When Angels Fall

by Crystalline Methane

Complete Version. I'm bad at summaries but just know that I have decided to reupload the complete version of this fiction here on . Rated M.

When Angels Fall by Crystalline Methane (AFF and )/xtaleen_methane or rage_cross (Livejournal)

Type/Genre: One Shot/Angst

Reading Guide:

"text" = dialogue

/text/ = internal monologue, thoughts, etc.

- = change of scene

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk and its characters belong to Inoue Takehiko. I am in no way claiming any ownership over them. However, Keisuke and Taku are mine. The name Niikura was taken from Niikura Kaoru, a band member of Dir En Grey. This story has no ill will towards Mr. Niikura or his band. The author just ran out of names to use.

He leaned against the brick wall, right underneath the yellowish glow of the old light bulb that illuminates the dark alley. He wondered why he chose that spot that night. He usually stayed in the darker areas of the notorious street. It stank of piss, garbage, and stale cigarette smoke, but he didn't care. He was used to it anyway. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his black, suede jacket to keep them from going numb. The air was starting to get chillier every night. It was autumn after all. In a few more weeks, the heavens will start crying a chilly haze of crystalline flakes. When that day comes, he won't be able to do his part time job anymore.

He was scum and he knew that too well. Having people say it in his ears too many times in the past left undying echoes bouncing inside his head. He started to believe it and now, he knows he is one. However true the claim maybe, he is 'still' human scum. And dying in between the walls that recorded his sins is not acceptable.

The leave of absence he's about to take is just around the corner. He had to earn enough money to get him through the winter months. He had three month's worth of rent left unpaid and if he didn't pay it in the following week, he will be kicked out. His landlord was non-too-gentle in shoving him up against the wall and giving him an ultimatum.

If he gets lucky tonight, this might be his last day before his long overdue vacation. He didn't know if his body can take anymore abuse.

He let out a loud sigh and rested his head against the wall. His eyes turning into slits as the horrid, yellowish glow assaulted his sensitive blue irises. Tiny insects were flying around the bulb, attracted by its glow and warmth. Had it been a lamp, they would've burned even before they landed. Was he just as lucky? He's been playing the same game over and over again, but somehow, he always found some sort of fallback that hid his dark side and pampered his conscience. If his luck was to run out, he'd be dead sooner than you can say basketball.

The mere thought of his favorite game put a ghost of a smile on Rukawa's angelic face. He was painting a beautiful and erotic picture of himself as he did so. A long and slender neck arching beautifully against the rough surface of the brick wall, his pale skin tone contrasting against its deep red color, and his model-like body softening its hard edges. He need not try hard because it was natural to him. A mere flick of the wrist after a fade-away or a minute nod to acknowledge an acquaintance was apparently 'beautiful'.

Yet another word that twisted his face into a frown. It is something so common and so abundant in his physical features that he's beginning to feel sick from it. All the unwanted attention just because of a characteristic that he can live without. Why do they adore him? Don't they know that underneath the beautiful gift wrap was a dirty and disgusting surprise? All they had to do was unravel the pretty ribbon that he aptly called his sanity to reveal it. His body and his mind were his own version of Pandora's Box. Anything that will come of it will roam free and destroy the very world that kept him alive.

Can you say ironic?

As the saying goes, life's a bitch and then you die. Rukawa could only shake his head at the terrible road his life is bound to take. He finally looked around him, remnants of the light still flashing in front of his eyes. There were other young men around him. All were there for the very same reason he had.

To live.

It's funny how someone must die first before he is able to live and survive. All his beliefs and morals, the very essence of his being, broken down and left to rot at the very bottom of a pit. Live and let die. He had no choice.

It was still early in the evening and he was not surprised why nobody's eyeing the buffet on Red Mist Lane. He took the afternoon train from Kanagawa to a prefecture 3 KM north of his hometown. He cannot risk anyone seeing him there. Besides, Red Mist Lane was notorious for its delectable pickings and the ample monetary return for the delight of tasting them. Rukawa could not remember the official name of the street but he's pretty sure it was named after a war hero who died in the siege of Corregidor Island. Rukawa believed that this person would rather be damned in hell than have his name stuck with a street that became the heart of the red light district in that city. Such a shame.

More and more of his 'colleagues' are starting to arrive, each of them taking their places. They were waiting for seven o'clock. It was the time when predators go out and hunt. And for obvious reasons, they go where their prey are at.

"Kaede."

He heard his name being called from somewhere at his right side. He looked at the source of the sound and saw who it was. Keisuke. Once a whore himself, he now pimps men like Rukawa to possible costumers. Unlike any ordinary pimp though, Keisuke never held them around the neck. He only wants to help them out by trapping other men with extra cash to spend with his whole plethora of skills. Rukawa could've sworn that the man had convincing powers that would rival any sales person.

He nodded as an acknowledgement and waited for Keisuke. He knew that he would be providing him with his tools for tonight. Somewhere hidden in his skintight denim pants were packets of condom and small tubes of lubricant, enough to get him through the night.

"How are you doing, beautiful?" asked the man as he neared Rukawa. "You don't look good, are you sure you're up for it?" Keisuke attached his lanky figure to Rukawa's and pinned him against the wall. Their lips meeting in a chaste kiss. Keisuke wedged his hands underneath Rukawa's arms, trapping him effectively.

"I'm fine and I'll always be fine, Keisuke," said Rukawa, not to pleased of Keisuke's assumption.

"Mmm… I see, I'm sorry then. Don't be angry at me," whispered Keisuke in Rukawa's right earlobe. He placed butterfly kisses on the perfect lobe and on Rukawa's jaw line. He breathed against his skin, leaving a hot trail on its wake. Keisuke's caressing lips made Rukawa shiver slightly. "So…," said Keisuke as he emphasized such a simple word with a good rubbing of their lower limbs together. "…I guess you'll be needing these…"

One of Keisuke's hand left Rukawa's body to go behind and dig for the condoms and the tube of lubricant in his back pocket. Keisuke pushed himself a few centimeters away from Rukawa's inviting body and raised his full hand. Six, thin, red foils and a black tube lay there. "I believe you've been waiting for these, love…"

"I didn't know you care," said Rukawa, sarcasm evident in his voice. He gave Keisuke's body a little more push and he freed himself from the other man's trap-slash-embrace. He took the paraphernalia from Keisuke and placed them inside his own front pocket. "You might make one of your little pets jealous if you keep on doing this."

"I only care about you," said Keisuke, shrugging his shoulders. Did he, really? Rukawa noticed that Keisuke's been giving him less aggressive costumers lately. Those men who only wanted to be kissed, groped, and sucked but paid big, sometimes even twice the amount. Keisuke's been transparent to Rukawa ever since they met. He said what he wanted to say and addressed his concerns immediately. That's why when he said that Rukawa was special to him, the younger man believed him. This is the closest to a 'pampering' he will ever get and regardless of his refusals and dismissals of Keisuke's affection, he rather enjoyed it in more ways than one.

"Who's coming tonight?" inquired Rukawa. Keisuke kept a long list of regulars for his boys, several of them falling under Rukawa's name. They rather enjoyed the mysterious, black-haired man who didn't do anything unless he was told to do so. Submission is his game; being flexible his strategy, and being pliant is his tactic. Everybody wants to have control at least once in their pathetic lives and Rukawa was more than willing to give them that opportunity. That is, if they have the money. His services did not come cheap, afterall.

"The usual—Niikura and two of his friends, Sato…," said Keisuke as he combed his right hand through his straight, honey blond locks. His intense, deep brown eyes focused on Rukawa's own. "Tell me if Niikura gets too aggressive again."

"I can handle him," replied Rukawa. He knows why Keisuke was concerned. He was so badly bruised the last time he let Niikura had his way. He was a well-known personality, more specifically, a lead guitarist for a rock band. He was used to getting his way with people. "The worst thing he can do to me would be just as bad as the last time."

"He's abusing you," said Keisuke plainly.

"And you're not?"

A tinge of hurt reflected in Keisuke's eyes. "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm trying my best to care for you and if you feel that I'm taking advantage of you, then—," said Keisuke. However, he was not able to finish his sentence. Rukawa knew that he just accused Keisuke of a grave thing. He did not mean it but the words just slipped out of his mouth. It was natural for him to do that. He has a tendency to hurt those who are trying to care for him. Rukawa captured Keisuke's lips into his own, sealing the rest of the sentence inside. He pushed his tongue into Keisuke's and tried to pleasure him. He felt the other man respond to his efforts. He knew that Keisuke can still taste the bitter words on his tongue. Rukawa's hands encircled Keisuke's neck, pulling him down to his level. He felt the brick wall behind him. His lungs started to burn but he dare not pull away from Keisuke, lest he was willing to let go of the man.

"I know you did not mean it," said Keisuke as he pulled away from Rukawa. "I should know better than to force my opinion on you… but please understand that I'm worried. I don't want to find you bruised and bleeding again."

"I won't. I'll be careful," said Rukawa as he looked into Keisuke's eyes. He hugged him tight. He honestly hugged him. "Will you and Taku wait for me outside the room?"

"If you want to, we will," said Keisuke, obviously referring to him and his friend Taku Miyamoto. They've been in the same business for years and considered each other best friends. They had each other's back and Keisuke knew that he also carries a certain amount of affinity to the young Rukawa. He would do anything for him as well.

