A/N: Hello. Yes, I am well aware that I need another story on my ever growing list like I need a hole in the head, but some asked for a sequel to 'Talking in Your Sleep' and I am happy to provide. If you have not read that one, you might want to head in that direction first, but if you are game to jump in here, you should pick it up just fine. This will be a multi-chapter fic unlike the one-shot it is a sequel to. Love you all.
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"I love you but, you drive me so far" –Lana Del Rey/ Is this happiness
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" 'Mione, can I call you mummy?" Teddy asked, some of his fried egg hanging out of the corner of his mouth. The seven year old jabbed his fork back at the greasy egg before looking up at Hermione who was sitting next to him at the table. That morning he had come from his room with his hair the same chestnut color as hers and possibly even more curly than hers on a bad hair day. She had found it endearing, but it had caused Remus to sigh and hide behind the Prophet.
"Well, of course, Teddy, if you want to. Why do you ask?" Hermione took a small sip of her tea, curiously looking across the small table at her husband who seemed to be entirely ignoring the conversation.
"Harry said I have two mummys. My mummy that died and you. He said you helped take care of me since I was little. And you married my dad. So there isn't any reason why I shouldn't call you mummy," Teddy smiled and Hermione leaned over to give him a kiss on his frizzy head. Remus noisily folded the newspaper down and looked at both of them over his reading glasses.
"It really isn't your Uncle Harry's decision what you should call Hermione," his tone was clipped.
"But I want to Dad, which makes it my decision" Teddy said, finishing his breakfast and getting up to put his plate in the sink before going back to his room to get ready. It was Hermione's idea to enroll him in a small wizarding primary school, which were starting to pop up everywhere as a primer before students went off to Hogwarts or other institutions. It was where Teddy spent his mornings and early afternoons lately while she was at work. It gave Remus more time than ever to himself except for on the rarer and rarer occasions that he was asked to complete a werewolf liaison assignment for Kingsley Shaklebolt.
"Don't encourage him," was all Remus said as he drained his coffee mug and got up from the table. The dark circles under his eyes were the evidence of many sleepless nights lately.
"Why shouldn't he call me his mum? I've wanted that. I helped raise him…" Hermione normally wouldn't have argued the point, but she loved Teddy dearly and felt it was an honor that he had come to this decision on his own terms.
"Because Dora was his mum. He's her child."
"And yours. And I'm married to you," Hermione finished, looking down at her half empty tea. Every morning Remus made tea for her without her watching and every morning she wondered if he was putting contraceptive potion in it as Sirius had claimed. She swore she couldn't taste it if he did, but she also knew Remus was adept as masking tastes in liquids as he usually took his foul tasting Wolfsbane in his coffee.
It had been a week since she had slept with Sirius and things between her and Remus had deteriorated quickly within that time. As far as she knew, he didn't suspect any infidelity; the distance between them had instead come from a serious bout of depression he had sunk into over his late wife. He had fallen into these troughs every once in a while since the end of the war, but hadn't since their wedding day. The night she had climbed into bed with him and heard him cry out for Nymphadora had been the start of a cycle of moody mornings and sarcasm at every turn from him.
"It's not negotiable, Hermione. I need to walk Teddy to school. Have a nice day at work," Remus grumbled as a goodbye to her, ran his hand through his messy hair, and was soon ushering his son out the door. Hermione almost felt like crying and running herself a hot bath and not ever getting out of it, but she knew she had to make her way to the Ministry where she also knew she would see the other half of her problem in the form of a very attractive man.
Sirius Black was waiting for her by the lifts in the atrium of the Ministry of Magic with a half-smile curling up the right side of his face, "Good morning beautiful."
"You have waited for me every morning of every workday for the last week under some false expectation that I am your girlfriend when I certainly am not," Hermione snapped at him, not looking at him as she stepped onto the lift and he followed, jamming his knuckle to the button for floor of their offices. With a great lurch, they were speeding backwards, "You said you didn't expect anything else from me…"
"And I don't. Is it a crime to wait for my co-worker and take a lift together?" Sirius wondered, his voice completely innocent as he looked down at her with widened puppy-dog eyes.
"Things are royally fucked up at home, alright?" Hermione snapped at him, crossing her arms as the cage came to a shuddering halt and they both stepped out of it. Sirius was left gaping, trying to think of some reply, but Hermione was instantly approached by her desk mate with a stack of papers and he left her to her work day.
Throughout the course of the day, Hermione watched Sirius more than she should have. She watched him when he took his lunch with Arthur Weasley, knowing full well that he had led the Weasley patriarch on a path near her desk on the way out on purpose. She had watched him flirtatiously beg for some documents to be pushed through 'just a tad bit quicker, love' with the elderly receptionist at the front of the office. She had watched him watch her, leaning against his desk, legs crossed at the ankles in tight dark jeans, as if he was waiting for her to run over to him and spill out all of her secrets.
Even though Hermione hadn't accomplished much that day in favor of watching the man she cheated on her husband with, a fact that when thought about made her heart palpitate with guilty anxiety, she was surprised when Sirius left the office that night without saying anything more to her. He hadn't asked for a repeat performance of her infidelity since that cup of tea turned frantic shag on the couch a week prior, but yet he waited every morning for her and by the evening acted as any normal acquaintance of hers would. She didn't feel like analyzing it too much lest her head explode and packed up her bag to head home.
"Teddy's starving," Remus greeted his wife nonchalantly when she came through the floo. He was reading a book on the couch in their living room and didn't look up at her.
