm doing something until you show up. Sometimes I'm convinced you do that on purpose, Commander."

Just like it had been before with Kaidan, Celeste allowed a comfortable silence to fall between them. It was then that her smile faded into a neutral expression. Garrus knew that look and what usually came along with it, and when she had her back turned, he dared to touch her on the shoulder. She flinched. He held back.

"Are you stressed again?" he asked. He didn't know if this was overstepping his boundaries, but even if it was, he did it out of concern. Shepard needed someone to look after her, and while this hardly seemed like a role that was appropriate for him to take on, he worried about her. This was something that friends did, right?

"Not that I've been watching, but-you're tense. I could see it on the last mission and you haven't mentioned anything troubling you for a while."

He was right. She knew he was right and it made her bubble up on the inside. She also knew that he had noticed her every move; her finger moved to the trigger and she shot more than she had to. Her biotics flared and she was louder than usual. Kaidan didn't seem to pick up on it; maybe he thought she was having a bad day. But it had all been building up and Garrus had somehow seen through their interspecies boundaries and noticed something.

"How do you sleep on that cot?"

Celeste turned around and looked Garrus in the eye. The feeling of his hand on her shoulder was unbearable in the best way possible. It almost burned like it was a punishment; she shouldn't be feeling this way about a crewmate. A turian crew mate, no less. She had to change the subject.

Besides, she had been burdening Garrus with her problems for long enough. He never complained or talked about his own.

The turian's mandibles furrowed in confusion at the subject change, but he wasn't about to argue with Shepard. This was, after all, a point of contention for him.

"Off the record? I'm lucky I don't have to use it much. It's not as long as a standard issue Hierarchy bed back when I had to serve, but I'm not about to complain."

What happened next was hardly what Celeste had intended to say. There was something about Garrus that made her spew out more than she would have liked. He ruined her composure and she didn't know how to feel about it. If he kept it up, she didn't know how long she could keep her badass reputation for.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked. "I'm sure they sell military surplus on the Citadel. I like my crew to be comfortable and I, uh...I need you, Garrus. Somebody's gotta watch my six, right?"

She hadn't intended for her tone to be so tender. However, she did mean every word that she said. If her crew wasn't taken care of, it could inhibit them from completing their mission. That and she really did care about their well being. She just happened to care a bit more about Garrus'.

"Right. That still won't be necessary, Shepard." Garrus said. "I don't want to ask for special favors."

Little did his superior know, he was showing obvious signs of turian embarrassment. His eyes flitted around and his mandibles flared in and out. He could feel the sensitive skin underneath his plates begin to heat up, and as he tried to maintain eye contact, he kept telling himself that he was overthinking things.

Garrus liked to think that his assignment on the Normandy wasn't just something that happened without reason. The spirits had aligned things the right way for him; just as his job at C-Sec ended, he made eye contact with a woman who looked like she knew exactly what she was doing. She had a two person squad with her and was armored from head to toe. The most interesting thing about her that he noticed was not necessarily the fierceness of her demeanor or her stride, though.

It was her red lips.

In his time as a C-Sec officer, he had met many humans. Each one was different from that last and he began questioning how diverse their gene pool really was. Some had skin that was paper white with eyes the same color as his and golden hair. Others had skin the color of coffee-a distinctly human beverage. Their hair was wiry and intriguing, leaving the turian endlessly curious.

Never before had he seen a human with bright red lips, though. It was something that drew him in, and as embarrassing as it was, he had stared at Shepard while she walked towards the Council. While the concept of lipstick on humans was foreign to Garrus, he was still interested in the woman. She was distinct and had the air of a leader. The events that followed just happened to all fall into place just at the right time.

Now, he stood in front of the commander, who had turned into a woman with many hats.

She was the boss, a trusted friend and even a teacher. Despite not being well acquainted with human relationships, he guessed the one he ended up forming with Shepard was rather different. She didn't always come down to the cargo bay to talk to Ashley and Wrex. It was fair to say that she made exclusive trips just to see him and so that they could speak. It wasn't easy at first, especially with their different ways of thinking. There were times when they were polar opposites. This wasn't something that deterred either of them, though, especially Garrus.

After being stuck on the same track his entire life, he needed someone like Celeste.

They were in a good place now. She unloaded her troubles onto him and he gave her tactical input. They discussed moral issues and agreed. On good days, they disagreed. When this happened, it always ended with raised voices that were still good natured.

Sometimes they laughed.

Either way, they had a bond now, and as much as Garrus wanted to resist becoming attracted to his superior, Shepard made it impossible.

It took the turian a moment to pull his mind out of his thoughts. Celeste was in front of him now, her arms crossed. They both knew that she wouldn't hesitate with that cot. She might have been ruthless when she had to be, but she was also kindhearted.

"It's no trouble." Shepard mused, pacing to look at the Mako again. "You deserve accommodations that work for you."

"But I can make do. You don't need to worry about me. What matters is stopping Saren, not getting rid of a cot I only sleep on for only a few hours a day."

It soon became obvious that Garrus wasn't budging, making Celeste's cheeks flush red. That goddamned effect he had on her started to well up in her stomach again, and before she knew it, she was saying something that she knew she couldn't take back.

"If you don't want us to pick something up, then I've got an idea." she said, her body leaning on the Mako. "You sleep at different times than me, right?"

Garrus didn't know if he was supposed to respond. The thumping of his heart in his chest reverberated in his ears, and with anticipation, he took a step towards his commander and took the same position as her.

"If you're ever in need of some real shut eye, my room is usually free. My bed is a helluva lot more comfortable than a cot and it should be long enough. N-Not that I want to be out of line, but-"

She was in too deep now. What had she just said? Was she really that stupid? She had let herself slip again and now she was making it seem as if she wanted to set something else. In actuality, she wanted to test the waters, but she had no intentions of pushing Garrus this far.

"Commander…"

Oh god.

"I wouldn't want to overstep any boundaries. Alliance ships aren't like turian ones, but if it makes any difference…"

What is he saying? What had she done?

"I might take you up on your offer."