"I would appreciate it, really," said Rukawa against the taller man's neck.

"Then we'll escort you and Niikura to the hotel," assured Keisuke. Rukawa felt Keisuke's embrace tighten around him, the warmth was still foreign but not in the least unwelcome. He felt Keisuke's lips leave warm kisses on his forehead, the last one lingering far longer. "Well, I need to make my rounds, love. I have other people to take care of," said Keisuke as he let go of Rukawa.

"I though you said you only cared about me," Rukawa pouted.

Keisuke chuckled at the sight. "You know what I mean," said Keisuke, as he gave Rukawa a wink. "See you later."

Rukawa sighed as he was left alone again, Keisuke's tall figure disappearing into the dark. It was going to be a long night and his eyes will be open to witness everything that will happen until the first rays of the sun pierce the sky.

Sendoh was lost.

He's never been to this city and God only knows what it's called. Why did he let Koshino convince him to come here. He was holding a plastic bag containing several antique trinkets that he bought in a flea market several streets down from where he originally came from. He lost track of time and of the little cuss as well. He ended up searching through the throng of people to no avail. He had no means of contacting the other because he left his cellphone in their haste to catch the 11 AM train.

/Koshino, you idiot…/

He sighed, greatly frustrated at his current situation. Catching the Christmas buzz was good but getting submerged in it was too much. Christmas songs were blaring through the open doors of every store he passed. Original Japanese songs or Japanese renditions of Rudolph The Red-nosed Raindeer or Deck The Halls were everywhere. He could've sworn he saw a pair of horns somewhere in the crowd earlier that afternoon. Sendoh finally decided that wandering through an unknown city was useless. It was nearly 7 PM and he still had no clue as to Koshino's whereabouts.

"Excuse me," said Sendoh as he suddenly stopped a couple of teenage girls. The two girls were surprised, obviously unaware of anything and anyone around them. They were emerged in a conversation before the tall, handsome man stopped them. Sendoh smiled apologetically and said, "I was wondering if you can point me to the train station."

After ten minutes of talking and sketching out a tiny map on the back of his flee market receipt, Sendoh was on his way to the train station. The two girls were more than willing to help and even offered to escort him to his destination. Well aware of his bad navigating skills, he was close to taking on the offer but decided against it. As a payback for their services, Sendoh allowed them to ask him anything that he could offer them right then and there. They just took out their camera cellphones and took pictures. They were conveniently blocking the sidewalk but the two girls were again oblivious to that fact.

Sendoh was offered two ways. One was the long way, where in he had to cross the street, walk around the plaza, past two blocks, and a right turn that would lead directly to the station. The short cut would cut his traveling time in half but it would mean going past the notorious part of the city. He had to go back one block, cross the street, and into a series of small alleyways and back streets. Sendoh didn't want to stay any longer in the city so he decided to take the short cut. The two girls tried to persuade him against it since it was dark already. Just to appease them, he said he will take the first option and waited for them to go away before he finally turned around and headed for the shortcut.

"Of course when they said small, I didn't think they meant tiny," said Sendoh as he tried to squeeze through a two feet wide clearing between two, medium sized buildings. He walked sideways through the alley, knees banging into the hard concrete every now and then. He looked up to the sky and experienced a reversed vertigo. He suddenly felt as if he was falling down while the building threatened to fall on him. He cursed when he banged his head on the wall. He could barely see anything, the lights from the end of the alleyway was not enough to properly illuminate his path.

Finally squeezing himself out of the 'alleyway', he was greeted with a lot of neon lights and a wall of smoke. A quick look around the area and he knew why the two girls told him not to take the short cut. It went right through the red light district of the area. Hookers with short skirts and high platform boots lined the sidewalks, black and expensive looking cars passed on the street carrying their rich owners out for a good night, drunks and addicts were scattered everywhere, and the music from the bars and clubs reverberated through the ground he was standing on.

"Looks like they put out the Christmas lights way too early in this area," said Sendoh to himself.

"It's always Christmas here," someone said from behind. Sendoh was startled and turned around. A man wearing an all black attire was leaning against the wall, eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses. In his hand was a newly lighted piece stick of pot. "People splurge money every night of every week of every year. And a lot of people here are more than willing to give in able to receive."

Sendoh looked at the man oddly. Not really knowing how to reply to what he just said. He looked on as the man took the stick into his mouth and sucked in the poisonous smoke. The man inhaled, taking the smoke into his lungs, drawing every last breath of (in)sanity from just one stick filled with dried leaves. The man blew out the smoke, some escaping through his nose. Sendoh wondered if a life trapped inside a small box of rolling paper and Marijuana was worth living. It must be sad to have neon lights as the closest thing to the sun that he'll ever see.

"I would advice you not to go drifting on like that around here," said the stranger again, breaking Sendoh's reverie. "This is Wonderland my good man, but not everything in it is as nice and forgiving."

"Thanks," said Sendoh flatly. He turned around again, ready to cross the street.

"Then again, your dream could just be around the next corner."

Sendoh didn't even bother to look back. He crossed the street without even looking both ways, relieved that he was now yards away from the creepy man in black. He regained his composure and started walking again, trying to find the street he was supposed to take. Unlike the rest of alleyways he passed, this street wasn't following the original path. It was off by a few buildings to the right. He passed by pimps and drug dealers trying to sell their goods to him. He successfully shooed them away when a hooker grabbed his ass and squeezed it. He nearly shouted but swatted the hand away instead. He walked even faster this time, trying to find the street. He knew he was fresh bait for every one here since he screamed of 'newbie' and 'innocent' even from several miles away from these people.

He found the street and gladly ran into it. Finding the dark and stinky pathway safer than the main street. He heaved a sigh and looked back, checking if any of the hookers followed him into the street, mistaking his hasty retreat into the dark street as a desperate call for paid sex. Thankful that the horrible scenario was far from happening in real life, Sendoh was about to slow down and look ahead when he bumped into someone.

/Oh fuck! Not again! Please God… NOT AGAIN!/

He hesitated to look at the person in front of him but his head turned anyway.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to charge into you like that," Sendoh said as he bowed his head slightly.

"It's okay. I'm used to that. Most people would give me a good wallop on the back… a small bump is nothing. What can I do for you?"

Sendoh looked before him and was met by two, piercing eyes. They were black in the poor lighting but it could be dark brown or dark blue in the day. The man was as tall as him, was good looking, had blond hair, and was the first 'normally' dressed person he saw ever since he stumbled into the accursed street.

"Well, I'm a bit confused. It's nothing really… just a small dilemma—," said Sendoh.

"Don't tell me," said the stranger.

"Umm, okay."

"You're not sure if this is the right thing to do…"

"Umm, yeah. Sort of."

"Well, you're here, aren't you?"

"I guess I am."

"So, you wouldn't be here if you didn't have a reason."

"I guess so…"

"So why are you having second thoughts now?"

"It's not that I'm indecisive or anything it's just that everything here just freaked me out…"

"It tends to be that way for new comers."

"You said it. I mean, have you seen those gir—"

"I know. I don't need to be told twice. You did not come here for them anyway."

"Yeah, but they're so insistent."

"Well, speaking of that, I do insist that you let me help you."

"Oh great! So you know the way?"

"Mmm… yeah, you can say that. Though usually, I'm told that I'm a genius when it comes to deep throating."

With that, the stranger turned around and started walking. Sendoh didn't know what his last statement meant but he didn't care. He was just happy that someone in this district was sane enough to lead him the right way. He knows that he still should be wary of course but the guy had a calming aura about him. He followed the stranger into the dark alleyway regardless of his concerns.

"Hey, wait up," Sendoh called out as tried to catch up with the mysterious blond man. "I'm sorry. I didn't ask for your name."

The man looked sideways, one eyebrow raised. "They usually don't ask for my name but for formalities sake, you can call me Keisuke."

"Ah. Okay. Mine's Sendoh. Sendoh Akira," said Sendoh as he showed a toothy smile.

The other man laughed lightly. "You are quite different from most of them. They'd usually say, 'enough chit-chat, just show me where 'it' is'," said the man.

"That's a bit rude, isn't it?"

"I don't expect much from them either. It's life. I've learned to deal with it. I just do what I do."

"I see…," replied Sendoh. From the way the man talked, Sendoh assumed that he was some sort of saint or hermit, always ready to reach out and offer a helping hand to lost idiots like himself. His constant reference to 'they' or 'them' must mean that he's been doing his 'civic' duties for a long time. What pushed a man like Keisuke to do such a simple but helpful act was beyond Sendoh. All he cared about really is that the man was there to help him out.

And that the gods will bless him for his actions, of course.

"Damn. Why doesn't the local government do anything about streets like this?" Sendoh asked to no one in particular.

"Beats me. We could use a little more lighting though," replied Keisuke.

The mention of 'we' made Sendoh aware of the other people around him. Shady their figures maybe but he could tell that they're young men just like him. Probably hooked on drugs like the ones he saw in the main street. The ones who like to hide out so other people won't see them committing a sin. Sendoh wondered why they had to hide in the dark when all the people knew what they do in the first place. If they're spending their nights here, they're either getting drunk to drown out their sorrows or getting high to numb out all the pain.

It's as simple as that.