"It's quarter past six, Remus…" Hermione was about to lay into him on why he couldn't be arsed to fix Teddy something with what they had in their overflowing kitchen, but decided an argument wasn't worth it at the moment. She called to Teddy as she set her things down and asked him what he wanted for dinner. Teddy didn't seem nearly as bothered about the time as his father was and eagerly sat down at the kitchen table as Hermione began putting together some macaroni and cheese for him and some sandwiches for her and Remus.
"How was your day at school?" Hermione asked Teddy, not unlike she did most nights that he was there and not sleeping over with friends or relatives.
"It was fine, mum," he said casually and it caused Hermione to look over her shoulder at him and give him a big grin.
"Enough of that Teddy, what did I talk to you about on the way home?" Remus came into the kitchen and arched an eyebrow at his son.
"I'm calling her mum. It doesn't mean I don't love my first mum any less or miss her or wish she was here" Teddy replied. In that moment, Hermione was proud of him; he was intelligent like his father and intuitive like Nymphadora. He knew what the cause of all the tension was and was sticking up for himself.
"It's disrespectful to your real mum," Remus told Teddy, flicking his eyes at Hermione and seeing the sadness etched all over her face at his comment, "I'm actually not hungry. I'm going to bed".
Hermione placed his sandwich in the ice box in case he wanted it later and tried her best to be cheerful as she ate her dinner alone with Teddy. She was only half listening to the vibrant boy before her; her mind was spinning that Sirius had been right-she would always live in Tonk's shadow, it just hadn't been much of an issue until this very morning.
"I'm going to go to bed as well," Teddy finally told Hermione after an hour of reading together. She was back into the habit of making him read more complicated books that he should at his age, just to keep him well practiced. She knew it was a bit extreme, but regardless of what her husband wanted his son to call her, she was still a parent to Teddy.
"Sleep well," Hermione smiled at him and in a surprising gesture, he hugged her back and said "Goodnight mum".
She was thankful that at least someone was on her side today, but promised that she would get to the bottom of what Remus was upset about. Since her one night affair with Sirius, she had convinced herself that it would never happen again and that she was committed to bettering their marriage and maybe one day even confessing her mistake in hopes of forgiveness. With a heavy sigh, she pulled herself to her bedroom and found Remus already asleep or pretending he was. She tried to make as little noise as possible as she undressed and slipped under the covers next to him. Now that she was lying beside him, she knew he was still awake by the shallowness of his breathing and against her better judgment, leaned closer to kiss him softly on his scruffy chin.
"Hermione, please…" he pulled away, annoyed.
"Is this all because of Teddy calling me 'mum'? Is it because of her?" Hermione asked, her voice small in the dark room. Remus rolled onto his back, exhaling loudly.
"I'm just not comfortable with it," he admitted, "So, yes, it is because of her".
The bitterness in his voice was evident as it cut through the air between them.
"I know, I heard you crying out for her in your sleep the other night". It slipped out of Hermione's mouth before she could think of how he would react to her knowing that information and she felt him stiffen next to her before he sat up in the bed, propping himself on his side with his elbow.
"Yes. I have nightmares about her dying in my arms. But I have every right to. Not like you…" Remus was as angry as she had ever seen him and even in the darkness, in their marriage bed, he was intimidating.
"Not like me?" Her voice trailed off in confusion.
"Calling out for Sirius in your sleep. You certainly have no right to do that," he told her and she certainly hoped that culpability wasn't all over her face, "It's a damn good thing I trust him because the way you have been acting, I'm really not sure if I trust you Hermione."
"Just because I said his name in some dream I had that I don't even remember…" Hermione started, getting red in the face because she had no idea she talked in her sleep until this very moment, "Does not mean I want to cheat on you!"
Hermione couldn't believe him or herself; he was most definitely wrong to put his trust in Sirius and she certainly had cheated, but she really wanted to question him about his intentions for a future child with her because she had stopped trusting him the moment Sirius had told her about his schemes to keep her from getting pregnant. Despite her heart begging her to ask, she kept quiet on that point, choosing instead to question him on why he didn't feel he trusted her.
"You work late almost every night, I haven't felt very close to you at all…certainly after I heard you crying out my best mate's name, and you aren't on my side with Teddy!" Remus shared his grievances, his voice betraying his sadness with the situation.
She chose to ignore everything but Teddy, "Why the bloody hell should I not want him to call me 'mum'? Have you forgotten that I cleaned and changed him when he shit his diapers when you were too busy taking twelve hour naps and ruminating in your sadness? I deserve the title."
"The woman I loved died, Hermione. What was I supposed to do?"
"Mourn and then move on. You still aren't over it!" Hermione raised her voice to match the deepening of his. She knew it wasn't right to say, but neither of them were ready to stop. Remus had climbed out of the bed and was standing on the other side of it.
"I will never be able to forget her. How can you be so insensitive?"
She knew she had deeply wounded him with that remark, but also knew part of it was fueled by the bug Sirius had planted in her ear that everyone saw his pining for Tonks but her, "I'm sorry Remus, I shouldn't have, that was wrong".
"If it's what you feel, then why be sorry?" Remus had quickly masked his sadness with a wall of sarcasm as he pulled on some flannel pyjama bottoms, "I think I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight".
"Remus, no…" Hermione began to cry, things were falling apart so rapidly that she couldn't even process it and she rushed around the side of the bed towards him, wanting to touch him or hug him or somehow prove to him that she was sorry, but he wouldn't let her get near him to do so. He grabbed his pillow from his side of the bed and walked out of the bedroom.
It took her a few moments to calm herself and finally resign to the fact that she would be sleeping alone in their bed for the first time in a year. Crawling back under the sheets, she settled onto his side of the bed, warm and indented from his body, and tried to think of how to make it right.
A/N: I would love love love a review! Thanks everyone!