Earbuds in. No distractions.

Clear your mind. Don't hesitate. Just write.

I don't trust many with my feelings.

I don't wish to burden anyone with these emotions I have.

Jealousy. Selfishness. Manipulative.

'I don't want you to go anywhere! Don't leave me!'
'I'm only doing this for you.'

What does this say about me? Am I a bad person?

What gave birth to it?

I worry about them. I worry about you. Sometimes, all I want to do is run back home to your arms, smell the food you prepared like you always did for dinner.

...Mom used to do it a lot more than you. It was funny; I tried helping her in the kitchen, remember? But all I ended up doing was getting in her way. There was a bowl of flower, I thought it was sugar, and spilled it all over myself.

Remember? You laughed and I smiled, but mom chastised us and told me to get out. I worried I did something wrong but instead, you ruffled my hair and reassured me.

"Don't worry. She's happy." You said.

"How?" I questioned. And you turned me around to see the lingering specs of a smile still across her lips.

I remember it so clearly. You both worried about me so much, but I was a 'big girl' remember? I could very well handle myself. I've learned on my own time.

I was lonely, yes, but you both tried your best to be there for me whenever possible.

"We're the parents. We're supposed to be there for you, not the other way around."

That's what you told me, tears streaming down your face. I know that, but it doesn't mean I can't be concerned for the ones who raised me, right?

We were suffering together. I wasn't going to let you be alone. And for that reason, I didn't trust anyone else. They wouldn't be able to understand so easily what we were going through. I didn't need anyone else. I just needed you.

But even in your time of grieving, you still looked out for me. You helped me with my piano lessons, did everything in your power to fulfill my dreams, even show up to my Track & Field meets. You encouraged me to make friends and reassured me whenever I felt as if I couldn't do enough to help the friends I've made.

You were strong and hard-working during such a bleak time in our lives.

I want to be just like you.

I want to be stronger than what I am now.

And now I have someone else in my life that expresses that exuberance.

Am I still that lonely child from years ago? Or have I finally gained a bit of courage?

Can I truly be considered someone's 'sunshine' with these dark feelings within me? Will they judge me? I'm not as nice as her.

I don't want to lose that title. I don't want to lose that sense of identity.

Perhaps my selfish desire to protect those close to me comes from my past self. I want to help. I want to protect them.

I want to do more somehow, but I'm limited.

I don't want to fail again...just like I failed her.

The pencil shook in her hand, her fingertips sore, as she sat there in silence for a few seconds. The words stared back at her like a reminder, one she should be well over by now.

She ripped out the page almost immediately afterwards, crumpling it up before chucking it in the trash. Why did she write this in the first place? What was the purpose? She wouldn't send it to anyone, nor would she let anyone read it.

Miku pushed herself away from the desk, removing her earbuds, and fixed her clothes just before slipping right back into bed. Her eyes narrowed towards the girl across from her, already lightly sleeping with a smile on her face.

"...Why have you never asked me?" She whispered, soon positioning her body to face the wall, not noticing Hibiki's gaze against her back.

Okay, as for a brief history of the reason behind this;

I always wondered what Miku's homelife was like. And from the get-go (and I mean since season one), for some WEIRD reason, I always believed Miku's mother to have passed away. But I have recently become to believe the woman in the first episode of the first season is her mother (?) and she mentions her in the GX OVA's so this could very well be considered some sort of Alternate Universe take on it. But since we don't know much about Miku's personal life, (and we were to take that mention of her in GX as past tense) thought I'd take a poke at what I originally had in mind, (along with a very small hint of my curiosity of how Miku and Hibiki met in the first place) unless the show ends up proving me wrong in the new season.

I was also tempted to make this connected with a story idea I had for a very long time now, (or technically motivated by someone else's idea) but if I do, that would take a while. Or maybe I could make another it/this into its own separate story. For now, I hope it's interesting enough to stand on its own!