"He's over there, the one under the light bulb," Keisuke said suddenly. He was pointing towards a tall man with his back facing them. The yellowish glow was garish and so anyone who would stands underneath it would look somewhat odd. The man was talking to another guy who was slightly shorter than him and was sporting dread locks. Why Keisuke even bothered to point the guy out was beyond Sendoh.

Maybe he just wants him to meet his friends.

As they neared the figure, Sendoh was starting to feel as if he recognized the person. As if he's seen the guy before. Then again, he did not know anyone who would go here. Only Koshino. Then again, he wasn't that tall. They were just a couple of yards away when Keisuke called out the man's name.

Sendoh nearly dropped his plastic bag.

"Kaede!"

Rukawa had been waiting not more than fifteen minutes when Taku found him. Taku gave him a big, friendly hug and gave him a good slap on the back. Taku was just one year older than him but was in this business far longer than he did. Rukawa appreciated Taku's happy-go-lucky demeanor because it always manages to make him feel secure. Maybe even normal. Like Keisuke, he's doesn't do the dirty job anymore. He retired earlier in the year and contented himself with the twenty to thirty percent cut from the nightly income.

To rid himself of his old ways, Taku started dressing up in a less elegant manner. Taku was considered a beautiful man. He could wear heels and skirts just as well as the next woman—maybe even better. Skin-tight leather ensembles and fishnet stockings were common in his wardrobe. He used to be the favorite of customers until Rukawa entered the scene. Taku didn't mind, really. He could do away with his regulars. He was tired of getting beat up. The change in Taku's appearance and personality was drastic. Ridding himself of the womanly clothes and his effeminate ways turned him from neo-geisha to street punk overnight. His beautiful, straight, black hair were twisted, packed, and burned into a messy collection of dreadlocks. His denim jeans almost always sported a hole or two. His shirts were worn thin and screamed of profanity. Funny how people can shed their skin almost as easily as a chameleon can change color. Change is indeed innate to all human beings.

If there's one thing that Rukawa learned from Taku is that a job is a job. No matter what it is. "You go in, you get fucked, you get beat up, and then you get paid," Taku said to Rukawa when he was starting. "It's always about the money and nothing else. Come to think of it, all jobs are like that."

Of course, the unsolicited advice somewhat helped Rukawa. He would even go as far as saying that Taku's words of wisdom were his inspiration in developing the stronghold for his twisted plans. If he had to be a bottom feeder to reach the top, he will. For now, all he needs to do is to survive.

As usual, Taku already had words spilling out his mouth even before Rukawa's brain was able to register that he was saying something at all. He was about to catch on when he heard someone call his name again.

"Kaede!"

Of course, it was Keisuke. Nobody called out his name as sweetly as he did.

"Hey, it's Kei," said Taku. He waved at Keisuke. "It looks like he's got your first costumer. Damn, he looks good."

"Who looks good? Keisuke or the other one?" asked Rukawa, not really minding to give the two people a good-natured wave.

"Both," said Taku with a smile, "…but I was really referring to your customer."

"I see," said Rukawa. He's had his share of ugly bastards and obscenely good-looking men. It's nothing to get excited about.

"'Ello love, did you miss me?" asked Keisuke as he hugged him from behind.

"You were gone for a twenty minutes…," replied Rukawa.

"Yes. And twenty minutes was more than enough to make me want to see you again," said Keisuke in his ear.

"Hey Kei. I thought you said none of 'that' especially when in front of a customer?" interrupted Taku.

"Yeah Keisuke, none of these, remember?" asked Rukawa. He emphasized the last word with a slight bump into Keisuke's body.

Keisuke laughed, his hot breath landing on Rukawa's nape. "Sorry. I forgot," said Keisuke. "Anyway, why don't you meet your first customer for tonight?" Keisuke held onto Rukawa's hips and turned him around slowly.

What greeted Rukawa's sight could've killed him.

"Sendoh?!"

He watched as Keisuke hugged 'Kaede' from behind, hands roaming maliciously over his body. He watched as Keisuke breathed words into 'Kaede's' ear. He watched as Keisuke turned the man named 'Kaede' around to face him.

"Sendoh?!"

There was no way this 'Kaede' could look and sound so much like Rukawa Kaede. Rukawa Kaede didn't go to places like this. Rukawa Kaede didn't drink, smoke, nor take drugs. If that's the case, then why would someone that is a perfect replica of Rukawa Kaede be standing here, letting Keisuke's body stick on his' like a leech?

"Ka… Ka…Kaede? Rukawa Kaede?" The words barely formed in his mouth. He knew that by asking, he will receive an answer that will not be to his liking.

Nobody spoke nor moved after Sendoh asked. There was an awkward silence as Sendoh and 'Kaede' looked into each other's eyes. Sizing up each other, trying to predict the other's next move, just like when they're on court—just playing basketball.

"Oookay. This is awkward," said Taku, finally breaking the silence.

"Kaede, do you know him?" asked Keisuke, hands still on Rukawa's waist.

"I…," said Rukawa, his mouth opening but little to no words were escaping from it.

Sendoh knew the answer already. He need not wait for confirmation. If he was confused and lost in the beginning, he's worse now. Rukawa Kaede was not a particularly close friend of his but he intrigued Sendoh a lot. Enough to keep Sendoh's attention focused on him on and off court. They would often play one-on-one's together but that did not make Sendoh's view of him any clearer. If anything, Rukawa left him in a thicker fog everytime Sendoh tried to analyze the younger man. Sendoh suddenly remembered that there would be times wherein Rukawa would not be available for their one-on-one's before. He would often leave late afternoon and won't arrive till the next day. He would sometimes go to school groggy and always fell asleep in class. Atleast, that's what he heard. It never really bothered him before. Frankly, what Rukawa did in his free time was his business.

But as the scene unfolded, Sendoh started to understand why. Although, he is not aware of how terribly misplaced his assumptions were.

"Wha—What are you doing here, Rukawa?"

Another question aired out.

Another question that will be left unanswered.

"You know, this is really, really, really, getting awkward," said Taku again, a bit irritated at the situation at hand. "Kaede, if you know this guy, just tell us."

Sendoh heard the name Kaede again. He never heard anyone call Rukawa by his first name. Even Ayako used his surname. Yet, these two men were calling him by his first name as if they're close. As if they shared something special.

"I know him," Rukawa said, finally letting words roll out of his mouth. Without any warning, Sendoh saw Rukawa shove Keisuke away from him, shocking the man. Keisuke stumbled slightly, using the wall to steady himself. Rukawa then started walking towards Sendoh—eyes still unreadable. He grabbed Sendoh's right hand roughly and started pulling him.

"Wait! Kaede, where are you going?" asked Keisuke, ready to stop Rukawa.

"Don't fucking follow us, Keisuke," said Rukawa. The addressee stopped in his tracks, surprised at the intensity of the Rukawa's words.

Sendoh didn't know what to do as he let things happen before him. He was being half-dragged by Rukawa Kaede while his two friends looked on, unable to do anything. The grip on his wrist was tight and Rukawa was exerting way too much force for comfort. The ornaments in the plastic bag started jingling as his right hand's grip started to falter. He wanted to say something but it was stuck at the back of his throat.

Sendoh's brain was in the same state. There were too much information coming in and it just froze from the multitude of unprocessed thoughts. He finally realized that Rukawa was pulling him towards the direction he originally planned to take. They were walking through the dark street very fast and they were almost at the end. Sendoh finally managed to croak out a question, "Rukawa, what are you doing?"

Rukawa then tugged at him. They weren't heading out of the dark alley, they were headed towards a small door. Sendoh didn't get any answer from Rukawa and so he shut his mouth and followed him instead. Upon reaching the door, Rukawa knocked twice and a small window in the middle of the door opened.

"Password?" said a husky from the inside.

"Kiss me, kill me, love me," answered Rukawa, his voice flat and cold.

The man opened the door, squeaking noisily in the process. Sendoh didn't have time to look at the gatekeeper as Rukawa started pulling on him again. They entered a hallway lit by red light and was lined by doors on either side. They passed a staircase on the left side. Sendoh could only assume that it would lead to another hallway much like this one. They were passing doors and walls until they stopped at one in particular. Sendoh halted beside Rukawa. He noticed him digging into his pocket and fishing out a key. Rukawa pushed it into the door knob and turned it. The door swung backwards, revealing a small room with small and plain furnishings. A lone light bulb illuminated the room. Upon following Rukawa into the it, Sendoh noticed that the walls were covered with a gray, carpet-like material. The bed was tucked at a corner; white sheets, a pillow, and a thin mattress lying on top.

"What are you doing here?"

Sendoh broke through his musings and realized that Rukawa has closed the door and was now staring at him. Arms crossed, head held high, posture obviously regained.

"I asked you first," replied Sendoh as he placed the plastic bag on top of the bed.

"Fuck that! How the hell did you end up here?!"

Now facing Rukawa, Sendoh said, "Look, I don't know why you're upset but would you mind not shouting at me?"

"You've come here to mock me, didn't you?"

"What are you—,"

"Shut up! Who told you about this?!"

"I do not understand you, wou—,"

"Oh fuck you!"

That was the last straw. He was sure as hell that he didn't do anything wrong. If there was one mistake he did was that didn't take the girls' advice about taking the long way to the station. He wouldn't have ended up here. Here, in this room. With Rukawa, shouting at him. Accussing him of things he didn't understand. He was usually a very calm person and was the last to shout or get angry but at that moment, his patience went from full to empty in one snap.

"Don't you fucking shout out at me, Rukawa!"

Rukawa was in the process of saying something but stopped as Sendoh beat him to it. As if losing momentum, his mouth snapped shut.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I did not find out anything from anybody. And I did not come here to look for you, much less mock you," said Sendoh, a bit more aggressively than the usual. "So stop accusing me of anything."

The next few seconds gave way to scene that Sendoh never imagined he would see ever in his life. Rukawa placed his hands on his face, as he slid down to the floor. His body started shaking and the sobs that he tried to stop started to slip. Sendoh looked on as it happened. He was not looking at the proud athlete that Rukawa once was. In front of him was a young man, devoid of any happiness, looking like a beaten down creature.

Sendoh neared Rukawa, not really caring at the moment at how the other felt. He was still irritated at how he yelled at him a while ago. He looked down at the sobbing man on the floor.

"Tell me, why are you here?"

Rukawa continued crying into his hands as he pulled his knees closer to himself. Sendoh knew that he wasn't going to get answers this way. He brushed his pride aside and sat down on the floor, directly in front of Rukawa. He reached out and tried to pull away one of Rukawa's hands away from his face. There was resistance in the beginning but he eventually gave up and took both his hands off. He has stopped crying though the redness and the swelling of his eyes were dead giveaways. He was drawing in breath a bit faster as he tried to push down the tears that are threatening to explode again. Rukawa looked away, still a bit shaky.

"Please, Rukawa. Tell me," pleaded Sendoh, back to his calm demeanor. He knew that staying angry was pointless. Rukawa didn't need a scolding nor a bloodied nose, right now. His bearing showed signs of weakness and frailty. Sendoh didn't want to be the one responsible for breaking him.

Rukawa inhaled deeply and let out an audible sigh. He closed his eyes and leaned back on the door as he managed to control his breathing. Sendoh waited for him to calm down. When Rukawa felt that he was ready to face the music, he looked at Sendoh and asked, "What do you want to know?"

"Just give me a short and simple explanation for everything that just happened. That's all," said Sendoh.

"You really don't know do you?"

Sendoh shook his head. Rukawa gave out a sarcastic laugh.

"Short and simple, eh?"

Sendoh nodded, giving leeway to Rukawa's ramblings.

"You're my customer and I'm your whore."

He didn't know how long they stared at each other. He didn't know if Sendoh was daring him to start laughing as if he just cracked a joke. A very nasty joke that even the loudest laugh nor the widest smile cannot cover up. Rukawa didn't know why he told Sendoh his secret. He had other options but at that moment, he felt as if it was the right thing to do.

"Do you get it now, huh? What did you think back there? I was hooked on drugs or was in bad company? You're right. I am hooked, but not rugs and not to my liking. I am in bad company only because I chose to be in it."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't understand it myself. I cried the first time I let a man touch me but after experiencing it a couple of times, I just gave up and went along for the ride. I was hooked, remember? Can't do anything about it anymore. Anyway, after a good hour or two of getting slapped around and fucked in the ass, I recover quite easily. I can walk away from the scene the crime, well camouflaged amongst the sea of admirers and swooning fans."

Rukawa looked at Sendoh. The other man nodded, motioning him to go on. He didn't know why he was talking in the first place. It's quite odd, really, how he can shut his mouth tight in times when it is needed to be open, and incessantly moving when it is needed to be close.

"I'm a prostitute, Sendoh. A male whore. Men pay me by the hour to give them whatever they want. It's a give and take relationship though most of the time, I feel like I'm always at the losing end. I need to survive and even if it means swallowing cum, I would."

He was in for it. When Sendoh starts singing, he would lose everything. He had little to lose really. He had no kin or any blood-ties left so family honor was out of the question. He had no money, he lives in a small room, he didn't have a lot of personal belongings, and he didn't have friends. However, if there's one thing that Rukawa guarded zealously and jealously, it's his pride and his dream. Those two things are his only lifelines. If he let them go, he would drop into an abyss of self-hate and pity, and he will never come out alive.

"I'm hollow, Sendoh. This is a shell," Rukawa said, pointing to himself. "I could remember one businessman comparing me to a porcelain doll. I was pretty to look at and was good for displaying and showing but that's it. I'm a useless piece of eye candy. Hold me the wrong way, and I will slip. I will break and all that's left of me will be swept away and thrown into the trash."

"I—I…," Sendoh tried to say but failed. Rukawa knew what he was thinking and was more than willing to voice it out for him.

"Don't speak. I know what you're thinking. I don't need your reasons… don't tell me 'coz it hurts," said Rukawa. It was not like he was afraid of what Sendoh was going to say. The worst thing that Sendoh could accuse him of is being a slut but that's already a given. Sendoh was obviously surprised. He probably wasn't expecting the explanation to go that way. It's not Rukawa's fault if his sensibilities were violated. Sendoh asked, he answered. Isn't that the way the game was supposed to be played? The facts about his life pierce his heart like sharp knives. Everytime he remembers, another one adds to his collection of blades.

"I don't like relinquishing control over my life to other people," Rukawa said. He laughed bitterly and added, "Well, I never really had control over my life but you know what I mean. Anyway, you do hold my life now. You are the only one who knows the secret that could tear me apart. What do I need to do for you to give it back and forget you ever had it?"

Sendoh was staring at Rukawa the whole time he was talking. Probably amazed at how much words Rukawa could say if only people were really willing to listen.

"Well, name your price, Sendoh? I'm only going to offer this once."

"I'm going to hire you for the entire night," replied Sendoh. "How much would that cost me?"

He didn't know why he asked.

Why the hell did he even ask.

What the hell did he know about homosexual sex.

Why did he even consider paying Rukawa Kaede.

He did not budge from his position. He stared straight into Rukawa's wide eyes, knowing fully well that there were question hidden behind them. They're probably the same questions that ran inside his head. The words that rolled out of his mouth did not bother him. It's the reason behind those words that scared him. The possibility of him being gay was one in a million but the nagging inside his head told him that the statistic could be wrong. Then again, was he really gay or did he take the offer for other reasons? That remains to be seen. The night was young and Rukawa was yet to name his price.

"It's an offer Sendoh, you don't need to pay me," replied Rukawa, voice a bit weak.

"I don't think your friends will appreciate you giving me a free trial. I'll pay," said Sendoh. He didn't really mind paying. Maybe part of the reason he decided to take Rukawa on the offer was out of sheer curiosity for the younger man.

"Don't mind them. One whole night with you if you swear you won't tell anyone," said Rukawa, eyes challenging him.

"I said I'll pay and that's it," said Sendoh. He shifted from his position in order to extract his wallet from his pocket. He settled back down, opened his wallet, and fished for some bills. His saw that his Yen wouldn't suffice so he took out a couple of US dollars that he always kept for emergencies. "Would $300 be enough?" he asked Rukawa as he offered the bills to the man.

Rukawa cringed at the act. Sendoh knew that by doing so, he is adding insult to injury. However, he honestly did not want to take Rukawa's time for nothing. His intentions were true and simple, and he wished that Rukawa would see it just that way. "Rukawa, please, take it."

The black haired man took the bills. He folded them into fours and slipped it into his pockets. Rukawa stood up and asked, "Where do you want to do it?"

"Where do always do it?"

Rukawa shrugged and said, "If my customers can afford a hotel, they would just pick me up and take me to a hotel. Those who can't settle for this room. All of Keisuke's boys have one."

"I see," said Sendoh. "It may be small but it's functional, isn't it?"

Rukawa just nodded, his eyes avoiding contact with Sendoh's.

"To be honest though, I don't like it here. Where do you want to go?"

"Wherever you want to go."

"Really?"

"You're paying me, remember? For this one night alone, I'll do anything for you."

"Okay then… tell me where you want to go?"

"Anywhere you wa—,"

"No. No," said Sendoh, interrupting Rukawa's robotic response. "I'm asking you to tell me where you want to go. So you must tell me where you want to go." There was a long pause. Sendoh let Rukawa think of his options. He didn't need to hurry, afterall, they have the whole night to waste. "Do you honestly want to stay here, Rukawa?" he asked.

"No."

"So tell me and I'll take you there."

"I really don't have a particular place in mind. I just want to get away from this place."

Sendoh didn't have to think long and hard to know which place to go to. It may not be a swanky hotel but it was several degrees better than this god-forsaken place. He stood up and dusted the back of his jeans. "Okay, then we'll have to go back to Kanagawa."

"No."

"Don't worry. If you're worrying about what I think it is, don't."

"It's too risky Sendoh…"

"I thought you said you'll do everything for me tonight?"

That said, Rukawa just heaved sigh and unlocked the door behind him. He let Sendoh pass and then he turned off the light. If there was to be any magic in this arrangement tonight, this room will not witness it. Its walls are damned to record only the worst of Rukawa's nightmares and none of his happy endings.

That much, Sendoh knew.

He rested his head against the windowpane as he looked at the lights blinking from afar. He knew that deep down, he was supposed to be scared shitless of the possible outcome of tonight's rendezvous with Sendoh Akira. The initial shock of finding the other man in Red Mist Lane almost became his undoing and the unsettling feeling has left ripples in his dark pool of mixed emotions. As he let it subside however, another stone is threatening to drop and wreck the peace.

/You are an idiot, Rukawa Kaede. Indeed you are…/

He sat opposite Sendoh Akira, who was currently eating his way through his second Quarter Pounder burger. It amused him to see how big this man's appetite was. He was not only hungry for food but for every inch of breath that life's got to offer him. Rukawa pales in comparison. Sendoh asked him what he wanted to eat and he refused. The other man, however, did not stop bugging him until he agreed to have fries and diet coke. For him, no amount of nourishment can bring him back to life. He sighed heavily, creating a small spot of mist on the window.

"You know, you should've ordered something else back in Mickie D's," said Sendoh, interrupting his train of thoughts again.

"Mickie D's?" he asked, not really knowing what Sendoh was referring to.

"McDonald's," answered Sendoh as placed the last piece of his burger into his mouth.

"Oh. I see. I didn't know that people call it Mickie D's nowadays," said Rukawa, feeling really stupid all of a sudden. Just how much of life did he let go anayway? How much of it passed by when he closed his eyes to cry?

"Don't be sorry. No biggie," said Sendoh.

Rukawa looked at Sendoh. He was now sipping some of his soda. The man looked back at him and smiled. Rukawa wasn't really caught of guard by the reaction, if ever, just a tad bit puzzled. He had no idea where Sendoh pulls out all his smiles and good humor for every day. He looked away, finding his reflection interesting all of a sudden. He cannot look at the sunshine of a smile infront of him anymore. It was just too much for him to handle.

"Are you just going to stare out the window?" Sendoh asked.

"I guess," he answered.

"Aren't you even going to talk to me?"

"Why are you so insistent? You're tiring me out," said Rukawa as he shook his head in response. He was telling the truth when he said that Sendoh was tiring him out. They said too much of a good thing is bad. For Rukawa, too much of anything is harmful. Of course, when he said 'all night long' to Sendoh, he didn't expect to be with him 'till morning. He just wanted to get everything over and done with.

"I'm tiring you out? Too bad, you'll be with me the whole night," said Sendoh. Rukawa looked back at the man as he sups up the last of his soda, creating a nasty slurping noise. Sendoh crushes the cup and places it inside the paper bag that their meal came with. He wiped his mouth with a tissue and crumples it, only to throw it in with the other discarded items. Sendoh half-stood, reaching out to Rukawa's side, and throwing the paper bag into the trash bin located underneath the seat.

For a moment there, Rukawa thought that Sendoh's going to do something rash. The man was all of a sudden too close for comfort and Rukawa was about to back off hastily when he caught himself. Sendoh wouldn't try anything inside a train. The train was minutely populated at this hour, a family of four taking refuge at the last set of seats at the other end of the cart, a couple of a highschool girls were sleeping somewhere in the middle row, and an old man busy reading the yellowed pages of a book was seated a few seats from where they are. All headed the same way as the two of them were but they weren't destined to face the reality that Rukawa fought so hard to keep untarnished of his activities.

He sighed for the nth time that night, trying to exhale the bitterness and the thickness that was forming in his chest. Another night, another customer. That's all this is. He cannot remain glued to this experience for fear of letting it escape into people's ears and gossiping mouths. All he's got to do is keep his end of the bargain and hope that Sendoh will keep his.

"You sure are quiet. Not that I'm surprised or anything. You've always been aloof and all," said Sendoh.

"I have nothing to say. And nobody's going to listen even if I had one," he replied.

Why was he so cynical anyway? He's been this way even before he became a prostitute. Just a little run down of his past before Sendoh decides to open his big mouth again. His parents died at the age of ten and he was sent to an orphanage because he wasn't old enough to be let alone. His parents weren't rich but they left everything of their measly savings to him, including their apartment in downtown Kanagawa. Everything were left untouched until Rukawa's caregiver at the orphanage decided that he was old enough and able. It was, of course, upon Rukawa's request that he was released of their care. The orphanage enrolled him into a school immediately after his discharge with the promise of going back every month to check on him. Which they kept, by the way. His bicycle riding habits could be traced, maybe even blamed, on them. After finding the young Rukawa sick from walking in the rain one day, the orphanage took it upon themselves to buy him a coat, an umbrella, and a bike. /Just so you can get home faster… but drive safely Rukawa…/ It almost made Rukawa laugh. /Drive safely she said… if only she knows how many people fell victim to my narcoleptic, two-wheeled, road rampage…/

It remained that way for a while. All was happy in Rukawa land until the bank called him up saying that the trust fund that his parents left him were slowly but surely diminishing. He had, atleast a good year or two left if he tightened his belt and stayed away from other worldly things that the youth are so into. Rukawa wasn't a dumb kid, if anything, he was as witty and as street smart as the next geek or punk. He decided early on that getting a scholarship was the only way he can keep studying without thinning out the very little money he had left.

He was able to stretch out the money until he graduated from junior high. It was when he entered highschool that his dilemma began. Having harnessed his skills in playing basketball, schools were vying for him to enroll. Choosing Shohoku was a no-brainer for the young man. He chose the closest school to his home. That means less traveling time, less stress, less food needed, and less money wasted. When people learned about that, they though it was funny and oh-so-cute but quite frankly, he was just being practical. And never had he been more relieved of making the right choice than right now. Had he chosen Ryonan, he won't be able to show his face in school again. Sure, Sendoh might keep his mouth closed but the agony of seeing him everyday would be too much to bare.

"Approaching Kanagawa station. Approaching Kanagawa station. To all passengers getting off at the next stop, please check your belongings before getting off the train. Thank you for riding with us," said the driver of the train over the messaging system. Rukawa was relieved to see that he need not spend another minute in awkward silence with Sendoh sitting in front of him.

"Wow. You really didn't talk to me the whole way," said Sendoh as they got up.

"Like I said, I had nothing to say," replied Rukawa. He was the first up so he led the way out of the train. Confident that the other man is following him, he just went straight to the revolving gates. He entered his ticket through the slot and the metal gates let go of its hold and turned as Rukawa pushed through them.

"Hey wait up!" shouted Sendoh from behind as the man was obviously trying to catch up with him. Rukawa stopped walking, not even bothering to look behind him to see if Sendoh was there or not. He crossed his arms and looked at the railway map that was hanging on the wall before him. /I never knew that the trains go that far…/ Indeed, Rukawa was too cooked up in his own world of white bunnies and pink Flamingoes to even bother about the railway system of Japan.

"Why are you in such a hurry? Do you even know where we're supposed to go?" asked Sendoh as he grab hold of Rukawa's shoulder. "You can be such a pain, you know that?"

"I'm sorry but I'm not used to a long foreplay," said Rukawa.

"Are my ears deceiving me? Did Rukawa Kaede crack a joke just a while ago?" said Sendoh jokingly, poking him in the ribs as he walked up to his side.

"I do not do jokes," said Rukawa.

"Yeah. Only men," said Sendoh. Rukawa almost bit his tongue off at what Sendoh said. He remained quiet after that.

"Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Sometimes, I just talk and talk and… well, I'm sorry," Sendoh stammered to find the right words to appease Rukawa.

"Don't worry. It's true, isn't it? You need not rub it in, though," said Rukawa, as he tried to navigate his way back to where Keisuke and Taku are on the map before him.

"I'm sorry… why don't we just get out of here?" asked Sendoh.

"It's the best thing you've offered so far," said Rukawa. He started walking with Sendoh right beside him. They remained quiet walking out of the station and it persisted until Sendoh hailed a cab and gave directions to the driver.

"To the pier please. Right where the lighthouse is," said Sendoh.

Rukawa can't help but stare at Sendoh as the taxi rolled into motion. /What the hell are we going to do there?/ Rukawa was familiar with the place because he could always view it on his way home from one on one's with Sendoh. In fact, he was too familiar with the place that he began to worry that other people might be around to witness… some things. "Why are we going there?"

"Well, I asked you to pick a place and you didn't so I just chose the first thing that came into mind."

"Have been there before? I mean, in the lighthouse?"

"A couple of times before. When I want to think or something."

"I see."

"Don't be scared. It's okay."

"Who says I'm scared?" asked Rukawa, his eyebrow shooting up in the air.

"Just thought that ma—?"

"Well don't assume because I'm not. I'm tired, wake me when we get there," said Rukawa, closing his eyes as he turned to face his side the taxi.

"But, it's not that far. You'll just…," said Sendoh in attempts to stop the other man from sleeping, "…fine, whatever."

Of course he knew that Rukawa wasn't really asleep. The guy just wanted t prevent anymore exchange of words to happen between them. Sendoh is starting to believe that Rukawa has some sort of mental illness with the way he acts sometimes. Borderlinesomethingsomething. He can't remember but he was able to see it while browsing through a Psychology book he found lying around their house.

"Touchy friend you have there."

Sendoh, his train of though suddenly broken, veered his look to the man in front of him. The taxi driver, a man in his late fifties, was trying to converse with him. Not that he mind, he was used to getting nosy taxi drivers.

"You mean him?" asked Sendoh, as he nudged his head towards Rukawa's direction.

"No, I was referring to the green gremlin sitting on top of my taxi's trunk. Of course him."

/Great. Sarcastic old fart./

Sendoh stopped himself before he can roll his eyes, knowing that the man can see him on his rear view mirror. "Oh. Yes. Him. Well, we're not that close but he gets kinda… umm, PMS-like most of the time. I'm used to it."

"PMS? The one the women have befor—," asked the taxi driver.

"Yep. That's the one I'm referring to," said Sendoh.

"I see… well, are you lovers?"

The last question hit him like a trailer truck going at 200 miles per hour.

"Ex…excu—cuse me?"

"Oh, don't worry. I get them a lot. Regular couples, lesbian couples, and gay couples. There are quite a lot of you guys around."

"Us guys? Huh? I'm not gay!"

"Oh. Okay. I'm sorry then. I didn't mean to intrude or be rude for that matter. Just trying to start a conversation here."

"It's okay, old man."

"Old man? Damn! I'm not that old. I do look a wee bit too ragged and word down for my age though. I say touché for that. So we're even I guess."

"Haha. Yeah. So umm, are we still far away. I can't really tell, I'm not that familiar with this side of Kanagawa."

"Nearly there. A couple more minutes and you'll be smelling the sea."

"Great."

"So, aren't you going to wake up your cute little friend, right there?"

Sendoh could've have sworn that Rukawa's whole body tensed at the words that were used to describe him.

"Well, he just closed his eyes so, maybe I'll do that when we get there."

"Aright then. Just sit tight, young man. We'll be there in no time."

"Thanks."

The taxi driver, taking that as the end of the conversation, switched on his radio. An old Western song was playing on the station and its familiarity to the confines of this car was evident when the driver started humming that tune. It wasn't bad except that Sendoh wasn't really familiar with it. The melody was good and quite soothing. He looked out of the window to find a suburban scene. Tiny streets and high-walls were signs of a well-populated area. As the taxi breezed through the night, Sendoh can't help but think what they were going to do later on. Buying Rukawa's time was not really part of his plan tonight but when opportunity leered its ugly head, he jumped it and never let go. To some people, opportunities are good but for tonight, Sendoh would be cursing every damn diety in heaven that made this meeting possible. Everything would be so awkward now between him and his best competitor on the court.

The hell with it all. He won't bury himself in worry just because he found out Rukawa is a prostitute. That word still left a bitter aftertaste on his tongue. It rolls so easily but it pricks and stings on its way out.

"We're nearly there, young man. Better wake up your friend," said the driver.

"Alright," Sendoh answered. As turned to his companion only to find Rukawa 'awake', eyes wandering outside.

"I've never been here before," said Rukawa.

"You mean, you've never been around this part of Kanagawa?"

"Not really. Never went beyond the area where we play basketball."

"I see. It's nice. I go here when I have something on my mind or something."

"The lighthouse?"

"Yeah, but what I meant is the whole area in general."

"I see."

"Sorry to interrupt boys, but here," said the driver.

"Thanks," said Sendoh. He handed a couple of bills to driver and didn't ask for change. He and Rukawa got off the taxi and watched as the driver made a U-turn and drove away. "So, here we are."

Rukawa looked at the old, white washed tower in front of him. He wondered what was so special about this place that made Sendoh want to go here. Of all places. He's not scared or anything just a bit confused as to Sendoh's choice. There's always a time for everything. Besides, place and time is relative when the job is basically routine.

"Shall we?"

Rukawa looked at Sendoh and nodded in acknowledgement. He let the other lead the way, towards the aging wooden door. The path was worn from use and littered with sand and tiny pebbles. It was a narrow strip of land that placed the lighthouse not to far out at sea. It was not that windy tonight—Rukawa could only thank the heavens for the minute detail. He left his jacket with Keisuke, feeling no urgent need for it. He was only wearing a cotton, button-up shirt and a pair of tight denim jeans. In his business, the less clothes you wear, the better. His usual rendezvous points with his customers would only permit him a small breathing space after all; coats and jackets will not only hinder him from rendering swift service but from breathing properly as well. Despite of the light breeze, Rukawa crossed his arms in an attempt to warm himself and the low-neckline is not helping him at all. Lost in his thoughts again, one would wonder how Rukawa was able to keep up with Sendoh without running off the edge of the walkway. He just heard the creaking of the door, signaling their arrival.

"Careful, it's dark inside. I still have to find the switch," said Sendoh. The man went inside, disappearing as the darkness swallowed him. A few second later, the once dark room lighted up with the yellowish glow of the low-watt light bulb. Sendoh was all the way across the other side, his hand still on the switch. "Well? Come on in?"

Rukawa entered, his eyes immediately scouting out the place. As he expected, the room only was in a poor state. The table on the right side was dusty, as well as the three chairs that were haphazardly pulled out. An empty cupboard stood opposite the set, right next to the spiraling staircase. A worn rug lay in the middle of the circular room, gray and dirty from age and use—or from the lack of it. The last piece that Rukawa noticed was a small, dark green sofa, torn and tattered in several places. Sendoh, who stood right next to it, deposited his plastic bag of Christmas ornaments there. The place felt a bit stuffy but it was a good enough shelter from the outside.

"Nobody uses the lighthouse really. They actually open the light upstairs with a switch outside. The only go in here for maintenance and repair so the place is neglected most of the time," shared Sendoh.

"I see. So nobody comes here at all? Only you?"

"Well, me and the coastguards. If there are others, I haven't seen them and from the looks of it, nobody has."

"Okay. What do you want to do now?" Rukawa asked as he closed the door behind him, happy to put a barrier between him and the cold.

"I'm not really sure myself. Maybe just hang out or something."

"I don't hang out," replied Rukawa, his tone serious and businesslike. Well, as serious and businesslike as a prostitute like can get. He didn't want to owe Sendoh anything, even if it meant that he was saved from sucking anyone's dick for one whole night. He would rather do his job than let anyone have any hold on him. They pay, he gives back in the exact amount.

"So, what do you activity do you prefer?" asked Sendoh, shoulders shrugging.

"Let me give you my job description Sendoh. I suck and I fuck. Period. Both or either of the two will do. As long as I'm able to deliver," answered Rukawa without even cringing at the words that came out of his own mouth. Business is business after all, all sensibilities and humane thoughts aside. The slight tilt in Sendoh's head showed Rukawa that the other is confused and surprised at how 'professional' he is.

"Do you really think that's what I want?"

"What else would you want then?"

"I'm not gay, you know."

"What's the difference if you fuck a man or a woman. Regardless of your preference, you will be the active participant and your partner will be willing and pliant beneath you. So choose."

"Is that all you see yourself as? A plaything?"

"Once a transaction and an agreement has been made, I can be anything you want me to be."

It was getting uncomfortable all of a sudden. Rukawa could feel the tension rising up again. He wished that Sendoh would just make it easier for him and get everything done and over with. If Sendoh was clueless as to what's supposed to happen in a situation like this, Rukawa was more than willing to teach him. He's had his share of newbies and they all graduated with flying colors.

Seriously. If you want to fly, Rukawa can make you fly with a mere flick of his tongue.

"I don't even know why I asked you out, I—,"

"This is not a date and I'm not a blushing virgin, Sendoh. Far from it. If you're at a loss, I'll give you a proper way out," and with that, Rukawa walked up to Sendoh and kissed him hard. He gripped Sendoh's arms, in an attempt to deepen the kiss, to force himself up to the other man, who slight taller than him. He felt Sendoh's body tense up from the action but it remained motionless as he continued to kiss him. Sendoh's lips remained stubbornly closed as he tried to lick and kiss his way in. Rukawa felt that it was useless to force Sendoh. He pushed away from Sendoh and stared at him, still not letting go.

"What's wrong Sendoh? Not getting what you bargained for or are you in way over your head?"

Sendoh remained tight lipped, his face indefinable. It was devoid of any reaction—not surprise, disgust, or even want (which, by the way, is wishful thinking on Rukawa's part).

"This is what I do, don't you understand? I've been doing this for the longest time, knowing the consequences of my actions everytime I give head to the next perverted businessman who has spare cash. Do not expect me to take your money and turn tail just like that. If you don't let me do it, it's like adding insult to injury Sendoh. You already own my body, atleast for tonight or depending on what you will do with secret. Do you still want to take my soul?"

Rukawa continued looking up to Sendoh, this time around, a pair of blue eyes were staring back. He looked deeper into those orbs, searching for a go signal, a sign that the other needed this as well. Needed until this moment has come to pass. Something that would help Rukawa justify his actions for tonight. He could walk away now and save face then again, saving face is contradictory because he would be bruising his ego. The money earned would probably remain stashed up somewhere in his apartment—he will not have the guts to use it, knowing that it was pity-money.

"I'll make it good for you, Sendoh. I promise. Let's just get it over with and keep both our mouth closed," said Rukawa, pushing himself up to Sendoh again. He placed small kisses around Sendoh's lips, teasing the man into giving in. "It'll just as good as regular sex. You do know how great that feels, right?" Rukawa closed his eyes and started to concentrate on stimulating Sendoh. He ran his hands down Sendoh's arm, feeling it pimple under his fingers. His tongue started to tease again, poking and prodding at Sendoh's soft lips, trying to gain entrance.

At last, Sendoh gave in, lips parting to let in his warm tongue. Rukawa took advantage of this opportunity and began to deepen the kiss further. Sendoh was kissing back, unsure of the new territory that his tongue is entering. Rukawa's doing all the action, aggressive in the foreplay that he initiated. It was his routine actually, he would be responsible for getting it started but he will eventually end up the passive partner. He did not belong to a brothel were in wild fantasies are serviced. He did his business on the street and fantasies aren't popular there. Men like there whore bare and straight up—fancy cocktails and olives are non existent.

Rukawa picked at the hem of Sendoh's shirt and started to pull it up, stopping the kiss just for a second in order to discard of the shirt. He threw the shirt on the floor and ran his hands on Sendoh's well-toned body. His fingers trying to memorize every curve and crevice of his muscles. His digits move further up and intent on finding the two sensitive nubs. Having found them, he started to pinch and caress them between his fingers until they were hardened. He was rewarded by a low moan from Sendoh, muffled by the kiss they were sharing. He felt his lungs burn and ended the kiss, his face leaning slightly into Sendoh's.

"I told you I would make it feel good…," he said against Sendoh's skin, their breaths mingling.

"Ruka—"

"Don't say a word…," said Rukawa, as he sealed the words inside Sendoh mouth with another light kiss. He then went down to his neck, giving it the same attention. Tongue roaming sensitive spots, kissing and biting slightly. He left a trail of butterfly kisses all the way down to his chest. Rukawa's mouth found a nub in his exploration and focused his attention on that one. Licking and sucking, trying to pry out every inch of self control from Sendoh. Rukawa felt his partner's harsh breathing as he moved on to other one.

Rukawa felt that this activity has gone on long enough vertically. It was time to take it to the next level. He stopped his ministrations and pushed Sendoh back onto the couch behind them. This obviously surprised Sendoh, landing non-too-gently on the couch—knees weak from the attention his body is already getting. Rukawa then started to undress, leaving only his underwear as he languidly walked towards Sendoh. He felt Sendoh eyeing him through half-closed lids. He then went on his knees in front of the man and parted his legs. Rukawa started undoing his pants, trying to release the evident hard on that is straining within. He pulled down Sendoh's underwear with the jeans all the way down to his ankles and off. Rukawa did not waste time in studying the gorgeous naked body in front of him. This was not art appreciation class after all.

He held onto Sendoh's cock, running it up and down the length, trying to spread the precum that was already leaking out. He steadied his hand at the base and went down on Sendoh. Testing his limits slowly but surely—Sendoh is well endowed afterall and doubted that he'd be able to deep throat him. Then again, being used to this activity, he bested his gag reflex by swallowing as much as he can. Sendoh gave a startled cry as the tip of his manhood hit the back of Rukawa's throat. Sendoh's hips instinctively thrusted into the warm cavity, liking every inch of it. Rukawa had to steady it with his hands as he started to bob his head up and down the length, every now and then pausing to run his tongue underneath. He flicked his tongue at the slit of Sendoh's cock, tasting the bitter cum pooling at the crevice. He felt Sendoh's hands grab his hair tightly, not finding any other way to release the pressure building up inside him. Shouting could've been an option but Sendoh wouldn't do that, thought Rukawa. Sendoh was still far from openly admitting that he is enjoying this. Rukawa, for his part, was quite surprised that it was this easy to break Sendoh's firm stand on the matter at hand.

Sex was sex and what the body wants, the body gets.

Rukawa squeezed the base of his cock, intent on making him cum. Rukawa's head bobbed a few more times until finally, he felt Sendoh's body tighten—hips thrusting carelessly into his mouth. Sendoh suddenly came into his mouth, finally shouting gratuitous release. He swallowed and accepted the last few thrusts that his partner's body can muster.

He pulled back, watching Sendoh's body try to recover. Chest rising and sinking with every strained breath he took. His cock lay limp in between his thighs, creating a damp spot on the sofa. Rukawa sat back on his legs, his knees stinging from having to kneel down on rough tiles. He too was breathing hard, not only from the lack of air but from the stimulation he received in doing it. There was something different about Sendoh. First of all, he trusted Rukawa with such a risqué activity and second of all, he was not demanding.

Rukawa knew that he delivered perfectly. He knew that Sendoh would be wanting more.

He sat their, eyes closed and legs spread apart. It's not like the act itself was new to him, it's just the fact that it was a man who did it made him weak, confused, but altogether aroused. He raised his head and looked at the sexy wanton picture that Rukawa is making of himself. He's kneeling in front of him, hands on his thighs, and cum trailing down his chin. The harsh yellow light was not forgiving, laying waste to what seems to be a perfect ivory skin over toned muscles. Rukawa was built from practices and workouts, nevertheless, there's something about the curves of his body that seemed womanly and damn sexy.

The moment that Rukawa's lips touched his cock, all rational thoughts melted away. He's not quite sure if it'll be coming back anytime soon though. His body is betraying the traces of self-control he still has. Why let this night go to waste then? He paid afterall and Rukawa seems willing. Hell, if he wants to do it to Sendoh so badly, why stop him?

"Does it stop there?" he asked.

Rukawa, instead of answering him, reached out for his discarded jeans and dug into the back pocket. He pulled out a small tube and handed it to him. "Here, put some on yourself."

Sendoh obediently followed the instructions, uncapping the tube and squeezing out a gel-like substance onto his hand. He smeared in on his placid length and started pumping on it. As he worked himself back into hardness, he looked as Rukawa squeezed out an ample amount on his fingers as well. The man sat back and spread his legs in front of him. Rukawa's hand then navigated towards the small cleft in between his ass, trying to find the puckered entrance. Sendoh slowed down the pace of his pumping, wanting to watch Rukawa finger fuck himself first. One finger went in, stretching the tight entrance for Sendoh. A second and a third finger went in, as Rukawa arched his beautiful body, his erection evident now that he is fully stimulating himself. Rukawa shamelessly moaned and voiced out his pleasure as he hit a spot inside him.

Watching it all happen stimulated Sendoh enough that his cock was aching again. Sendoh pushed himself off the couch and crawled towards Rukawa. It was very much reminiscent of predators stalking their prey. He took away Rukawa's skillful hands from that heavenly hole, and placed himself comfortable between the silken thighs. Rukawa had his hand on his sides, looking up at Sendoh, tempting him, moving him to start. Sendoh was more than happy to oblige. He held up Rukawa's legs and placed them on his shoulders as he leaned further down. He guided his cock to Rukawa opening, and having found it, slowly penetrated the man. The heat was intense. Sendoh felt it run the length of his cock, stirring something deep within him. He buried himself to the hilt, enjoying the warm tightness enveloping him.

"Sendoh…," said Rukawa hoarsely. He was unable to say anything else as his body just communicated what he wanted. Rukawa pushed down on Sendoh's cock, signaling him that it was okay to move on. Not in need of any other signs, Sendoh started thrusting. The pace was slow at first, Sendoh was still trying to find his rhythm. He felt himself hit a soft node inside Rukawa that made the other man moan with ecstasy. The muscles around his cock tightened even more, sending wave after wave of undeniable pleasure all through his body. He wanted, no, needed to hit that spot again. Sendoh hastened thrusts, making harder and harder each time. He searched for Rukawa's lips and claimed it again. They moaned into each other, each of Sendoh's thrust sending them closer and closer to the edge. Rukawa's body started pushing back, meeting Sendoh's thrust in a well-orchestrated love dance. The need became more urgent for Sendoh and so he ended the kiss and supported his body with hands as he dug in deeper and deeper in to the abyss of sexual gratification. The soft sound of his balls slapping against Rukawa's ass and their loud moans filled the room, threatening to break down the old foundations of the structure.

"Sendoh… harder…," came Rukawa pleading voice. It was like the siren's song to the lost sailor. Egging him to come closer and closer to a rewarding end with a most definite bitter aftertaste. Sendoh did not care about such thoughts, after all, was he even capable of such? His thrusts were unrelenting, hitting Rukawa's weak point over and over again. Rukawa suddenly stiffened and came in between their bodies, his seed spilling all over Sendoh's abdomen and making pools of glistening liquid on his. That was the last star for Sendoh. One last thrust and he came hard into Rukawa. Filling the younger man's inside with his essence.

He almost fell on top of Rukawa but his strong arms prevented this. He just stooped over the motionless body of Rukawa, trying to fight the aftershock of sex. He pulled out his member, now fully sated and limp. He made Rukawa bled, that much he know was true. He need not see the strings of cum and blood thread out from Rukawa's opening. It was, to say the least, not a good thing to see.

"Fuck."

(Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.)

He pushed himself of off Rukawa and sat on the sofa. He had been careless and had let his dick do the thinking for him. He just had sex with the guy he played one-on-one's with, his so-called arch rival, the aloof beauty from another school. Someone he never thought he'd share his bed with, much less his body. To top things off, he was a common whore. Used over and over again by unknown men. He was stupid and he acted carelessly just so he can answer his need for a warm, writhing body against him.

(Why didn't you use a condom, you moron?! Fuck!)

He pinched the bridge on his nose, trying to push away an impending headache. What was he supposed to do now? He had Rukawa sprawled so inelegantly on the floor, blood and cum smeared all over his ivory-like skin. If there's one thing that he is sure of as of that moment in time is that no matter how pure your intentions are, libido is an all too potent poison that can kill your defenses and reasoning.

(Great job Sendoh. You just treated him like street scum.)

He had no idea what time it was but he needed to get out that place. He cannot face Rukawa after what just happened. Out of shame. Out of confusion. As per requirement of a restless mind, his body was feeling heavy with an unknown burden. His cum spent and his grasp of reality drastically reduced to one finger, he did the next best thing his mind can think of.

He dressed up. He paced around the room afterwards, not really knowing what he can do with Rukawa. He can't just leave him here, looking like… like… that. He snatched his plastic bag from the couch and threw it on the floor. He patted the couch down, trying to get as much dirt off. Clouds of dust went up with each forceful hit. He turned around and looked down on Rukawa. Saying anything out of the obvious is just an understatement he'd rather not dwell upon. Anyway, words don't come as easy as picking up pieces of magnetic poetry and sticking them on.

"How many times have you tried to fly, only to find out that your sins are just too heavy for you to carry?" asked Sendoh, not really expecting any response. He went down on one knee, just beside the slumbering man. He placed his arms underneath Rukawa and slowly lifted him up. Naturally, Rukawa smelled of sex, but didn't he as well? The only difference is when he washes it off, he'll have the mercy of time to make him forget. Rukawa, on the other hand, will have to face these demons everyday until he has had enough. And even then, his body won't let him rest—his mind, all too used to the dreams, will always let the nightmares playback over and over. He lay down Rukawa on the sofa, his body too long to be fitted properly on the old piece of the furniture. Sendoh fixed Rukawa's head on the sofa's arm and his long legs over the other.

He then sat down, his back against the cushions where his companion lay. "That was meaningless, wasn't it? Did you think I was your savior? Of course you wouldn't. You knew all too well that it would end up like this. I sweat to God, I didn't have this in mind when I offered to pay for your time. Why'd you do something as stupid as that, Rukawa? Why? Did you think that by justifying your need for pain, you'll be able to keep yourself sane?" Sendoh pulled up his knees against his chest and rested his head there. "Did you know that by dirtying yourself in front of me, you made me dirty as well? Don't worry. I am as guilty as you'll ever be."

He then looked up and focused his site on Rukawa's white, polo shirt. He stood up and picked up the piece of clothing. He dusted it off before he blanketed Rukawa's lanky form; or, at least the parts that can be saved from any perverted view. He picked up his plastic bag and turned to leave.

(You could at least leave him a note or something…)

"With what, genius? With what?" Sendoh heaved a sigh out of frustration. Even now, he cannot escape his conscience. How does he expect to get away with it? The ornaments inside the plastic bag shifted and made a sound in the stale air of the room. Sendoh looked down and opened the bag. He fished around and pulled up a tiny angel. It's small body covered in tiny, silk clothes. It was looking up to him, hands together as if pausing from a prayer—peeping to see if God has answered its prayer. Its little halo made out wire and cut out wings were bended and twisted at odd angles from his carelessness earlier. He dangled it in front of him, holding the angel by its thin, silvery string.

"Pretty little things that come at a cheap price do not fare very well with time and misuse," he whispered. Sendoh then placed the angel on the dusty table, and stood over the said furniture, as if contemplating. A few minutes after, he closed the door of the lighthouse, not even laying a single look at the sleeping Rukawa. He wiped the dirty tip of his index finger on his jeans and walked away.

"What do you mean you're going with him?" asked Keisuke, as he eyed Sendoh from head to toe. "What is he to you anyway?"

"He's an… an acquaintance from school, Kei," said Rukawa. The sound of "friend" is far from being welcome on his tongue. "He's paying, see?" Rukawa pulled the bills from his back pocket and presented it to Keisuke.

"That's not what I'm worried about Rukawa, and you know it."

"Just take the money and keep it for me for a while. I'll take my cut when I get back," said Rukawa as he tried to stuff the folded bills into Keisuke's pocket.

"No, you keep it."

"But—"

"Just. Keep. It. Please."

"Okay," said Rukawa as he put back the money into his own pockets. He felt Keisuke's arms surround him, his body pulled into an embrace that is so willingly given.

"Hope is not found in people and places that remind you of how good life was," whispered Keisuke into Rukawa's ear. "Don't bother to lie about it because I can see it in your eyes."

"I'm not hoping Kei," said Rukawa, "I'm just taking every good thing that I happen to pass by and relishing in it."

"Hmm… are you really relishing in it? If you take the path of confusion, you'll end up lost as well. Believe me, I've been there too many times. I'm all too familiar with the warning signs."

"Do me a favor and hope for me. Love for me. Live for me," said Rukawa.

"I've always had and I always will."

Rukawa pulled away from the safety he has come to know in this dirtied street. "What about Niikura?"

"Don't worry. I'll just make up a lie."

"Ch'…"

"Rukawa," said Keisuke, as he lifted the other man's face up by his chin, "Don't let hope die in futility. Bliss passes too fast for you to savor, love."

Rukawa looked into those beautiful deep set eyes and was suddenly lost in an oblivion of twisting neon lights. His head felt so light but his body was dead weight. He just stood there as everything just spun out of sight and recollection.

He opened his eyes and was greeted by cobwebs and musty smell. His mouth was dry and his body was stiff from sleeping in an awkward position. His mind was slow on the take but as his neurons started to fire up, he was bombarded with memories too vivid to forget.

(Bliss passes too fast…)

"Damn right, it does," said Rukawa, his voice hoarse. He sat up and swung his legs over the sofa's arm. He let the make shift blanket fall down to his ankles as he surveyed the room again. Cupboard. Tables. Chairs. Open light bulb. Stairs. Dust. And lost of it.

No Sendoh.

"Sendoh?" Rukawa called out, wishing but not really hoping. The room remained still, except for the soft sound of the waves crashing against the riffraff outside.

Did he really think that Sendoh would remain by his side and give him a hug and a kiss by the time that he wakes up? A small part of him did. He is a prostitute. So deluded in the dream of encountering a customer that would turn out to be their prince charming. He refused to admit it before but his sturdiness is slowly ebbing away. It would be nice, at least for once, to be swept off your feet and placed on a stable pedestal. Just once.

(Don't let hope die in futiliy…)

He stood up and picked up his clothes. He started dressing himself up, cringing at the hardened stains on his stomach and down his thighs. When he gets home, he will scrub himself free from the dirt. He wished that it was as easy to removed deep suited dirt with soap and water. He buttoned himself and felt his pockets to check if his money was still there. Just a habit he developed in this job. Some customers are too cheap and too cruel top keep their hands off the money they traded for sex. At least, today, he didn't have to sulk over having wasted time and energy for nothing. He found the tube of lubricant discarded near the foot of the sofa and picked it up. He scanned the floor for the cap, upon seeing it, Rukawa took it and capped the tube. He replaced the tube into the pocket with the untouched packets of condom.

As Rukawa turned around to check if there was anything else that was worth looking at, he saw the lone figure of an angel on the table. It's halo and wings rather mangled. He walked up to the table and picked up the ornament. He was sure that this little piece of twisted heaven was not here last night. What would this little angel be doing in such a desolated place like this? As his vision refocused, he noticed that characters were drawn out of the bed of dust. His hand closed around the frail body of the angel.

His mouth opened to let out the sound of the words that the table is unable to speak, "Heaven cries every time an angel falls but this world is sanctified for it now treads this scorched earth with its blessed feet."

The end.

Rukawa felt the wire halo poked into the sensitive pads of his palms. Speechless for the nth time since his faithful meeting with Sendoh, he took a few steps backwards. His breath taken away by impact of those words.

"Sanctified with its blessed feet…," Rukawa mouthed the words again. Not believing it for one minute. "You dare mock me with you flowery words, Sendoh? You dare remind me of the garbage that I have become? You could've made it real, Sendoh! You could've made me an angel and purified me from my sins. You could've… you could've…."

(Hope is not found in people and places that remind you of how good life was…)

"You could've just left me alone in the room last night."

He turned around and found himself running up the stairs.

"And you did rectify your mistake, didn't you? You fucking coward!"

He ran up the flight of stairs, passing a couple of doors along the way. He reached the second level and was greeted by the cold, morning air of the sea and grayish skies of dawn. The closed windows on his left alternated with open ones; and on his right was the same white, washed wall that served as the foundation of the lighthouse. The stairs and crisscrossed circuitry ran along the side of this foundation—going up and up, into the pinnacle. The lighthouse was almost six stories high and Rukawa was definitely out of breath when he reached the top. It was a 360° view of out to sea and into the heart of Kanagawa. Rukawa circled the large light bulb look at the distance, trying to look for someone or something to call to. He walked onto the metal catwalk that lined the rim of tower's apex.

Rukawa faced the horizon, where he was sure the sun would first peek. If there was anything that the young man was sure of, it would be the rising and setting of the sun. It was the only thing that was stable in his life. The closest thing to normal… to beauty, he'd ever get.

"If I am a fallen angel, then why does heaven mock me so…"

A tiny figure fell into the hands of the sea. Claiming it as theirs and never letting go as the sea foam overwhelmed its body. Sea birds started to cry out their morning songs as the first arms of sunlight grazed the sleeping town of Kanagawa.

Maybe, in this world, the only that is as sure as the sun's cycle is the fact that the only tears that are shed are from the eyes of the angel who fell. And Rukawa lived up to that expectation as he cradled himself in his own pity and sadness.

-FIN-